


The One Where Peter Creates An Avengers Group Chat And No-one Knows What Is Going On

by MarvelObsessedgirl3



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers Family, Clint Barton Has Issues, Domestic Avengers, Domestic Fluff, Everyone Has Issues, Everyone Loves Peter Parker, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Natasha Romanov Has Issues, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Has Anxiety, Peter Parker Has Issues, Peter Parker Has Nightmares, Peter Parker Has Panic Attacks, Peter Parker Has a Family, Peter is a Little Shit, Precious Peter Parker, Steve Has Issues, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2020-06-03 14:46:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 55
Words: 71,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19466209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarvelObsessedgirl3/pseuds/MarvelObsessedgirl3
Summary: After the events of Civil War, Peter creates a group chat for Tony and Steve (who has moved back into the compound) to sort their issues out. Peter then invites the other Avengers who have now moved back to the compound also to join in the chat and chaos ensues:)





	1. What is this

**_Peter_ ** _added **Ironman** and **Steve Rogers** to the group **: Avengers Group Chat**_

**_Peter_ ** _is online_

**Peter:** Hi!!!! Thought I’d make a chat because things in the compound have been a bit tense since Germany and we all agreed (everyone at the compound – and me bc I stay over all the time) that ya’ll need to sort your shit out and also it’s easier to communicate this way😊

**_Ironman_ ** _is online_

**Ironman:** Kid what the fuck is this

**_Ironman_ ** _has left the chat **(15.45)**_

**_Ironman_ ** _has been added to the chat **(15.45)**_

**_Ironman_ ** _has left the chat **(15.46)**_

**_Ironman_ ** _has been added to the chat **(15.46)**_

**Ironman:** KID WHAT THE FUCK WHY CAN’T I LEAVE

 **Peter:** BECAUSE YOU ARE MINE HAHAHA

 **Ironman:** I hate you. Let me out. NOW PARKER.

 **Peter:** No-one is leaving until everyone’s shit is sorted out Mr Stark that’s the golden rule

 **Ironman:** I will come over to your bedroom and throw you out of the window and take your suit. LET. ME. LEAVE.

 **Ironman:** Kid I swear to god

**_Steve Rogers_ ** _is online_

**Steve Rogers:** Hello? What is this?

 **Steve Rogers:** I’ve just read the previous messages – I don’t think that this is a good idea.

 **Ironman:** Can’t believe I’m saying this but I agree with Spangles

 **Peter:** SEE! IT’S ALREADY WORKING!

 **Peter:** OMGGGG HI MR STEVE CAPTAIN AMERICA SIR!!!!!!!!

 **Steve Rogers:** Hi Son. Just call me Steve, Peter, we’ve been over this.

 **Ironman:** Let. Me. Leave. Parker.

 **Peter:** Alright I’m going now have fun guyssss ok byeeeee

 **Ironman:** DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE PARKER

**_Peter_ ** _is offline_

**Ironman:** That absolute little shit

 **Ironman:** Oh for fucks sake.

 **Steve Rogers:** Language Tony

 **Ironman:** … whatever Spangles. So let’s just get to it then. I hate you and you hate me. Stay out my way and I’ll stay away from you.

 **Steve Rogers:** I don’t hate you Tony, I just hate what happened and that for some reason we can’t move past it, I thought moving back to the compound would help, but I barely see you and when I do, you leave as soon as you can. I’m willing to try and patch things up again. I miss your company.

 **Ironman:** Look. We have barely spoken since you all moved back in. It’s been 8 months. What happened in Siberia is in the past, I’ve moved on and I know you have too. I’m not gonna be all pally with you again, not maybe like we were again, but I’m willing to be civil and to try and get on like a team again. I’ve let you all back in the compound – even Barnes, let’s just move on.

 **Steve Rogers:** I know Tony, I can’t thank you enough. We are all your family and we need each other. 

**Ironman:** Shit that wasn’t what I thought you were going to say.

 **Steve Rogers:** Tony, I really am sorry.

 **Ironman:** Ditto

 **Ironman:** This is awkward. Where’s the Kid

 **Steve Rogers:** Can we leave the chat now then?

 **Ironman:** I have a feeling that the Kid has other ideas

 **Steve Rogers:** Just what I wanted to hear.

**Peter** is online

**Steve Rogers:** Hi Peter😊

 **Peter:** Mr Steve sent me an emoji omg I’m DED. Did you guys make up?????? Hang on lemme see I’ll scroll uppppp brb

 **Steve Rogers:** Can I leave the chat now Peter? I’m meeting Sam in an hour and want to do some training beforehand. What is ‘brb’

 **Ironman:** It means Be Right Back and I swear to God he better be.

 **Peter:** Not good enuf making up dudessss

 **Ironman:** Are you shitting me Kid

 **Peter:** Not AT ALL Mr Stark, I think u guys need like a bonding activity to just make sure that you won’t hurt each other in person

 **Steve Rogers:** Peter why don’t you type in proper sentences? Also, what are you suggesting?

 **Peter:** Bc I’m a kid Mr Steve #coolkidz also hang on

 **Steve Rogers:** Ok. Please remove me from this group now.

**_Peter_ ** _added **WarMachineRockz, Hawkeye, Nat, Scarlett Bitch** and **Falcon107** to the group **: Avengers Group Chat**_ **(16.32)**

****

**Nat** is online

 **WarMachineRockz** is online

**Peter:** Oh My God. ITS AN AVENGERS GROUP CHAT OOOOOOOO

 **Nat:** What is this?

 **Peter:** A group chat for all us #coolkidz to bond. Also HI NAT <3 XX

 **Nat:** Hi маленький паук xxx

 **Peter:** Oh My GOD WAIT

**Peter** changed his name to **LittleSpider**

 **LittleSpider** changed the name **Nat** to **MamaSpider**

**MamaSpider:** AWH I love it Peter, thank you маленький паук <3 <3 <3 <3 xxx

 **LittleSpider:** You’re welcome!!!!! Xx

 **Ironman:** Stop being adorable to the murderous assassin Peter and let me leave.

 **WarMachineRockz:** Peter change my name NOW.

**LittleSpider** changed the name **WarMachineRockz** to **Rhodey**

**Rhodey:** Better.

 **Ironman:** I WANT TO LEAVE

 **LittleSpider:** Mr Steve sir do you want your name changed bc I think it’s a lil bit too long😊

 **Steve Rogers:** Peter please just call me Steve also yes, but make it good😊

 **Ironman:** It’s the best you’ll get Cap. I’ve known him for literally almost a year and he refuses to call me by my first name, yet Natasha is now his apparently his fucking spidermom and he calls her Auntie Nat in person all the time -_-

**LittleSpider** changed the name **Steve Rogers** to **America’s Ass**

**Ironman:** OMFG

 **MamaSpider:** hahaha

 **America’s Ass:** Can’t argue with that.

**Scarlett Bitch** is online

**LittleSpider:** So ANYWAY guys!!!!! We need to think of a bonding activity for Mr Stark and Mr Steve so they can reconnect and not want to kill each other every 2 minutessss

 **MamaSpider:** Training?

 **Scarlett Bitch:** That’s your answer for everything Tasha

 **MamaSpider:** True

 **Rhodey:** How about grow up and get on with it

 **LittleSpider:** OMG SAVAGEEEEEE ALSO HI WANDA

 **America’s Ass:** Savage?

 **Ironman:** It means like wild or untamed, basically sass

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Hey Pete

 **LittleSpider:** Oh. My. God. I have the best idea EVERRRRR

 **Ironman:** If you even say what I think you’re going to say then I’m going to say what I know you don’t want me to say

 **LittleSpider:** MOVIE NIGHT!!!!!!!!!

 **Ironman:** I’m taking your suit

 **LittleSpider:** Mr STARRRKKKKKKKKKKK

 **Ironman:** I swear to god

**Falcon107** is online

 **Hawkeye** is online

**Rhodey:** Chill out Tones, maybe the Kid is onto something, hey Sam😊

 **Hawkeye:** What the fuck is going on

 **Falcon107:** Yo Rhodes hold up, let me catch up with what’s going on

 **MamaSpider:** Hey Clint why aren’t you answering my calls

 **Hawkeye:** Oh shit

**Hawkeye** is offline

 **MamaSpider** is offline

**Ironman:** If I agree to this fucking movie night can I leave the chat

 **LittleSpider:** PLEASEEEEEEEE MRRRRRR STARKKKKKK

 **Ironman:** fml fine

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Are we going to ignore the fact that I think Natasha killed Barton?

 **America’s Ass:** Just heard him fall out of the vent in the kitchen, Nat’s walked in with a knife

 **Rhodey:** He’s dead

 **Scarlett Bitch:** So dead

 **LittleSpider:** Very ded

 **Falcon107:** so apart from Nat and Barton (who we are assuming is cut up somewhere) are we all here? Should we have a movie night tonight?

 **LittleSpider:** YES

 **Scarlett Bitch:** I’m in. Vision is away for a few days but I don’t think he’ll care tbh

 **Rhodey:** Okay but someone better be on popcorn duty

 **Ironman:** Yes but only so I can leave this godforsaken chat

 **LittleSpider:** No-one can leave Mr Stark, the point of this chat is for bonding <3

 **America’s Ass:** Sounds good, I’m in, see you at 7!

**America’s Ass** is offline

**Ironman:** WTF WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN’T GO OFFLINE?! Peter please adjust the settings so I can leave I’m begging you

 **LittleSpider:** FINE you can now go offline but will still get notifications of messages and you still can’t leave the group properly MWAHAHAHAHA

 **Ironman:** Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME. You know what, fine. I’ll be there at 7.

**Ironman** is offline

 **MamaSpider** is online

**LittleSpider:** MR STARK GET BACK HERE

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Tasha did u kill Barton

 **MamaSpider:** I’ll leave that to your discretion.

 **Falcon107:** That’s sus

 **Rhodey:** Yep, best not to ask though

 **LittleSpider:** Auntie Nat are you coming to movie night tonight?!

 **MamaSpider:** Do I have a choice?

 **LittleSpider:** Not really😊

 **MamaSpider:** I’ll be down at 7.

**MamaSpider** is offline

**Hawkeye** is online

**Falcon107:** HE’S ALIVE

 **LittleSpider:** PRAISE JESUS

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Knew it

 **Rhodey:** Says the girl who just accused Natasha of manslaughter

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Shush. I’ll be there at 7 Peter.

**Scarlett Bitch** is offline

**LittleSpider:** What happened Mr Barton?

 **Hawkeye:** Natasha said I’m not allowed to talk about it

 **Falcon107:** LOL

 **LittleSpider:** Will you come to movie night Mr Barton?!

 **Hawkeye:** Sure

 **LittleSpider:** Yey that’s everyone!!!!

 **LittleSpider:** I’ve got some bio hw to finish so see you guys at 7!

 **Falcon107:** Cya Pete

 **Hawkeye:** Bye squirt

 **LittleSpider** is offline

 **Rhodey** is offline

 **Falcon107** is offline


	2. Movie Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a bonding activity, the group doesn't do much bonding!!!  
> Peter gets very scared at a horror movie and basically everyone finds it hilarious!

**LittleSpider** is online

 **Scarlett Bitch** is online

**LittleSpider:** Hey PEEPS, so I was thinking Starwars Emperor Strikes back???:)

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Again????

**Ironman** is online

**Ironman:** No

 **LittleSpider:** WHyyyyyYYY MR STARkkKKKKKK and yes Wanda

 **Ironman:** Bc we only watched it yesterday Kid

 **LittleSpider:** True tho

 **LittleSpider:** How aboutttttttt Jurassic World

 **Ironman:** Don’t think that Cap will want to watch a film that he’s starring in Kid

 **LittleSpider:** OOOOOOO SAVAGGEEEEEEE

 **Scarlett Bitch:** OMGgggGGGGGG

**MamaSpider** is online

 **Hawkeye** is online

 **Falcon107** is online

 **America’s Ass** is online

**America’s Ass:** Tony.

 **Falcon107:** HAHA

 **Hawkeye:** Omg I can’t breathe

 **MamaSpider:** Grow up Tony

**Rhodey** is online

**Rhodey:** Really Tones? You have literally a century worth of jokes to play with and you go for a dinosaur joke. Lame

 **Ironman:** Shut up

 **MamaSpider:** How about a horror film

 **LittleSpider:** YES

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Sounds good

 **Hawkeye:** No I want to watch the mermaid one again

 **MamaSpider:** We are not watching the Little Mermaid again Barton

 **Hawkeye:** ffs

 **Rhodey:** Horror film sounds good – Conjuring 2 is fab

 **Falcon107:** Im in

 **LittleSpider:** Me too! I’ll get the popcorn, save me a seat! Brb

**LittleSpider** is offline

**America’s Ass:** I’m fine with whatever, as long as it is appropriate.

 **Ironman:** Yep me too

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Stark tell your AI to open the door to the living room

 **Ironman:** It is open

 **Scarlett Bitch** : Then why can’t me, Nat and Clint get in

 **Ironman:** bc I don’t like u and movie night doesn’t start for another three minutes

 **MamaSpider:** Open the fucking door Tony

 **Ironman:** Fine

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Thank you

**Everyone** is offline

**LittleSpider** is online

**LittleSpider:** omg this is so scary

 **LittleSpider:** probs should have told u all tht I get scared easily

**Ironman** is online

**Ironman:** Kid you literally fought a fucking mad scientist with killer octopus arms like a week ago

 **LittleSpider:** Exactly Mr Stark and I had nightmares for a week about it

**Mama Spider** is online

 **Hawkeye** is online

 **Rhodey** is online

**MamaSpider:** Peter don’t worry it isn’t real.

 **LittleSpider:** BUT IT SAYS BASED ON A TRUE STORY

 **MamaSpider:** They say that to scare people

 **LittleSpider:** It workedddddd ☹

 **Ironman:** Peter get a grip

 **Rhodey:** Leave the Kid alone Tony he’s just scared

 **Hawkeye:** Stark I think that your Kid is having a seizure

 **Ironman:** He fights drug dealers and criminals every day but a 40 something year old actor in face paint wearing a nun outfit is making him shake?! He’s not my Kid and he is just literally shaking sat next to me, not a seizure Legolas

 **MamaSpider:** Can you all shut up and watch the film and bond

 **Ironman:** I’m bored off to the lab

 **MamaSpider:** No youre not

 **Hawkeye:** If he leaves I leave I have important shit to do

 **Rhodey:** No Tones

 **Ironman:** Fine but I’m watching the film so bye

**Ironman** is offline

**MamaSpider:** Important shit like what Barton?

 **LittleSpider:** DON’T LEAVE MEHHHHH MR STARkkkKKkKkKkK

 **Hawkeye:** Exploring the Vents…

 **MamaSpider:** …

**Everyone** is online

**LittleSpider:** HA thank G0D that is finished. I had fun bonding with you all <3

 **Ironman:** Kid you literally had your eyes shut the whole time

 **LittleSpider:** Mr StarK I don’t want your negative vibez

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Thanks Pete I had fun – night everyone x

**Scarlett Bitch** is offline

**Falcon107:** When Clint jumped a mile and threw the popcorn everywhere when the nun came out of that painting HAHAHA

 **LittleSpider:** IT WAS SCARY

 **Hawkeye:** YOU TELL THEM KID!

 **LittleSpider:** DO NOT JUDGE US

 **Ironman:** You’re both judged.

 **Rhodey:** Shut up Tony. Night every1, thanks for the invite.

 **Falcon107:** Woah Rhodey why are you going so soon

 **America’s Ass:** I had a nice time. Thank you for organising this Peter, good night everyone 😊

**Rhodey** is offline

 **America’s Ass** is offline

**Falcon107:** R U SHITTING ME RHODEY

 **MamaSpider:** AMERICA’S ASS IS OFFLINE OMFG

 **Hawkeye:** Wouldn’t be saying that if Bucky was here

 **LittleSpider:** YOU DID NOT FUCKING SAY THAT MR BARTON OMFGGGGG

 **LittleSpider:** ICANNYBREATHEEEE

 **LittleSpider:** OMGOMGOMGOMGOGMOGMGOMGOGMGOGMOGXD

 **Scarlett Bitch:** HOLY SHIT BARTON

 **MamaSpider:** HA HA HA!!!

 **LittleSpider:** THATWASEPICCCCCOMGOMGOMGICANTEVENBREATHEHELP

 **Falcon107:** Well done Clint you killed Stark’s Kid

 **Ironman:** HES NOT MY KID and EW Legolas

 **MamaSpider:** I’m off to bed – good night all!

 **LittleSpider:** Night mama паук <3

 **MamaSpider:** Good night маленький паук xx

**MamaSpider** is offline

**LittleSpider:** If the nun possesses me then im sorry inadvance if I push you out of a window or stab u while u sleep☹

 **Hawkeye:** That’ll be Natasha Kid

 **Hawkeye:** OMFG she read the message over my shoulder then walked away and came back from the kitchen holding a knife and is looking at me now HELP

**Hawkeye** is offline

**Falcon107:** LOL nice knowing u Clint - night everyone

 **LittleSpider:** GOOD NIGHT MR WILSON SIR

**Falcon107** is offline

**Ironman:** Kid. It’s literally midnight go to sleep

 **LittleSpider:** IM SCAREDDDDDD

 **Ironman:** Are you shitting me you’re literally 15

 **LittleSpider:** so

 **Ironman:** It was a film Kid

 **LittleSpider:** EVERYTIME I CLOSE MY EYES I SEE THOSE HAUNTED EYEESSS

 **Ironman:** If you don’t go to sleep RIGHT NOW, I will come into your room and strangle u

 **LittleSpider:** Good, get me b4 the nun does mr stark

 **Ironman:** There is no NUN. Good night Peter

 **LittleSpider:** If I wake up in a pool of blood bc ive murdered u all then it serves u right 4 not believing me mr stark

 **Ironman:** GOOD NIGHT KID

 **LittleSpider:** GOOD NIGHT MR STARKKKKKKKKK😊

**Ironman** is offline

 **LittleSpider** is offline


	3. Trouble on Patrol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is looking forward to spending the night working in the lab with Tony, but what happens when he doesn't show up for curfew and there's an active shooter causing chaos in the middle of New York???

**LittleSpider** is online

**LittleSpider:** So I’m alive dudes, the Nun didn’t make me kill any of you!!!! Woooooooo

**Ironman** is online

**Ironman:** Told u

 **LittleSpider:** MORNING MR STARK

 **Ironman:** Hey Kid

 **LittleSpider:** can I come round to the lab tonight after patrol bc it’s a Friday????

 **Ironman:** Yeah no problem Kid, tell May you’re staying over

 **LittleSpider:** YESSSSSSSS THANK U MR STARK

 **Ironman:** No worries Bud. See you after patrol – be safe, don’t do anything I would do and definitely don’t do anything I wouldn’t do

 **LittleSpider:** I KNOW MR STARK

**Ironman** is offline

 **MamaSpider** is online

 **Hawkeye** is online

 **Falcon107** is online

 **America’s Ass** is online

**MamaSpider:** Kid do you want a lift to school?

 **LittleSpider:** Yes please Auntie Nat!! Also morning!!!!

 **MamaSpider:** Meet me outside in 10 and I’ll drive you. Morning маленький паук xx

 **LittleSpider:** Morning everyone else!! I’m off to school ew. See ya’ll later!!!!! <3

**LittleSpider** is offline

 **MamaSpider** is offline

**Falcon107:** WHO ATE THE LAST STRAWBERRY POPTART

 **America’s Ass:** Not me.

 **Scarlett Bitch** : Not me. Me and Peter shared waffles earlier and I know Nat and Stark only had some coffee – haven’t seen Rhodey yet.

**Hawkeye** is offline

**America’s Ass:** There you go

 **Falcon107:** CLINTTTTTTTT GET BACK HERE YOU STRAWBERRY POPTART THIEVING BASTARD

 **America’s Ass:** What even is my life.

**Everyone** is offline

**Ironman** is online

**Ironman:** Barton I can hear you crawling around in the Vent, above my head. FUCK OFF I’m trying to work.

**Everyone** is online

**Ironman:** Has anyone heard from Peter today? He was meant to come around after Patrol – he knows not to patrol after midnight and yet here I am at 1am, still waiting for him to get here.

 **MamaSpider:** Have you tracked his suit

 **Ironman:** No, that thought never crossed my fucking mind. Karen hasn’t picked up which means the suit must be damaged or he isn’t in it

 **America’s Ass:** Hope he’s alright…

 **MamaSpider:** What about his Aunt

 **Hawkeye:** Who the fuck is Karen

 **Ironman:** May hasn’t seen him since yesterday lunchtime

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Karen is Peter’s AI

 **Hawkeye:** oh right, maybe he decided to stay out later tonight

 **MamaSpider:** No, he wouldn’t shut up about working with Tony in the lab later after patrol when I dropped him off at school this morning

 **Ironman:** No. He knows his curfew, he is always offline by midnight.

 **Rhodey:** Shit Tones

 **Ironman:** What?

 **Rhodey:** Turn on the news

**Ironman is offline**

**Falcon107:** Want to clue the rest of us in Rhodey?

 **Rhodey:** They’re live outside the old Cathedral on 45th Street. Looks like there was an active shooter and police found him webbed up, but Spiderman wasn’t anywhere to be found.

**Ironman is online**

**Ironman:** FUCK. How the FUCK am I supposed to track him when I can’t hack into his suit

 **Hawkeye:** Me and Nat are on our way, we will try to hunt him down

 **Ironman:** Great thanks guys, Kid means a lot to me yano

 **MamaSpider:** He means a lot to all of us Tony

 **Hawkeye:** Yeah he’s part of the team now

 **Scarlett Bitch:** ^

 **Falcon107:** ^

 **Rhodey:** ^

 **America’s Ass:** ^

 **Ironman:** Thanks guys, don’t worry we’ll find him, I’m sure he’s alright

 **Ironman:** Everyone stop trying to call me please, I need to keep the line open for the Kid. Widow and Hawkeye are already there and are trying to track Peter down, everyone else just stay at the compound. Thanks for helping tho keep me posted

**Everyone is offline**

**Ironman is online**

**Ironman:** Nat any news?

 **Ironman:** Natasha?

 **Ironman:** Legolas????? FUCK SOMEONE REPLY

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** rM Srtak yo’ur guna b mad @ me

 **Ironman:** Kid?! Where are you? What’s happened

 **LittleSpider:** Nm wrng chst

 **Ironman:** Peter I swear to GOD. Where are you? Tell me what happened right now.

 **LittleSpider:** I wad on patol an I miht hav gpt shot eberyting id spiming nd my side hirts I mised cerfuw in sprru mr stakr pls hwlp

 **Ironman:** OMFG Peter don’t worry about Curfew - you’re going to be fine, where are you? Why can’t I track Karen, Peter?

 **LittleSpider:** He stbbed me 4 and pishrd me an I frll dwn ad my suyt gpt cayght om he floor

 **Ironman:** Let me get this right. You were also stabbed 4 times by the same man and then shot and then he pushed you onto the floor and your suit what, broke?

 **LittleSpider:** noookokopko mr stakr ,, he stbbed me 4 tims thmn shpt me an I wbbbbed im amb swyng awau and I fel offf he rof 2 the floor by the copl sihn an mt suyt brke

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Ironman:** SHIT

 **Ironman:** Natasha, Barton come in NOW

**MamaSpider is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**MamaSpider:** Oh my god I’ve just read up. So he’s been stabbed 4 times and then shot by the same person and then he caught him and swung away and fell to the floor in his suit which broke on impact?

 **Ironman:** yes because for some reason his defence protocol wasn’t activated – I assume bc he was stabbed so much, so that’s why Karen didn’t contact me

 **Hawkeye:** badass

 **Ironman:** Shut up Clint and find the Kid 

**Hawkeye:** Woahhhh chill out Stark

 **MamaSpider:** Barton shut up. Tony where is he?

 **Ironman:** He didn’t say

 **Hawkeye:** No clues? You know him better than us

 **MamaSpider:** what does copl sihn mean

 **Ironman:** no idea, kid said his head hurt so he’s probably got a concussion at least

 **MamaSpider:** take out the p and the h and replace it with o and g, and it reads cool sign

 **Ironman:** cool sign?

 **MamaSpider:** yes.

 **Hawkeye:** What the fuck does that mean and how the fuck did u know tht Nat

 **MamaSpider:** bc I’m a trained spy

 **Hawkeye:** so am I!

 **MamaSpider:** but I’m better

 **Hawkeye:** True

 **Ironman:** I know where he is! He’s on 42nd by a sign that says ‘What would Spiderman do?’ – we always drive past it and he thinks its really cool bc he doesn’t even know what Spiderman would do and he is Spiderman.

 **Hawkeye:** doesn’t make much sense but ok

 **MamaSpider:** on our way, get the medbay ready

 **Ironman:** on it

**Everyone is offline**


	4. Aftermath and a lot of balloons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is recovering in the medbay and there is a massive delivery of balloons to cheer him up :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!!   
> Thank you all so much for all the comments and kudos - it's a short chapter as I'm mega busy with Uni work and my job, but I am aiming to update this every week on a Sunday night :)
> 
> Love to you all!!!!
> 
> xx

**Ironman is online**

**Ironman:** Hey everyone. Just want to thank you all – especially Nat and Clint for finding Peter yesterday. He’s in the Medbay and Bruce is fixing him up as I type. He should be out for a few hours, until the sedative wears off, but Bruce thinks that he will make a full recovery – due to his weird spider healing. Visitors are welcome, however only a few of you at a time.

**MamaSpider** is online

 **Rhodey** is online

 **Hawkeye** is online

 **Falcon107** is online

 **America’s Ass** is online

 **Scarlett Bitch** is online

**MamaSpider:** No problem, just glad he’ll be alright😊

 **Hawkeye:** gave us a right scare seeing him looking like tht

 **Ironman:** I’m just happy that your super secret assassin hunting abilities managed to find him – thanks again

 **MamaSpider:** Hilarious

 **Rhodey:** Hey Tony, meet me by the front door

 **Falcon107:** Anyone off out for training?

 **America’s Ass:** Yeah I’ll come Sam, give me 5 minutes

 **Falcon107:** Ok Cap – I’ll be in the hallway

 **Scarlett Bitch:** What the fuck Barton

 **Hawkeye:** shit sorry

 **Falcon107:** what happened?

 **America’s Ass:** Are you ok Wanda?

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Clint just fucking dropped out of the kitchen vent and made me drop my coffee, I’m fine Steve

 **Ironman:** you break it you bought it MindControl, I’ll be there in a minute Rhodey

 **Scarlett Bitch:** luckily it was the crappy mug you got me for Christmas Stark

 **MamaSpider:** HAHAHA

 **Ironman:** I’m quite offended actually

 **Hawkeye:** You’re welcome

 **Falcon107:** anyone know why theres a shit load of multicoloured balloons in the hallway?

 **America’s Ass:** No idea – looks nice though

 **Rhodey:** I got Peter a present

 **MamaSpider:** omw I wanna see

 **Hawkeye:** I’m comingggg

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Me too

 **Ironman:** Are you shitting me rn????! Rhodey I swear to GOD

 **Rhodey:** shut up man and help your brother out

 **Hawkeye:** omgggg you bought Peter all the fucking balloons from UP?

 **Falcon107:** hahahaha

 **MamaSpider:** Clint always cries at that film lol

 **Hawkeye:** IT’S FUCKING SAD

 **MamaSpider:** you know that film is animated and not real right

 **Hawkeye:** stfu Romanov before I ‘accidentally’ fall out of a vent on your head

 **MamaSpider:** I might 'accidentally' run you through with my knife then

 **Hawkeye:** shittttt

 **Ironman:** _ANYWAY._ I’ll get a suit to bring all the balloons down. Everyone else clear out unless you’re carrying balloons - remember no more than 3 of u to see the Kid at a time. See you all at dinner if you’re about.

**Ironman is offline**

**Rhodey is offline**

**MamaSpider:** Barton stop breathing in the helium ffs

 **Falcon107:** Me and Steve are off training – see you all later

 **America’s Ass:** Bye everyone!

**Falcon107 is offline**

**America’s Ass is offline**

**Scarlett Bitch:** I’m going to help move all these balloons and then go down and see the Kid. Bye ya’ll😊

**Scarlett Bitch is offline**

**Hawkeye:** I see you eyeing those helium balloons up Red

 **MamaSpider:** shut up

 **Hawkeye:** Bet I can do a better chipmunk impression than u

 **MamaSpider:** you’re on Barton.

**Hawkeye is offline**

**MamaSpider is offline**


	5. Mr Stank

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is in the Medbay and is refusing to rest, but luckily he has a funny story to tell the rest of the team:)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!!!  
> WOW! Over 100 Kudos!!!! Thank you all so so much. I absolutely love writing this fanfic - it's so much fun. I aim to post a new chapter every weekend - so stay tuned!! I have lots more ideas:)  
> Feel free to message me with any ideas that you would like to see!!!
> 
> MarvelObsessedGirl3 xx

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** Hey everyone! I’m aliveeeeeee also thanks for the balloons Rhodey they’re really fun to bounce around with hahaha

**Everyone is online**

**Rhodey:** You’re welcome Pete. Glad they cheered you up

**Falcon107:** Hey peter hope you’re alright

**America’s Ass:** Happy you’re feeling better Peter, hope you’ll join us for dinner tonight

**Hawkeye:** gave us a right scare! We’re coming to see you squirt x

**LittleSpider:** sorry!! Thanks for rescuing me – you too Nat! Thanks everyone I feel fine lol these balloons are epic

**MamaSpider:** we’re coming down to see you now, glad you’re ok x

**Scarlett Bitch:** Hey Peter – I’m coming down to see you soon

**Ironman:** PETER GET BACK IN BED

**LittleSpider:** Mr StArK I’M b0r3d and im in the bed area – kay Wanda xo

**Ironman:** I CAN LITERALLY SEE YOU JUMPING ON THE BED WITH BALLOONS EVERYWHERE – GET THE FUCK DOWN AND REST

**LittleSpider:** I was only slightly stabbed – chill outtttt

**Ironman:** ‘slightly stabbed’ YOU ALMOST FUCKING DIED

**LittleSpider:** woahhhhhhhhh chill Mr Stank

**Ironman:** oh no

**Rhodey:** oh yes

**Ironman:** you told the Kid

**Rhodey:** I told the Kid

**Ironman:** oh ffs

**Falcon107:** wait whats happening

**Rhodey:** I told the Kid a story last night to cheer him up Sam

**America’s Ass:** what are you all talking about

**Hawkeye:** I don’t know what they’re talking about but I want to know. Nat do you know?

**Ironman:** stop fucking trying to hack into the surveillance footage Natasha

**Hawkeye:** omg haha

**America’s Ass:** kind of want to know now

**Rhodey:** Peter would you like to do the honours?

**LittleSpider:** I would SO

**LittleSpider:** basicallllyyyyy

**LittleSpider:** a few weeks ago

**MamaSpider:** July 31st at 10.04am outside the side entrance level 3b

**Ironman:** you’ve got to be shitting me

**LittleSpider:** oh my fucking g0d Nat

**Hawkeye:** They don’t call her the master assassin spy for nothing guys

**Falcon107:** HAHAHA

**Scarlett Bitch:** as if omg looooool

**LittleSpider:** ANYWAY – On July 31st at 10.04am outside the side entrance on level 3b, Mr Stark and Rhodey were talking about what they were going to do that day

**MamaSpider:** No that’s a lie, the mouth to speech synchronisation that I encoded shows that they were talking about the accords Peter

**Hawkeye:** omg im wheezing

**Scarlett Bitch:** holy fucking shit don’t get on the wrong side of Natasha

**Falcon107:** jeez aint nothing secret anymore

**Ironman:** that was A PRIVATE conversation

**MamaSpider:** not anymore

**Hawkeye:** xD

**America’s Ass:** *face palm*

**LittleSpider:** OMG WHO TAUGHT CAP THE FACE PALMMMMMM

**Falcon107:** you’re welcome

**LittleSpider:** omg wait til I tell Ned

**Hawkeye:** peter can u tell the rest of the story pls

**Scarlett Bitch:** yas

**Ironman:** no stop

**LittleSpider:** oh yeah so, they were talking and then a postman comes to deliver Mr Stark a parcel with a piece for one of his new suits and accidentally called him Mr Stank instead of Mr Stark hahahahaha

**America’s Ass:** why have I not heard this story before

**Scarlett Bitch:** LOL

**Falcon107:** MR STANK I’M CRYING

**Hawkeye:** HAHA

**MamaSpider:** that’s funny, but the delivery is a lie too

**Ironman:** you’ve got to be fucking kidding me

**Rhodey:** woah hold up what

**LittleSpider:** omg spill

**Hawkeye:** I’m literally on the edge of my seat

**Ironman:** don’t you dare Romanov

**MamaSpider:** the delivery records state that Tony bought a childs miniaturised edition of a build your own rocket, with 36 new designs and a custom made landing pad – which Tony decided should be red and gold

**Hawkeye:** OMGOMGOMGOGMOMG

**Rhodey:** Tony what the fuck you’re a literal grown man and a scientist why did you need to buy a childs toy that you could just build and just WHY

**Falcon107:** that is the funniest thing I’ve heard in my life

**LittleSpider:** iehfnslxfgnspdfjsgjbvnIcanltbreaethteeeeee

**Scarlett Bitch:** Mr Stank why would you need to buy this toy

**LittleSpider:** OMGGGRSGJGLDHFLDHFODLHFDLI mR STaNk

**Ironman:** There is a perfectly logical explanation as to this purchase – not that it’s anyones business

**Hawkeye:** cant wait to hear this

**LittleSpider:** hahahuoahsahsiahahahsahiohhaha

**Falcon107:** you broke the Kid Natasha

**MamaSpider:** he’s in the medbay anyway so… *shrugs*

**Rhodey:** Tony why did you buy a kids toy

**Ironman:** as a scientist, there are many factual errors in cert…oh for fucks sake, I bought it because I was bored and wanted to see how far it would fly ok

**America’s Ass:** Ha ha ha Tony that is so funny

**Ironman:** shut up spangles

**Rhodey:** I can’t even look at you in the same way anymore Tony

**Scarlett Bitch:** anyone else scared at the speed which Tasha found all that out

**Falcon107:** yeah that’s kinda sus

**America’s Ass:** she literally hacked into Shields database in 9 minutes once

**Hawkeye:** bad ass Romanov

**MamaSpider:** **😉**

**Rhodey:** are we all having takeout tonight?

**Falcon107:** yep see you at 6

**Scarlett Bitch:** see you later guys

**America’s Ass:** hope you feel better soon Peter – hopefully see you tonight

**LittleSpider:** thanks my dudes – see you soon!!! XXX

**Falcon107 is offline**

**Scarlett Bitch is offline**

**America’s Ass is offline**

**Rhodey is offline**

**LittleSpider:** Mr Stank pls can I play with the rocket tonight after dinner

**Ironman:** ffs

**LittleSpider:** PLEASEEEEEEEE

**Ironman:** fine – come to the lab at 8, but only if the doctors say it’s ok

**LittleSpider:** YESSSSS!!!!!! Thank youuuuuuu – see you all later! Xoxo

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Ironman:** Natasha I am literally going to remove all your access from my server

**MamaSpider:** good luck with that

**Hawkeye:** oh no you didn’t

**MamaSpider:** yes I did

**Hawkeye:** omgahahahaha that’s brilliant! See you later Mr Stank

**Hawkeye is offline**

**Ironman:** HOW THE FUCK DID YOU LOCK ME OUT OF MY OWN SYSTEM

**MamaSpider:** Spy tip 1 – don’t tell your secrets. See you at 6

**MamaSpider is offline**

**Ironman:** GET THE FUCK BACK HERE ROMANOV

**Ironman is offline**


	6. 2am Cuddle Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter has a nightmare and the team all band together to support him!  
> Short chapter - but lots of fluff:)

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** would you rather have feet for hands or hands for feet

**Ironman is online**

**MamaSpider is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**Falcon107 is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Ironman:** Kid its 2am

 **LittleSpider:** that didn’t answer my question Mr Stark

 **MamaSpider:** why are you awake?

 **LittleSpider:** dm

 **MamaSpider:**???

 **LittleSpider:** I’m fine Auntie Nat don’t worry

 **Ironman:** you’re asking us if we want feet for hands at 2 in the morning

 **Hawkeye:** he has a point Peter but I’d want hands for feet

 **MamaSpider:** either for me, I’ve killed people with my toes before. What’s going on Peter?

 **Falcon107:** wow that’s … horrifying

 **Hawkeye:** it’s true she has

 **Ironman:** don’t get on her bad side, I’d have feet for hands bc I couldn’t make suits with my hands as feet

 **Scarlett Bitch:** nat has no chill

 **Rhodey:** that’s pretty awesome Natasha also feet for hands

 **Ironman:** why the FUCK is everyone awake at 2am

 **LittleSpider:** Had a nightmare about the building collapsing on me Auntie Nat

 **MamaSpider:** are you ok?

 **LittleSpider:** not really, I’m currently on my ceiling and messaging you guys bc I’m scared to go back to sleep

**MamaSpider is offline**

**Falcon107:** feet for hands bc then I could run really fast on my hands

 **Scarlett Bitch:** hands for feet

 **LittleSpider:** where’s Mr Captain America at

 **Ironman:** probably asleep like a normal person

 **Hawkeye:** no just seen him running laps in the gym

 **Ironman:** I give up

 **Rhodey:** why has Natasha just left the kitchen with a giant tub of ben and jerrys icecream and a giant bag of crisps

 **Hawkeye:** mandatory cuddle party in peter’s room ya’ll

 **Falcon107:** 2nded – I’ll get Steve, then we’ll be up

 **Scarlett Bitch:** omw

 **Rhodey:** I’ve just ordered takeaway pizza

 **Ironman:** It. Is. 2am.

 **LittleSpider:** omg you’re all too nice to me, I love you all <3

**MamaSpider is online**

**America’s Ass is online**

**Hawkeye:** we love you too Squirt

 **MamaSpider:** люблю тебя маленький паук

 **Scarlett Bitch:** <3

 **Rhodey:** Back at you Pete

 **America’s Ass:** We might be a team, but we’re a family too – love you Peter.

 **Falcon107:** always here for you!

 **Ironman:** ffs. Peter, I’ll be there in 5 mins, love you too Kid

 **LittleSpider:** 😊

**Everyone is offline**


	7. Bake sale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is making cupcakes for his school bake sale, but unfortunately everyone get's a bit distracted and chaos ensues!

**Ironman is online**

**Falcon107 is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**LittleSpider is online**

**Ironman:** Can someone please kindly explain to me why my kitchen looks like a fucking bomb has gone off in it

 **Hawkeye:** cupcakes

 **Scarlett Bitch:** it doesn’t look that bad

 **Ironman:** there is literally batter mix everywhere and don’t get me started on the egg shells

 **LittleSpider:** we’re making cupcakes for my school bake sale Mr Stark!

 **Falcon107:** yep

 **Ironman:** and how much of the cupcake battermix has actually gone into the oven, because from where I’m standing, it’s all over the fucking kitchen. Also why are there so many eggs on the floor

 **LittleSpider:** well there was a slight incident

 **Ironman:** ‘Slight incident’. Please elaborate Parker

 **LittleSpider:** well we wanted to juggle some eggs and see who could juggle the most

 **Falcon107:** I was in the lead, then Peter wanted a go

 **LittleSpider:** in my defence I was doing really well…

 **Hawkeye:** then I fell from the vent and Peter screamed and dropped them all

 **Scarlett Bitch:** yeah hahaha it was so funny

 **LittleSpider:** I did so well to juggle 42 eggs tho lets b serious

 **Falcon107:** 2nded

 **Scarlett Bitch:** 3rded

 **Hawkeye:** 4thed

 **Ironman:** 42 fucking eggs are you fucking kidding me

 **LittleSpider:** IT WASN’T MY FAULT

 **Ironman:** I don’t care who’s fault it was, clean. It. Up. Now.

**Everyone is offline**

**LittleSpider is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**LittleSpider:** im so bored waiting for these cupcakes to cook

 **Scarlett Bitch:** friends binge sesh?

 **LittleSpider:** YAS QUEEN

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Scarlett Bitch is offline**

**MamaSpider is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**Falcon107 is online**

**America’s Ass is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Rhodey is online**

**LittleSpider is online**

**MamaSpider:** barton stop poking me before I hurt you

 **Hawkeye:** but im b0r3d

 **MamaSpider:** you have a worse attention span than a spoon

 **Hawkeye:** spoons don’t have attention spans

 **MamaSpider:** exactly

 **Hawkeye:** wow r00d

 **MamaSpider:** Clinton im serious

 **Hawkeye:** make me lol

 **Scarlett Bitch:** nice knowing u clint

 **Hawkeye:** omg Nat put the knife down

 **Rhodey:** hahahaha

 **LittleSpider:** what even is going on

 **America’s Ass:** Natasha you’ve made clint cry

 **MamaSpider:** good

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Scarlett Bitch is offline**

**Ironman is online**

**Ironman:** Why is Legolas crying in the bathroom

 **Rhodey:** Nat threatened to stab him again

 **MamaSpider:** he was being annoying

 **Ironman:** fairs

 **America’s Ass:** Sam do you want to go down to the gym to train for a bit?

 **Falcon107:** already there man

 **America’s Ass:** omw

 **Rhodey:** Tony I need to talk to you, Pepper mentioned something about an Expo next year?

 **Ironman:** fuck

**America’s Ass is offline**

**Falcon107 is offline**

**Rhodey is offline**

**Ironman is offline**

**MamaSpider is offline**

**Hawkeye is offline**

**Rhodey is online**

**America’s Ass is online**

**Ironman is online**

**Falcon107 is online**

**America’s Ass:** there’s a weird smell, can anyone else smell it

 **Ironman:** that’s just you capsicle

 **Rhodey:** omg

 **Falcon107:** haha

 **Ironman:** where’s peter and wanda, it’s very quiet

 **MamaSpider:** watching tv in wanda’s room still

 **America’s Ass:** that smell is getting worse and no Tony it isn’t me

 **Hawkeye:** why is there smoke in the vents

 **MamaSpider:** why are you in the vents again

 **Hawkeye:** I was just exploring and now I’m pretty sure I have a heat stroke

 **MamaSpider:** ffs get out of the vents barton

 **Ironman:** omg the fucking smoke alarm is going off, who’s cooking?!!?!!?!?!?

 **Hawkeye:** THERE’S AN ACTUAL FIRE IN THE KITCHEN, I’M TRAPPED IN THE VENTS HELP

 **America’s Ass:** me and Sam are coming

 **MamaSpider:** it stinks omfg, Barton just climb out of the one in the living room

 **Hawkeye:** this is the end guys

 **Rhodey:** literally can’t see through the smoke

 **Falcon107:** why can I hear clint sobbing again and saying ‘goodbye cruel world’??

 **America’s Ass:** guys I need some help here – the fire’s huge

 **MamaSpider:** clint stop crying and fucking climb into the living room

 **Ironman:** I’m on my way

 **Hawkeye:** I made it, I’m alive everyone

 **Falcon107:** joy

 **MamaSpider:** ffs, get over here barton and help us put this fire out

 **Ironman:** PETER!!!!!!!!!

 **Hawkeye:** we may need to rethink the bake sale idea

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** well shit.


	8. Newbies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few familiar faces join the Avengers Group Chat :)

**Everyone is online**

**America’s Ass:** Hey Tony, can I add a few people?

 **Ironman:** depends who it is

 **Hawkeye:** ooooo im intrigued

 **MamaSpider:** think I have an idea who it is

 **LittleSpider:** spill the tea Mr Captain America Sir

 **America’s Ass:** why would I spill my tea?

 **LittleSpider:** NOOOOO HAHAHAHAHA

 **Scarlett Bitch:** it’s a saying Steve, for like spill the beans, tell us your secrets and gossip

 **Ironman:** I fucking love how ancient he is

 **Hawkeye:** I cant breathe omg

 **Rhodey:** lmfao

 **Falcon107:** AHAHAHA 

**LittleSpider:** nooooostopppppicannycope

 **Falcon107:** Steve started it

 **Hawkeye:** true tho

 **MamaSpider:** everyone shut up and tell us who it is Rogers

 **America’s Ass:** oh ok, it’s just Bruce, Bucky and Thor

 **MamaSpider:** thought Barnes didn’t have a phone

 **America’s Ass:** he didn’t but then Peter showed him ‘memez’ and now he has a phone, so thought he’d like to be in the group – considering he lives with us

 **Falcon107:** fairs

 **LittleSpider:** omgomgomgomgomgoifnosgnidfkjvblifkdjbv

 **Hawkeye:** good job Cap you killed the kid

 **America’s Ass:** what did I do

 **MamaSpider:** it’s memes not memez

 **America’s Ass:** ok

 **LittleSpider:** MEOEFNFOENEMEMEZZZZZZZZOMGWAITTILITELLNED

 **Hawkeye:** who the fuck is ned

 **LittleSpider:** my guy in the chair

 **Falcon107:** huh

 **Rhodey:** idk what’s going on

 **MamaSpider:** don’t ask

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Steve … Bruce didn’t want to be in the chat did he?

 **America’s Ass:** it’s only fair that he is, considering the whole team will be on here now

 **Ironman:** ffs, fine but I’m not teaching pointbreak how to type like a normal person

 **Hawkeye:** what does that even mean

 **Rhodey:** you’ll see

**_America’s Ass_ ** _added **Bruce Banner, Thor God of Thunder** and **James ‘Bucky’ Barnes** to the group: **Avengers Group**_

**Ironman** changed the name **James ‘Bucky’ Barnes** to **Metal Arm**

 **Ironman** changed the name **Bruce Banner** to **Green Rage Monster**

 **Ironman** changed the name **Thor God of Thunder** to **Pointbreak**

**Pointbreak:** HELLO FRIENDS

 **Green Rage Monster:** Really Tony? Bruce would have been fine

 **Ironman:** yeah but this is more fun

 **Pointbreak:** I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE FUNCTION OF THIS TELECOMMUNICATION

 **Hawkeye:** ohhhhhhh I get it now

 **Ironman:** yep.

 **America’s Ass:** Turn the Caps lock off Thor

 **Pointbreak:** I DO NOT UNDERSTAND AMERICA’S ASS

 **MamaSpider:** lmao

 **LittleSpider:** who does tho

 **Hawkeye:** Barnes does hahahaha

 **Scarlett Bitch:** omfg xD

 **Falcon107:** holy shit lol

 **Metal Arm:** leave me out of this

 **Ironman:** Thor press the button next to A

 **Pointbreak:** NEXT TO A WHAT IRONMAN

 **Ironman:** no, not next to anything, next to A, the letter A

 **Pointbreak:** SSSSSSS IT DOES NOT SEEM TO BE WORKING ADEQUATELY

 **Ironman:** FFS someone fucking show him

 **LittleSpider:** Hi Mr Thor Sir! It’s the button to the left of the letter A 😊

 **Pointbreak:** why thank you little spider – who is everyone?

 **LittleSpider:** Peter Parker aka Spiderman aka LittleSpider aka The most awesomest person ever

 **Ironman:** kid that’s me, don’t even start

 **LittleSpider:** sorry mr stark

 **Ironman:** -__- I’m obviously Tony Stark

 **MamaSpider:** Natasha

 **Hawkeye:** Clint

 **America’s Ass:** Steve

 **Falcon107:** Sam

 **Rhodey:** James Rhodes

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Wanda

 **Green Rage Monster:** Bruce

 **Metal Arm:** Bucky

 **Pointbreak:** what is the purpose of this

 **Ironman:** a slow painful death apparently

 **MamaSpider:** Hell

 **Hawkeye:** pretty much bants 24/7

 **Pointbreak:** what is this ‘bants’

 **LittleSpider:** basically this chat is just a bit of fun so we can all communicate a bit better with each other and usually it’s quite pointless and funny Mr Thor

 **Pointbreak:** I think I understand now, thank you, young Peter

**LittleSpider** **😊**

**Green Rage Monster:** Steve I said when this was first created that I didn’t want to be in it because it kept spamming my phone

 **America’s Ass:** We’re all a team Bruce, we all have to suffer together

 **Green Rage Monster:** urgh

 **LittleSpider:** guys I have to go to school and I have decathalon until 5, so I wont be online until then! Have a fabby day my peeps <3 <3 <3

 **Ironman:** cya kid have a good day – don’t forget to come by the lab later – you’re staying the weekend I’ve cleared it with May

 **LittleSpider:** omg thank you mr stark!!!!! See you all later!

 **MamaSpider:** <3

 **Hawkeye:** bye squirt

 **Falcon107:** bye peter

 **America’s Ass:** See you later Son

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Don’t do anything stupid lol, have a good day Pete

 **Green Rage Monster:** Have a great day.

 **Rhodey:** I’ll give you a lift Kid

 **LittleSpider:** thanks everyone!!!!! Thank youuuuu Uncle Rhodey I’m by the front door!x

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Hawkeye:** that kid is so pure

 **MamaSpider:** he is too precious for this world

 **Scarlett Bitch:** he’s like a smol bean

 **Pointbreak:** where is young parker going

 **Ironman:** school Thor…

 **Pointbreak:** I do not understand

 **Ironman:** a magical realm of paper and mental breakdowns for the youth of today

 **Falcon107:** HAHAHA

 **Hawkeye:** omg legit

 **Green Rage Monster:** lol

 **Scarlett Bitch:** that’s literally the best thing I’ve ever heard you say Stark

 **MamaSpider:** lmao

 **America’s Ass:** Tony.

 **Pointbreak:** ah I think I understand.

 **Ironman:** where are you right now Thor?

 **Pointbreak:** Asgard

 **Ironman:** oh yeah… of course… silly me -___-

 **Pointbreak:** I shall be returning to the compound after I have defeated the latest threat to my kingdom.

 **Rhodey:** how long will that take

 **Pointbreak:** approximately 19 hours and 14 minutes if all goes to plan

 **MamaSpider:** wow that was really specific

 **Ironman:** can’t fucking wait.

 **Pointbreak:** I cannot wait to see all of you either!

 **Ironman:** …

 **Hawkeye:** this will be goodxD

 **Pointbreak:** well friends, I must bid you goodbye for now, but hopefully I should be with all of you tomorrow. Good bye friends

**Pointbreak is offline**

**Ironman:** -____- I have to go and put my head through a wall

**Ironman is offline**

**America’s Ass:** Anyone up for a movie day?

 **MamaSpider:** always

 **Scarlett Bitch:** yup

 **Metal Arm:** I’m in

 **Green Rage Monster:** sure, why not.

 **Hawkeye:** can we watch Brave

 **MamaSpider:** fucking not again

 **Falcon107:** no barton

 **Metal Arm:** idk what that is

 **America’s Ass:** we aren’t watching that film again Clint.

 **Hawkeye:** I never get what I want☹

 **Rhodey:** I have some work to do with Tony, so no thanks Cap.

**Rhodey is offline**

**America’s Ass:** meet in the movie room in 10 😊

**Everyone is offline**


	9. IT ISN'T A CHILDREN'S FILM!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blanket forts, Disney films, crying, popcorn aiming … a normal movie day for the Avengers!
> 
> (Watching Jack Whitehall gave me the inspiration for this chapter!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow!!! Thank you all so so much for all the kudos and comments!   
> I was actually laughing writing this chapter and couldn't wait until the weekend, so I know I've posted a lot in the past few days, but here is another chapter for you all to enjoy!  
> Please leave a kudos and comment if you liked it or for suggestions on what you want to see next!  
> Next chapter will be posted on Sunday!!!!
> 
> MarvelObsessedgirl3 xx

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** how come ive just walked into the movie room and Clint is literally on Nats lap crying; sam is covered in popcorn, wanda and bruce are asleep and bucky and steve are in a blanket fort

 **LittleSpider:** im v confused and a bit jealous tht I was at school and decathalon and sad that I’m not involved tbh

**MamaSpider is online**

**America’s Ass is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**MamaSpider:** we all had a movie day and have just finished watching the Lion King

 **LittleSpider:** I am so confused tho

 **America’s Ass:** wanna join our fort Pete? How was school?

 **LittleSpider:** YESSSSS and it was ok thanks <3

 **Metal Arm:** bring some popcorn pls

 **LittleSpider:** I cant bc it’s all over Sam

 **LittleSpider:** why is it all over Sam

 **MamaSpider:** Clint was trying to beat his high score

 **LittleSpider:** I cant even

 **MamaSpider:** just don’t ask

 **LittleSpider:** sounds sus but ok

**Falcon107 is online**

**Falcon107:** so im here minding my own sweet business and I move and suddenly I’m having a shower in fucking popcorn, anyone care to explain????

 **MamaSpider:** Clint was trying to beat his high score – you were the closest target

 **Falcon107:** ffs I hate you all

**Falcon107 is offline**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Green Rage Monster is online**

**Scarlett Bitch:** why is barton crying so loudly

 **LittleSpider:** ^preach

 **MamaSpider:** bc of the film

 **Green Rage Monster:** the Disney film we just watched?

 **MamaSpider:** yep and tbh you were asleep

 **Green Rage Monster:** true.

 **America’s Ass:** it’s a happy ending though?

 **Metal Arm:** im so confused

 **LittleSpider:** omg same Bucky

 **MamaSpider:** he just said #prayfortheking – I think he means that singing lion cubs dead dad that got killed by his hyena obsessed dickwad of a brother

 **LittleSpider:** ‘that singing lion cubs dead dad that got killed by his hyena obsessed dickwad of a brother’ – plot summary of the Lion King by Natasha Romanov

 **Scarlett Bitch:** hahaha!! Film plot revealed by Black Widow

 **America’s Ass:** Natasha that was funny!

 **MamaSpider:** it’s true though…

**Hawkeye is online**

**Hawkeye:** HE WAS A KING

 **Hawkeye:** FUCK SCAR THE FUCKING SHITHEAD ----- MUFASA DESERVED BETTER

 **America’s Ass:** Clint ! Language!

 **Hawkeye:** HOW AM I THE ONLY ONE AFFECTED BY THIS

 **MamaSpider:** bc we all know that it’s a film.

 **LittleSpider:** I mean the first time I watched it I cried for 2 days

 **Hawkeye:** SEEEEEEE

 **LittleSpider:** but I was 3

 **Scarlett Bitch:** LMFAO mood

 **MamaSpider:** smh

 **Green Rage Monster:** lol

 **Metal Arm:** ha

 **Hawkeye:** I need to mourn

 **Hawkeye:** this is worse than UP omg

 **Hawkeye:** what happened to the warthog – poor fucker, he only wanted his bed buddy back

 **Hawkeye:** why did the baboon have that stick all the time bc he could walk

 **LittleSpider:** idk ask Disney – also Pumbaa had Timon at the end – which was a happy ending … so why are you still crying Clint????

 **Hawkeye:** Imma writing an email now

 **Hawkeye:** I have a lot of feelings ok leave me alone

 **America’s Ass:** don’t you have kids? How have you never seen this before

 **MamaSpider:** he makes a point not to watch Disney bc he always cries

 **Hawkeye:** NAT! That is so untrue

 **MamaSpider:** Brave, UP, Wall-e, bambi, princess and the frog, Mulan, the little mermaid, the one with the elephant, winnie the pooh

 **LittleSpider:** ICANTBREATHEWHYWINNIETHERPOOHOMGOORHOEHRNFOEF

 **LittleSpider:** THEONEWITH THE ELEPHANTOMGHAHAHFHESFD

 **Scarlett Bitch:** how did he cry at winnie the pooh nothing remotely sad happens

 **MamaSpider:** the bear ran out of honey, then clint realised that he doesn’t even like honey and if pooh bear was there then he would starve

 **LittleSpider:** stickaforkinmeimDONE

 **LittleSpider:** Nat has NO CHILL LMFAO

 **Metal Arm:** im so confused right now

 **America’s Ass:** theres still so many Disney films we need to watch Buck

 **Metal Arm:** Disney film night?

 **America’s Ass:** let’s move the blanket fort upstairs

**Metal Arm is offline**

**America’s Ass is offline**

**Hawkeye:** why are you selling me out Tasha I feel personally targeted

 **MamaSpider:** Good. You’re a grown man crying at another childrens film

 **Green Rage Monster:** I’m going to my lab. See you all for dinner.

**Green Rage Monster is offline**

**LittleSpider:** bye dr banner! Nat it isnt a childrens film thoooooo

 **Scarlett Bitch:**?????

 **MamaSpider:** yes it is.

 **Hawkeye:** imtoodepressedtothink

**Ironman is online**

**Rhodey is online**

**Falcon107 is online**

**Ironman:** oh you have got to be shitting me

 **Rhodey:** so we wondered where everyone was, then read up.

 **LittleSpider:** listennnnnnnn

 **LittleSpider:** Lion King isn’t a childrens film is it tho

 **Falcon107:** well I thought it was, but bet you’re gonna prove me wrong

 **Ironman:** not again Kid

 **Ironman:** just everyone fucking agree with him

 **Rhodey:**???

 **Scarlett Bitch:** why isn’t it a childrens film Peter?

 **MamaSpider:**?

 **LittleSpider:** WELL

 **Ironman:** oh ffs here we go

 **LittleSpider:** The Lion King is the greatest anthropomorphic assault upon the theme of mortality that Western culture has ever produced. It has been adapted into like the most successful West-end musical of all time EVERRRRR which has generated 8 million pounds profit and counting. It has an IMDB rating of 8.5, 2 Academy Awards and 2 Golden Globes, and also Disney have just released a live action version of the film – with Jon Favreau directing it (who looks a lot like Happy Hogan…) that’s weird actually… SO IT ISNT A CHILDRENS FILM

 **Rhodey:** wow

 **Falcon107:** there are no words

 **MamaSpider:** you’ve made clint cry again, but touché kid

 **Scarlett Bitch:** LMFAO HOLY SHITTTTT

 **Ironman:** this is what I have to deal with on a daily basis

 **LittleSpider:** love you mr starkkkkk

**Ironman is offline**

**Rhodey:** okay so Tony is full on crying on the sofa

 **MamaSpider:** why

 **Scarlett Bitch:** I just walked past him and he’s crying so loud lol

 **Falcon107:** he just asked Friday to save the chat to his personal files

 **Rhodey:** bc the kid said he loves him

 **LittleSpider:** omg im sorry mr stark I love you pls don’t cry im omw

 **Rhodey:** ok he’s full on sobbing now

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Hawkeye:** this kid is too pure

 **MamaSpider:** true

 **Rhodey:** yes he is

 **Falcon107:** yup

 **Scarlett Bitch:** he is

**Everyone is offline**

**Ironman is online**

**Ironman:** love you too kiddo<3

**Ironman is offline**


	10. Mr Whiskers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter makes a new friend <3

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** ok so hypothetically how do you all feel about cats

**Everyone is online**

**Ironman:** not good

 **MamaSpider:** depends on what type of cat

 **Hawkeye:** those skin cats creep me out ngl

 **LittleSpider:** a cute lil ginger one with green eyes

 **Rhodey:** cats are cool

 **Falcon107:** I mean I have wings, so no

 **Green Rage Monster:** cats are good for relieving anxiety and stress, I like them

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Sam you know that you aren’t actually a bird right

 **Falcon107:** oh yeah sometimes I forget

 **America’s Ass:** I like cats

 **Metal Arm:** same, they’re ok

 **Pointbreak:** Are cats the ones with fur?

 **Hawkeye:** lmfao

 **MamaSpider:** there are lots of animals with fur Thor.

 **Ironman:** smh, they’re the ones that piss everywhere and meow

 **Pointbreak:** oh yes, then I like them.

 **Hawkeye:** bc they piss everywhere?

 **Falcon107:** omg

 **Pointbreak:** no birdman, because they are what you midgardians would say are ‘cute’

 **LittleSpider:** yasssssss Thor

 **Hawkeye:** did he really just call me bird man

 **MamaSpider:** lmao

 **Scarlett Bitch:** this chat is so weird

 **Ironman:** why did you ask anyway Kid bc we aren’t getting one.

 **LittleSpider:** well

 **Ironman:** no

 **LittleSpider:** but I didn’t even

 **Ironman:** also no

 **LittleSpider:** but

 **Ironman:** finally, no.

 **Hawkeye:** dad mode activated

 **LittleSpider:** omg

**‘LittleSpider’ changed the name ‘Ironman’ to ‘Irondad’**

**Rhodey:** Peter, we are in a late night SI meeting and Tony has just started crying and has fallen off his chair hyperventilating

 **Hawkeye:** omfgicantcope

 **Scarlett Bitch:** steve and bucky are literally rolling around laughing

 **MamaSpider:** why are you on your phones if you’re in a meeting

 **Rhodey:** bc it’s boring af

 **MamaSpider:** fairs

**Irondad is offline**

**Rhodey is offline**

**Green Rage Monster:** as cute as that is, why are you asking about cats Peter?

 **LittleSpider:** sorry mr stark !!!!!! anyway so I’m on patrol and I just webbed up a few guys who were stealing and bad stuffff

 **Falcon107:** and????

 **LittleSpider:** then I heard a noise so I asked Karen what it was and I went to investigate

 **Hawkeye:** who the fuck is karen

 **MamaSpider:** the Kid’s AI

 **Scarlett Bitch:** karen is a legend

 **LittleSpider:** karen is my computer wife

 **Scarlett Bitch:** SPONGEBOB FOR LYF

 **LittleSpider:** Wanda YOU QUEEN

 **Hawkeye:** back to the story pete.

 **LittleSpider:** oh yeah, so….

 **Pointbreak:** are the man of spiders and ironman not related

 **MamaSpider:** you have to be kidding me

 **Metal Arm:** no

 **Scarlett Bitch:** is that seriously what you thought Thor

 **Pointbreak:** yes, is that not accurate?

 **Falcon107:** he acts like peter’s dad tho

 **Green Rage Monser:** true but they aren’t related

 **America’s Ass:** they aren’t, I’ve asked many times

 **LittleSpider:** guyzzzzzzz lemme finish my story and no me and Mr Stark aren’t related

 **MamaSpider:** hurry up then

 **Hawkeye:** true

 **LittleSpider:** pfttttt

 **MamaSpider:** don’t sass me parker

 **LittleSpider:** omg please don’t kill me im sorry Auntie Nat xxx

 **MamaSpider:** forgiven. Continue

 **LittleSpider:** so I ended up in this creepy alley way and found Mr Whiskers all alone and then he became my son

 **Scarlett Bitch:** pic or it didn’t happen

****

**_(LittleSpider sent a pdf file to Avengers Group Chat)_ **

****

**Hawkeye:** OMG I approve

 **America’s Ass:** aw he’s cute

 **Metal Arm:** I like him, he seems smart

 **MamaSpider:** Barnes it’s a cat

 **Metal Arm:** a smart cat

 **Scarlett Bitch:** omg he’s so cute

 **Falcon107:** so we have a cat now?

 **Green Rage Monster:** where is he staying

 **LittleSpider:** that’s the thing, my apartment in queens doesn’t allow pets

 **MamaSpider:** he cant be your son then…

 **Pointbreak:** I can clarify that Mr Whiskers is very fluffy and his fur is soft.

 **Hawkeye:** wait what

 **LittleSpider:** THOR FFS

 **Metal Arm:**???

 **America’s Ass:** Peter I thought you said you’re on patrol?

 **LittleSpider:** well I was…now I’m not😊

 **Green Rage Monster:** oh no this can’t be good

 **Pointbreak:** Man of Spiders is in the communal living room and Mr Whiskers is asleep on his lap.

 **LittleSpider:** damn it Thor

 **Scarlett Bitch:** omw

 **MamaSpider:** omw

 **Hawkeye:** omw

 **Falcon107:** omw

 **America’s Ass:** omw

 **Metal Arm:** omw

 **Green Rage Monster:** omw

**Everyone is offline**

**Irondad is online**

**Rhodey is online**

**Irondad:** so me and Rhodey have just finished our 2 hour meeting and come into the living room to find you all asleep with a cat who I assume is Mr Whiskers – even though I said no to getting a cat?? Also, Peter please stop being adorable sleeping in your blanket burrito bc im now crying again

 **Rhodey:** get some pillows Tones it’s a sleepover

 **Irondad:** give me strength

 **Irondad:** fine

**Rhodey is offline**

**Irondad is offline**


	11. Twerking, Cereal, Mini Fridge, Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What else do you do at 4am, other than raid the kitchen and dance on the ceiling?!  
> Peter wants to spend a day with the Avengers - this can't be good...

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** is cereal soup

 **LittleSpider:** bc you eat both with a spoon and both have liquid as the main bit

 **LittleSpider:** damnnnn I want some cocopops now

 **LittleSpider:** awhhhhh Mr Whiskers is purring the lil flooofff

 **LittleSpider:** I love cocopops but I love Mr Whiskers more <3

 **LittleSpider:** let’s go on an adventure to find cocopops

 **LittleSpider:** Mr Whiskers is on it like a car bonnet

 **LittleSpider:** cocopopssssss whereeee arrreeee youuuu

 **LittleSpider:** I FOUND SOME

 **LittleSpider:** shit I broke a bowl

 **LittleSpider:** its ok I cleaned it up

 **LittleSpider:** OMG IT’S THE BEST CEREAL EVER

 **LittleSpider:** sugary goodnessssss

 **LittleSpider:** GUYS I’M DANCINGGGGG

 **LittleSpider:** lol Mr Whiskers is like what are you doinggg

 **LittleSpider:** HOLY SHIT … IMAGINE IF I COULD…HANGONNN

 **LittleSpider:** OMGOMGOMGOMG I CANT BELIEVE I HAVE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE

**Irondad is online**

**Irondad:** Peter. It’s fucking 4am. GO. TO. SLEEP.

 **LittleSpider:** NO YOU CAN’T MAKE MEH

 **Irondad:** wanna bet

 **LittleSpider:** WHY ARE YOUUUUUU not asleep

 **Irondad:** I was until I heard a smashing sound in the kitchen

 **LittleSpider:** that was me sorry

 **Irondad:** why were you in the kitchen at 4am and what is all that banging coming from your room

 **LittleSpider:** I wanted cocopops and I’m dancing

 **Irondad:** ffs go to sleep

 **LittleSpider:** Nooooooooooo

 **Irondad:** that’s it I’m coming in

 **Irondad:** what the actual fuck.

 **Irondad:** what are you doing

 **LittleSpider:** twerking on the ceiling

 **Irondad:** I can feel my hair physically turning grey

 **LittleSpider:** omg can I dye my hair blue and red to match my suit

 **Irondad:** NO. GET DOWN

 **LittleSpider:** what’s the dealio mr stark – I don’t even have school tomorrow bc it’s a weekend

 **Irondad:** GO. TO. SLEEP.

 **LittleSpider:** Pfffttttt fine

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Irondad is offline**

**Everyone is online**

**Hawkeye:** lmfao Peter you were twerking on the ceiling???

 **Scarlett Bitch:** mood

 **Falcon107:** I’m gonna need a demo of that later

 **Rhodey:** what is going on

 **Pointbreak:** that sounds amusing.

 **Metal Arm:** so that is what all the banging was

 **Hawkeye:** dontmakeasexjokedontmakeasexjoke

 **LittleSpider:** yes and I was having a great time until Mr Moodypants came and ruined the fun – MR BARTON EW

 **MamaSpider:** Peter, your sleep schedule is terrible

 **Irondad:** IT WAS 4AM KID

 **America’s Ass:** Peter you could have hurt yourself, that was really irresponsible

 **Green Rage Monster:** smh

 **LittleSpider:** woah who called the parent police

 **MamaSpider:** you, by messaging the chat at 4am, eating sugary cereal – which is not soup btw, and twerking on the ceiling

 **LittleSpider:** fairs

 **Pointbreak:** what is ‘twerking’

 **America’s Ass:** no idea

 **Metal Arm:** a dance move

 **Scarlett Bitch:** it’s fun

 **LittleSpider:** SHAKING YOUR BOOTEH

 **Irondad:** that image of you on the ceiling, twerking, will haunt me forever

 **LittleSpider:** you’re welcome

 **Rhodey:** kid you worry me

 **Irondad:** pretty sure by now I’m in a constant state of worry because of him.

 **LittleSpider:** anywayyyyyyy – what are we all doing today

 **Irondad:** sleeping because I was up at 4am.

 **Hawkeye:** savage

 **Scarlett Bitch:** lmao same, but I’m just tired

 **Falcon107:** mood

 **Rhodey:** me

 **MamaSpider:** was thinking of going shopping

 **Scarlett Bitch:** can I come?

 **MamaSpider:** sure

 **America’s Ass:** training

 **Falcon107:** training

 **Metal Arm:** training

 **Pointbreak:** I am about to leave to visit my friend Jane for a week.

 **Green Rage Monster:** lab

 **Irondad:** sleeping then lab

 **Hawkeye:** vents

 **MamaSpider:** not again

 **Hawkeye:** woah hold up I didn’t judge your plan for the day

 **MamaSpider:** yes because unlike you I’m doing something normal

 **Hawkeye:** what isn’t normal about exploring the vents

 **MamaSpider:** everything in that sentence.

 **Hawkeye:** this is bullying and I wont tolerate it

 **MamaSpider:** would you rather that we take this outside

 **Hawkeye:** i'll kick your ass Romanoff

 **MamaSpider:** lmfao no

 **Irondad:** can the 2 master assassins take their domestic shit elsewhere please and thank you

 **America’s Ass:** how about you Peter?

 **LittleSpider:** not sure, can’t we all do something together?

 **Irondad:** no

 **Scarlett Bitch:** like what?

 **America’s Ass:** That sounds like fun Peter – what were you thinking?

 **Pointbreak:** I am leaving now – good bye friends, I shall see you in a week.

**Pointbreak is offline**

**MamaSpider:** do I have a choice?

 **Hawkeye:** probably not

 **Falcon107:** doing what

 **LittleSpider:** like maybe we could go somewhere for a day out?

 **Irondad:** I hate my life

 **Rhodey:** shut up Tony it might be fun

 **America’s Ass:** where are you thinking Peter?

 **Green Rage Monster:** somewhere not too crowded please

 **Metal Arm:** I’m fine with whatever

 **LittleSpider:** maybe the science museum?

 **Irondad:** im good with that

 **Green Rage Monster:** same

 **Hawkeye:** I’d rather stab myself in the eye

 **MamaSpider:** I’d do it for you

 **Hawkeye:** thanks Nat – always nice to know you’ve got my back

 **Scarlett Bitch:** we aren’t all science nerds like you, Bruce and Stark

 **Falcon107:** true dat

 **Rhodey:** any other ideas Peter

 **LittleSpider:** the beach?

 **Irondad:** it’s cold

 **MamaSpider:** it’s like 28 degrees.

 **LittleSpider:** THE COLD NEVER BOTHERED ME ANYWAY

 **Scarlett Bitch:** LET IT GO

 **Hawkeye:** LET IT GO

 **Falcon107:** Wait what’s happening

 **Metal Arm:** CAN’T HOLD IT BACK ANYMORE

 **Irondad:** Barnes knows Frozen really omg

 **America’s Ass:** it’s his favourite after our movie night

 **LittleSpider:** LET IT GO

 **Green Rage Monster:** LET IT GO

 **Rhodey:** hang on Bruce is in on this?

 **Hawkeye:** TURN AWAY AND SLAM THE DOOR

 **Metal Arm:** I DON’T CARE

 **Scarlett Bitch:** WHAT THEY’RE GOING TO SAY

 **MamaSpider:** does this ever end

 **Irondad:** almost finished

 **LittleSpider:** LET THE STORM RAGE OOOOONNNNNNNNN

 **Metal Arm:** THE COLD NEVER BOTHERED ME ANYWAY

 **Scarlett Bitch:** THE COLD NEVER BOTHERED ME ANYWAY

 **LittleSpider:** THE COLD NEVER BOTHERED ME ANYWAY

 **Green Rage Monster:** THE COLD NEVER BOTHERED ME ANYWAY

 **Hawkeye:** THE COLD NEVER BOTHERED ME ANYWAY

 **LittleSpider:** *Slams door dramatically*

 **Falcon107:** what the fuck just happened

 **Rhodey:** it’s a popular Disney song

 **Irondad:** my ears are bleeding, holy fuck none of you can sing

 **LittleSpider:** wow rude mr stark – we were singing and texting #skill

 **Scarlett Bitch:** that was fun

 **Metal Arm:** I enjoyed that.

 **Hawkeye:** Same

 **Green Rage Monster:** 😊

 **LittleSpider:** so is everyone up for the beach then????

 **MamaSpider:** yes but please don’t break into song again

 **Irondad:** fine and I agree with Nat

 **America’s Ass:** I quite enjoyed that! Yes, the beach sounds good Peter. Shall we leave in half an hour?

 **Metal Arm:** beachbeachbeach

 **Green Rage Monster:** beach is good – meet by the front door in 30 mins

**Green Rage Monster is offline**

**America’s Ass is offline**

**Metal Arm is offline**

**Falcon107:** yep

**Falcon107 is offline**

**Rhodey:** Sure, why not

 **Scarlett Bitch:** YAS

**Rhodey is offline**

**Scarlett Bitch is offline**

**Hawkeye:** Obvs I’m already packed

 **LittleSpider:** lmfao

 **MamaSpider:** you can’t take a mini fridge to the beach Barton

 **LittleSpider:** omfgimcryinggg

 **Irondad:** are you serious Legolas

 **Hawkeye:** I like my drinks cold

 **Irondad:** so does fucking everybody moron

 **Hawkeye:** so why can’t I bring my fridge - I have a portable charger…

 **MamaSpider:** because it’s a beach

 **Hawkeye:** how will my drinks be cold if I cant put them in a fridge

 **LittleSpider:** you can get electrocuted omg Clint!!!!!

 **Hawkeye:** bold of you to think that I haven’t been electrocuted before

 **LittleSpider:** nowayahahahahahahaha im going to get dressed BYE

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Irondad:** You are not bringing a mini fridge to the beach Barton. Put them in a bag and I’ll bring some icepacks.

 **Hawkeye:** the fridge would keep them colder

**Irondad is offline**

**MamaSpider:** why have you got 3 pairs of sunglasses

 **Hawkeye:** in case I lose them

 **MamaSpider:** where are your swimming shorts

 **Hawkeye:** crap

 **MamaSpider:** give me your bag ffs

 **Hawkeye:** DON’T TAKE MY SPECIAL TOWEL

 **MamaSpider:** your biology thinks you’re 32, in reality you have the mindset of a 5 year old

 **Hawkeye:** thank you:D

 **MamaSpider:** Боже мой

**Hawkeye is offline**

**MamaSpider is offline**


	12. Avengers at the Beach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avengers day out at the Beach results in a trip to the hospital - perfectly normal for a weekend:)

**Everyone is online**

**LittleSpider:** YEET ME INTO THE SUN BC IM DONE

 **Scarlett Bitch:** ofndosmlfmfjngj,vn

 **Metal Arm:** I actually cant breathe rn

 **Falcon107:** WE ARE GENIUSES !!!

 **LittleSpider:** that WAS ThE GrEAteSt ThInG EVER

 **Metal Arm:** lmfao wanda is cry laughing

 **Falcon107:** sHiT HE’S COMINGGGGG

 **LittleSpider:** RUN!!!!!!

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Scarlett Bitch is offline**

**Metal Arm is offline**

**Falcon107 is offline**

**Hawkeye:** GET THE FUCK BACK HERE YOU BASTARDS

**Hawkeye is offline**

**Irondad:** what just happened

 **Rhodey:** think it’s probably safer if we don’t know Tones

 **Green Rage Monster:** Don’t know, but I heard a huge splash? Maybe they’re swimming? I can’t see from here.

 **America’s Ass:** I’m not too sure. Nat?

 **MamaSpider:** Clint was sunbathing – presumably asleep, and Peter, Wanda, Sam and Bucky decided it would be a good idea for Wanda to levitate him and his chair over the ocean. Wilson called ‘Red Wing’ over – you know that weird flying pet thing he has, who then proceeded to drop a shit ton of seaweed on Barton and he fell about 8 ft into the sea. It was quite funny actually.

 **Irondad:** omfg that’s brilliant

 **Rhodey:** jfc

 **America’s Ass:** Tony he could have been hurt!

 **Irondad:** lighten up capsicle

 **MamaSpider:** They’ve resorted to a seaweed throwing fight, right next to me now. I’m literally trying to read. This family sucks.

 **Green Rage Monster:** I’m very happy that Tony made a giant donation to the Council, so we could have a mile of the beach all to ourselves, because the press would have a field day over this.

 **Irondad:** lol Pepper would kill me

 **MamaSpider:** where is Pepper??? Haven’t seen her in like forever

 **Rhodey:** she’s v busy in an important meeting

 **America’s Ass:** Tony - why is Pepper not in this chat?

 **Irondad:** oh no

 **Rhodey:** oh no

**_America’s Ass added Pepper Potts CEO to Avengers Group Chat_ **

****

**Pepper Potts CEO is online**

**Pepper Potts CEO:** You have to be fucking kidding me.

 **Irondad:** Hey Pep, how’s Tokyo

 **Rhodey:** Hi Pepper – hope you’re well!

 **MamaSpider:** Hi Pepper😊

 **America’s Ass:** Hi Pepper!

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Hi Steve, hey Nat. The biggest meeting of SI this year was going fine thanks Tony, you know as you and Rhodey couldn’t be here because you had ‘important shit going on’ – which apparently translates to a day out at the beach.

 **Irondad:** yeah sorry about that …

 **Rhodey:** really sorry Pepper – Tony made me

 **Irondad:** wow outed by my best mate

**_Pepper Potts CEO removed herself from the chat_ **

**MamaSpider:** ooooo you’re in trouble Stark

 **Irondad:** thanks a lot Cap and Rhodey, didn’t ask to be outed like that

 **America’s Ass:** Tony you said that all your work was done!

 **Rhodey:** sorry dude I panicked

 **Irondad:** yeah bc Pepper was doing it – forgiven James but if you do it again im taking the suit back

 **Rhodey:** fairs

 **Green Rage Monster:** smh

 **MamaSpider:** not to change the subject or anything, but Clint is currently choking on a piece of seaweed

 **Green Rage Monster:** I knew there was a reason I brought my first aid kit.

 **Rhodey:** shit!

**Green Rage Monster is offline**

**Rhodey is offline**

**Irondad:** ffs what is my life.

 **America’s Ass:** why is it in his mouth?!

 **MamaSpider:** I’m pretty sure that it was a dare. So… due to the fact that Peter is rolling around in the sand laughing, I can guess it was him that dared Clint to eat it.

 **Irondad:** jfc omw

**Irondad is offline**

**America’s Ass:** All I wanted was one day drama free.

 **MamaSpider:** keep dreaming Rogers – there’s a crab on your sandel

 **America’s Ass: :** FNKNJ,OGFDLNGDFJKGMDNKJVB

 **MamaSpider:** hehehe

**America’s Ass is offline**

**MamaSpider is offline**

**America’s Ass is online**

**Irondad is online**

**Green Rage Monster is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**Rhodey is online**

**Falcon107 is online**

**Metal Arm:** how long is this going to take

 **Irondad:** how the hell do we know

 **Rhodey:** im so bored

 **Falcon107:** m00d

 **America’s Ass:** I mean the day could have gone better tbh

 **Irondad:** nah I totally wanted to spend 5 hours sitting in the hospital because my dumbass team mate almost died choking on a piece of seaweed

**LittleSpider is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**MamaSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** It was a dare!!!!! He could have said no

 **Irondad:** kid, me and you and going to have a long conversation about appropriate dares and stupid dares

 **LittleSpider:** mr StaRkkkkkkk I said I was sorry

 **Irondad:** smh. Has anyone actually heard about Barton?

 **MamaSpider:** they’re waiting for him to wake up

 **Scarlett Bitch:** from what?

 **Rhodey:** he passed out

 **Falcon107:** omg why

 **MamaSpider:** he doesn’t like seeing needles

 **America’s Ass:** fair enough.

 **LittleSpider:** so did we all have a good day at the beach?:)

 **Irondad:** Apart from Clint almost dying twice – by drowning and then choking, then 9 of us waiting in an overly crowded hospital for 5 hours – wearing nothing but swimming shorts, sandals and t-shirts, sure.

 **America’s Ass:** Yeah…maybe we should wait a bit before another day out, Peter.

 **Green Rage Monster:** Yes, I agree 100% Steve.

 **MamaSpider:** I agree too.

 **Falcon107:** I say next time we go iceskating

 **Rhodey:** sure, sharp iceskates and the avengers on ice – what could go wrong

 **Scarlett Bitch:** xD

 **LittleSpider:** :D

 **Irondad:** what even is my life.

**Hawkeye is online**

**Hawkeye:** YO

 **Irondad:** here comes the world’s biggest dumbass finally

 **MamaSpider:** how are you feeling – where are you?

 **Hawkeye:** considering I almost died twice in the past 6 hours, im good. I’m in room 3b on the West Side, waiting for the all clear and then I can go. They said you can all come up.

 **LittleSpider:** im sorry mr barton sir

 **Hawkeye:** it’s fine squirt, I shouldn’t have tried to swallow the seaweed

 **LittleSpider:** you won the dare though!!!

 **Hawkeye:** totally worth almost dying 10/10 would do again. Thanks for emergency cpr Bruciebear

 **America’s Ass:** Clint, I’m glad you’re feeling better – please don’t do anything like that again

 **Metal Arm:** glad you’re ok

 **Green Rage Monster:** glad I could help, please don’t ever call me that again

 **Falcon107:** but the dare was funny

 **Scarlett Bitch:** I mean it was until he stopped breathing

 **Metal Arm:** it was hilarious

 **Rhodey:** ffs

 **Irondad:** great, so now that Legolas isn’t dead, can we go back to the compound

 **LittleSpider:** yeah bc im hungry

 **Hawkeye:** omg same – almost dying really makes you want food

 **Falcon107:** who’s driving then?

 **Irondad:** I’ve got my car – so the rest of us will go back, unless anyone is staying with Barton

 **America’s Ass:** everyone’s shaking their heads at me, so I guess we’re all going back for food then?

 **Hawkeye:** wow thanks everyone, nice to know we’re in this together

 **MamaSpider:** I’ll stay with Clint and get a cab back.

 **Hawkeye:** Nat you’re my favourite <3

 **MamaSpider:** fuck off Clint

 **Hawkeye:** I can feel the love

**Hawkeye is offline**

**Irondad:** I’ll get Happy to pick you up in an hour Nat 

**MamaSpider:** ah great thanks. See you all later then. 

**MamaSpider is offline**

**Everyone is offline**


	13. Where's the pineapple juice?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony has to make an important phone call and somehow Peter manages to explode his web fluid and cover the lab in it.   
> What happens when they can't get rid of it and someone slips and gets stuck?!

**Everyone is online**

****

**_(LittleSpider sent pdf file: labfuntimes to the Avengers Chat)_ **

**LittleSpider:** so someone might have caused an explosion in the lab

**Hawkeye:** omg wtf is that

 **MamaSpider:** gonna go out on a limb and say it was you

 **LittleSpider:** web fluid!!!! It’s never exploded before!

 **MamaSpider:** I’d run and hide

 **Rhodey:** Kid, when Tony sees this you’re so dead

 **Scarlett Bitch:** very dead

 **Falcon107:** rip Peter

 **Metal Arm:** nice knowing you Kid

 **America’s Ass:** Peter! You know you aren’t allowed in there unsupervised! What did you do?

 **LittleSpider:** I didn’t mean to, Mr Stark had to make an important phone call and said I could stay in the lab by myself!! It was an experimental web fluid and something went wrong☹

 **Green Rage Monster:** how are you going to get rid of that omg

 **LittleSpider:** I’ll clean it up after dinner don’t worry

 **Irondad:** WHAT THE FUCK?!

 **LittleSpider:** IT WASN’T MY FAULTTTTTTT

 **MamaSpider:** admit defeat Peter.

 **LittleSpider:** well I mean it was my fault, but I didn’t mean for it to explode

 **Irondad:** You have approximately 4 seconds to explain before I get a suit on you.

 **Hawkeye:** dad mode activated

 **Irondad:** I LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR 10 MINUTES OMFG

 **MamaSpider:** Don’t be too hard on him Tony, I’m sure it was an accident. Everyone meet me in the kitchen in 5 – dinner’s ready

 **Hawkeye:** but I want to watch the showdownnnnnn

 **MamaSpider:** don’t make me ‘accidentally’ stab you again

 **Hawkeye:** :O see you in 5

**Hawkeye is offline**

**MamaSpider is offline**

**Metal Arm:** I can’t watch this omg rip peter

 **Falcon107:** same good luck kid

 **Scarlett Bitch:** it’ll be fine Pete x

 **Rhodey:** Good luck

 **America’s Ass:** good luck Peter.

**America’s Ass is offline**

**Metal Arm is offline**

**Scarlett Bitch is offline**

**Rhodey is offline**

**Falcon107 is offline**

**Green Rage Monster:** Tony, after you’ve killed Peter I need to talk to you about a new design for the gym.

 **Irondad:** Give me a minute with the Kid Bruce. I’ll come to your lab in a bit unless he’s destroyed that in the space of 10 minutes too.

**Green Rage Monster is offline**

**LittleSpider:** Ididntmeantomrstarkomgomgmgmoidgnkjnbimsorsorrypleasedonrtkillmeimtooyoungtodieandididntmeantoandimfreakingouttt

 **Irondad:** In English Parker.

 **LittleSpider:** I didn’t mean to mr stark, im really sorry!!!

 **Irondad:** I’ve just read up. So you’re telling me, that I leave you to ‘tinker’ with your web fluid for literally 10 minutes and you promised that you would be fine and now for some reason your web fluid exploded and is all over my lab?

 **LittleSpider:** when you put it like that it sounds really bad omg

 **Irondad:** that’s because it is. Why cant you just spray the anti webbing we worked on last week? The extra strength stuff?

 **LittleSpider:** well you see it wasn’t my normal web fluid, it was experimental web fluid

 **Irondad:** experimental?

 **LittleSpider:** yeah a new ‘recipe’ I’ve cooked up to increase the strength… so fun fact, it doesn’t dissolve – that’s the experimental bit…

 **Irondad:** how the fuck are you meant to get rid of it then

 **LittleSpider:** it’s never exploded before im sorry I know how to get rid of it – I’ll clean it up straight after dinner

 **Irondad:** Damn right. I’m cooking up something too and you’re not going to like it.

 **LittleSpider:** noooooooooo please I’m really really sorry☹

 **Irondad:** god I hate being parental. I have no idea what to do

 **Irondad:** right ok, I call my recipe ‘compound bound’ and it’s fresh out of the oven

 **LittleSpider:** noooooooooooooooo mr starkkkkkk please don’t I’m so sorry

 **Irondad:** God you’re killing me Kid

 **LittleSpider:** I love you Mr Stark and I’m sorry

 **Irondad:** ffs

 **Irondad:** go get some pizza and I’ll see you in a few minutes after I assess the damage

 **LittleSpider:** okiedookie

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Irondad:** I’m too soft with him

 **Irondad:** love you too Kiddo

**_*Irondad deleted 23 messages from Avengers Chat*_ **

**Irondad:** HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT’S WORSE IN PERSON

 **Irondad:** omg how did it get INSIDE the sink

 **Irondad:** it’s very sticky

 **Irondad:** ohofnosdfndfhdisukghdlkjfl bisfdoxcjvn nfedckzjbfkd

 **Irondad:** shit I tripped

 **Irondad:** I’m stuck

 **Irondad:** ffs I hate my life

 **Irondad:** wait how the fuck do I get rid of this?

 **Irondad:** I’m going to kill the kid istg

 **Irondad:** okay so blaster, hammer, saw and antiwebbing fluid doesn’t do anything

 **Irondad:** fml

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** hey Mr Stark, Friday just told me that you were in distress and needed help? She said that I would probably be the only one able to help you for some reason? Thought I’d just message you - where are you? We’re all eating Dinner, then I’m going to go and clean up the lab…sorry again lol

 **Irondad:** read up

 **LittleSpider:** OooH sHiT

 **LittleSpider:** omw hahahaha

 **Irondad:** stop laughing and get over here and get me out

 **LittleSpider:** what did you try to get out of it?!

 **Irondad:** a suit blaster, saw, hammer, antiwebbing spray – the usual

 **LittleSpider:** didn’t you try pineapple juice?

 **Irondad:** im sorry what

 **LittleSpider:** oh yeah I was just going to use some pineapple juice to get rid of it – yano bc of the high acidic content – it’s strong enough to burn through it at full concentrate

 **Irondad:** so if someone wants to end you, all they have to do is throw a pineapple at you

 **LittleSpider:** nooooo it has to be at like a stupidly high concentrate and then I’d have to add some more chemicals to make it strong enough – that’s how I always get rid of the web malfunctions

 **Irondad:** so this has happened before

 **Irondad:** why didn’t you fucking tell me how to get rid of it

 **LittleSpider:** you didn’t ask!

 **LittleSpider:** well it’s never exploded before, it’s just kind of oozed … once or twice

 **LittleSpider:** ok 23 times – but only like 4 here – I made Friday not tell you im sorry

 **Irondad:** is that why it smelt like pineapples all those times???? I thought I’d just drunk pineapple booze omfg

 **LittleSpider:** hahahaha yep that was me clearing up when you’d fallen asleep by your desk sorry although tbf I thought you’d have figured it out

 **Irondad:** you used my own AI against me how could you do this I thought we were friends Parker

 **LittleSpider:** im sorrehhhhhh

 **Irondad:** just get over here now and stop laughing at me through the fucking lab window

 **LittleSpider:** now’s probably not the best time to tell you that Clint just ate your pizza slices

 **Irondad:** ffs just get me out of your freaky overly sticky webbing now, im cramping up

 **LittleSpider:** on it like a car bonnet

**Irondad is offline**

**LittleSpider is offline**

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** hey can someone please go and buy me some pineapple juice – I didn’t check if we had any earlier and it turns out that I drank the rest of it last week and mr stark is stuck in my webbing

**Everyone is online**

**Hawkeye:** why cant you go

 **LittleSpider:** bc I’m hiding as mr stark is threatening death upon me

 **Falcon107:** omfg

 **America’s Ass:** Peter, it’s Sunday and all the shops are closed

 **LittleSpider:** oH sHiT

 **Irondad:** OMFG PARKER GET HERE NOW

 **Metal Arm:** lol that’s funny

 **MamaSpider:** living here is a nightmare.

 **Scarlett Bitch:** I feel that

 **Green Rage Monster:** same

 **Hawkeye:** hey Pete I have a few cartons in my room hang on I’ll drop them into the Vent above Stark’s lab for you gimme a few mins

 **LittleSpider:** why do you have pineapple juice in your room and not the fridge

 **MamaSpider:** I’m pretty sure at this point it’s a medical condition

 **Green Rage Monster:**???

 **LittleSpider:** no judgement I also like drinking pineapple juice – which is why there isn’t any in the fridge apparently

 **Hawkeye:** I love pineapple juice and I like having it near me incase I want a drink ok I didn’t come here to be attacked jeez

 **Scarlett Bitch:** fairs

 **Rhodey:** this got weird quick

 **Metal Arm:** but the dissolving of web fluid with pineapple juice is normal right?

 **Falcon107:** omg ahahaha

 **America’s Ass:** Tony when you have a few minutes I think we should re-discuss Peter’s lab privileges, because after this, I don’t think it’s safe for him to be alone in there.

 **Irondad:** yeah his first time alone for 10 minutes in there could have gone better. I agree. I’ll see you when I’m not covered in webs Capsicle

 **LittleSpider:** well that cant be good

**Everyone is offline**

**LittleSpider is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**MamaSpider is online**

**Irondad is online**

**LittleSpider:** news update mr stark is alive and out of my webbing, he also told me to tell you that from now on I am not to be trusted in the lab without him and pineapple juice on hand – although in my defence I usually only go in with mr stark anyway (apart from 10 minutes today) and I’d forgotten that I’d drunk the last carton in the fridge. Thanks for your help Clint!!!:)

 **Irondad:** yeah thanks Katniss, but we’re going to talk about you eating my double pepperoni pizza slices

 **Hawkeye:** oooooo look at the time bye

**Hawkeye is offline**

**LittleSpider:** wanna watch starwars mr stark?

 **Irondad:** shut up and get your butt back in the lab – I want to finish your webbing

 **LittleSpider:** ;D omw!!!!!

**Irondad is offline**

**LittleSpider is offline**

**MamaSpider:** … guess I’ll just go then.

**MamaSpider is offline**


	14. Mario Kart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A game of Mario Kart goes terribly wrong!!!

**Green Rage Monster is online**

**Green Rage Monster:** I’m looking out of the window and am just wondering why Sam is being chased by Peter, Bucky and Clint in the garden?

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** ITSHISOWNFAULTTHEPIECEOFSHIT

**America’s Ass is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Rhodey is online**

**Irondad is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**America’s Ass:** smh

 **Irondad:** woah Kid chill out – what’s going on?

 **Hawkeye:** WILSON IS FACING DEATH

 **Metal Arm:** A SLOW PAINFUL DEATH

 **LittleSpider:** SAM IS A CHEATER THAT’S WHAT AND IM DONE. IVE JUST BEEN STABBED IN THE BACK FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME GET BACK HERE YOU STUPID BULLETBIRD

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Falcon107 is online**

**Falcon107:** I DIDN’T CHEAT STOP CHASING ME YOU MORONS

 **Metal Arm:** NOT SO BIG NOW WITHOUT ALL YOUR BANANAS AND BULLETS ARE YOU WILSON

 **Hawkeye:** GET DOWN FROM THE TREE BULLETBIRD SO I CAN KICK YOUR ASS

 **Falcon107:** NO SCREW YOU MAN

 **Scarlett Bitch:** istg this family is so weird

 **America’s Ass:** I don’t even think I want to know at this point. Please try to refrain from killing each other.

**America’s Ass is offline**

**Scarlett Bitch:** haha Steve isn’t dealing with your guys shit today

 **Metal Arm:** I’VE GOT HIM ON THIS SIDE CLINT, GET READY TO CATCH HIM – GO UP THE BACK PETER

 **Falcon107:** rgnsdxjnrfv iowsldvedfdjlkjlifjaep

**Metal Arm is offline**

**Falcon107 is offline**

**Irondad:** wtf is going on someone tell me now

 **Scarlett Bitch:** honestly I have no idea at this point but I’m pretty sure that Sam just died

 **Green Rage Monster:** They’ve chased him up a tree

 **Hawkeye:** THERE IS NO ESCAPE YOU CHEATING CHEATER CHEAT

**Hawkeye is offline**

**Rhodey:** guys I’m in a meeting and my phone is going crazy – stfu

**Rhodey is offline**

**MamaSpider is online**

**MamaSpider:** Why is my phone having a seizure – I’m busy

 **Irondad:** none of us have any idea wtf is going on apart from the fact that Sam has been chased up a tree

 **MamaSpider:** hang on I’ll find out

 **MamaSpider:** They were playing Mario kart and Sam won, then Peter and Clint came 6th and 9th respectively. Sam was losing but he turned into a bullet and got first place, so in their eyes he cheated as he won via default. Now they have chased him up a tree and want to ‘kick his ass’.

 **Irondad:** do you just know everything

 **MamaSpider:** pretty much yeah.

 **Green Rage Monster:** she literally has open 3 tabs about the latest government conversations on her laptop atm

 **MamaSpider:** yup

 **Irondad:** okay how the fuck did you figure all that out in like a minute

 **MamaSpider:** I walked into the living room and saw that they were playing Mario kart – then looked at their rankings and it’s pretty obvious what happened as the animation of Sam on the screen keeps turning into a bullet. Also, the fact that Barton and Peter called him ‘Bulletbrain’ and Barnes said ‘not so big without all your bananas and bullets are you’ – kind of gives it away

 **Irondad:** so just to recap

 **Irondad:** they were playing Mario kart and Sam won by using a bullet box – and now they’ve chased him up a tree and are being sore losers?

 **MamaSpider:** I can’t believe you didn’t figure it out tbh

 **Scarlett Bitch:** we aren’t all superspys like you Natasha

 **MamaSpider:** I’m surrounded by idiots

 **Irondad:** wow rude

 **Scarlett Bitch:** haters will be haters

 **Green Rage Monster:** okay update: Sam is unconscious after falling out of the tree and the others have left the garden – presumably to play a new game without him

 **MamaSpider:** ok

 **MamaSpider:** btw how do we all feel about a government intelligence mission?? There’s some sketchy shit going on here

 **Scarlett Bitch:** no way omg as if

 **Irondad:** omfg why - don’t hack into government records Romanoff

 **MamaSpider:** bold of you to assume that I haven’t been for the past decade

 **Irondad:** I don’t want to be arrested stop

 **Green Rage Monster:** I mean whenever I see her on a pc she’s always doing spy stuff

 **MamaSpider:** just downloaded the latest intel and sent it to Fury

 **Irondad:** don’t mention that pirate dickhead to me

 **Scarlett Bitch:** omg ahahaha

 **Green Rage Monster:** okay anyway … Thor’s coming back tomorrow right?

 **Scarlett Bitch:** yep

 **MamaSpider:** according to this, he was last seen on a street in the middle of the city about 34 minutes ago, with a woman with brown hair.

 **Irondad:** jfc stop hacking into government networks and databases omg

 **MamaSpider:** it’s fun

 **Irondad:** it’s illegal

 **MamaSpider:** says the man who hacked into the nuclear base codes at age 13

 **Irondad:** NATASHA STOP

 **MamaSpider:** see its fun

 **Scarlett Bitch:** In other news, Peter’s just come into training room B screaming and climbed up into the vent – followed by Clint who is looking murderous

**America’s Ass is online**

**America’s Ass:** Tony we might need to get rid of Mario Kart

 **Irondad:** nah they’re all fine

 **America’s Ass:** Quick question then … has anyone bothered to go and find Sam

 **Green Rage Monster:** shit I forgot - I’m on it

 **Scarlett Bitch:** omg ahaha

 **MamaSpider:** crap

 **Irondad:** oops

**Green Rage Monster is offline**

**LittleSpider is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**LittleSpider:** hehehehe

 **Hawkeye:** When I find you I will end you

 **LittleSpider:** I’m hidden ahahaha good luck mate

 **Hawkeye:** Kid I literally spend all my spare time in these vents

 **MamaSpider:** that’s true

 **Scarlett Bitch:** why are you chasing Peter anyway

 **Hawkeye:** bc he needs to be taken down a few pegs

 **LittleSpider:** ITS NOT MY FAULT IM GOOD AT RAINBOW ROAD OK

**Metal Arm is online**

**Metal Arm:** I literally left to get a glass of lemonade and came back to an empty room and screaming from the vents wtaf is going on I thought we had finished the game

 **LittleSpider:** me and clint wanted a quick game together and he’s mad bc I won on pure talent

 **Hawkeye:** no way was that on talent alone you’ve hacked the game

 **LittleSpider:** no I didn’t omg im just too cool for you

 **Hawkeye:** You’re so cool that I can see your feet sticking out

 **LittleSpider:** SHITTTT JFIOLGRFDCKJB,G FWROILFKFGJRF OIWJRR

 **MamaSpider:** Barton don’t kill the Kid

 **Scarlett Bitch:** I’m pretty sure he’s already killed him

 **Irondad:** it’s literally 10am and I need a drink

 **America’s Ass:** drinking isn’t the answer, but yeah get me one too

**Everyone is offline**

**Falcon107 is online**

**Falcon107:** I'm never playing that game again. Screw you all.

**Falcon107 is offline**


	15. Harry Potter, Takeaway and movie choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who knew that ordering takeaway could be so stressful?!  
> Thor's back!!

**Irondad is online**

**Irondad:** who the holy fuck gave Capsicle and the icequeen light up Harry Potter wands

**MamaSpider is online**

**MamaSpider:** gonna take a wild guess and say your Kid

 **Irondad:** for the last time he’s not my kid

 **MamaSpider:** take a look at your username Stark, you aren’t kidding anyone

 **Irondad:** omg you’re right

**Rhodey is online**

**Rhodey:** anyone want to clue me in on why Tony is crying in a ball on the floor and Steve and Bucky are playing with wands?

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** I just walked into the living room and Mr Stark wont stop hugging me and ngl I like it but im kinda confused

 **MamaSpider:** Pete, did you give Cap and Barnes the wands?

 **LittleSpider:** yeah…

 **MamaSpider:** knew it. Just out of curiosity – why?

 **LittleSpider:** they’d just finished the Harry Potter books and they wondered what it would be like to actually be magic – so I let them have my light up wands for a bit

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Scarlett Bitch:** well this explains why Barnes has just run into the kitchen and whacked me on the head and shouted expelliarmus

 **LittleSpider:** ahahaha

 **Rhodey:** Tony stopped crying and has just said he’d give his life for his only son

 **LittleSpider:** OMFG IM CRYING

 **MamaSpider:** jfc what is going on

 **Scarlett Bitch:** aw about time! Are you ok Pete?

 **LittleSpider:** I HAVE A FATHER IM NOT OK IM SO HAPPY OMG

 **Irondad:** love you kid

 **LittleSpider:** love you mr Dad

 **Scarlett Bitch:** omg that’s adorable

 **Rhodey:** I’M AN UNCLE

 **LittleSpider:** Uncle Rhodey<3

 **MamaSpider:** ha I was already Auntie Nat 😉

 **LittleSpider:** love you Spidermom xx

**Falcon107 is online**

**Falcon107:** I’ve just walked into the living room, why are Tony, Nat, Peter and Rhodey hugging each other crying on the floor in a ball and Steve and Barnes are fighting each other with light up wands

 **Scarlett Bitch:** read up

 **Falcon107:** awh that’s so damn cute - about time!

 **MamaSpider:** ok I’m fine now

 **LittleSpider:** <3

**LittleSpider changed the name ‘MamaSpider’ to ‘Spidermom’**

**Spidermom:** Kid I can’t even <3

 **Scarlett Bitch:** awwwww you made Nat cry again!

 **Irondad:** Kid you’re too adorable

 **LittleSpider:** xoxo

 **Spidermom:** okay we never speak of this again, I have a reputation to uphold. Also I’m kinda worried

 **Rhodey:** what’s up Nat

 **Falcon107:** ???

 **MamaSpider:** clint hasn’t said anything the whole time

 **LittleSpider:** oh that’s bc he’s running around wearing a black tablecloth as a cape in the kitchen bc he’s being you know who

 **Irondad:** who?

 **Scarlett Bitch:** omg no its just you know who HAHAHA

 **Falcon107:** NO – you know who from harry potter

 **Irondad:** I don’t know who – that’s why im asking who

 **LittleSpider:** it’s you know who not who

 **Spidermom:** god im confused

**America’s Ass is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**Irondad:** good duel, Cap? Elsa? It’s been like an hour…

 **America’s Ass:** thank you for the wands Peter!!! Well Tony, we had a great time until Bucky hit himself in the eye and we had to take him to see Bruce in the medbay

 **LittleSpider:** omfg you are welcome

 **Metal Arm:** I avada kedava’d the shit out of Clint

 **Spidermom:** where is he

 **America’s Ass:** we hung him for his crimes

 **LittleSpider:** woah shit what?!

 **Metal Arm:** nah joking squirt, we just tied him up in training room A

 **Irondad:** not again

 **Falcon107:** someone go and get him omg

 **LittleSpider:** I’ll go!!!

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Green Rage Monster is online**

**Green Rage Monster:** Wow ok so I missed a lot. As much fun as reading all that was, Thor’s ship just landed and we’re both coming up in the elevator

 **Irondad:** great, we’re all watching TV in the living room now

 **Green Rage Monster:** all?

 **Irondad:** yep. Me, Wanda, Nat, Cap, Barnes, the Kid, Clint, Rhodey and Sam.

 **Green Rage Monster:** Ah ok cool.

**Everyone is offline**

**Pointbreak is online**

**Pointbreak:** Hello friends! I am back!

 **Irondad:** Thor we’ve just been talking for like the past 20 minutes and we are literally sitting opposite you why can’t you just talk to us in person

 **Pointbreak:** I like using this method of communication Man of Iron.

 **Irondad:** right okay then, we’re having takeout – what do you all want

 **LittleSpider:** THAI

 **Hawkeye:** THAI

 **Falcon107:** Not sure

 **America’s Ass:** Whatever’s easiest for everyone.

 **Hawkeye:** CHINESE

 **Metal Arm:** Maybe Burgers?

 **Hawkeye:** oh I love burgers

 **America’s Ass:** sounds good to me.

 **Falcon107:** burger for me :D

 **Pointbreak:** I could eat a few burgers with that yellow square of melted goodness

 **LittleSpider:** you mean with cheese Thor?

 **Pointbreak:** Ah yes, well done Boy of Spiders

 **LittleSpider:** it’s spider MAN smh

 **Scarlett Bitch:** I’d like mcdonalds please

 **Hawkeye:** MCFUCKINGYES

 **LittleSpider:** can I have a banana milkshake from mcdonalds too please

 **Green Rage Monster:** Indian?

 **Rhodey:** yes Bruce!

 **Hawkeye:** POPADOMS BITCHES

 **Spidermom:** Barton you can’t have Chinese, burgers, thai, mcdonalds and Indian ffs

 **Irondad:** fucking pick one thing Legolas

 **Hawkeye:** I LIKE FOOD OK LEAVE ME ALONE

 **LittleSpider:** story of my life mr Barton

 **Irondad:** I wont order for you unless you pick ONE place, wbu Nat

 **Spidermom:** Thai with the Kid

 **Irondad:** Katniss I’m waiting

 **Hawkeye:** It’s like Sophie’s choice

 **Irondad:** I will literally pick for you if you don’t respond in the next 3 seconds

 **Hawkeye:** Burger

 **Irondad:** right so: Peter and Nat are having Thai; Bruce and Rhodey are having Indian; Pointbreak, Wilson, Capsicle, Bucky and Legolas are having burgers and mindcontrol wants a mcdonalds – but Peter wants a banana milkshake too? Correct?

 **Spidermom:** Yep. What are you having?

 **Irondad:** do you even need to ask

 **Spidermom:** Shawarma?

 **Irondad:** bingo we have a winner

***

**Irondad:** right foods here bitches – get your grub and don’t make a mess

 **Falcon107:** wanda stop using your powers I almost got hit in the head with a box of mcnuggets

 **Metal Arm:** sam stop shoving me or else I’ll punch you

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Clint stop trying to eat my fries istg

 **Irondad:** it’s like living in a zoo.

 **Pointbreak:** Why is young boy of Spiders on the ceiling?

 **America’s Ass:** Bruce that’s Tony’s drink – yours is over here by mine

 **Spidermom:** Peter get off the ceiling

 **LittleSpider:** No bc everyones fighting and up here im safe

 **Spidermom:** get down before I make you

 **LittleSpider:** :O ok I’m down

 **Spidermom:** thank you. We can go and eat in the living room Kid.

 **Irondad:** Thor you’re holding your burger upside down and it’s literally falling out everywhere ffs

 **Pointbreak:** you midgardians do not have much in a meal

 **Rhodey:** Dude that’s bc it’s all over the floor

 **Metal Arm:** don’t eat it Clint omg

 **Hawkeye:** why 5 second rule Elsa:P

 **Spidermom:** can you all shut up, me and Peter are trying to watch TV

 **America’s Ass:** Clint give Wanda back her fries

 **Green Rage Monster:** Peter stop turning the TV up

 **LittleSpider:** I can’t hear it!!!

 **Falcon107:** Move your ass over Bucky so I can sit down

 **Metal Arm:** make me birdy

 **America’s Ass:** guys stop – Sam sit over here next to me and Bruce

 **Irondad:** omg Kid stop slurping your milkshake like that it’s gross

 **LittleSpider:** -___-

 **Spidermom:** it’s better than listening to you lot

 **Metal Arm:** aw you didn’t get extra chips Tony

 **Irondad:** you try ordering for 3 master assassins, a supersoldier, a spiderling, a fucking demigod, a mindcontrol witch, a birdman, a guy with breath taking anger management issues and ironman and war machine.

 **Rhodey:** CLINT GIVE ME BACK MY POPADOMS YOU PRICK

 **Hawkeye:** hahaha

 **Spidermom:** Don’t think I can’t kill you with these chopsticks Barton

 **Hawkeye:** oH sHiT

 **America’s Ass:** Right – now we’re all here with the correct food and minimal casualties - what are we watching?

 **LittleSpider:** DISNEY

 **Metal Arm:** UP

 **Hawkeye:** fucking NO

 **Scarlett Bitch:** what about Ghost?

 **Pointbreak:** there’s ghosts here?

 **Metal Arm:** no it’s a film

 **Irondad:** jfc I hate this family

 **Spidermom:** NCIS?

 **America’s Ass:** We do enough spy stuff daily Nat

 **Irondad:** fucking pick something so we can turn whatever the hell this is off

 **LittleSpider:** It’s bake off Mr Stark!!!!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** I quite like this actually

 **Irondad:** pick something before I kill myself

 **Rhodey:** Hot tub time machine

 **Green Rage Monster:** yes!

 **Falcon107:** Saw

 **Irondad:** no – keep it pg13

 **LittleSpider:** im not a baby!!

 **Irondad:** says the spiderling who wants to watch a Disney film

 **LittleSpider:** you’re mean

 **Green Rage Monster:** not helping your case Pete

 **Falcon107:** xD

 **Pointbreak:** why is young Stark on the ceiling refusing to look at us

 **Irondad:** I give up

 **Scarlett Bitch:** clint sit down omfg I cant see the TV – stop trying to nick my fries before I punch you in the face

 **America’s Ass:** someone pick a film please

 **Metal Arm:** what is going on omg

 **Spidermom:** RIGHT. We are going to watch the Incredibles because it’s about a dysfunctional superhero family like us, so everyone sit down and shut up and eat your meal. Sit down Clint, get off the ceiling Peter and Tony apologise to Peter for calling him names.

 **Spidermom:** Are we all sorted now? Good.

 **Spidermom:** Боже мой

**Everyone is offline**


	16. Flash VS the Avengers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when Peter messages the wrong chat about his problem at school with a bully and all the Avengers find out? :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Everyone!  
> Posted early this week. I loved writing this chapter and the social media that I used in this is completely made up:)  
> Let me know what you think!  
> Please leave a kudos and a comment if you enjoyed it :) 
> 
> MarvelObsessedgirl3 xx

**Metal Arm is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**Spidermom is online**

**Falcon107 is online**

**America’s Ass is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Green Rage Monster is online**

**Falcon107:** why is the coffee machine not working again

 **Hawkeye:** IT WASN’T ME

 **Spidermom:** yes it was

 **Metal Arm:** not again ffs

 **America’s Ass:** Clint that’s the fifth time this month.

 **Hawkeye:** it’s not my fault there was so many buttons

 **Scarlett Bitch:** better run before Stark finds out

 **Green Rage Monster:** it’s literally one button Clint, how did you manage to break it

 **Spidermom:** At this point no-one knows

 **Hawkeye:** It wasn’t on purpose – the buttons are so small

**LittleSpider is online**

**Pointbreak is online**

**LittleSpider:** dudes I have a bio test today and im running on like 3 hours sleep – WHY IS THE COFFEE MACHINE NOT WORKING

 **Spidermom:** clint

 **Metal Arm:** clint

 **Scarlett Bitch:** clint

 **Falcon107:** clint

 **Green Rage Monster:** clint

 **America’s Ass:** clint

 **Hawkeye:** wow I didn’t ask to be exposed like this

 **Pointbreak:** I could use Mjölnir if that would help?

 **Hawkeye:** yeah maybe it’ll reboot it

**Irondad is online**

**Irondad:** you’ve got to be shitting me Legolas and Thor do not use your hammer in the kitchen – I don’t want to put another electrical fire out at 8 in the goddamn morning again

 **Hawkeye:** pls fix it

 **Irondad:** give me a few minutes

**Irondad is offline**

**LittleSpider:** yeye COFFEEEEEEE

 **Spidermom:** finally.

 **Scarlett Bitch:** yeah Nat was getting angsty without her morning caffeine

 **Spidermom:** rude but true

**Irondad is online**

**Hawkeye:** thanks Stark

 **Irondad:** don’t break it again or else

 **Hawkeye:** *gulps*

 **Falcon107:** hey Bucky are we off training today?

 **Metal Arm:** bold of you to assume that I’m not already there with Steve

 **Falcon107:** I’ll bring us some coffee – omw

 **America’s Ass:** good luck on your test Pete

 **LittleSpider:** thanks Cap!!

 **Pointbreak:** I shall attend this training session too.

**Falcon107 is offline**

**Pointbreak is offline**

**Metal Arm is offline**

**America’s Ass is offline**

**LittleSpider:** alright my dudes happy Wednesday and have a good day – I’m off to schooooool

 **Spidermom:** kid how much coffee have you had?

 **LittleSpider:** like 7 cups

 **Green Rage Monster:** Peter that is way too much coffee

 **LittleSpider:** but my metabolism will burn it off soooooooooon

 **Green Rage Monster:** ah of course. Have a good day. Tony I’m off down to the lab to work on those new protypes

 **Irondad:** ok I’ll be there soon

**Green Rage Monster is offline**

**Spidermom:** Kid I’ll drive you to school – meet me at the front door xo

 **LittleSpider:** thanks Auntie Nat!!! xxx

 **Irondad:** good luck on your test kid

 **LittleSpider:** love you mr dad xx

 **Irondad:** Love you too Kiddo <3

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Scarlett Bitch:** Tony stop crying jfc

 **Spidermom:** he is literally a full on dad – he just checked Peter’s bag to make sure he had everything

 **Irondad:** stoppppp

 **Hawkeye:** you just asked the Kid if he had his lunch made and he said no, so you’re making it for him

 **Irondad:** I didn’t come here to be attacked

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Who knew Stark had a heart

 **Irondad:** wow ok rude

 **Spidermom:** hahaha – see you all later.

**Spidermom is offline**

**Hawkeye:** lmao nat’s a soccermom

 **Hawkeye:** orjfnvckj owlsrjf eihdbfdkbf

 **Scarlett Bitch:** I think clint just had a seizure

 **Hawkeye:** omg she just read that over my shoulder and hit me on the head

 **Irondad:** ahahah karma

 **Scarlett Bitch:** lmao

 **Irondad:** See you all at lunch – I’m off down to the lab to test out some new blasters

**Irondad is offline**

**Hawkeye:** wanna go and spy on him?

 **Scarlett Bitch:** obviously

**Hawkeye is offline**

**Scarlett Bitch is offline**

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** look it’s fine honestly Ned I’m used to it, it’s just a black eye and it’ll be healed in a few hours – I’ve dealt with this since I was like 12. Anyway that bio test went great!!

**Irondad is online**

**Irondad:** Peter wtaf

 **LittleSpider:** oH sHiT wrong chat

 **Irondad:** Why have you got a black eye

 **LittleSpider:** it’s fine I was just joking loooooool it’s a funny joke me and Ned have

 **Irondad:** Right I’m getting the team.

 **LittleSpider:** nO

**America’s Ass is online**

**Spidermom is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**Rhodey is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Green Rage Monster is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**Pointbreak is online**

**Falcon107 is online**

**Metal Arm:** Spill. Now.

 **Spidermom:** Who did that to you Kid?

 **Hawkeye:** Who are we killing

 **Pointbreak:** I’m not sure but I’m ready for a fight.

 **Falcon107:** me too

 **Rhodey:** me too

 **America’s Ass:** Peter, tell us now please. This is very serious.

 **LittleSpider:** guys really it’s fine I can handle it – please don’t kill him

 **Green Rage Monster:** is that why you had a black eye a few weeks ago too?!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Pete, tell us, we care about you!

 **Irondad:** him????? Who is he Kid, tell me or I will get a suit and fly down there now

 **LittleSpider:** yeah Dr Banner but it’s fine, he’s no-one, just a guy who gives me crap sometimes but I can deal with it promise

 **Rhodey:** nah man, you shouldn’t have to be dealing with that shit

 **America’s Ass:** Give us a name Peter, now.

 **Irondad:** Peter – tell us NOW.

 **LittleSpider:** flash

 **Falcon107:** who the fuck is called flash

 **Pointbreak:** Isn’t that a cleaning product?

 **Green Rage Monster:** omg haha

 **Scarlett Bitch:** lol

 **Metal Arm:** who is he Peter?

 **Hawkeye:** Nat??

 **LittleSpider:** oh no

 **Spidermom:** Eugene ‘Flash’ Thompson is age 14 and is in Peter’s Class. He is an average student – who pretends that he lives a lavish lifestyle. His social media pages show false pictures – mostly taken from google images of a posh house and other luxuries – which he does not own, as his address is a flat in Queens. His social media pages are as follows:

[Flashhhy@twitter.com](mailto:Flashhhy@twitter.com)

[YoyoFlashishere@facebook.com](mailto:YoyoFlashishere@facebook.com)

[ThompsonFlash100@gmail.com](mailto:ThompsonFlash100@gmail.com)

He has a 3.5 gpa and has been suspended from school 4 times since age 12 for verbal and physical abuse. He is basically a dick who needs to be taken down a few pegs.

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Nat you’re so scary 

**LittleSpider:** this is why I didn’t say anything ffs

 **Irondad:** Sorry Kid, but this is serious.

 **America’s Ass:** who isn’t around this afternoon?

 **Rhodey:** Me, Sam and Thor are in a meeting now actually – give him hell from us Cap.

**Rhodey is offline**

**Pointbreak is offline**

**Falcon107 is offline**

**Green Rage Monster:** don’t think it would be wise for the hulk to make an appearance at a high school – so I’ll sit this one out

**Green Rage Monster is offline**

**America’s Ass:** Nat, Clint, Bucky, Tony, Wanda – fancy taking a trip this afternoon??

 **Spidermom:** bold of you to assume that me and Clint aren’t already on our way

 **Metal Arm:** haha

 **LittleSpider:** oh god please don’t murder him

 **Irondad:** Cap we’ll take my car

 **America’s Ass:** okay Tony. Peter, we just want a nice little chat with Eugene.

 **LittleSpider:** fml

**LittleSpider is offline**

*******

**Hawkeye:** which one is flash

 **Spidermom:** the one with that weirdass haircut

 **America’s Ass:** right, no weapons, no assault, just a nice little chat

 **Spidermom:** bold of you to assume I don’t carry weapons around

 **Irondad:** Nat we aren’t here to kill anyone – unless he really pisses us off

 **America’s Ass:** Tony.

 **Irondad:** fine. No killing anyone, but I can ruin his chances for MIT

 **Metal Arm:** I can see Peter

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Flash is trying to get over to him

 **America’s Ass:** right team, move out

***

**Irondad:** I think that that went well

 **America’s Ass:** Tony, we got forcibly removed off the premises

 **Spidermom:** yeah but flash won’t go near Peter again

 **Hawkeye:** I wasn’t even aiming for the Kid’s face

 **Metal Arm:** Clint you threw a rock at Flash’s head

 **Hawkeye:** I was aiming over his head – it was to scare him

 **Scarlett Bitch:** yeah only when he refused to leave Peter alone

 **Spidermom:** it didn’t even hit the kid

 **America’s Ass:** yes luckily but he could have been injured if you’d missed!

 **Hawkeye:** dude I’m Hawkeye it wouldn’t have missed

 **Spidermom:** yeah he’s never missed

 **Scarlett Bitch:** did you see Peter’s smile when Flash wet himself in front of everyone?:)

 **Irondad:** It made it all worth it😊

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** You guys are the best, love you all <3

 **Irondad:** I know, but if you ever hide anything like this again then you are so grounded.

 **LittleSpider:** fairs – that video from your lunchtime visit has gone viral of Flash wetting himself xD

 **America’s Ass:** **😊** He messes with you, he messes with us. See you later Kiddo

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Love you Peter x

 **Metal Arm:** cya pete

 **Spidermom:** Love you маленький паук

 **Hawkeye:** don’t be afraid to throw rocks at him if he even looks at you funny

 **America’s Ass:** No Clint

 **LittleSpider:** lmao

 **LittleSpider:** shit my science teacher is coming over – see you all later!

 **Irondad:** see you after school Kid x

**Everyone is offline**


	17. Use the coms not the chat!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Avengers are out on a mission and decide that the group chat is the perfect method of communication instead of the coms - Tony isn't pleased!:)

**America’s Ass is online**

**America’s Ass:** Bunker one is down – who’s still out on the field? I need some back up over here

**Spidermom is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**Spidermom:** omw

 **Metal Arm:** someone take out that bunker near Banner

 **Hawkeye:** on it

 **Hawkeye:** ha – they didn’t even see that arrow coming

**Irondad is online**

**Irondad:** why the fuck are you texting in the middle of a mission?!! Just talk over the coms

 **America’s Ass:** I got hit and it flew off somewhere, so this is the only way I can communicate with everyone

 **Irondad:** ffs why is everyone else texting?!

 **Hawkeye:** I’m bored

 **Metal Arm:** yep same

 **Irondad:** we’re literally in the middle of taking over a Hydra base wtaf

 **Hawkeye:** bold of you to assume that I can’t text the group chat and take out a hydra base at the same time

 **Spidermom:** Behind you Rogers

 **America’s Ass:** shit – you’ve got incoming on your right Bucky

 **Metal Arm:** hang on – I’ve almost finished this level on Candycrush

 **Irondad:** you’ve got to be shitting me

 **Spidermom:** get your ass over here Barnes

 **Hawkeye:** what level are you on

 **Metal Arm:** hqmg pn

 **Irondad:** please don’t tell me that you’re on your phone and fighting at the same time Elsa

 **Hawkeye:** that’s exactly what he’s doing and it’s awesome

 **America’s Ass:** so I look over and Bucky is shooting with one hand and is playing a game on his phone in the other – jfc

 **Irondad:** … I have no words – Cap you’ve got snipers on your left

 **Metal Arm:** level 342 – only started playing it last week Clint lol

 **Spidermom:** I prefer Angry Birds

 **Hawkeye:** oh yeah that’s good actually what level are you on Nat?

 **Spidermom:** hanj on

 **Metal Arm:** ok did anyone else see Banner throw a fucking motorbike up at the snipers near Cap – that was awesome

 **Hawkeye:** damn it – please tell me that someone recorded that

 **Irondad:** jfc – Barton no-one is videoing us fighting Hydra

**_Metal Arm sent a video file to Avengers Group Chat_ **

****

**Irondad:** are you shitting me right now Elsa

 **Hawkeye:** oh shit look at that explosion!!! That was so cool

 **Hawkeye:** Nat you’ve got 3 hydra dickheads on your tail

 **Spidermom:** I’m on level 74 - watch this Barton

 **America’s Ass:** ground floor is cleared and so are the top levels – Barton get up to the 2nd floor

 **Metal Arm:** wow that was epic

 **Irondad:**??? I’m horrified reading this – turn your phones off and put your coms back on ffs

 **America’s Ass:** Natasha just took 3 hydra guards out with her bare hands

 **Hawkeye:** badass – ok Cap

 **Spidermom:** Barton – defuse that bomb to your left

 **Hawkeye:** shit

 **Spidermom:** Those boys need to learn some new moves😉

 **Metal Arm:** texting is more fun Stark

 **Irondad:** I’m going to scale the perimeter and Cap – I need you to cover me

 **America’s Ass:** hanh on In a litrle budsy jere

 **Irondad:** Hawkeye??

 **Hawkeye:** on it

 **Spidermom:** someone sort Banner out – he’s run off smashing random shit

 **America’s Ass:** Tony – distract Hulk and get him into the base

 **Irondad:** stupid green dickhead keeps throwing shit at me

 **Irondad:** owrnisd jpwgrd fiodf

 **Metal Arm:** I assume Stark’s dead

 **Hawkeye:** Hulk’s laughing ahahaha – that’s going to be my Christmas card for this year

 **Spidermom:** what just happened?

 **America’s Ass:** Barton is taking pictures

 **Hawkeye:** I’ll post them later on guys

 **Irondad:** Banner just fucking threw a tree at me

 **America’s Ass:** Bucky are you inside? Tony cover me and Banner

 **Irondad:** I’m pretty sure I have internal bleeding but ok

 **Spidermom:** Clint – get over here and help me, stop taking pictures ffs

 **America’s Ass:** Where the fuck is Bucky?

 **Irondad:** watch your language!

 **Spidermom:** lmfao

 **Hawkeye:** omg hahahaha

 **America’s Ass:** guys that was literally 5 years ago – stfu

 **Irondad:** has anyone got eyes on Barnes?

 **Spidermom:** no – but Banner is taking out the last bunker and then we’re clear out front

 **Metal Arm:** sorry I was stuck on a level on candycrush

 **Hawkeye:** fairs where are you

 **Metal Arm:** eating a sandwich inside the base

 **Hawkeye:** omw

 **Irondad:** what the fuck 

**America’s Ass:** oh yeah I see you – is there any cheese left?

 **Metal Arm:** I took all the guards out who were inside like 5 minutes ago and got bored waiting for you lot, yeah there’s ham and tuna too

 **Hawkeye:** for criminals - they make a good ham and cheese sandwich

 **Irondad:** there you all are. Fuck it, pass me a tuna Legolas

 **Spidermom:** is there any water – I’m parched

 **Irondad:** Nat get down from the fucking wall you aren’t an actual spider

 **Spidermom:** it was easier getting inside this way than walking all the way around

 **America’s Ass:** good work guys – that’s the third base this month – Fury will be pleased

 **Irondad:** don’t mention that pirate dickhead to me

 **Hawkeye:** hahahaha

 **Spidermom:** where’s Banner?

 **Irondad:** last I saw he was throwing trees at me – I’m also pretty sure that I have a hernia or some form of kidney damage

 **Metal Arm:** I see him – he’s not the hulk anymore, Bruce is waiting by the Quinjet – look

 **America’s Ass:** great, let’s move out then.

 **Hawkeye:** guys look at my Christmas card for this year – it’s hulk laughing ahaha

**_Hawkeye sent a jpeg image to Avengers Group Chat_ **

****

**Spidermom:** wow that’s a really good picture

 **Metal Arm:** saved ahaha

 **Hawkeye:** aw look – I got a picture of Nat snapping someone’s neck!

 **Spidermom:** send me it – I want it as my pp

**_Hawkeye sent a jpeg image to Avengers Group Chat_ **

**America’s Ass:** god I’m tired now

 **Metal Arm:** who the hell decided that ice blocks were a good idea

 **Spidermom:** lol candycrush sucks

 **Hawkeye:** um excuse you – what level are you on now Bucky

 **Metal Arm:** stuck on 348 now

 **Irondad:** stop fucking texting each other and playing candy crush and get on the jet!

**Everyone is offline**


	18. Finals, cookies and meetings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is studying for finals on the ceiling and Fury has informed everyone else of a scheduled meeting, but Tony doesn't want to go!

**Pointbreak is online**

**Pointbreak:** HELLO FRIENDS – WHY IS YOUNG BOY OF SPIDERS ON THE CEILING IN THE EATING AREA?

**Irondad is online**

**Spidermom is online**

**Green Rage Monster is online**

**Rhodey is online**

**America’s Ass is online**

**Falcon107 is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**Irondad:** Caps lock Thor

 **Pointbreak:** Ah these phones have very small buttons, my apologies.

 **Spidermom:** Tony why is your Kid on the ceiling

 **Irondad:** He’s studying for finals

 **America’s Ass:** can’t he study in his room?

 **Falcon107:** no he said that someone decided to let off a slime bomb in it earlier

 **Irondad:** wtaf

 **Hawkeye:** oops my fault

 **Spidermom:** what did I say about that Barton ffs

 **Hawkeye:** yeah I didn’t listen sorry not sorry Tasha

 **Green Rage Monster:** who’s winning??

 **America’s Ass:** at what? Life?

 **Spidermom:** Steve ahahaha no, it’s a stupid contest they’re doing.

 **Rhodey:** ok I’m confused

 **Pointbreak:** I do not understand what is happening.

 **Falcon107:** what the actual holy fuck is going on right now

 **Irondad:** Bruce or Nat, care to clue the rest of us in?

 **Green Rage Monster:** Peter swapped Clint’s toothpaste for whipped cream yesterday – just for fun, and Clint took it as a challenge, so now they are in the middle of a very intense prank war.

 **Rhodey:** omg so what pranks have they done so far?

 **Spidermom:** the toothpaste to whipped cream one that started it all off, then Clint swapped Peters shampoo for strawberry jelly, and then this morning, Peter woke Clint up by webbing him from the ceiling

 **Hawkeye:** yeah and I was fucking stuck for like an hour before Nat found me

 **Spidermom:** it was funny though

 **Irondad:** so in retaliation Legolas, you thought that it was a smart idea to set off a slime bomb in the kid’s room, to prevent him from studying from finals – which will decide his future career? Nat – you knew about this?!

 **Spidermom:** I told him not to do it!

 **Hawkeye:** never said smart, it was genius

 **Falcon107:** omg I’ve just gone to Peter’s room to have a look and the slime is literally everywhere

 **Irondad:** clean it up now Katniss

 **America’s Ass:** Barton, that was really irresponsible – go and clean it up, so Peter can study.

 **Hawkeye:** fuck off that stuff isn’t coming off anytime soon

 **Spidermom:** get scrubbing Cinderella

 **Hawkeye:** fml

**Hawkeye is offline**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**Scarlett Bitch:** Went to get a snack and Peter is on the fucking ceiling and I almost killed him – why is he on the ceiling and why is Bucky baking

 **Irondad:** read up and I have no idea – I didn’t know that Elsa could bake

 **Metal Arm:** Kid wanted a snack so I’m baking him revision cookies ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **Spidermom:** aw that’s cute af

 **Scarlett Bitch:** you’re so sweet Bucky!

 **Irondad:** what makes them revision cookies tho

 **Spidermom:** stfu Tony

 **Metal Arm:** he will be revising when he eats them = revision cookies

 **Irondad:** fair enough. Save me one and don’t wreck my kitchen

 **America’s Ass:** That’s so thoughtful Buck.

 **Falcon107:** save me one

 **Pointbreak:** I would like a cookie of revision please.

 **Rhodey:** they smell great actually – why did I not know that Bucky could bake?

 **Metal Arm:** they’re in the oven now – will be ready in like 15 mins. I’m off to get a quick shower.

**Metal Arm is offline**

**Rhodey:** in other news, Fury wants to talk to us all this afternoon about a potential mission. It’ll be held in the conference room.

 **America’s Ass:** Oh yeah I’ve just got an email about it

 **Scarlett Bitch:** ok

 **Green Rage Monster:** Someone tell Friday to call me when it’s about to start – I’m off to the lab.

**Green Rage Monster is offline**

**Irondad:** I’m not going, I’m busy whenever it is.

 **America’s Ass:** Tony.

 **Spidermom:** here we go.

 **Irondad:** I’m not talking to that pirate dickhead

 **Rhodey:** why not?

 **Spidermom:** they hate each other rn

 **Falcon107:** why??

 **Pointbreak:** Fury is a pirate? I always knew that there was something about him that I didn’t like.

 **Spidermom:** ffs – Fury isn’t a pirate Thor. He’s just annoying and Tony is avoiding him

 **Scarlett Bitch:** why

 **Irondad:** he wanted me to make an appearance at his niece’s bday and I forgot

 **Spidermom:** so now Tony is avoiding him and Fury said that he will kick his ass the next time he sees him

 **Irondad:** in conclusion, I’m not going to the meeting, he can fax me

 **America’s Ass:** you don’t have a fax machine Tony

 **Irondad:** exactly.

 **Rhodey:** Tony he wants us all there – apart from the Kid. You have to go.

 **Irondad:** I’m busy

 **Rhodey:** I haven’t even told you what time it starts

 **Irondad:** It’s just me that’s busy, I’m always busy

 **Spidermom:** says the guy who is sprawled on the couch eating Cheetos

 **Irondad:** Wow thanks for that Romanoff

 **Spidermom:** no problem, but you’re going to the meeting Stark

 **Irondad:** no I’m fucking not, Fury stresses me out

 **America’s Ass:** he stresses us all out, but we need you there Tony.

 **Falcon107:** yeah if we have to suffer then so do you.

 **Irondad:** I am not fucking going.

 **Rhodey:** don’t make me get the Boss

 **Irondad:** you wouldn’t fucking dare

 **Rhodey:** wouldn’t I?

**_Rhodey added Pepper Potts CEO to Avengers Group Chat_ **

****

**Pepper Potts CEO is online**

**Pepper Potts CEO:** Jfc not this again, what do you morons want?

 **Rhodey:** Tony is refusing to attend a mission briefing with Fury this afternoon, thought you could help us Pepper?

 **Irondad:** Wow didn’t ask to be exposed by my ‘best friend’

 **Scarlett Bitch:** hahahahaha anyone else find it hilarious how Pepper is ‘the Boss’

 **Falcon107:** lmfao

 **Pointbreak:** that is quite amusing, but why is Tony sweating profusely now?

 **Spidermom:** Hi Pepper, are we still on for spa day tomorrow?

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Tony, grow up. If you do not attend the meeting, then I will find out 😊

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Also, Hi Nat! Yes of course – I’m really looking forward to it. I’ll pick you up at 11! Xo

 **Spidermom:** sounds good x

 **Irondad:** What time is the meeting Capsicle

 **America’s Ass:** not sure – the email doesn’t say. Rhodey?

 **Rhodey:** 7pm – Fury's just messaged me

 **Irondad:** ffs I’m going to miss bake off

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** …

 **Irondad:** which is fine bc I can watch it on catch up … love you Pep xx

**Pepper Potts CEO is offline**

**Spidermom:** God I love Pepper.

 **America’s Ass:** That woman is definitely the boss. I’ve never seen anyone mess with Pepper.

 **Scarlett Bitch:** That was fucking savage omg ! In other news, Barnes has just said to me that the cookies are ready!

 **Falcon107:** omw

**Scarlett Bitch is offline**

**Falcon107 is offline**

**Metal Arm is online**

**Metal Arm:** Cookies are ready, one each as they’re for the Kid.

**Metal Arm is offline**

**Pointbreak is offline**

**Rhodey is offline**

**Spidermom:** so the Kid hasn’t realised that I can see him, but he is doing a not so subtle potty dance on the ceiling

 **Irondad:** not surprised, he’s been revising for the last 5 hours non stop – thought he’d have stopped by now tbh

 **America’s Ass:** he’s just stressed and really wants to do well. Someone tell him to take a break and get some revision cookies though

 **Spidermom:** on it, see you later boys.

**Spidermom is offline**

**Irondad:** I’m going to go get a cookie and then kill myself before the meeting starts

 **America’s Ass:** You better be there Tony.

 **Irondad:** If I haven’t achieved death, then yes.

 **America’s Ass:** I’ll get Pepper.

 **Irondad:** Like I said, I will definitely be there.

**America’s Ass is offline**

**Irondad is offline**

**Hawkeye is online**

**Hawkeye:** so I finally get the Kid’s room clean and come back to no revision cookies and on top of that, now I have to go to a fucking meeting with everyone?! Great. Just great. FML

**Hawkeye is offline**


	19. Absolute Chaos in the meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers are having a meeting with Fury about a new mission and things do not go to plan!!! This chapter is really long too - hope you enjoy! :D

**Everyone is online**

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Pepper Potts CEO:** Alright, who hid Fury’s papers for the meeting?

 **Spidermom:** I’m pretty sure we know who it was

 **Rhodey:** yeah, who was the one person who didn’t want to come to the meeting?

 **Falcon107:** Stark give them back – none of us want to be here man

 **America’s Ass:** Tony, come on. The quicker we get this over with, the quicker you can go and watch TV.

 **Green Rage Monster:** We are all here, Fury is frantically searching through drawers for the papers and you’re the only one who looks somewhat amused Tony.

 **Pointbreak:** I grow tired of your games Stark. Pass the papers and all shall be forgiven.

 **Irondad:** wow, you’ll all be super surprised to know that it wasn’t me, so stfu

 **Hawkeye:** if it wasn’t you, then who was it?

 **Irondad:** the fuck should I know, I’m sat next to you Legolas

 **Spidermom:** then why do you look so amused?

 **Irondad:** bc it’s funny that he can’t find the papers

 **Falcon107:** anyone else hear that?

 **Metal Arm:** yeah like a thwip?

 **Scarlett Bitch:** who moved my coffee ffs

 **Pointbreak:** I think we have an intruder friends, shall I alert Fury?

 **Hawkeye:** no bc otherwise he’ll yell at us for texting in the middle of a meeting

 **Rhodey:** someone find the papers now iswtg

 **Green Rage Monster:** you’d think he had spare copies though

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** yes, he did and all spare copies are also missing Bruce – were you not listening when he started yelling earlier and proceeded to demolish the conference room?

 **Hawkeye:** ahahaha savage Pepper

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Piss off Clint.

 **Hawkeye:** Yes Ma’am

 **Rhodey:** I don’t understand how 4 versions of the meetings papers have gone missing? Someone knows where they are. I literally saw them before we all sat down, so ya’ll better start talking.

 **Scarlett Bitch:** whoever nicked my coffee has a death wish

 **Falcon107:** lmao true tho

 **Hawkeye:** look whoever nicked the papers and coffee – just put them back and we won’t kill u

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Did anyone hear that?

 **Metal Arm:** Yeah I did – heard it a few minutes ago too, sounds familiar …

 **America’s Ass:** I’m pretty sure that vein on the top of Fury’s head is going to pop soon – he’s almost finished looking through all the drawers now

LittleSpider is online

**Spidermom:** Tony, why the fuck is Peter on the ceiling holding Fury’s papers and Wanda’s coffee

 **Irondad:** told you it wasn’t me

 **Scarlett Bitch:** are you serious omfg – give me my coffee back Parker

 **LittleSpider:** Mr Stark made me!!! He said he’d ground me if I didn’t get him out of the meeting!!!

 **Irondad:** Exposed by my own kid – wow.

 **Pointbreak:** I thought that you were not biologically compatible? Have I missed the DNA testing? I would have brought you a gift, had I known.

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** You’ve got to be joking Tony. This was so irresponsible – I could honestly kill you rn. Get him down now. Thor they are not related and Peter you are not grounded.

 **Spidermom:** Tony you’re worse than the Kid.

 **Irondad:** Didn’t come here to be attacked Nat

 **Spidermom:** Peter get down now.

 **LittleSpider:** I can’t! I’m too scared that Mr Stark will kill me

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Peter, this is non-negotiable. Get down. Tony will not kill you, because I will have already murdered him for being a complete dick.

 **America’s Ass:** Someone get Peter down and out of here before Fury sees him – he isn’t allowed in these meetings yet, until finals are over.

 **Hawkeye:** on it

 **Spidermom:** Barton stop throwing paperclips at Peter’s head

 **Hawkeye:** how else am I meant to get him down without Fury noticing?!

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Do I have to do everything?

 **Irondad:** Sorry Pep – we thought that it would be funny xx

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Honestly Tony, you’re worse than the Kid. I’ll distract Fury and you lot get Peter out of here and get the papers on the table before he turns around.

*******

**America’s Ass:** I mean that could have gone better.

 **Irondad:** that was fucking brilliant

 **Metal Arm:** Well that’s one way to get down lmfao

 **Scarlett Bitch:** I am literally howling at what just happened

 **LittleSpider:** I didn’t mean to! I lost my grip!!! I’m so sorry omgomgomg

 **Hawkeye:** Squirt it’s fine, that’s the most I’ve laughed in years

 **Irondad:** Kid I fucking love you omg

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Ok, so that didn’t go to plan.

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Pointbreak:** I do not understand, what went wrong, I found it very amusing?

 **Spidermom:** Thor, Peter lost his grip and landed on Fury and knocked him out, then Wanda’s coffee fell over the papers for the meeting. It couldn’t have gone much worse tbh.

 **Pointbreak:** Ah I see how that could be viewed as problematic

 **Rhodey:** So, Fury is unconscious and the papers are all covered in coffee. Any ideas anyone?

 **Green Rage Monster:** We don’t have a time machine so no

 **Hawkeye:** How about we put him on the sofa and pretend it’s tomorrow and the meetings over?

 **Irondad:** good idea

 **Spidermom:** Боже мой

 **America’s Ass:** Don’t you think he would find it slightly suspicious that none of us have any idea what the meeting was about though – when it gets to the mission and we aren’t there

 **Metal Arm:** Good point Steve. Always thinking ahead.

 **Falcon107:** lmfao

 **Scarlett Bitch:** I can literally hear Peter crying in the Vents about how he killed Fury

 **Spidermom:** Someone go and check on him Clint.

 **Hawkeye:** why me?!

 **Spidermom:** bc you’re the only one who goes in the vents besides the Kid.

 **Hawkeye:** Don’t blame me if I don’t come back

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** You’re coming back.

 **Hawkeye:** Yes Ma’am!

**Hawkeye is offline**

**Green Rage Monster:** Anyone else slightly concerned that Fury hasn’t woken up yet?

 **Irondad:** not really no

 **Scarlett Bitch:** he’s dreaming

 **Falcon107:** wait what

 **Pointbreak:** Are you reading his mind?

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Yup and holy shittttt ahahahaha

 **Irondad:** spill now

 **Scarlett Bitch:** He’s dreaming of us lot saving him from an army of killer sheep xD

 **Rhodey:** No way omfg

 **Spidermom:** lol

 **Pointbreak:** Sheep?

 **Metal Arm:** fluffy white animals – they taste great

 **America’s Ass:** Bucky -__-

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** oh god, Fury’s waking up, what do we do

 **Irondad:** Ok, so if Pepper is freaking out that isn’t a good sign and generally means we are all fucked.

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** You created this.

 **Spidermom:** it’s your fault Tony

 **Scarlett Bitch:** TRUE

 **Rhodey:** yep

 **Falcon107:** yes

 **Pointbreak:** It was amusing though, but yes the blame lies with you Stark.

 **Metal Arm:** I’m not one to place blame, but yeah it was your fault

 **America’s Ass:** look we all know it was Tony’s fault, but we need to figure something out and quick

 **Irondad:** Thanks for the support Capsicle

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Right I have an idea, Steve and Bucky – lift Fury into this chair next to me, Wanda get the empty coffee cup and put it over the papers on the table in front of him.

 **Spidermom:** ah clever idea Pepper.

 **Rhodey:** wait what’s going on?

 **Falcon107:** idk

 **Spidermom:** a little white lie

 **Irondad:** I mean it’s a massive lie but whatever

**Hawkeye is online**

**Hawkeye:** The Kid fucking tricked me to get me into the Vents – because he knew Wanda could hear him and knew I was the only one who would go in the vents and he covered me in baby powder

 **Rhodey:** that explains the grey hair

 **Falcon107:** omfg this meeting is epic

 **Irondad:** hahahahaha

 **America’s Ass:** Sam we haven’t even started the actual meeting yet.

 **Irondad:** god don’t remind me

 **Spidermom:** you’re still doing that prank war thing

 **Hawkeye:** Well I thought we’d finished, but apparently it’s still happening

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Natasha – you tell the lie to Fury

 **Spidermom:** ok

 **Metal Arm:** he totally bought that – good job Tasha

 **Irondad:** wow that was really convincing Nat

 **Hawkeye:** it’s scary right

 **Irondad:** yeah it is actually :/

 **America’s Ass:** We got away with it. Tony, don’t ever use Peter like that again or jeopardise our meetings.

 **Irondad:** Understood

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** guys I am so fucking sorry, he looked over my shoulder at my phone.

 **Falcon107:** oh sHiT

 **Scarlett Bitch:** omg no

 **Metal Arm:** he looks mad

 **Green Rage Monster:** nice knowing you all

 **Pointbreak:** It is nice knowing you too Banner!

 **America’s Ass:** this can’t be good

 **Hawkeye:** the vein on his forehead is bigger than I’ve ever seen it guys

 **Rhodey:** here we go.

 **Irondad:** oh god

 **Spidermom:** stop freaking out and just act natural.

***Spidermom has deleted all messages in the group chat from the past hour***

**_Pepper Potts CEO has added Nicholas Fury to the Avengers Group Chat_ **

**Nicholas Fury:** Nice of you to finally add me to your little Super group.

 **Irondad:** It’s more of a professional curtesy – sorry about your niece Annie

 **Rhodey:** Tony shut up.

 **Nicholas Fury:** So, this is a chat specifically for the Avengers? Being head of the Avengers, I was kept out of it? Anyone care to explain? Stark. Her name is Amy, which you would know as you promised to attend her party – which you ‘forgot’ about, just like you ‘forgot’ to add me to this chat.

 **Irondad:** oH sHiT

 **Falcon107:** lmfao Tony he just roasted you ahaha

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** don’t look at me Fury, I keep getting added in here to sort out their shit. They’re basically a walking PR nightmare.

 **Hawkeye:** lmfao true

 **Spidermom:** lol

 **Pointbreak:** Hello Nicholas Fury.

 **Nicholas Fury:** Thor – good to see you again. I’m still wondering why no-one answered my question.

 **Irondad:** Cap? Care to explain?

 **America’s Ass:** It started out as a chat to get me and Tony to talk after the whole thing with the accords, and gradually it’s ended up as more of a social platform for us all.

 **Nicholas Fury:** Interesting. Did it ever occur to any of you, that having a ‘chat’ on this type of media could potentially be a way for the enemy to get information on you?

 **Spidermom:** Believe me, there isn’t anything worth getting information on in here – apart from the fact that we live with a cat called Mr Whiskers, we have regular movie nights and eat a lot of takeaway.

 **Hawkeye:** Yeah, we’re basically a dysfunctional domestic mess

 **Nicholas Fury:** Tell me something that I don’t know Barton.

 **Falcon107:** omfg put some ice on that burn Clint

 **Hawkeye:** fuck off Wilson

 **Metal Arm:** Can we please start the meeting now before I kill you all

 **Nicholas Fury:** why are all my papers covered in coffee

 **Spidermom:** bc you fainted and knocked it over – remember I just told you Nick?

 **Green Rage Monster:** he might have concussion.

 **Nicholas Fury:** Right okay, well there’s a mission I need you all for in Paris – someone tracked a weapon there that is giving off a lot of gammar radiation

 **Green Rage Monster:** everyone stop fucking looking at me

 **Irondad:** don’t piss him off

 **Hawkeye:** oh god please not a code green

 **Green Rage Monster:** I’m not going to turn into the hulk Clint.

 **Nicholas Fury:** Are you all in for the mission then?

 **Irondad:** are we allowed to say no

 **Nicholas Fury:** No.

 **Irondad:** great, good chat.

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** omgomgomgogmogm im so sorry mr fury

 **Irondad:** Kid shut the fuck up now. Go offline I’ll explain later on.

 **Spidermom:** Peter, shut up

 **LittleSpider:** Mr Nick Fury sir it wont happen again I didn’t mean to fall on you and make you almost die im so sorry mr stark told me to take the papers so he didn’t have to go to the meeting and everyone was laughing and mr barton was throwing paper clips at me and I fell and I’m sorry

 **LittleSpider:** But also – welcome to our chat!!!:D

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Oh god.

 **Hawkeye:** fucking run

 **Spidermom:** who?!

**Rhodey:** Everyone!!!!!

**Scarlett Bitch:** damn it Parker

 **Irondad:** …

**Nicholas Fury is offline**

**Everyone is offline**

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** Was it something I said????????


	20. Avengers family Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter has had a rubbish day and needs his Avengers family <3

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** I’m so fucking done – don’t know why I bother at this point seriously. Nobody takes me seriously and I’m honestly done.

**Spidermom is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**Spidermom:** Kid? You ok?

 **LittleSpider:** No I’m annoyed and I don’t know what to do - can you come and get me please Auntie Nat?

 **Spidermom:** маленький паук, where are you?

 **Hawkeye:** What’s going on squirt? Who do I need to shoot?

 **LittleSpider:** me so I don’t have to put up with this shit anymore

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Hawkeye:** Peter?

 **Spidermom:** Barton get one of Tony’s cars ready, I’ll be down in 5 – need to hack into the Kid’s suit to find out where he is

 **Hawkeye:** How come Stark isn’t on his way??

 **Spidermom:** The Kid might not be in physical danger and so Friday won’t have been alerted.

 **Hawkeye:** Fairs.

 **Hawkeye:** Nat? Any luck?

 **Spidermom:** Yeah – sorry, there was a ton of coding to go through. He’s on 32nd.

 **Hawkeye:** Can we stop for some food first – I was thinking Chinese?

 **Spidermom:** Clint its 3am

 **Hawkeye:** Fine – Mcdonalds then

 **Spidermom:** no – shut up and get in the car

 **Hawkeye:** omg there’s alarms going off – Nat we’re criminals, we’ve just stolen one of Tony’s cars

 **Spidermom:** I prefer to call it borrowing and it’s fine bc there’s like 14 of them

 **Hawkeye:** True tho

**Irondad is online**

**America’s Ass is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Irondad:** Who the fuck set off my alarm at 3am

 **Hawkeye:** That would be us – sorry

 **America’s Ass:** What’s going on?

 **Hawkeye:** we wanted a late night snack

 **Spidermom:** Stark your Kid is having a meltdown somewhere and we don’t know why, also I've borrowed one of your cars

 **Irondad:** WTF

 **America’s Ass:** Just read up. What’s up with Peter?

 **Irondad:** Haven’t spoken to him all day – he isn’t answering my calls now and he’s turned his fucking AI off. I’m going to find him

 **Spidermom:** no need – we’re almost there now. I’ll keep you posted.

 **Scarlett Bitch:** He seemed off earlier when he called me after school

 **Spidermom:** Off how?

 **Hawkeye:** STOP FUCKiNG T EXTING THE GROUP CHAT AND DRIVE THE CAR ROMANOFF

 **Spidermom:** bold of you to think that I cant multitask

 **Scarlett Bitch:** dunno just sad

 **America’s Ass:** Just get him back safe guys.

 **Hawkeye:** guys imma die, Tasha just ran 3 red lights

 **Hawkeye:** tell mr whiskers I love him and I have a pile of sweets under my bed

 **Irondad:** hang on I’ve just read up – you’ve fucking stolen one of my sports cars?

 **Hawkeye:** it was either that or the quinjet

 **Irondad:** why the fuck didn’t you use your own car like a normal person

 **Hawkeye:** I broke it

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Barton how did you break a car and why the hell do you have a pile of sweets under your bed

 **Hawkeye:** it wasn’t on purpose jfc stop attacking me. I like sugar alright?

 **Spidermom:** I can see the kid. I’ve momentarily stopped the traffic and surveillance systems around us, just in-case there’s anyone snooping on us

 **Irondad:** how the absolute fuck did you manage that?!

 **America’s Ass:** she once hacked into the global network in the middle of an Apple Store in 9 minutes

 **Hawkeye:** yeah you don’t want to piss her off – anyway, we’re on the roof now

 **Scarlett Bitch:** make sure he’s alright Clint.

 **Irondad:** just get him home safe.

**Everyone is offline**

**Spidermom is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**Irondad is online**

**America’s Ass is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Irondad:** What happened? Is he ok? Where are you? Do you need me to come?

 **Spidermom:** jeez chill out Dad, the Kid is fine, he just had a really crappy day and patrol. We’re like 5 minutes away from the compound.

 **Hawkeye:** please stop texting Natasha I think I’ve got a hernia from all this worrying about death

 **America’s Ass:** Is Peter ok?

 **Hawkeye:** Physically yes, mentally no. He’s really upset. Someone was shot on patrol and he couldn’t save them and he’s blaming himself. The shooter said that he was a pathetic kid who shouldn’t be seen as anything more than a screw up and Peter took it to heart, as he had had a bad day at school – Flash is still giving him trouble, despite our warnings and he failed a test bc he hasn’t been sleeping well and didn’t revise enough.

 **Irondad:** Damn it, poor Kid. What took you so long though, we all waited up and you’ve been like over an hour.

 **Spidermom:** Barton wanted mcdonalds and the Kid wanted a hot chocolate so we made a pit stop; also Tony your car needs an interior wash bc Barton spilt the drinks 

**Hawkeye:** it wasn;t my fault – it’s your driving that did it

 **Spidermom:** you worry too much

 **Hawkeye:** you’re literally driving at 110mph rn and me and the Kid are screaming

 **Irondad:** jfc Natasha get the fuck off your phone and slow down before you kill my kid – how did you ever pass your driving test?!

 **Spidermom:** bold of you to assume that I have a license – we’ll be there in eta 2 minutes

 **Hawkeye:** omfg she almost ran over an old lady

 **Spidermom:** it was her own fucking fault – should have gone to specsavers love

 **Scarlett Bitch:** lmfao omggggg and poor Peter ☹ <3

 **America’s Ass:** I have an idea on how to cheer Peter up. Tony get Friday to wake everyone else up and tell them to rendezvous in the living room.

 **Irondad:** done

 **America’s Ass:** Right – Wanda make the kid some hot chocolate and get some popcorn

 **Irondad:** I’ll help her hang on

 **Irondad:** oH sHiT

 **Irondad:** so I walk into the kitchen and everyone is there and are looking at me like I murdered Mr Whiskers, Nat hurry up please before they decapitate me for waking them up at 4am.

 **Hawkeye:** damn it … there goes the rest of my milkshake

 **Irondad:** ffs – please stop destroying the interior of my $170,000 sports car.

 **Spidermom:** shut up and let us in – Friday is wanting our badges but I forgot them

 **Irondad:** what’s the password

 **Hawkeye:** seriously

 **Irondad:** no Legolas. I’m omw hang on

**Everyone is offline**


	21. Avengers family Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers decide to plan a movie morning to cheer Peter up and Bucky bakes some cookies. All does not go to plan!! :)

**America’s Ass is online**

**Green Rage Monster is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Rhodey is online**

**Falcon107 is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**Pointbreak is online**

**Falcon107:** someone want to clue me in as to why I was woken up at the crack of fucking dawn and am now standing in the kitchen being forced by Steve and Wanda to make some popcorn?

 **America’s Ass:** kid had a bad day and then a bad patrol so we’re on operation cheer up

 **Rhodey:** What happened Cap?

 **Scarlett Bitch:** read up rhodey

 **Green Rage Monster:** where’s nat, clint, tony and Peter?

 **America’s Ass:** Tony has gone down to let them into the compound – as he can’t override Friday bc they don’t have their badges, so he has to let them in manually

 **Pointbreak:** What is the metal armed man doing?

 **Falcon107:** damn it might be 4am but this popcorn smells beautiful. I should be on masterchef – right what’s next Cap?

 **America’s Ass:** good job Sam. Can you come into the living room and help me and Wanda set up for a movie night…well, movie morning, please? Also can someone put Mr Whiskers out – he’s by the kitchen window

 **Green Rage Monster:** Anyone want me to do anything to help?

 **America’s Ass:** help Wanda pick out some good films

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Disney or no?

 **Pointbreak:** I enjoy the one with the red dragon

 **Falcon107:** Yeah Mulan is a good film

 **Rhodey:** anything with animation or star wars and the Kid will be happy

 **Green Rage Monster:** guess that means that Insidious is out then

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Bruce – we’re trying to cheer up Peter not fucking make him cry

 **Pointbreak:** There is a smell of burning – can’t anyone else smell it?

 **Rhodey:** yeah I can actually – ew what is it? I’ve just let the cat out of the window, he seems glad to get away tbh

 **Metal Arm:** urrr Steve I might have accidentally set the oven on fire

 **Scarlett Bitch:** wtaf you were just making chocolate chip cookies

 **Pointbreak:** Well this was unexpected.

 **Falcon107:** holy shit you aren’t joking Bucky … the oven is literally on fire

 **Scarlett Bitch:** omg what do we do?! Stark is going to kill us jfc

 **Green Rage Monster:** stop standing there and help me to fucking put it out!!!

 **America’s Ass:** I LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR 2 MINUTES AND THIS HAPPENS ISTG

 **Metal Arm:** IT WASN’T MY FAULT

 **America’s Ass:** YOU’RE THE ONE STANDING BY AN OVEN WHICH IS ON FIRE

 **Metal Arm:** I WAS JUST STANDING HERE MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS AND I TURN AROUND AND THE FUCKING OVEN IS IN FLAMES!

 **America’s Ass:** PUT IT OUT NOW AND THOR GET AWAY FROM THE OVEN

 **Pointbreak:** It was not the metal armed man’s fault. I might have accidentally left Mjölnir near the oven and the electrical currents may have accelerated the cookie cooking process. I am sorry friends.

 **Falcon107:** lmfaoooo 4am banter guys

 **Metal Arm:** SEE IM INNOCENT APOLOGISE STEVE

 **Rhodey:** I feel like I’m in a nightmare.

 **Scarlett Bitch:** big m00d

 **America’s Ass:** omfg Tony is on his way up. Right. Sorry Bucky, Thor you are literally banned from the kitchen and from being near anything remotely electrical for the foreseeable future. Wanda, Bruce, Thor and Rhodey – help me finish off setting up movie night/morning in the living room and Bucky and Sam tidy up in the kitchen and make some more cookies. Quick we have literally a minute

 **Scarlett Bitch:** jeez chill out Rogers, we can barely see through the smoke and I’m pretty sure that Bruce is about to fall asleep on the sofa

 **Metal Arm:** cookies will be ready in 15 minutes

 **Pointbreak:** But you said that 13 minutes ago?

 **Falcon107:** dude that was before you turned them into ash with your magical hammer

 **Pointbreak:** Ah, I see how that might have affected them. My apologies.

 **Scarlett Bitch:** has anyone bothered to open a fucking window

 **Pointbreak:** that is a good way to get rid of the smoke

 **Falcon107:** no shit – why can I still smell burning?!!?

 **Metal Arm:** Banner wake up – Kid’s on his way up

 **Rhodey:** I can smell it too – did we put it all out right?!

 **America’s Ass:** It’s so warm in here, open a window. Right anyway, hot chocolate is ready, popcorn is ready, cookies are disintegrated but new ones are baking and movies are picked.

 **Rhodey:** can I go back to sleep now

 **Falcon107:** Nah man, if we have to deal with this then you do too

 **Scarlett Bitch:** my eyes are literally falling out of my head im that tired

 **Metal Arm:** I’m so tired I think I put salt in the cookies instead of sugar

 **Falcon107:** remind me not to taste them

 **Green Rage Monster:** Was that the elevator? Why does it still smell of burning? It’s a different kind of smell now though

 **America’s Ass:** yep the elevator’s just come up – oh god the Kid looks so sad. Everyone be nice. I am so warm – Wanda did you open a window I’m honestly about to pass out from heat stroke

 **Scarlett Bitch:** they’re all open, why does it smell so bad still?!

**Irondad is online**

**Spidermom is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**Irondad:** I was literally gone for less than 10 minutes and you managed to destroy the kitchen – you guys have no regard for expensive furniture or for the interiors of sports cars apparently, isn’t that right Legolas

 **Hawkeye:** sorry about that again :/

 **Rhodey:** where’s the kid

 **Irondad:** getting dressed into his pjs – he always keeps a spare pair here

 **America’s Ass:** tony can you put the AC on because I’m too warm

 **Spidermom:** that’s because your pants are on fire Steve

 **Rhodey:** wait what

 **Falcon107:** oH sHiT STEVE!!!

 **Irondad:** well she isn’t lying – Cap you good?

 **Green Rage Monster:** of course he’s not good! His pants are literally on fire!!

 **America’s Ass:** OMG SOMEONE PUT IT OUT

 **Irondad:** on it

 **Hawkeye:** lmfao Cap freaking out is so funny

 **Scarlett Bitch:** well that explains why the smell of burning wasn’t going away

 **Falcon107:** how the fuck did you not know that you were on fire?!

 **Pointbreak:** Why is Tony hurriedly filling a sizeable container with water?

 **Hawkeye:** oh this is gonna be epic I’m recording it – Bucky get out of the frame

 **Metal Arm:** in a minute – im just trying to put out my best mate who is currently on fire

 **Hawkeye:** fairs

 **Rhodey:** oh god this can’t be good

 **Spidermom:** well it’s better than being on fire.

 **Rhodey:** good point Nat

 **America’s Ass:** arfijkrs vff ejdisrgj jefeifo wfno jew0-r3b3r

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Stark just threw a bucket of water over him ahahaha he’s pissed now

 **Metal Arm:** due to his super serum – Steve doesn’t feel minor injuries, so because it was only a small flame he just felt pretty warm

 **Hawkeye:** that was so fucking funny – omg Steve full on screamed like a girl and now I can show it to him whenever he pisses me off!

 **Spidermom:** send me it

**_< << Clinton84 sent a JPEG file to Nat1879 >>>_ **

****

**Spidermom:** thanks – this makes excellent blackmail material

 **Ironman:** Cap has literally just stormed into the living room, tracking water everywhere and now my carpet needs cleaning too, aswell as a new kitchen and a new sports car

 **Rhodey:** it’s not like you haven’t got the money

 **Hawkeye:** ahahaha savage but true

 **Ironman:** wow didn’t come here to be attacked guys

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** um why is Mr Rogers sitting in the living room all wet and why are the rest of you in the kitchen all laughing

 **Hawkeye:** there was a slight incident

 **Irondad:** I mean it was a huge incident and my kitchen is now destroyed and flooded but whatever

 **America’s Ass:** I AMOST F U C K IGN DI ED

 **Spidermom:** don’t exaggerate Steve

 **Falcon107:** Language

 **Scarlett Bitch:** language

 **Rhodey:** language

 **Metal Arm:** language and also cookies are ready guys

 **LittleSpider:** its like almost 5am – why is everyone up and why does the living room look all snuggly?

 **America’s Ass:** well it was going to be a surprise. We heard you had a rubbish day and patrol so we organised an early movie morning

 **Hawkeye:** love how the kid doesn’t even ask about the fire bc he’s so used to things and people setting on fire at the compound by now ahahaha

 **America’s Ass:** just get in here so we can watch a film and theres like a 0.1% chance of destroying anything

 **Falcon107:** what are we watching first?

 **Scarlett Bitch:** only the best animated film in existence

 **Irondad:** Katniss stop throwing popcorn at me before I hurt you

 **Falcon107:** guys bruce is asleep again and there goes Thor

 **America’s Ass:** Bucky come on the film is starting

 **Metal Arm:** I’m icing the cookies ffs

 **Irondad:** How are you doing bud? @LittleSpider

 **Rhodey:** #irondadmode

 **LittleSpider:** Better now I’m with you guys, thanks everyone <3

 **Irondad:** 😊 

**America’s Ass:** glad we could help Pete

 **Scarlett Bitch:** <3

 **Falcon107:** omg I love this film

 **Hawkeye:** I’m starving where’s the cookies

 **Spidermom:** haven’t you just eaten an entire bowl of popcorn

 **Hawkeye:** innocent until proven guilty

 **Irondad:** I saw you bc you kept hitting me with pieces of it

 **Hawkeye:** guilty

 **Spidermom:** Kid – can you stop Mr Whiskers from climbing on the TV

 **LittleSpider:** oh he likes Shrek – he likes to sit on top of the TV and watch it upside down

 **Rhodey:** the fuck did he get back in – I put him out ???

 **Scarlett Bitch:** there’s literally a million windows open to get rid of the smoke genius

 **Metal Arm:** cookies are ready – there’s 2 each

 **LittleSpider:** thanks Bucky 😊

 **America’s Ass:** the cookies taste … interesting Buck

 **Falcon107:** what the fuck – jfc they are disgusting

 **LittleSpider:** I mean they’re not great

 **Metal Arm:** it’s the same recipe as always, they can’t be that bad

 **Irondad:** no they're not that bad …they are very bad

 **Scarlett Bitch:** omfg I’m going to be sick

 **Rhodey:** what the shit did you do to the cookies?!

 **Hawkeye:** nat have you tried one?

 **Spidermom:** I’ll pass – don’t really fancy getting food poisoning

 **Metal Arm:** oh shit … that’s gross, guess I put salt instead of sugar in ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Everyone is offline**


	22. Just a lot of chaos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony wants to plan a surprise party for Peter's 16th Birthday, but unfortunately the planning stage ends up in a near death experience for one of the Avengers...

**Irondad is online**

**Spidermom is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**America’s Ass is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**Falcon107 is online**

**Green Rage Monster is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Irondad:** ok so the Kid is asleep – we need to sort out a plan for his 16th Birthday

 **Hawkeye:** we all have to buy him stuff?!

 **Spidermom:** that’s generally what you do on Birthdays – you have 3 kids…

 **Falcon107:** can we go for a picnic in central Park?

 **Green Rage Monster:** for a 16th birthday?

 **Falcon107:** oh no I meant for lunch today, I’m bored

 **Hawkeye:** ahaha fairs

 **Scarlett Bitch:** who let Mr Whiskers in, he’s eating my fucking toast

 **Spidermom:** Mr Whiskers is a cat

 **Scarlett Bitch:** yeah a cat who is eating my toast

 **Hawkeye:** lmfao omg she isn’t even joking that’s so funny

_> >>Clinton84 sent a JPEG file to Avengers Group Chat_

**Falcon107:** that can’t be good for the cat

 **Scarlett Bitch:** it’s not good for me, he’s eaten all the butter little furry bastard

 **Metal Arm:** you can’t even be mad at him – look at his cute face

 **America’s Ass:** I thought cats cant eat human food

 **Scarlett Bitch:** fucking tell Mr Whiskers that bc whenever I put him on the floor he jumps back up

 **Spidermom:** awh he’s so cute though

 **Hawkeye:** his fluffiness scale is off the charts

 **Falcon107:** oh great now he’s eying up my bacon, the little shit

 **Metal Arm:** can I have some

 **Falcon107:** I literally just asked you if you wanted me to make you some

 **Metal Arm:** well I wasn’t hungry then

 **Falcon107:** fine bc the cat’s already eating mine :/

 **Irondad:** ffs, there, I’ve put the cat out – back to my question please

 **America’s Ass:** bowling?

 **Irondad:** I mean it’s not really fair when there’s you and Barnes who are supersoliders, a girl who can literally pick the balls up with her mind, Legolas who never misses a shot, a fucking demi-God and then Bruce who might turn into the Hulk if he doesn’t score :/

 **Hawkeye:** thanks Stark – that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me <3

 **Spidermom:** Clint stop crying jfc

 **Green Rage Monster:** I wouldn’t turn into the Hulk…probably.

 **Falcon107:** Pizza and a movie?

 **Irondad:** that’s literally all we ever do

 **Metal Arm:** why do we need to celebrate his birthday at all – you aren’t his dad

 **Irondad:** You have 0.3 seconds to retract that statement, before I forcibly remove you from the Compound.

 **Spidermom:** oh god

 **Hawkeye:** nooo he didn’t just say that

 **Falcon107:** lmfao Barnes u dead

 **Green Rage Monster:** rip

 **America’s Ass:** Bucky oh dear…

 **Spidermom:** I’d listen to him Barnes ive just seen him fly past my bedroom window

 **Scarlett Bitch:** #irondadmodeactivated

 **Metal Arm:** oh yeah like I’d believe that. He isn’t his dad!

 **Falcon107:** I mean he basically is

 **Green Rage Monster:** Bucky he isn’t joking I can literally see him coming to get you

 **Metal Arm:** you’re joking right??? he isn’t his dad though!

 **Hawkeye:** how do you think I broke my ankle

 **America’s Ass:** because you fell out of a tree

 **Hawkeye:** no the other time

 **Spidermom:** lmfao which one

 **Hawkeye:** the right foot

 **Spidermom:** no I meant which time dipshit

 **Hawkeye:** 3 months ago – I said Tony wasn’t the kid’s dad and he literally yeeted me out of the Compound and into the forest

 **Scarlett Bitch:** holy fuck really?

 **Falcon107:** yeah I recorded it – wanna see

 **America’s Ass:** think I speak for us all when I say yes we all want to see

**_> >>Falcon107 sent video file: ‘Hawkeyegetshiswings’ to Avengers Group Chat_ **

****

**Spidermom:** ah I remember now

 **Scarlett Bitch:** I mean how the fuck could you not remember that

 **Spidermom:** he does a lot of weird shit, it’s hard to remember it all

 **Hawkeye:** wow rude but true

 **Scarlett Bitch:** fairs

 **America’s Ass:** that’s got to be at least 100ft how are you alive Clint?

 **Hawkeye:** I don’t want to talk about it

 **Falcon107:** did you scream yeet??!?!?!?!?!

 **Hawkeye:** I wasn’t going to go ahhhhh nooooo, that’s boring – if it was my time to die then I wanted to go out in style, so yeah I did

 **Green Rage Monster:** lmfao

 **Scarlett Bitch:** absolute legend Barton

 **Spidermom:** did anyone hear that?

 **Scarlett Bitch:** yup

 **Falcon107:** oh no

 **America’s Ass:** omg Bucky hasn’t commented in a while

 **Hawkeye:** Stark already got to him

 **Scarlett Bitch:** f to pay respects to Barnes

 **America’s Ass:** f

 **Spidermom:** f

 **Hawkeye:** f

 **Green Rage Monster:** f

 **Falcon107:** f

 **Metal Arm:** I’m not dead

 **Irondad:** yet

 **Hawkeye:** ooooo ominous

 **Spidermom:** lol what happened

 **Irondad:** he jumped into the vents before I could get to him – that’s what the loud noise was

 **Hawkeye:** get out of my vents

 **Metal Arm:** no

 **Irondad:** okay anyway, can we please just decide on what to do for Peter’s birthday please, because it’s in like a week

 **Spidermom:** Lazer Tag?

 **Hawkeye:** FUCKING YES

 **Scarlett Bitch:** DIBS ON BEING ON CLINT AND NATASHA’S TEAM

 **Falcon107:** SAME

 **Green Rage Monster:** SAME

 **Irondad:** SAME

 **Metal Arm:** omg no you can’t all be on the same team you morons, but SAME

 **America’s Ass:** Nat, as much fun as that would be, maybe something a bit less likely to end with serious injury?

 **Spidermom:** a fucking walk in the park then you killjoy

 **America’s Ass:** -___-

 **Hawkeye:** I have an idea and there’s only like a 11% chance of death

 **Irondad:** please share with the group

 **Spidermom:** no that’s a horrible idea

 **Green Rage Monster:** he hasn’t said anything yet?

 **Spidermom:** I just know what it is bc we didn’t do it for his Kid’s birthday and it’s a horrible idea

 **Hawkeye:** you’re just jealous that you didn’t come up with it

 **Hawkeye:** don’t be bitter just be better

 **Spidermom:** jfc

 **Scarlett Bitch:** omg I wanna know

 **Falcon107:** spill the tea

 **Hawkeye:** drum roll my dudes

 **Irondad:** tell us

 **Spidermom:** you asked for it

 **Hawkeye:** CAMPING

 **America’s Ass:** for a 16th birthday

 **Hawkeye:** Y U P

 **Irondad:** that’s not a bad idea actually – the Kid will love it, he likes the outdoors

 **Spidermom:** I mean what Kid doesn’t but whatever

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Nat stop lying you’re buzzing for this - I can see you literally googling for tents, omg and water guns!

 **Hawkeye:** urrrr Wanda I wouldn’t do that

 **Metal Arm:** oh god

 **Green Rage Monster:** this can’t be good

 **Scarlett Bitch:** abiubuiiefj njwgrsnoafej og[rrq98rq3 o4[grsw

 **Hawkeye:** oh no she got her

 **Spidermom:** I don’t like being spied on

 **Irondad:** that’s literally all you do Nat

 **America’s Ass:** What’s going on? Why is Wanda screaming?

 **Falcon107:** you don’t want to know Cap

 **America’s Ass:** I do though

 **Hawkeye:** ok let’s just say that Wanda is currently crying on the floor and covered with strawberry milkshake

 **America’s Ass:** ok … are we agreed with the weird camping idea then

 **Falcon107:** that is so cool I’m totally there

 **Metal Arm:** sounds like fun but I’ve never been camping, what is it?

 **Spidermom:** absolute hell in a tent

 **Metal Arm:** great

 **Irondad:** we’ll sort out tent arrangements when I buy the tents

 **Green Rage Monster:** oh the Kid’s awake!

 **America’s Ass:** we’ll reconvene soon – don’t say anything to him!

***Irondad deleted all messages from the past 24 minutes***

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** why is Wanda crying on the floor and covered in strawberry milkshake

 **Hawkeye:** she has very strong feelings about strawberry milkshakes

 **Spidermom:** seriously that’s the best you could come up with

 **Irondad:** Legolas istg

 **America’s Ass:** she slipped in it, she’s fine Kid

 **Metal Arm:** :/

 **LittleSpider:** wanda I thought you were allergic to strawberries???

 **America’s Ass:** wait what

 **Falcon107:** is that why she’s crying bc her face is really red you guys

 **Spidermom:** no she isn’t – she’s allergic to peanuts, seafood, chlorine and oh fuck … I forgot

 **Irondad:** Urmmm… Bruce???

 **America’s Ass:** someone go get him from his lab quick, while I give Wanda CPR

 **Metal Arm:** nah im not leaving these vents buddy

 **LittleSpider:** on it!

 **Irondad:** ffs all I ask is one day without one of us nearly dying

 **Spidermom:** Barton this is all your fault

 **Falcon107:** says the scary ass woman who has essentially poisoned a 20 year old

 **Spidermom:** well I didn’t mean to jeez give me a break

 **Hawkeye:** how the fuck is it my fault?!

 **Spidermom:** because of your stupid idea!!!

 **Falcon107:** guys Wanda’s not breathing holy shit where the fuck is Bruce and the Kid?!!?!

 **Hawkeye:** omfg you’re right, she isn’t breathing what do we do

 **Irondad:** stop panicking omg it’s all fine rifbvd ijwofsd

 **Metal Arm:** shit sorry Stark didn’t mean to drop on you

 **Irondad:** if Wanda wasn’t practically comatose rn I’d be in a suit blasting your metal ass

 **Metal Arm:** noted

 **America’s Ass:** ah thank god – Bruce’s here, everyone back off and give him some room

 **LittleSpider:** MR STARK WANDA ISN’T BREATHING DSFKJ GML RJESNFD V

 **Irondad:** KID WE FUCKING KNOW

 **Falcon107:** she was so young

 **Spidermom:** fuck off Wilson she isn’t dead

 **Irondad:** she isn’t alive either tho

 **America’s Ass:** Stop panicking or else I’m going to

 **Spidermom:** who let the cat in ffs

 **LittleSpider:** Mr Stakr is wanda going f ot die?

 **Irondad:** great now the Kid is crying. God I need a stiff drink

 **Metal Arm:** someone tell Mr Whiskers to stop drinking the strawberry milkshake

 **Falcon107:** little busy over here trying to get Wanda to breathe

 **Hawkeye:** oh god, Nat’s crying too, this is such a mess and now I want a strawberry milkshake

 **Irondad:** I’m going to have to get this carpet cleaned

 **America’s Ass:** not the time Tony.

 **Falcon107:** ffs

 **Hawkeye:** omg Bruce just stabbed her

 **America’s Ass:** relax it’s an epipen

 **Irondad:** phew

 **Spidermom:** thank god

 **LittleSpider:** SHE’S ALIVE

 **Falcon107:** Kid we’re all here, we know

 **Metal Arm:** is anyone going to move Mr Whiskers??

 **LittleSpider:** yeah hang on I don’t want to step on Wanda

 **Falcon107:** I need to lie down after all that

 **Hawkeye:** I already am

 **Irondad:** Capsicle, you got her?

 **America’s Ass:** Yeah no problem - I’ll take her up to her room to rest

 **Scarlett Bitch:** I’m fine

 **Irondad:** you nearly died

 **Hawkeye:** I’ll bring you some tea

 **America’s Ass:** why tea

 **Hawkeye:** idk that’s what they do when someone almost dies in the movies

 **Irondad:** jfc what is my life. Bruce – is she going to be ok?

 **Green Rage Monster:** Yeah she just needs to rest, Tony. I can confirm that Wanda is allergic to Strawberries. She’s fine now – all she needed was an epipen. Natasha when you go to throw stuff at people, maybe check if it’ll possible that it might accidently kill them first

 **Spidermom:** noted. Sorry Wanda

 **Scarlett Bitch:** apology accepted but Tony I’m not sharing a tent with Natasha for fear of being killed

 **Irondad:** understandable – you can bunk by yourself then. I’ve ordered the tents and camping gear, they’ll be here this afternoon, by which point I’ll be drunk so I don’t have to put up with everyone’s drama

 **America’s Ass:** urrm Tony? You might want to delete that message

 **Spidermom:** are you joking Tony

 **Metal Arm:** lmfao

 **Falcon107:** oh god – delete it Stark, you’re the only other admin than the Kid!

 **Hawkeye:** too late

 **LittleSpider:** TENT? OMG OMGOMGOGMOGM ARE WE GOING CAMPING?!!?!?

 **Irondad:** oh ffs

**Everyone is offline**


	23. PR Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pepper Potts is on the verge of a mental breakdown after 2 of the Avengers are arrested, due to a 'small incident', whilst getting breakfast in a café! :)

**Pepper Potts CEO is online**

**Pepper Potts CEO:** You lot are literally a PR nightmare.

**Hawkeye is online**

**Spidermom is online**

**America’s Ass is online**

**LittleSpider is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**Hawkeye:** I mean rude but true

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Can someone explain to me why the chief of Police wants to talk to me?

 **LittleSpider:** omgomgomg spill the tea Ms Potts ma’am please

 **America’s Ass:** What happened??

 **Hawkeye:** dude you don’t want to know

 **Spidermom:** In my defence I was there first

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Natasha, I literally have the police on hold right now and at least 7 newspapers and general press on the other line, wanting to know why you and Clint caused a huge public scene earlier and why the police had to end up getting involved. What the hell happened?!

 **Metal Arm:** The police?! I thought you and Clint were just going to get breakfast?? You’ve been like 2 hours tho :/

 **Spidermom:** There was a slight change in plan, due to a small incident which was definitely not my fault

 **LittleSpider:** OMGTHEPOLICEAREYOUGUYSOKWHATHAPPENEEDDD

 **America’s Ass:** Someone tell us what’s happened right now, why would the police be after you?

 **Hawkeye:** bold of you to assume that we haven’t already been arrested

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** I’m so close to having a breakdown right now.

 **Spidermom:** again, it wasn’t my fault. I’m completely innocent here.

 **Metal Arm:** says the person who is apparently in jail

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Scarlett Bitch:** anyone wanna tell me why #avengersjailbirds is trending

 **America’s Ass:** we’re trying to find out

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** because none of you can go a single fucking day without causing me some sort of mental breakdown due to you all being a PR nightmare.

 **LittleSpider:** I haven’t done anything!!!!!!

 **Spidermom:** how about last week when you ‘accidentally’ landed on a hotdog stand, which tipped over and injured 3 people

 **LittleSpider:** ITWASANACCIDENT I FELLOK

 **America’s Ass:** can we just bring this back to the fact that two of our team mates are apparently currently in jail?!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** omg I thought it was a joke – who’s in jail!!?!?!?!?!?!

 **Metal Arm:** Clint and Nat

 **Spidermom:** I mean we’re not, we’re in a holding cell

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** That’s basically jail Natasha jfc.

 **Spidermom:** we could easily escape but we’re humouring them and we thought that you would be mad if we broke out

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Thanks for thinking of me, but maybe next time can you actually think before you end up in jail, so I don’t have the Chief of Police on hold and almost a dozen newspapers on the other line? Can you please explain what happened before I have to deal with the Chief of Police and bullshit an excuse for your drama?

 **Spidermom:** so we went to get breakfast and Clint wanted to get some pancakes from this café on 37th and I like the food there so we went

 **Hawkeye:** I love pancakes

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Continue please, Natasha.

 **Spidermom:** We then went up to order and I saw a really nice bagel that I wanted – the nice one with that cream cheese that I like

 **America’s Ass:** Hang on – so you were just getting breakfast?

 **Spidermom:** Yep – very innocent, just grabbing some pancakes and a bagel

 **LittleSpider:** howtheF u C k didyouend up in JAIL THEN

 **Hawkeye:** we’re getting to it

 **Metal Arm:** continue

 **Hawkeye:** in the café you pick your food and bring it to the till

 **Spidermom:** it was a nice café

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** oh ffs

 **Americas’ Ass:** ‘was?’

 **LittleSpider:** this is so much better than my English Class holy shittttt xD

 **Spidermom:** it got a bit destroyed so had to close for the day

 **Scarlett Bitch:** im literally laughing my head off rn

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Continue please, Natasha.

 **Spidermom:** We were waiting in the queue like good citizens, picking out our food, when this absolute pleb of a human barged past and decided to take my bagel, knowing damn well that I was about to pick it up bc my hand was literally on it

 **Spidermom:** ok, so I was like nah mate – I had that cream cheese bagel first, but he decided to BAT MY HAND AWAY

 **Scarlett Bitch:** no way omg

 **America’s Ass:** why wouldn’t you just walk away

 **Metal Arm:** fuck off Steve, how many times did I have to rescue you bc you stood up to bullies when we were younger?!

 **America’s Ass:** Not the time Buck and I never had the police involved!

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Please don’t tell me that you injured him Natasha

 **Hawkeye:** not exactly

 **Spidermom:** Define ‘injure’

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** After this I’m resigning istg. What happened after he batted your hand away?

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Can’t wait to hear this

 **Spidermom:** so I did what anyone would have done and told him to fuck off and give me my bagel back because I was there first and he just barged in

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** I’m guessing that he refused to give you the bagel back

 **Hawkeye:** you’re right

 **LittleSpider:** how did this end up with #avengersjailbirds trending then

 **Spidermom:** well he didn’t like that I stood up to him and so he started to shout extremely nasty things at me and Clint, so naturally we shouted back

 **Hawkeye:** he was all like ‘oh you’re the alien killers and you can’t handle someone in front of you in a line, you’re such fucking pussies’ and then he did the unspeakable to Natasha

 **America’s Ass:** He punched you in front of the public??

 **Spidermom:** no it was much worse

 **Spidermom:** he looked me in the eyes and took a bite of my bagel

 **LittleSpider:** WhAtThEfUcKwHoWoUlDdOtHaT

 **Spidermom:** a monster that’s who

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** How did this end up with you in a holding cell and me on the phone to the Chief of Police

 **Hawkeye:** almost finished the tale, hold tight kids it’s about to get good

 **Metal Arm:** this is amazing

 **Spidermom:** at this point I was very angry, but I ignored him and went to pick up a smoothie – WHICH HE FUCKING TOOK TOO

 **Hawkeye:** it was like being part of a nightmare

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** my life is a nightmare.

 **Scarlett Bitch:** m00d

 **Spidermom:** anyway, I decided to just fucking leave and then the fucking pleb of a human decided to ‘accidentally’ trip me up, so I ‘accidentally’ broke his arm, then it ended up in a bit of a fight and 3 windows were smashed in the process bc he threw a chair at me which obviously missed.

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Ok, so to clarify, you broke someone’s arm because he took your bagel and between the 3 of you, you destroyed a café?

 **Hawkeye:** and he took her smoothie!

 **Spidermom:** He didn’t just take my bagel, he fucking ate it Pepper and then provoked me, by purposefully going to trip me up. It was self-defence. We did what was necessary. The guy was a public menace, we did everyone a favour.

 **America’s Ass:** bet the owner of the café doesn’t think so

 **Hawkeye:** yeah we got banned, even though it was the dickhead’s fault bc he broke the windows ☹

 **Scarlett Bitch:** ahahaha

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Okay, so I’ve now just been informed that someone took a picture of you and Clint going into the police station earlier and it’s now trending on Twitter with #avengersjailbreak

 **Hawkeye:** how does my hair look on it? I’m having a bad hair day

 **Spidermom:** send it to the group someone so we can see – it’s so boring in here

**_LittleSpider sent JPEG #avengersjailbreak to Avengers Group Chat_ **

****

**Spidermom:** I knew there was a reason I love these jeans

 **Hawkeye:** God M y H a I R

 **Metal Arm:** it’s a bit messy ngl

 **Hawkeye:** I ran out of hair gel :/

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Clint you look like a toilet brush is on your head

 **LittleSpider:** lmfaoooooo true

 **Hawkeye:** guys I’ve had a traumatic morning and I didn’t come here to be attacked ok

 **Spidermom:** shut up Barton and stop putting your legs on my lap before I break them

 **Hawkeye:** :O

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Don’t break any more of people’s limbs please. Anyway, moving on. How did you end up in jail then – if the guy did all the breaking of the café?

 **Hawkeye:** thanks Pepper! So by this point things turned a bit more violent and basically it ended up with the monster of a human being threatened by Natasha, who was holding a knife

 **LittleSpider:** GO MAMA SPIDER

 **Spidermom:** thanks kid

 **America’s Ass:** please tell me that you didn’t stab him because he ate your bagel

 **Hawkeye:** she wanted to

 **Spidermom:** I did, but when he went to punch me, instead I kicked him in the face and knocked him out

 **Scarlett Bitch:** fairs

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Right. Just to clarify that a man took your bagel, called you nasty things, then ate your bagel and went to trip you, so you broke his arm and then he wanted to start a fight so you knocked him out?

 **Spidermom:** Yup

 **Hawkeye:** don’t forget how I poured my syrupy pancakes over his head

 **Scarlett Bitch:** how are you in jail then if it was just self defence?!?!?!

 **Spidermom:** I told a police officer to shove it

 **America’s Ass:** why Natasha, we’ve been over this! You can’t talk like that to public officials!

 **Spidermom:** again, wasn’t my fault

 **Metal Arm:** how is this not your fault

 **Spidermom:** bc the fucking dickhead who ate my bagel woke up and started saying that I just randomly attacked him and despite there being eyewitnesses, the police didn’t listen.

 **Hawkeye:** they wanted to drag us in for questioning, so Tasha refused, then they weren’t having it, so she told them to shove it and then they arrested us – which was completely unfair because we didn’t actually do anything wrong, seeing as the pleb started the violence, we only finished it!

 **America’s Ass:** I have no words

 **Metal Arm:** so basically it was just self defence right???

 **Scarlett Bitch:** pretty much

 **LittleSpider:** but you can’t talk to Police officers like that though!

 **Spidermom:** Well they weren’t listening to us

 **Hawkeye:** we’re gonna break out soon though bc I’m hungry and want some pancakes – as my last lot ended up over a dickwad with a broken arm

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** FFS. I’m assuming you’ve told the Police all of this?

 **Spidermom:** Yes

 **Hawkeye:** Yep but they still wont bring me any pancakes

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** shut up Barton and don’t say anything until I sort this out.

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Give me 5 minutes.

**Pepper Potts CEO is offline**

**LittleSpider:** that was so much more interesting than my English Class omg

 **Hawkeye:** it was a thrilling story

 **Spidermom:** Peter I might be in jail but I can still kick your ass – get back to class

 **Scarlett Bitch:** #MamaNat

 **LittleSpider:** but this is much more fun than writing an essay ☹

 **Scarlett Bitch:** omg you guys are n.o 1 top trending on twitter now! Everyone’s sticking up for you

 **Metal Arm:** cute

 **Hawkeye:** Natasha is literally hacking into your school system now Peter to alert your teacher, so I’d get off your phone bud

 **LittleSpider:** omg ok bye

**LittleSpider is offline**

**America’s Ass:** how are you on your phones if you’re in jail?

 **Hawkeye:** we said we had to keep them incase Aliens came down and threatened New York again – they didn’t argue

 **America’s Ass:** ah fair enough – are you both coming back now or???

 **Spidermom:** probably not – think we’re off shopping

 **Hawkeye:** yeah and I want pancakes

**Pepper Potts CEO is online**

**Pepper Potts CEO:** So the Chief of Police says you’re free to go, as you didn’t actually break any laws, but you both need to apologise to the Police Officer that you told to ‘shove it,’ or else they will press charges.

 **Hawkeye:** done, cheers Pepper😊

 **Spidermom:** done, thanks Pepper

 **America’s Ass:** Thank God. See you both later – please don’t get arrested again!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** See you both later - glad it's all sorted!!!

 **Hawkeye:** no promises Cap

 **America’s Ass:** :/

 **Metal Arm:** See you both at dinner.

**America’s Ass is offline**

**Scarlett Bitch is offline**

**Metal Arm is offline**

**Spidermom:** fancy going for a walk in central park?

 **Hawkeye:** is the pleb of a human there

 **Spidermom:** maybe

 **Hawkeye:** pancakes first tho

 **Spidermom:** ok

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** NO

 **Spidermom:** fine

 **Hawkeye:** urghhgghghghgh

 **Spidermom:** Barton stop whining

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** what’s the problem now?

 **Spidermom:** he wants pancakes and keeps bugging me bc we’re like 7 blocks from the nearest café

 **Hawkeye:** pancakespancakespancakes

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** … I am going to get drunk and hopefully go into a coma. Please don’t get arrested again.

 **Hawkeye:** byeeee

 **Spidermom:** See you later!!

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Maybe, if I haven’t gone into an alcohol infused coma by then.

**Pepper Potts CEO is offline**

**Spidermom is offline**

**Hawkeye is offline**


	24. Happy 16th Birthday Peter!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Peter's 16th Birthday and before they go on their camping trip, the Avengers decide to give Peter his presents; however some of the Avengers have bought him some very questionable presents!

**Everyone is online**

**Irondad:** Happy Birthday kiddo! Get dressed and come over to the Compound by lunchtime, so we can head off for our super cool camping trip!! I’m not one for mushy sentiment, but I want you to know that for the past 2 years, you’ve made me proud daily (except when you’re being a little shit and disobey me) and you mean a lot to me. Hope you have a super cool day bud x

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Happy 16th Birthday Peter, we all love you so much. I won’t be going on the camping trip, because I’m at a business conference, but I’ll see you when I get back (Tony has your birthday present from me). Have the best day kid <3

 **Spidermom:** Happy Birthday маленький паук!! I can’t believe you’ve been a part of our lives for 2 years already – we couldn’t imagine our crazy dysfunctional family without you now lol. Love you lots and can’t wait to see you soon xo

 **Hawkeye:** Hey squirt – happy birthday! Can’t wait for the trip – our plan will be epic😉

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Happy Birthday Peter!! Xx

 **Rhodey:** Hi Pete – I won’t be on the camping trip, but I hope you have the best day! I’ve given Sam your birthday present, as I’m at the conference with Pepper this afternoon. Happy Birthday and have a good time!:)

**Rhodey is offline**

**Pepper Potts CEO is offline**

**America’s Ass:** Morning Peter. I would like to wish you a very happy 16th Birthday, and I think I speak for all of us when I say that we are very excited about going camping later! :D

 **Metal Arm:** Happy Bday, I’ve made birthday cookies – this time without salt lol

 **Green Rage Monster:** Happy Birthday Peter, see you soon x

 **Falcon107:** 16?! Whatttt you’re getting old Pete! Jokes, happy birthday😊

 **Pointbreak:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOUNG PETERSON. MAY YOUR DAY BE FILLED WITH JOYOUS CELEBRATIONS AND FOND MEMORIES. I SENT YOUR GIFT TO YOUR FATHER, I HOPE YOU LIKE IT. SEE YOU WHEN I RETURN FROM ASGARD SOON. FROM THOR, GOD OF THUNDER, KING OF ASGARD.

 **Irondad:** caps lock Shakespeare

**Pointbreak is offline**

**Irondad:** wow rude

 **Hawkeye:** he really had to sign it: Thor, God of Thunder, King of Asgard lmfao ahahaha

 **LittleSpider:** OMG YOU GUYSSSSSS <3 <3 <3 THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH I LOVE YOU ALL!!! I’M SO EXCITED FOR OUR TRIP!!! MAY SAID I CAN COME IN AN HOUR SO SEE YOU SOON!!!!

 **Irondad:** <3

 **Nicholas Fury:** Happy Birthday Spiderman.

 **LittleSpider:** Thank you Mr Nicholas Fury Sir!!!

**Nicholas Fury is offline**

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Scarlett Bitch:** god Nick is scary

 **Falcon107:** true

 **Hawkeye:** agree

 **Spidermom:** you guys are such wimps – there’s nothing scary about him

 **Irondad:** says the person who is currently holding a knife to Steve’s throat bc he took the last waffle and is literally making him cry

 **Spidermom:** I’m sick of people taking my food ok

 **Hawkeye:** throwback to when we were arrested bc a guy took your bagel and smoothie lol

 **Spidermom:** that was like a week ago, get over it

 **Irondad:** hold on what the fuck

 **Irondad:** you were fucking arrested?!?!?!?!?!?

 **Hawkeye:** how could you not know

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Are you fucking kidding me. What did we talk about?

 **Hawkeye:** don’t mention the bagel jail story again??

 **Spidermom:** don’t talk about last Tuesday ever again

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** and what did you just do

 **Hawkeye:** heh oops

 **Irondad:** you were arrested?!?! Pepper what the shit, why didn’t you tell me!?

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** I sorted it out, it’s all fine. They were barely in jail for an hour

 **Irondad:** how was it not all over the news?!?!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** they were n.o 1 trending on twitter #avengersjailbreak

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Because I’m good at my job and managed to cover it up well. Speaking of my job, I have a conference in Washington that I’m attending with Rhodey, so I need to go. Have fun camping and please try not to cause my PR team any more problems.

**Pepper Potts CEO is offline**

**Spidermom:** read up Tony to the messages from last Tuesday

 **Green Rage Monster:** jeez Nat! You could have really hurt that man

 **Hawkeye:** believe me she wanted to do more than break his arm

 **Spidermom:** he’s fine – but his car isn’t 😉

 **Irondad:** WTF! You seriously broke a guys arm bc he took your bagel

 **Spidermom:** basically yeah

 **Metal Arm:** What did you do to his car?!

 **Irondad:** oh god

 **Hawkeye:** relax it’s fine

 **Spidermom:** we both slashed his tyres and bc he wanted the last bagel so much, we filled his car with over 100 mouldy bagels, but he can’t pin anything on us hehehehe

 **Scarlett Bitch:** LMFAO OMFG

 **Irondad:** jfc

 **Green Rage Monster:** haha

 **Metal Arm:** where did you find 100 mouldy bagels?!

 **Hawkeye:** we went to help clean the café up – after we apologised for what happened, the owner unbanned us and we found an old box full of old bagels, so decided to put them to good use

 **Spidermom:** his reaction to his car was priceless – we hid in the bushes haha

 **Falcon107:** this is the stuff of legend

 **Irondad:** I mean it’s not – please don’t tell Pepper bc im pretty sure she’ll resign

 **America’s Ass:** Tony – there’s a guy at the front door with a huge box???

 **Scarlett Bitch:** oooo I wanna see

 **Falcon107:** wow it’s huge!

 **Irondad:** it’s the kid’s birthday present

 **Scarlett Bitch:** what did you get him?

 **Irondad:** youll find out soon

 **Hawkeye:** tell ussssss

 **Falcon107:** Nat??

 **Spidermom:** hang on I’m busy

 **Hawkeye:** busy being a legend

 **Spidermom:** true tho – give me a few mins, almost done

 **Irondad:** jfc Natasha stop trying to hack into Friday

 **America’s Ass:** here we go again

 **Metal Arm:** Stark you might as well just tell us what you’ve got the kid

 **Irondad:** no fuck off and wait

 **Green Rage Monster:** please tell me that you didn’t get him what I think you’ve got him

 **Hawkeye:** WHAT IS IT

 **Falcon107:** kinda wanna know now

 **Scarlett Bitch:** TELL US

 **Irondad:** I must not tell lies Bruciebear

 **Green Rage Monster:** oh god, how did you manage that?!

 **Metal Arm:** is it like what happened last Christmas - do we need weapons again for whatever is inside?

 **Irondad:** no and I’m literally Ironman Bruce, it wasn’t that hard

 **Hawkeye:** IF SOMEONE DOESN’T TELL ME WHATS GOING ON I’M GOING TO LOSE IT

 **America’s Ass:** Come on Tony

 **Green Rage Monster:** I’m horrified but really happy too

 **America’s Ass:** Tony, I speak for the whole team, as it’s now a matter of personal safety for what is inside the box, so you have to tell us.

 **Irondad:** ITS NOT DANGEROUS – JESUS CHRIST YOU LOT ARE SO RUBBISH AT SURPRISES

 **Green Rage Monster:** it’s not dangerous don’t worry, you’ll all like it a lot

 **Hawkeye:** NAT GET OVER HERE AND TELL US WTF IS GOING ON

 **Irondad:** don’t even think about it Romanoff it’s a surprise

 **Scarlett Bitch:** FUCKING TELL US

 **Falcon107:** TELL US

 **Spidermom:** Seriously, you’ve bought Lego? How did you even manage that?

 **Irondad:** wow why would you expose me like that

 **Hawkeye:** is that it – all he did was shop online Nat??

 **Falcon107:** which set did you buy him

 **Scarlett Bitch:** great, more pieces for me for my feet to get impaled on

 **Spidermom:** no I mean he’s literally bought the fucking Lego Brand

 **Irondad:** NaTaShA sToP

 **America’s Ass:** So just to clarify, for Peter’s 16th Birthday, you’ve bought him the Lego Company?

 **Irondad:** in my defence it was meant to be a surprise

 **Spidermom:** There are literally signed documents stating that Tony is now the president of the Lego Company and Peter is the heir when he turns 21

 **Metal Arm:** wow

 **Hawkeye:** that is so fucking cool

 **Falcon107:** wtf is inside this giant box then?!

 **Metal Arm:** knowing Stark, probably the fucking CEO of the Company

 **Hawkeye:** pretty sure that’s kidnapping

 **Scarlett Bitch:** have you seriously bought a person?!!?!

 **Spidermom:** how many times Tony, you can’t buy people ffs

 **Irondad:** no I haven’t bought a person Natasha.

 **Hawkeye:** can I get the death star pls

 **Falcon107:** I want the Simpsons set

 **America’s Ass:** me and Bucky will have the Jurassic Park set please

 **Green Rage Monster:** I’d like the Transformer one please

 **Scarlett Bitch:** can I have the Friends Set in Central Perk?

 **Irondad:** no im not buying you all stuff its expensive

 **Falcon107:** you’re a literal billionaire and it’s your company

 **Metal Arm:** true

 **Spidermom:** what’s in the box Tony I cba looking through the national postage history

 **Scarlett Bitch:** omg there’s another even bigger box!!!!

 **Metal Arm:** It literally can’t fit through the door wtf

 **Hawkeye:** omg is it a puppy

 **Spidermom:** shut up Clint

 **Falcon107:** what’s in the first and second box?!?!?!?

 **Irondad:** In the 1st box is one of every Lego Set that I have bought for Peter and then all of you have your own ones too bc I knew you’d all want at least one set each, so have fun and in the 2nd box are the tents for the camping trip this afternoon

 **Hawkeye:** how the holy shit are we meant to carry those into a field they’re huge

 **America’s Ass:** Tony these aren’t tents

 **Irondad:** well I didn’t like the idea of sleeping in the mud, so we’re going glamping

 **Spidermom:** what the fuck is glamping

 **Metal Arm:** you didn’t think to share with the team before you decided this

 **Irondad:** IT WAS A SURPRISE BARNES AND I DECIDE BC I’M THE FUCKING BENEFACTOR SO SHUT UP

 **Hawkeye:** glamping sounds like a disease ‘ew I have a bad case of glamping’

 **Scarlett Bitch:** omfg true ahahaha

 **Green Rage Monster:** I’m not carrying all this

 **Falcon107:** dude why are they so big

 **Spidermom:** https://www.ebay.co.uk/i/173922871128

 **Spidermom:** this is the exact one he’s bought – he bought 4 of them, so guess we’re bunking up, it’s basically a posher version of camping

 **Irondad:** can’t anything be private anymore

 **Spidermom:** nope

 **Hawkeye:** no

 **America’s Ass:** Tony, you’re living with assassin spies, geniuses, super soldiers and enhanced people, so no

 **Irondad:** right whatever…

 **Metal Arm:** Wanda put the lego down!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** fuck off I’m building central perk

 **Spidermom:** Everyone shut up the Kid’s here – DO NOT tell him about the lego stuff. Put it all back!

 **Irondad:** Cap can you take the boxes to the spare room on the 3rd floor?

 **America’s Ass:** already on it – Bucky give me a hand

**_*Irondad deleted all messages from the past hour*_ **

****

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** I’M READY LET’S GO CAMPING!!!!

 **Hawkeye:** actually we’re going gla enfdnjdsf wo njgwif i0-e28 bfeon

 **Irondad:** thanks Nat

 **Spidermom:** yep

 **Scarlett Bitch:** ha you made Clint cry Natasha

 **America’s Ass:** he was going to spoil the surprise!

 **Irondad:** presents first and then we’re going to set off bud. Who’s going first?

 **Falcon107:** here Kid this is my present and here’s Rhodeys.

 **Spidermom:** nice

 **LittleSpider:** OMG THE LATEST WII???!?!?! THANK YOU SO MUCH MR WILSON!!!!!!!!

 **Falcon107:** no worries kiddo, but I’m still gonna whoop your ass on Mario Kart xD

 **Irondad:** what did Rhodey get you?

 **LittleSpider:** idk what it is? It’s just a blank envelope??? There’s nothing inside???

 **Spidermom:** something fell out and is under your seat

 **LittleSpider:** Uncle Rhodey bought me a voucher for the Science Shop I like and it has £120 on it!!!!!!

 **Irondad:** wow! You can call him before we head off😊

 **Hawkeye:** happy 16th here’s mine squirt

 **LittleSpider:** Yeah I will do Mr Stark!

 **LittleSpider:** WOWOWOWOWOWOWOW THANK YOU SO MUCH MR BARTON OMGOMGOGM

 **Irondad:** GET IT OUT NOW

 **LittleSpider:** omgicantbreathern

 **Green Rage Monster:** that’s so cool

 **Metal Arm:** when I was 16, I just got $2???

 **America’s Ass:** same, but things have changed a lot Bucky, just go with it – that’s what I do

 **Scarlett Bitch:** AWESOME!!!

 **Spidermom:** you bought him a fucking tarantula, seriously

 **Falcon107:** im going to throw up GET IT THE FUCNK AWSU FRIM ME PETR

 **Hawkeye:** chill it’s not real – it’s a really cool remote controlled one that he wanted a few months ago

 **Irondad:** great, doesn’t help that it looks very real

 **LittleSpider:** I’M NAMING HIM MR FURRYBOBS BC HIS LEGS ARE FURRY

 **Scarlett Bitch:** anywayyyyy, here’s my present Peter!!

 **LittleSpider:** that’s so sweet!!!!!! Thank you Wanda I LOVE IT!

 **Hawkeye:** aw

 **Falcon107:** cool!!!

 **Irondad:** I can borrow it though right?

 **Green Rage Monster:** That will help you in the lab eh Peter!?

 **LittleSpider:** definitely!! I love it, thanks Wanda and no Mr Stark it’s my coffee machine ok

 **Irondad:** pft anyway here’s Peppers gift

 **America’s Ass:** don’t cry Peter!

 **Metal Arm:** someone hug the kid jfc

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Nat’s nearest

 **Spidermom:** on it

 **Green Rage Monster:** I can’t see what it is from here!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** same

 **Irondad:** remember last movie night when EVERYONE was here?

 **Hawkeye:** everyone?

 **America’s Ass:** yeah like the guardians, Scott, Thor, Shuri, T’challa???

 **Metal Arm:** yeah…

 **Irondad:** Pepper must have taken a sneaky photo of us all – probably asked Friday to – and she’s put it in a frame with ‘My Family,’ written at the bottom of it! It’s pretty nice actually.

 **Scarlett Bitch:** awh <3

 **Hawkeye:** classic Pepper

 **Spidermom:** shut up Clint

 **Hawkeye:** yes ma’am

 **LittleSpider:** wow ok I wasn’t emotionally ready for that ok im fine now thanks

 **America’s Ass:** Here you go Peter, I hope you like it.

 **Irondad:** jfc

 **LittleSpider:** WOW! THANK YOU MR CAPTAIN AMERICA STEVE ROGERS SIR!!! THESE ARE THE ONES I WANTED OMG I NEED TO PUT THEM ON BRB

 **Hawkeye:** I cntbreathgefomgomgomgomg

 **America’s Ass:** will he ever call me Steve?

 **Green Rage Monster:** probably not

 **Scarlett Bitch:** hahahah Tony’s face

 **Spidermom:** omg look at the Kid – he looks so cute!!! Hang on I’ll take a picture

 **Irondad:** capsicle we’re gonna be having words later

 **America’s Ass:** shut up Tony, the Kid’s happy, look at his face!

**Spidermom sent JPEG ‘PeterinCapPj’s’ to Avengers Group Chat**

**Falcon107:** <3

 **Irondad:** cute but we all know I’m his favourite

 **Spidermom:** hem hem

 **Green Rage Monster:** think you mean me

 **Scarlett Bitch:** woah what

 **Hawkeye:** stop arguingggggg we all know he prefers me

 **Metal Arm:** shut up. Here’s my gift Peter.

 **LittleSpider:** Thank you so much Mr Barnes, but urrr…what is it?

 **Irondad:** you bought my Kid a fucking bomb?!?!?!?!?!?!

 **America’s Ass:** Bucky!

 **Hawkeye:** omg what is it

 **Spidermom:** you bought a 16 year old, a limonka…seriously Bucky?!

 **Metal Arm:** it’s a cool gift! No I didn’t buy it. It’s the same one I had during WW2. It’s good for a quick getaway. There’s 6 others inside the box.

 **Falcon107:** wtf

 **Scarlett Bitch:** so I went to the bathroom and come back to find Peter holding a fucking grenade???

 **Irondad:** blame Barnes

 **LittleSpider:** wow!!! Thanks Mr Barnes – I’m sure I’ll put them to good use!!

 **Green Rage Monster:** ok, so mine isn’t as dangerous as 7 grenades. Here you go Pete

 **Irondad:** ‘isn’t as dangerous’ … how about not at all?!

 **LittleSpider:** WOWOWOWOWOWOWOMGOMGOGM!!!! THAT IS AMAZING THANK YOU SO MUCH MR BANNER SIR!!!!

 **Spidermom:** anyone else confused as to what the hell it is

 **Hawkeye:** yup

 **Scarlett Bitch:** me

 **Falcon107:** me

 **America’s Ass:** yes

 **Metal Arm:** Yes

 **Irondad:** it’s Levitating Water

 **Hawkeye:** the fuck is that

 **Irondad:** it’s literally water droplets inside this tube thing that makes it look like it’s raining upwards

 **LittleSpider:** THISISSOCOOLANDTHEBESTBIRTHDAYEVER

 **Scarlett Bitch:** who’s left?

 **America’s Ass:** Nat, Thor and Tony

 **Irondad:** here’s Thor’s present bud – I have no idea what it is

 **Green Rage Monster:** I know what it is😊

 **LittleSpider:** no WAY

 **Hawkeye:** OMG!!!!!!

 **Irondad:** what is it?

 **Falcon107:** COOL!!!!!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** omg that is epic!

 **America’s Ass:** I think it’s some sort of laser?

 **Irondad:** oh ffs I told him no

 **Spidermom:** A demi-god bought him a nerf laser tag set?

 **Hawkeye:** THOR WE LOVE YOU MAN

 **LittleSpider:** ahhhhhhHSHSHAHHHHHHHHHH CAN WE HAVE A GAME BEFORE CAMPING PLEASE MR STARK

 **Irondad:** no because we are already behind schedule sorry kid; we’ll all have a go later on in the woods or something. Anyway, who’s next?

 **Spidermom:** here’s my present kid

 **Scarlett Bitch:** wow Nat that’s beautiful!!

 **Green Rage Monster:** that’s so sweet

 **Metal Arm:** kid’s crying again

 **Hawkeye:** on it

 **Irondad:** did you buy him a necklace with gibberish?

 **Irondad:** ow! Don’t throw stuff at me Nat!

 **Spidermom:** it’s Russian for BabySpider

 **Falcon107:** who’s left for presents?

 **Irondad:** best for last. Happy Birthday Peter <3

 **LittleSpider:** wow this box is big

 **Irondad:** Open the envelope first please Bud

 **LittleSpider:** ok – I hope it’s a voucher

 **Metal Arm:** Pete?

 **Green Rage Monster:** ummm…

 **Scarlett Bitch:** oh god

 **Spidermom:** has he just fainted?

 **Irondad:** what am I supposed to do?!!?!?!

 **Falcon107:** he’s waking up, everyone back off!

 **America’s Ass:** he’s literally shaking

 **Green Rage Monster:** I knew this was a bad idea Tony – I told you not to!

 **Irondad:** look at his smile, he’s fine

 **LittleSpider:** BEFISVBIWGRVF MKGWRGFBOKP; H29I0TH[ H4H

 **LittleSpider:** THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKTOUYTHANKYOUTKNLRYORUJT

 **Irondad:** You’re more than welcome. I’m in charge though until you’re 21. Look inside the box

 **Metal Arm:** wow that kid can scream loud

 **Hawkeye:** annnnnnnnd headache

 **Spidermom:** stop moaning, the kid’s just excited.

 **Scarlett Bitch:** I love seeing him this happy <3

 **America’s Ass:** when are we off camping???

 **Irondad:** in 10 minutes

 **Falcon107:** Tony just told Peter we’re off glamping, so he asked what that meant and Tony said camping with a gl LMFAO

 **Green Rage Monster:** omg hahaha

 **Spidermom:** Bucky stop trying to hide the grenades in Peter’s bag!

 **Metal Arm:** what if there’s an emergency and we need them?

 **Spidermom:** in the middle of a field?!

 **Metal Arm:** you can’t be too careful Romanoff

 **Spidermom:** ffs

 **LittleSpider:** I just want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart. This has been the best birthday ever so far and not just because of the presents, because I get to spend it with all of you and I’m so excited to go glamping <3 but ,….. thanks for all the AMAZING presents!!!!!

 **Irondad:** No worries Kiddo. We all love you. Let’s get going!

**Everyone is offline**


	25. Camping/Glamping Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the one you've all been waiting for! Sorry it took so long, Ive been busy sorting University out as I'm moving away in a few weeks!!
> 
> Tony and the Avengers take Peter Camping for his 16th birthday and lots of chaos ensues: marshmallow battles, water fights and bbq mishaps!
> 
> Part 2 will be up soon - stay tuned!

**Falcon107 is online**

**Spidermom is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**Falcon107:** if you don’t give us those marshmallows back in the next 6 seconds I’m going to lose my shit

 **Spidermom:** innocent until proven guilty Wilson

 **Metal Arm:** WE CAN SEE YOU EATING THEM AND YOU KEEP RUNNING AWAY FROM US

 **Hawkeye:** don’t know what ur talking about

 **Spidermom:** ^

 **Falcon107:** I’m going to get them back

 **Metal Arm:** this is war, you’re going to pay for this

 **Spidermom:** it’s like being threatened by 2 baby hamsters haha

**Hawkeye is offline**

**Spidermom is offline**

**Falcon107 is offline**

**Metal Arm is offline**

**America’s Ass is online**

**Irondad is online**

**Irondad:** we’ve only been here an hour and I want to kill myself

 **America’s Ass:** Tony, we literally just set the tents up – what’s the problem?

 **Irondad:** where do you think Nat, Barnes, Legolas and Sam are

 **America’s Ass:**???

 **Irondad:** walk to the trees on your left and duck

 **America’s Ass:** ok…

**America’s Ass is offline**

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** MR STARK

 **Irondad:** what

 **LittleSpider:** there’s no toilets here

 **Irondad:** jfc – Peter we’ve been over this, there are no toilets because we are in the middle of a field

 **LittleSpider:** but I need to go pee BAD

 **Irondad:** then do what we discussed – it’s a few minutes walk, past the tents and behind those big trees

 **LittleSpider:** URGHHHHH ok BUT DON’T LET ANYONE NEAR

 **Irondad:** Just go already

 **LittleSpider:** fine

**LittleSpider is offline**

**America’s Ass is online**

**America’s Ass:** Thanks for not telling me what was going on Tony, bc now I’m soaked and am hiding in a tree

 **Irondad:** I said to duck

 **America’s Ass:** I did and Barton shot me in the face

 **Irondad:** oh well keep all the shooting to a minimum please as we don’t have a medbay on site – only Bruce

 **America’s Ass:** it’s your fault for buying them

 **Irondad:** in my defence, I thought it would be a good bonding activity – I didn’t think they’d be used to decide the fate of a pack of marshmallows

 **America’s Ass:** great, now everyone else is here and they’ve all taken sides

 **Irondad:** who’s winning

 **America’s Ass:** idk I’m still in the tree, but it looks like Wanda has banded with Sam and they are trying to take down Natasha

 **America’s Ass:** never mind she got them

 **America’s Ass:** Clint and Bucky are having a stare down

 **America’s Ass:** Bruce is standing in the middle of the field looking very confused – Natasha’s shouting something at him and he’s running off now

 **America’s Ass:** shit Bruce just tackled Sam

 **Irondad:** ok I’m going to start the BBQ in a minute

 **America’s Ass:** Bucky’s got the marshmallows omg

 **America’s Ass:** oh Natasha’s pinned him to the ground

 **Irondad:** this is better than TV

 **America’s Ass:** what was that?

 **Irondad:** I heard it too????

 **Irondad:** OH FUCK

**LittleSpider is online**

**Spidermom is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**Falcon107 is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Green Rage Monster is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**LittleSpider:** FEUOWBU OG[FB[QU9 Q0HIEEFIQR

 **Irondad:** kid you ok?

 **Spidermom:** HOLY FUCK THAT WAS HILARIOUS

 **Hawkeye:** Sorry … :/

 **America’s Ass:** Peter? Where are you? Was that scream you?

 **LittleSpider:** IJQ3ENTTOPEEANDMRBJARTONFUCKKINGSQUIRTEDMMEINHTEFACE

 **Scarlett Bitch:** hang on, what’s going on?

 **Green Rage Monster:** idk but I can see your foot

 **Scarlett Bitch:** EFOU RGVSNO WOENF

 **Hawkeye:** hehehe I like having Bruce on our team

 **Irondad:** WHERE’S THE KID

 **Spidermom:** me and Barton heard a sound, so I signalled Clint to shoot – thinking it was Bucky, then he ended up shooting Peter in the face – who by the looks of his bright red face and his zipper that’s still undone, has just finished peeing

 **Irondad:** ffs, Kid I’m meant the other trees

 **LittleSpider:** WE’REINAFUCKINGFIELDANDNEXTTOAFORESTTHEY’REALLTREES

 **Spidermom:** it was so funny lmao

 **Hawkeye:** sorry squirt but it’s a battlefield here

 **LittleSpider:** I’m not happy.

 **Metal Arm:** Wanda get on my left

 **Scarlett Bitch:** little busy here

 **Green Rage Monster:** I’m so scared rn

 **Spidermom:** shut up and shoot Banner

 **America’s Ass:** right I’m coming in now

 **Spidermom:** ah good, some real competition

 **Hawkeye:** I WANT MY MARSHMALLOWS

 **Irondad:** hey kiddo are you ok?

 **LittleSpider:** yeah, I decided that I’d stake out Mr Barton for revenge and also I want some marshmallows

 **Hawkeye:** kid I’m a trained hunter you can’t seriouslhaOnxiFEABQOU[evih;gqe

 **LittleSpider:** hehehe

 **Metal Arm:** I’M IN POSITION

 **Scarlett Bitch:** same

 **Falcon107:** WHO HAS THE PACKAGE

 **America’s Ass:** NOT SURE OH GOD BUCKY THREW BRUCE IN THE LAKE

 **LittleSpider:** WHO’S TEAM AM I ON

 **Spidermom:** considering you just jumped on top of Barton I’m going to say you’re on the other side aka the side that will lose

 **LittleSpider:** it’s my birthday ☹

 **Spidermom:** kid I don’t care, there’s marshmallows involved #sorrynotsorry

 **LittleSpider:** MR STARK I NEED BACK UP

 **Irondad:** ok let’s take these fuckers down kiddo

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Steve you just fucking shot me in the head

 **America’s Ass:** sorry Wanda but everyone for themselves!!!

 **LittleSpider:** I can see you Mr Stark, look to your right

 **Irondad:** let’s do this kid - you ready?

 **LittleSpider:** I was born ready

 **America’s Ass:** oh god

 **Falcon107:** this isn’t gonna end well

 **Irondad:** NOW

 **Hawkeye:** on your 6 Tasha

 **Spidermom:** shit who’s on each team anymore ah fuck it I’m shooting everyone

 **Metal Arm:** WANDA USE YOUR POWERS

 **Scarlett Bitch:** H\ANG OJ

 **LittleSpider:** GOOD SHOT MR STARK

 **Irondad:** we’ve got this kid

 **Green Rage Monster:** so now I’m wet and have no idea what side people are on

 **Metal Arm:** SCREW YOU BARTON

 **Irondad:** on your right kid

 **America’s Ass:** HIDE BUCKY

 **America’s Ass:** never mind I thought I saw your foot but it was a squirrel

 **LittleSpider:** MR STARK WATCH OUT

 **Metal Arm:** I can see Stark

 **Falcon107:** who has the package?!

 **America’s Ass:** Not sure

 **Falcon107:** OMG NATASHA IS CHAASING MWE4

 **Green Rage Monster:** Idk but I’m honestly petrified rn – you all look so murderous

 **Irondad:** @LittleSpider – I can see you, I’m waving at u

 **Spidermom:** whoever is hiding in the bushes is about to get wet

 **Hawkeye:** WE’RE ON THE SAME SIDE NATASHA STOP SHOOTING ME

 **Spidermom:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **LittleSpider:** WANDA STOP USING YOUR POWERS!

 **Irondad:** ARE WE PLAYING DIRTY NOW??? PETER DO THE THING

 **LittleSpider:** ahhhhhhhh good idea

 **Green Rage Monster:** oh no please don’t I don’t know what it is but you’re smiling at me and I’m scared

 **Irondad:** NOW KIDDO!!!!

 **Green Rage Monster:** qhipfq3r9t7k yc308r1y9174

 **Hawkeye:** NO THEY GOT BRUCE :O

 **Spidermom:** fucking move before I hurt you Wanda I want my marshmallows

 **Metal Arm:** What just happened to Bruce?!?!?!

 **Metal Arm:** \WQ RU397 93R1 HP^£t5TP1R3Y80

 **Hawkeye:** what the fuck is going on Tasha I need help I’m scared

 **Spidermom:** too bad I’m in pursuit of my target – help yourself

 **Spidermom:** I’M COMING FOR YOU ROGERS

 **America’s Ass:** Bring it on Romanoff:D

 **Hawkeye:** EFBWOWU35-J OTN2

 **Irondad:** KID DEPLOY SECRET WEAPON

 **Falcon107:** WHATHTESHITTWHIWNWIT

 **Irondad:** NOW KID

 **Scarlett Bitch:** GOUW IJP24TWJ4

 **LittleSpider:** I HAVE THE PACKAGE RETREAT

 **LittleSpider:** RUUNNNNNNNNN MR STARK

 **America’s Ass:** no way was that Stark and Peter running past with the package?

 **Spidermom:** Barton you fucking moron why didn’t you stop them?!!!!

 **Hawkeye:** while you and Cap were going at it, I was thrown into the lake, along with Bucky, Wanda, Bruce and Sam … by the kid who apparently can also web via his body not just through his suit

 **Irondad:** good job kiddo

 **LittleSpider:** *evil laugh*

 **Spidermom:** are we all thinking the same thing?

 **Falcon107:** depends – what’s the split

 **America’s Ass:** it has to be fair

 **Hawkeye:** 70/30

 **Metal Arm:** 40/60

 **Bruce:** 50/50

 **Spidermom:** 60/40 last offer

 **Falcon107:** done

 **America’s Ass:** done

 **Irondad:** hang on what’s going on?

 **LittleSpider:** they’re all sore losers

 **Metal Arm:** done

 **Scarlett Bitch:** done

 **Green Rage Monster:** done

 **LittleSpider:** urrrrrrr….Mr Stark?

 **Hawkeye:** done

 **Spidermom:** Steve it’s your line

 **America’s Ass:** AVENGERS

 **America’s Ass:** ASSEMBLE

 **Irondad:** OH FUCK

 **LittleSpider:** NOONOOOOWION OO3QHR 3[HU

 **Falcon107:** man these taste nice

 **Metal Arm:** the pink ones are amazing

 **Spidermom:** job well done

 **Hawkeye:** the sweet taste of success

 **America’s Ass:** kinda feel bad about Tony and Peter though

 **Falcon107:** nah they deserved it Cap

 **Scarlett Bitch:** if we had to take an impromptu swim, then so did they

 **Metal Arm:** true Stark screams like a girl ahaha

 **Irondad:** shut up the water was freezing and I didn’t plan on taking a dunk in the lake

 **LittleSpider:** it was fun though! Hey can we use my new nerf laser tag guns now instead of the water guns???!!

 **Hawkeye:** fucking yes

 **Spidermom:** absolutely yes

 **America’s Ass:** yes but we’re picking teams this time

 **Scarlett Bitch:** yas

 **Green Rage Monster:** How many water and laser based guns did we bring?!

 **Metal Arm:** Definitely.

 **Falcon107:** I’m in

 **Irondad:** I bought us all water guns for this trip, and then the Kid has a set of 7 laser nerf guns from Thor, so 2 of us will need to use the water guns still. Dibs on the big water gun!!!! let’s do this:D

**Everyone is offline**

**LittleSpider is online**

**Irondad is online**

**America’s Ass is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**Spidermom is online**

**Falcon107 is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Green Rage Monster is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**Irondad:** Barton if I have to tell you one more fucking time to stop trying to take the burgers I’m going to lose my shit

 **America’s Ass:** Tony chill out. This trip is for Peter, no swearing

 **Irondad:** fuck off Capsicle I’m giving you a burnt one now

 **Spidermom:** will the rest of us get any food or???

 **Irondad:** listen, manning the BBQ is hard work ok and Peter, Bruce and Wanda got served first bc they weren’t PISSING ME OFF

 **Spidermom:** Stark you’ve been cooking for 30 minutes and only 3 of us have had food – which was all fucking burnt, so it wasn’t eaten anyway

 **Irondad:** blame Legolas

 **Spidermom:** no I blame you because you clearly can’t cook

 **Hawkeye:** I’m hungry ok and youre taking forever Tony

 **Irondad:** wow thanks guys

 **Hawkeye:** jeez don’t quit your day job, service here is appalling

 **Scarlett Bitch:** don’t even start, we all had burnt sausages – I could have written my name with it, we wouldn’t dare eat it

 **Hawkeye:** I’m about to eat fucking grass in a minute

 **Spidermom:** remember when I made that grass soup in China?

 **Hawkeye:** yeah omg can you make it now? It was quite nice

 **Spidermom:** we’re not in china and we’re in the middle of a fucking field

 **Hawkeye:** wouldn’t stop a true chef thou]heubfeo[q802

 **America’s Ass:** stop throwing knives Natasha, everyone’s hungry and we need to sort the bbq out

 **Irondad:** I’m so close to losing my shit rn

 **Metal Arm:** move over

 **Irondad:** fucking make me tinman

 **America’s Ass:** Tony just let Bucky give it a go

 **Spidermom:** I have more knives

 **Green Rage Monster:** no fighting or throwing knives ffs

 **Irondad:** IT’S FUCKING BURNT AGAIN NOW JFC STOP DISTRACTING ME WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T I MAKE A SELF EFFICIENT BBQ INSTEAD OF THIS $10,000 PIECE OF SHIT

 **Spidermom:** it’s literally the most expensive bbq ever, I’m pretty sure you just can’t cook Tony

 **America’s Ass:** we were all thinking the same thing Nat, but don’t piss him off anymore

 **Irondad:** nice to know I have support guys. Fuck off.

 **LittleSpider:** can someone else try bc I’m really hungry now I need to eat more than one burnt burger and half a corn on the cob, which I actually didn’t eat bc it looked like charcoal

 **Falcon107:** yeah I don’t give a shit who’s in charge, just someone give me food that isn’t burnt

 **Hawkeye:** m00d

 **Spidermom:** same

 **America’s Ass:** yep

 **Green Rage Monster:** I agree

 **Scarlett Bitch:** true

 **Irondad:** fine, I want a cheeseburger then

 **LittleSpider:** let’s play a game while we wait

 **Hawkeye:** ok you pick

 **LittleSpider:** I spy with my little eye…something beginning with…G

 **Irondad:** goose – the one by the lake over on the left?

 **LittleSpider:** no

 **Spidermom:** glass of gin – 2 guesses

 **LittleSpider:** no and no

 **America’s Ass:** Glade?

 **LittleSpider:** no but good guess

 **Hawkeye:** giant

 **Falcon107:** dude where the fuck is there a giant and they don’t even exist

 **Hawkeye:** that’s how you play I spy duh

 **Irondad:** I have no words

 **Green Rage Monster:** Clint, how do you play I spy

 **LittleSpider:** you don’t know?!?!?!

 **Green Rage Monster:** well obviously I know how to play it properly, but I want to know how Clint thinks you play

 **Hawkeye:** you guess the weirdest thing and then you win obviously that’s the game

 **LittleSpider:** that’s not how you play I spy Mr Barton

 **Hawkeye:** wtf yes it is

 **Green Rage Monster:** it isn’t at all

 **Irondad:** someone put me out of my misery – this conversation is painful

 **Scarlett Bitch:** are we seriously arguing about this

 **Spidermom:** apparently

 **Falcon107:** -_-

 **Irondad:** looks like it

 **Spidermom:** he grew up in a circus, so clearly that’s how he plays – but Barton you just guess what someone picks that’s in your line of vision – real things and not imaginary

 **Hawkeye:** nah that’s boring af

 **America’s Ass:** it’s the rules and you agreed to play it. I think Bucky is almost done though

 **LittleSpider:** So, who wants a go?

 **Spidermom:** giant fucking dickhead?

 **LittleSpider:** no smh

 **Irondad:** ahahah who Natasha?

 **Spidermom:** you for not being able to cook

 **Scarlett Bitch:** LMFAO

 **Green Rage Monster:** ahaha

 **Hawkeye:** SAVAGE

 **Falcon107:** xD

 **Irondad:** wow didn’t come here to be attacked Nat

 **Spidermom:** should have thought of that before you decided not to bother telling us you burn everything you ‘cook’

 **America’s Ass:** Peter, what were you thinking of for I – Spy?

 **LittleSpider:** grass.

 **Spidermom:** lmfao that was my next guess

 **Irondad:** sure it was

 **LittleSpider:** you’re all spy assassins, superheroes and geniuses, but you couldn’t guess ‘grass’ – considering we’re literally sitting on a blanket on top of it xD

 **Falcon107:** I’m honestly starving at this point I’ll eat the fucking grass

 **Metal Arm:** phones down – grubs up😊

 **LittleSpider:** I might be starving and very wet still, but this is the best trip ever and we’ve only been here for like 4 hours! THANKS MR BARNES :D

 **Hawkeye:** BURGERS

 **Scarlett Bitch:** YUM!!!!!

 **Falcon107:** PROPERLY COOKED FOOD

 **America’s Ass:** thanks Buck

 **Green Rage Monster:** Thanks Bucky:D

 **Spidermom:** good work Barnes

 **Irondad:** you're now in charge of the bbq Elsa

 **Metal Arm:** no problem, glad I could help and I kinda gathered that already Tony.

 **Irondad:** OMFG GET YOUR MITS OFF MY CHEESEBURGERS KATNISS

 **Hawkeye:** THEYRE NOT ALL YOURS 

**Spidermom:** boys play nice

 **Scarlett Bitch:** theres a spider on your tshirt Peter

 **LittleSpider:** 3RG19U139] U2T GT97 105G


	26. Camping/Glamping Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of the Avengers glamping trip! S'mores, scary stories and songs!  
> After the trip, there'll be some new faces in the Group Chat in the next few chapters!

**LittleSpider is online**

**Irondad is online**

**Spidermom is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**America’s Ass is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Falcon107 is online**

**Green Rage Monster is online**

**America’s Ass:** Tony – theres 6 tents and 9 of us, so who’s bunking up tonight, as all our bags are currently piled up in front of one of the tents and it’s starting to get dark…

 **Hawkeye:** also why do the tents have a weird ribbon thing of different colours on the zip??

 **Irondad:** : I’m giving you all a tent with a colour Legolas – they’re stuck on, so there’s no swapping about, Capsicle, the tent allocations for the next 3 days are as follows

_Me – Gold_

_Peter – Blue_

_The 2 master assassins – Purple_

_Barnes and Cap – Red_

_Wanda – Pink_

_Sam and Bruce – Green_

**LittleSpider:** I’m next to you Mr Stark!!!!!!

 **Irondad:** Kid I made the tent allocations I know. Your super hot Aunt also made me take on a loco-parentis thing, so I’m your temporary guardian for the next 3 days, which is also why your tent is close to me, incase you need me, but obvs you can go to any of us<3

 **LittleSpider:** <3 I’m off to unpack!!!!

 **Irondad:** Bud, I’ll give you a hand. Everyone meet up by my tent in 10 minutes, so we can have a campfire and celebrate the kid’s bday

 **America’s Ass:** sounds good! Bucky where are you??

 **Metal Arm:** already in the tent Stevie and I’m top bunk:D

 **America’s Ass:** crap

**Irondad is offline**

**LittleSpider is offline**

**America’s Ass is offline**

**Metal Arm is offline**

**Falcon107:** wow who knew that Stark had a heart

 **Hawkeye:** ikr

 **Spidermom:** hang on, why the holy fuck am I sharing with Barton

 **Scarlett Bitch:** bc you’re best friends…

 **Hawkeye:** I’m feeling the love Natasha

 **Spidermom:** dibs on the top bunk

 **Hawkeye:** FUCKING NO

 **Spidermom:** heheh

 **Falcon107:** cant argue with dibs, Clint

 **Green Rage Monster:** true, it’s like the law

 **Scarlett Bitch:** I mean it’s not the law but whatever

 **Falcon107:** was that a scream?

 **Green Rage Monster:** sounded kind of like a man though?

 **Scarlett Bitch:** that was defo Clint

 **Hawkeye:** FFS

 **Scarlett Bitch:** what’s happened?!?

 **Falcon107:** ^

 **Green Rage Monster:** ^

**Irondad is online**

**Irondad:** did you find my little surprise for you???

 **Hawkeye:** I hate you

**America’s Ass is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**Metal Arm:** why did I hear Clint scream and why can I hear Natasha crying with laughter from the tent next to us?

 **Hawkeye:** Stark has bought me the hunger games bed linen – with a giant picture of that weird moody teenager

 **Scarlett Bitch:** AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 **Irondad:** Knew you’d like it😊

 **Spidermom:** ICANTFBREAHTEGOMG

 **Green Rage Monster:** it’s only for 3 days Clint it can’t be that bad

**_Hawkeye sent a JPEG of ‘theworstdayofmylife’ to Avengers Group Chat_ **

**Green Rage Monster:** ok that’s pretty bad ngl

 **Falcon107:** LMFAOOOO

 **Scarlett Bitch:** HAHAHAHAHATHATSAMAZIGN

 **Metal Arm:** Any ideas Steve?

 **America’s Ass:** I honestly have no idea what is going on

 **Irondad:** what’s going on is that I’m a fucking genius

 **America’s Ass:** …

 **Irondad:** someone clue the 100 year old grandpa in

 **Falcon107:** Wanda you’re obsessed with it right???

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Yepppppp I’ve read them 6 times and I know the films word by word. SO Cap and Bucky, you know how Tony calls Clint ‘Katniss’ sometimes

 **Metal Arm:** yeah

 **America’s Ass:** Yes?

 **Scarlett Bitch:** it’s from this famous set of books and films called the Hunger Games. The main character is a teenage girl called Katniss Everdeen and Stark thought it would be funny to buy Clint a kids duvet with her face on it for the next 3 days

 **Metal Arm:** oh

 **America’s Ass:** I understood Tony’s Legolas reference, but I’m still very confused about this Katniss person

 **Scarlett Bitch:** next movie night we’ll watch it Steve. You’ll like it😊

 **America’s Ass:** :D

 **Falcon107:** I’ll be there if there’s popcorn, love me some hunger games

 **America’s Ass:** okay, why is there only 6 of us here???

 **Scarlett Bitch:** sorry, here!

 **America’s Ass:** okay 7 – Tony, who are we missing??

 **Irondad:** tweedle dum and tweedle dee get your butts over here now – stop fangirling over Katniss’s bed sheets

 **Spidermom:** we’re coming - that was so funny though

 **Spidermom:** omg even the lamp shade matches lmfao xD

 **Hawkeye:** that’s it, just dig that knife in a little bit deeper there Nat, just bc you’ve got nice purple sheets and a plain lampshade :’(

 **Spidermom:** #sorrynotsorry

 **Irondad:** can the 2 assassins please for the love of GOD, join the rest of us outside my tent bc I have a 16 year old who is about to wet himself with excitement over his first ever campfire

 **Spidermom:** shut up Tony we’re here

 **Irondad:** great – let’s go – follow the pathway up this little hill for a few minutes

 **Green Rage Monster:** where are we going exactly?

 **America’s Ass:** I have no idea

 **Irondad:** you’ll see in about 116 seconds

 **Scarlett Bitch:** plot twist – we’re going cliff jumping

 **Irondad:** I can guarantee you that we’re not doing that ever

 **Metal Arm:** ghost walk?

 **Spidermom:** it’s literally 6pm, who goes on a ghost walk when it’s still light?

 **Hawkeye:** us apparently

 **Irondad:** nope – here we are though

 **Scarlett Bitch:** holy shit

 **Metal Arm:** ^

 **Falcon107:** wow

 **Hawkeye:** omg

 **Spidermom:**!!!

 **America’s Ass:** That’s incredible Tony!

 **Green Rage Monster:** this is amazing!

 **Irondad:** Thanks, just a little something I put together for us and for the Kid

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** MR STARK THISX IS TUHE BEST ZTHING IVRR CEVER SEEEN

 **Irondad:** had to make it special – you’re only 16 once 😊 glad you like it kiddo, happy birthday

 **LittleSpider:** :O THERES A HOT TUB TOOOOOOO

 **Hawkeye:** are we going skinny dipping later or???

 **America’s Ass:** no Clint the hot tub is for relaxing, if you want to do that, then go to the lake

 **Green Rage Monster:** how about we don’t do that at all?!

 **Hawkeye:** kill joy :/

 **Spidermom:** have you seen the campfire Pete?

 **LittleSpider:** ARGJHGHGOBG

 **Metal Arm:** so I’m not one for fairylights and stuff but this is kinda sweet

 **Hawkeye:** THERES A HOT CHOCOLATE STATION OMG

 **Irondad:** I did that for everyone – help yourselves and have fun

 **Spidermom:** stop sneaking marshmallows before I end you Barton

 **Irondad:** We’re having s’mores, so I only put a handful out for the hot chocolates

 **Spidermom:** yeah well Clint ate them all

 **America’s Ass:** smh

 **Falcon107:** chocolate dust?

 **Irondad:** literally powdered chocolate – one per cup bc I don’t want everyone all hyper

 **LittleSpider:** hey Mr Stark?

 **Irondad:** what’s up bud?

 **LittleSpider:** what do we do now?

 **Irondad:** well everyone is doing their own thing atm and bc we aren’t all sat together, we could tell stories on here? Who wants to go first?

 **America’s Ass:** do they have to be true or not?

 **Metal Arm:** do they have to be happy stories

 **Spidermom:** idk

 **Irondad:** has anyone ever actually fucking gone camping before, except me and Clint? Probably should have asked this before …

 **America’s Ass:** no actually – that’s why so many of us wanted to go

 **Spidermom:** I mean I’ve camped out in a tent, in a snow blizzard in the depths of the Russian winter. I was on a stealth mission at Shield and had to take out a military base of 42 soldiers. It was hard in the snow, but we drank hot chocolate and told stories sometimes, you know before the rest of the team died. I only made it out with one gun-shot wound, so I even managed to go swimming one morning. So it’s kind of the same as now

 **Irondad:** apart from the snow, the mission, everyone dying and you almost dying…yeah, that could count as similar.

 **Scarlett Bitch:** I’ve been camping with my brother before in our garden, but this is a lot weirder and also better than what we did

 **Green Rage Monster:** I’ve never been camping, but as the Hulk, I crushed a few people once who were in a tent – they were making weird shapes with a torch and telling stories

 **Irondad:** ok, so let’s tell some stories then. They can be scary ones or real ones, or scary real ones – just remember that we all want to actually sleep tonight, so nothing too traumatising please if you can avoid it. Who’s going first?

 **Hawkeye:** once upon a time there livewdHOpieqf4-JOS9

 **Spidermom:** someone else go first

 **LittleSpider:** poor Mr Barton – you made him cry Auntie Nat!

 **Spidermom:** he’ll be fine, I refuse to listen to a fairytale

 **Irondad:** ffs. I’ll go first. Okay, so it was 2006 and me and @Rhodey were in Cyprus, having a great time, when all of a sudden there was a giant bang on the roof

 **LittleSpider:** :O what was it??!?!?!?

 **Hawkeye:** omg the tension

 **Spidermom:** was it a bomb

 **Irondad:** why the fuck would it be a bomb?

 **Spidermom:** how do I know?! What was it

 **Irondad:** a rooftile fell off

 **Falcon107:** …

 **Scarlett Bitch:** is that the whole story?

 **Irondad:** yeah

 **Spidermom:** that’s the worst story in the history of the world

 **Hawkeye:** my fairytale story would have been better than that

 **Spidermom:** anything would have been better than that

 **America’s Ass:** Tony, that’s the worst story I’ve ever heard in my life and I’m like 114

 **Metal Arm:** how can you not know how old you are

 **America’s Ass:** I lost track after like 92 tbh

 **Metal Arm:** same though

 **Spidermom:** ANYWAY, everyone is practically falling asleep after that terrible story …

 **Irondad:** listen I fucking tried ok

 **Scarlett Bitch:** this is painful to listen to

 **Green Rage Monster:** is this really how you successfully go camping? I’m not having fun

 **Falcon107:** same

 **Metal Arm:** im so bored

 **LittleSpider:** anyone else wanna tell a story that isn’t a fairytale and doesn’t suck?

 **Irondad:** wow thanks for that kid

 **LittleSpider:** sorry Mr Stark but that was the worst story I’ve ever heard

 **Irondad:** you tell one then

 **Falcon107:** this will be good

 **Spidermom:** oh god – please don’t let this be a true one

 **America’s Ass:** …

 **LittleSpider:** did I ever tell you all the time that I almost died

 **Irondad:** LOL WHICH ONE

 **Spidermom:** there’s been so many times you’ll have to be more specific

 **LittleSpider:** when a taco almost caused my demise

 **Hawkeye:** wtaf

 **Falcon107:** a taco!??! TELL US

 **Scarlett Bitch:** pls spill the tea

 **LittleSpider:** settle down kids and listen to this absolute belter

 **America’s Ass:** this can’t be good

 **Spidermom:** continue kid

 **LittleSpider:** ok so I was on patrol a few weeks ago and I was hungry, so I swung away happily minding my own business as usual when I saw a taco bell

 **Irondad:** my rooftop story was better than this

 **Spidermom:** no it wasn’t stfu, Peter continue

 **LittleSpider:** ok so I’d never actually ordered from taco bell before so I texted ned and asked him which one wasn’t too spicy bc I cough a lot with spices etc and if I eat anything too spicy now I’m a spider, apparently according to Bruce I could go into cardiac arrest so I wanted to be EXTRA CAREFUL – remember that for later on

 **Green Rage Monster:** glad you actually listened to my medical advice for once.

 **Metal Arm:** I mean he hasn’t finished the story yet so I’m pretty sure this isn’t going to end well

 **Hawkeye:** lmfao true

 **LittleSpider:** so I ring Ned and im like ‘yo dude which one isn’t spicy and stuff’ then he goes ‘oh the one with the green label is nice on the menu’ so I said ‘ok dude THE LIGHT GREEN OR THE DARK GREEN’ and HE SAID EITHER BC THEY HAVE THE SAME INGREDIENTS

 **LittleSpider:** spoiler alert, they didn’t have the same ingredients, the one that I chose had one of the spiciest spices in it ever and approximately 13 minutes later I was in intensive care in the hospital – still in my costume and mask, which I had to fucking web to my face as they kept trying to take it off when I got into the hospital

 **Scarlett Bitch:** ahahah Tony looks like hes gonna pass out

 **Spidermom:** why the holy fuck didn’t you go to the medbay

 **LittleSpider:** well I couldn’t bc of what happened in the ambulance

 **America’s Ass:** what happened?

 **Falcon107:** Best. Story. Ever.

 **LittleSpider:** well from what I remember I was eating my taco and then I woke up in an ambulance after passing out in taco bell. So I told the medical people that I was allergic to spicy stuff and thankfully they managed to pump me full of drugs that stopped my throat swelling

 **Spidermom:** but why didn’t you swing back to the medbay at the compound

 **LittleSpider:** bc I was worried that I would go back into cardiac arrest like I did in the ambulance and also I passed out again and I woke up in the hospital being kept alive by a machine

 **Spidermom:** fairs

 **Hawkeye:** you had a heart attack in the ambulance

 **LittleSpider:** an inconvenient heart problem, but basically yes

 **Green Rage Monster:** omfg this was last Tuesday?! You told me that you’d just eaten a bad burger and went to A&E for a little check up, which is why you were late back from patrol

 **LittleSpider:** potato potáto

 **Metal Arm:** Tony’s looking green

 **Scarlett Bitch:** what happened next

 **LittleSpider:** so I woke up after my heart attack and passing out, to being wired to hospital machines and stuff and was like yo guys I’m fine chill out, then they let me go, but the manager of taco bell contacted me and made me sign a waiver that I wouldn’t press charges as he and his employees ‘were freaking out that they almost killed Spiderman’ so they decided to make me an official sponsor as an apology for causing me cardiac arrest, even tho it was my fault technically because I trusted my fucking ‘best friend’ who almost fucking killed me

 **Falcon107:** holy FUCK is that why taco bell has got a ton of Spiderman merch atm

 **LittleSpider:** yep

 **Spidermom:** jfc it was your fault for not reading the ingredients

 **LittleSpider:** techincially it was Ned’s fault for not telling me that the two different green colours were in fact not the same ingredients

 **Irondad:** so many emotions so much anxiety

 **LittleSpider:** basically the moral of the story my dudes is to always read the ingredients at taco bell

 **Hawkeye:** feel like I’ve just been on an emotional rollercoaster

 **Irondad:** same – kid you’re banned from taco bell

 **LittleSpider:**!!! WTF NO

 **Irondad:** don’t even argue with me

 **LittleSpider:** smh I didn’t like the tacos anyway so whatever

 **Scarlett Bitch:** maybe bc you almost died????

 **LittleSpider:** true tho

 **America’s Ass:** ok…great, so anyone else fancy going next? Anyone got a good horror story?

 **Spidermom:** Yes

 **Falcon107:** god that sounded scary and she hasn’t even started yet

 **Hawkeye:** Tasha I want to sleep tonight pls

 **Scarlett Bitch:** this will be amazing

 **Irondad:** go for it Romanoff

 **Spidermom:** So in the Red Room, when we were little, we were told horror stories to keep us in line sometimes, you know the usual: don’t go outside when it’s dark or you’ll be shot on sight, or if you don’t do your daily routines then the guards will sacrifice you to the demon who lives in the basement etc

 **LittleSpider:** um that isn’t really usual stuff you tell kids to keep them in line…

 **America’s Ass:** oh god this is going to be bad isn’t it

 **Spidermom:** depends on what your definition of bad is

 **Scarlett Bitch:** continue pleaseeee

 **Spidermom:** Right. So one night me and a few others were all telling stories in our sleeping area and someone told a story about a little girl from about 20 years before – which is apparently a true story in Russia. There was an old building – like the one we passed earlier today; but apparently an angry old woman ghost haunted the building and has done since she died over 150 years ago. Anyway, the girl from 20 years before was called Lydia and one night on a dare from her friends, she snuck out of her room and went all the way to this building by herself, to stay in the abandoned garden until the sun came up

 **Irondad:** dumbass kid

 **Falcon107:** why would she go there without an adult smh

 **Spidermom:** Shut up and listen

 **Spidermom:** Lydia made her way into the garden and waited to go home until the sun was almost about to come up, when she heard a creaking sound, coming from the backdoor – which was creepy, as according to her friends, it was always locked.

 **LittleSpider:** this is a true story?

 **Scarlett Bitch:** she said it was so shushhhh

 **Spidermom:** yes it’s apparently a true story. Anyway, Lydia couldn’t see much because it was still kind of dark, but she heard a scratching sound coming from the back door, which slowly opened

 **Hawkeye:** :O

 **Spidermom:** legend has it, that she went inside and everything went silent. No wind, no insects, not even the sound of her own breath, until she heard a croaky womans voice saying ‘I see you, time to die’ and then Lydia felt a knife pierce her stomach. The single light above her head flicked on and she watched as the old woman laughed and stabbed her again and again, watching the blood stain the floor, as Lydia died. The old woman then took Lydia’s body into the forest that surrounded the house and threw it into the river. Apparently if you step foot into the room, then the old woman will kidnap you, stab you and pull you under the depths of the river and you’ll never be seen again

 **Irondad:** jfc Natasha

 **Metal Arm:** good bye sleep

 **Hawkeye:** stop fucking looking at me Sam

 **Falcon107:** you’re trembling man

 **Hawkeye:** I FUCKING KNOW BC IM SCARED OK

 **America’s Ass:** Peter?

 **Scarlett Bitch:** he’s over by the hottub and is proper shaking and he looks a bit sick

 **Irondad:** you alright bud?

 **Green Rage Monster:** Great, Natasha’s traumatised the Kid and Clint bc he’s rocking back and forth

 **LittleSpider:** mr stark we’re surrounded by trees and a river I don’t want to die and what if the old woman comes down from the house we drove past earlier and kills me and im really scared

 **Metal Arm:** Peter it’s not real

 **Spidermom:** it is according to legend

 **America’s Ass:** Natasha stop scaring the kid

 **Irondad:** ok thanks Nat now everyone needs some form of therapy… Legolas can you please tell us your fairy tale now bc I want us all to be able to sleep tonight

 **Spidermom:** Do I win best story?

 **Falcon107:** you made the kid cry Natasha

 **Metal Arm:** aw Tony ran over to him and gave him a hug

 **Scarlett Bitch:** #irondadspiderson

 **Hawkeye:** can we all sit together now pls bc im scared

 **Spidermom:** You all wanted a good story ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **Falcon107:** Wanda you’re up

 **Scarlett Bitch:** nothing can beat Tasha’s story, Bruce?

 **Green Rage Monster:** I’d rather just listen you all you lot

 **Irondad:** Capsicle you’re like 500, you must have some absolute belters

 **America’s Ass:** I have a few, but they aren’t appropriate

 **Spidermom:** lmfao tell us later

 **America’s Ass:** maybe

 **Irondad:** right, it’s dark now no more scary stories

 **Hawkeye:** I brought my guitar??

 **Spidermom:** fucking why

 **Hawkeye:** well im not going to sleep on it am i

 **LittleSpider:** oooooo play a song please mr barton

 **America’s Ass:** that will be nice

 **Metal Arm:** im not up to date with the latest pop music

 **Irondad:** -___-

 **Hawkeye:** ok here we go buckle up kids

 **Spidermom:** what the fuck kind of song is this

 **Scarlett Bitch:** …is it

 **LittleSpider:** …it is

 **Green Rage Monster:** this cant be good

 **Scarlett Bitch:** LETS GATHER ROUND THE CAMPFIRE

 **LittleSpider:** AND SING OUR CAMPFIRE SONG

 **Scarlett Bitch:** OUR C A M P F I R E S O N G SONGAND IF YOU DON’T THINK THAT WE CAN’T SING IT FASTER THEN YOURE WRONG

 **LittleSpider:** IT’LL HELP IF YOU JUST SING ALONGGGGG

 **America’s Ass:** bum bum bum

 **Irondad:** hang on even Capsicle knows this?!?!

 **Metal Arm:** it’s that talking sponge right? Yeah he watches it with the kid on Saturday mornings sometimes

 **Spidermom:** I want to stab myself just so I don’t have to listen to this.

 **Falcon107:** mood

 **LittleSpider:** C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song!!! And if you don't think that we can sing it faster then you're wrong!!!! But it'll help if you just sing along WANDA

 **Scarlett Bitch:** C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song!!! And if you don't think that we can sing it faster then you're wrong - but it'll help if you just sing along STEVE

 **America’s Ass:** C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song!!! And if you don't think that we can sing it faster then you're wrong - but it'll help if you just sing along NATASHA

 **Spidermom:** …

 **LittleSpider:** GOOD!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** IT’LL HELPPPPPPPPPP

 **LittleSpider:** IT’LL HELPPPPPPPPPP

 **America’s Ass:** IF YOU JUST SING A LONGGGGGG

 **LittleSpider:** WOOOOOOOO

 **Hawkeye:** I’ve never felt happiness like this in my life

 **Irondad:** there are no words

 **Hawkeye:** next song requesttttttt

 **Spidermom:** urgh this is going to be a long night -____-

**Everyone is offline**


	27. Camping/Glamping Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final part of the camping trip!!!  
> Windy weather, kayaking, grass karting and capture the flag!! Lots of fluff ensues in this chapter!  
> Some new faces will be in the next chapter too:D  
> Please leave a kudos and a comment if you liked it or if you have any suggestions for future chapters!   
> Thanks so much for reading <3
> 
> MarvelObsessedgirl3  
> xx

**LittleSpider is online**

**Irondad is online**

**America’s Ass is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**Spidermom is online**

**Falcon107 is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Green Rage Monster is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**America’s Ass:** just for the record, I still think this was a bad idea

 **Hawkeye:** nahhhhh what could go wrong?!

 **Irondad:** it’s totally safe and we’re just having fun

 **LittleSpider:** OMG THIS IS SO MUCH EUGOxdo g9-]zgdwN ,

 **Scarlett Bitch:** LMFAO he just fell off and rolled down the hill into a bush

 **Metal Arm:** this is amazing.

 **Spidermom:** someone go get the kid jfc

 **Green Rage Monster:** This is the weirdest thing I’ve ever done

 **Metal Arm:** even after we went pond dipping for frogs yesterday

 **Green Rage Monster:** ah true

 **Falcon107:** ITS SO COOL

 **Hawkeye:** Hahaha im in front of u Tasha

 **Spidermom:** look again barton

 **Hawkeye:** crap

 **LittleSpider:** IM ALIVE and kinda itchy actually

 **Irondad:** kid you’re literally behind me I know you’re alive – it’s probably just mosquito bites

 **America’s Ass:** oh it’s on Wanda !!!

 **Irondad:** wanda stop using your powers it’s cheating

 **Spidermom:** who’s in front

 **Metal Arm:** hehehe

 **Green Rage Monster:** Barnes apparently

 **Falcon107:** on your left Rogers

 **America’s Ass:** FUCK NO

 **Falcon107:** cya sucker

 **Scarlett Bitch:** stop trying to derail me parker

 **LittleSpider:** it’s hard to control! Ive never driven one of these befosdou u3r0

 **Spidermom:** there he goes again ffs

 **Hawkeye:** how can he not drive

 **Metal Arm:** hes 16

 **America’s Ass:** h zvqaetg0 f1-93u5

 **Spidermom:** there goes Cap

 **Scarlett Bitch:** none of us know how to drive these things tbh

 **Hawkeye:** you just tipped Steve over!!!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** he was slowing me down driving like an old lady

 **Falcon107:** lmao

 **Green Rage Monster:** tell that to Bucky whos currently over by the river and is way in front of us lot

 **Spidermom:** I’m coming for you Barnes

 **Metal Arm:** bring it on Romanoff

 **Irondad:** Kiddo are you ok?

 **LittleSpider:** yep yep im good hAng 0n

 **Falcon107:** YOU CNT WEB YOURSELF TO THE KART THAT’S CHEATING

 **LittleSpider:** listen I don’t want brain damage ok

 **Scarlett Bitch:** you should have thought about that before you agreed to grass karting!

 **Spidermom:** leave the kid alone and fucking move out of the way Stark before I stab u

 **Irondad:** stop bumping into me natasha

 **Spidermom:** then move

 **LittleSpider:** OH SHI-9Q315 I=TT0H2

 **Hawkeye:** LMFAO

 **Irondad:** not again kid istg

 **Scarlett Bitch:** hahaha Rogers is peddling like an old man

 **America’s Ass:** im so scared and im peddling at a safe speed ok

 **Metal Arm:** I WON

 **Scarlett Bitch:** I’M 2ND

 **Hawkeye:** bc you cheated!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** no im calling it using my powers to my advantage

 **Spidermom:** wanda you literally tipped Cap over

 **Scarlett Bitch:** sorry Steve

 **America’s Ass:** it’s fine

 **Metal Arm:** wanda I’d move if I was you

 **Scarlett Bitch:** why would Iuow 93g fkas10= hditp-2]

 **America’s Ass:** HAHAHA KARMA

 **Spidermom:** anyone got eyes on the kid?

 **Irondad:** wtf why is wanda in the lake

 **Hawkeye:** cap just threw her in bc she tipped him over earlier

 **Irondad:** oh ok where’s the kid

 **Green Rage Monster:** have we all crossed the finish line?

 **Metal Arm:** we all have but peter hasn’t

 **Spidermom:** oh shit there he is, what’s happened to his face :O

 **Green Rage Monster:** looks like a rash?

 **Falcon107:** why is he covered in red spots

 **Irondad:** jfc

 **Metal Arm:** what is going on

 **Scarlett Bitch:** steve I hate you

 **Hawkeye:** somethings wrong with peters face

 **Irondad:** yeah we fucking know captain obvious

 **America’s Ass:** serves you right wanda – anyway, Peter what happened?!

 **LittleSpider:** so it turns out that the bush I fell into earlier was actually poison ivy

 **Spidermom:** lmfao

 **Hawkeye:** ahahaha

 **Falcon107:** damn that’s gross

 **Metal Arm:** only you would fall into a poison ivy bush

 **Irondad:** jeez kid we’ve only been here a day :/

 **LittleSpider:** don’t worry my spidey powers will get rid of it soon

 **Green Rage Monster:** I came prepared, I’ve got some cream in my tent peter

**Green Rage Monster is offline**

**LittleSpider is offline**

**America’s Ass:** what else have you got planned for today Tony?

 **Irondad:** well as it’s our second to last day, I might have organised a super fun bonding activity on the lake

 **Spidermom:** that lake leads to the sea though right and also it’s mega windy today js

 **Irondad:** yep and I know – we’re going kayaking

 **Scarlett Bitch:** HOLY SHIT YES YOU SAID WE CUOLDNT THO

 **Metal Arm:**!!!! that’s so cool

 **Irondad:** we aren’t going on rapids or anything, just the lake, so I decided to let you all have a bit of fun, also due to the weather I’ve brought a few suits which will be on stand by incase anything goes wrong

 **America’s Ass:** kayaking?

 **Hawkeye:** like a long boat and we race

 **America’s Ass:** cool, what teams are we on?

 **Spidermom:** these are the boats – Tony’s standing by them, looks like its 3 to a boat, so 3 lots of 3, also I’m gonna beat all your asses bc I’m really good at this

 **Metal Arm:** Steve? Wanda?

 **Scarlett Bitch:** already in a boat Barnes get in

 **America’s Ass:** We’re going to win.

 **Spidermom:** not a chance

**LittleSpider is online**

**Green Rage Monster is online**

**LittleSpider:** OMGGOMGOGMG WE’RE GONOING KAYAKING OGMOGMOG

 **Irondad:** yep u ok now?

 **Green Rage Monster:** he’s completely fine – his spider powers healed him up and the cream basically didn’t do anything lol

 **LittleSpider:** yeah IM FAB – NAT IM ON YOUR TEAM

 **Irondad:** woah kid what the fuck

 **Spidermom:** ok but why

 **LittleSpider:** bc you’re so cool and you said youre good at this and I REALLY want to win

 **Spidermom:** fairs, get in the boat then with Barton

 **Hawkeye:** we’ve got this :D

 **Irondad:** wow pete that cut deep

 **LittleSpider:** sorry mr stark but it’s on like donkey kong

 **Irondad:** Bruce, Sam?

 **Falcon107:** already got us a boat

 **Green Rage Monster:** urgh this isn’t going to end well but ok

 **Irondad:** right, so we start here by this flag and the end is wayyyyyyyyy over there at the other end of the lake. It’s pretty windy, so be careful around bends and also be careful in general – suits are on standby incase anything goes wrong

Teams are:

_Me, Bruce and Sam_

_Nat, Barton and the kid_

_Cap, Barnes and Wanda_

**LittleSpider:** when do we go

 **America’s Ass:** dunno

 **Irondad:** when the captain of each boat is ready

 **Spidermom:** ready

 **Hawkeye:** woah who made u captainhiqt0 f1r FHT02ONF

 **LittleSpider:** omg she just threw a knife at his head

 **Irondad:** no knife throwing near my kid pls

 **Spidermom:** killjoy

 **America’s Ass:** Tony, Nat, you ready?

 **Irondad:** you’re going down Capsicle

 **Spidermom:** hand us the trophy now bc we’re defo gonna win

 **Metal Arm:** bold talk but u need to prove it Romanoff

 **Irondad:** 3 …. 2 …. 1 …. GO

 **Spidermom:** ROW LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT

 **Hawkeye:** I mean it probably does bc if we don’t win im pretty sure you’ll stab us

 **Spidermom:** true

 **Falcon107:** Tony we need more speed!

 **Irondad:** im moving as fast as I fucking can!

 **LittleSpider:** This is so much fun!!!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** I’ve literally just been hit by a fucking wave and am now soaked

 **America’s Ass:** yeah it’s actually pretty rough waters Tony – are you sure this is safe?

 **Irondad:** we’ll be fine – last to the finish line has to cook dinner tonight

 **Metal Arm:** we all know it’s going to fall on me to do it again tho

 **Scarlett Bitch:** shut up and row!!

 **Falcon107:** wow the waters rough

 **Green Rage Monster:** shit we almost got tipped over!!!

 **Irondad:** it’s fine keep rowing I can see the finish line

 **Hawkeye:** im so scared rn bc Natasha is looking at me with murderous intent as I touched the paddle when I wasn’t allowed to

 **Spidermom:** urrrr … speaking of murderous intent

 **Green Rage Monster:** did you feel that bump?

 **Falcon107:** yeah but it’s probably a log, keep rowing

 **Spidermom:** is that what I think it is?

 **Metal Arm:** oh fuck

 **LittleSpider:** urmmmm mr stark

 **America’s Ass:** what is it?

 **Irondad:** what kid?

 **LittleSpider:** logs don’t move right?

 **Scarlett Bitch:** oh SHIT

 **Hawkeye:** OMFG

 **Irondad:** FUCKginowu 3rj -9

 **Green Rage Monster:** gr931[hu0r 3[u

 **Falcon107:** uoqefuqeu9g [p tlgkn

 **LittleSpider:** MR STARK!!!!!

 **America’s Ass:** Bucky get us out of here

 **Metal Arm:** trying to steer but these waters are really strong

 **Hawkeye:** Nat the kids crying

 **Scarlett Bitch:** peter they’re fine, the splash of the boat made the crocodiles swim off

 **Metal Arm:** speaking of the crocodiles, they have regrouped and theres now 5 js

 **America’s Ass:** oh shit they’re behind us now

 **Spidermom:** kid stop crying Tony’s fine – look the standby suits picked them all out of the water

 **Hawkeye:** I’m so scared rn

 **LittleSpider:** fuckign same

 **America’s Ass:** I can see the finish line we’re almost there

 **Spidermom:** hey rogers

 **America’s Ass:** NO NON NONONONONO

 **Scarlett Bitch:** HOW THE FUCK DID SHE DO THAT

 **LittleSpider:** mr stark?

 **Irondad:** don’t worry kiddo we’re fine – win the race for us😊

 **Spidermom:** no problem there bc WE FUCKING WON

 **LittleSpider:** YES

 **Hawkeye:** WOOOOOOO FU CROCODILES

 **Irondad:** I’m sending the suits to lift the boats back just incase the crocodiles are waiting

 **America’s Ass:** thank god

 **LittleSpider:** phew thanks mr stark

 **Irondad:** no worries kid, time to go and eat more s’mores

 **Hawkeye:** pretty sure ive got diabetes now

 **Spidermom:** not surprised tbh you’ve eaten like a full bag of marshmallows before dinner you moron

 **Scarlett Bitch:** lmao exposed

 **Hawkeye:** wow didn’t come here to be judged nat

 **Falcon107:** god you guys are so weird

 **America’s Ass:** Bucky – you starting the bbq ?

 **Metal Arm:** on it

 **Irondad:** omg the kid and Bruce are building a fort made out of branches

 **Green Rage Monster:** come and help us – it’s fun

 **Spidermom:** jfc slow down Clint

 **America’s Ass:** this is going to be great

 **Scarlett Bitch:** dibs on the big branch

 **Hawkeye:** you can’t call dibs on a tree branch

 **Falcon107:** she just did

 **Spidermom:** ^

 **Hawkeye:** unfair dudes

 **Metal Arm:** im literally cooking everyone’s dinner so I’ll pass

 **Irondad:** can’t believe it’s the last day tomorrow already – as much as I despise you all more than 70% of the time, it’s been fun

 **America’s Ass:** thanks???

**Everyone is offline**

**LittleSpider is online**

**Irondad is online**

**America’s Ass is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**Spidermom is online**

**Falcon107 is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Green Rage Monster is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**Spidermom:** go away Barton before I hurt you

 **Hawkeye:** im bored

 **Spidermom:** you’re literally making me want to hurt you

 **America’s Ass:** can we go yet why are we waiting

 **Irondad:** no we’re not leaving, as peter’s having a hard time in the wilderness

 **Spidermom:** huh

 **Metal Arm:** where is he? Is he hurt?

 **Irondad:** no he’s just occupied

 **Hawkeye:** what?!

 **America’s Ass:** I thought he was just getting dressed?

 **Irondad:** he’ll be a few minutes, he’s fine don’t worry

 **LittleSpider:** are you meant to dig the hole before or after??????

 **Falcon107:** oh hell no

 **Hawkeye:** LMFAO

 **Scarlett Bitch:** ew wtf peter

 **LittleSpider:** JFEPOJTGIRJ OH GOD this is embarrassing I thought this was the private chat with mr stark sorry guys

 **Spidermom:** wow this got awkward fast

 **America’s Ass:** Peter, are you ok?

 **Irondad:** he’s fine, pete accidently ate some of those berries by our tent – as he thought they were blackberries, and they weren’t, they were poisonous, so he started moaning about stomach ache, then informed me that his stomach was about to have some issues and ran off into the bushes

 **Metal Arm:** ffs peter

 **Hawkeye:** im honestly struggling to breathe rn

 **Scarlett Bitch:** LMFAO

 **LittleSpider:** mR sTaRk iT wAs BeFoRe

 **Irondad:** TMI kid, just hurry up and get over here so we can go and have fun before we have to leave this afternoon

 **Spidermom:** great is anyone else having bowel problems

 **Hawkeye:** yeah, I’ve been twice today already I think it’s the stress of pooping outside☹

 **America’s Ass:** why are we discussing this omg

 **Falcon107:** lmao clint

 **Scarlett Bitch:** noooooo sToP HAHAHA

 **Spidermom:** IT WAS SARACASM JFC

 **LittleSpider:** im back and im fine and we are NEVER speaking of this again ok good lets go, also were are we going mr stark

 **Irondad:** we’re going to play the ultimate camping game – the suits have picked the locations so there isn’t any cheating from either time btw

*******

**Falcon107:** Stark when you said we were going to play ‘the ultimate camping game’ I didn’t think I’d be walking around a wood, very lost whilst looking for a piece of cloth

 **America’s Ass:** me and Bruce are so lost rn we haven’t seen anyone for like 25 minutes

 **Irondad:** stop moaning and look for the flag

 **Spidermom:** I can hear wanda yelling for help and screaming

 **Metal Arm:** oh that’s just bc I threw her into a pile of mud

 **Spidermom:** fairs – have you found the flag yet

 **Metal Arm:** nope but I have a visual on the kid

 **Spidermom:** find the flag or ill hurt you

 **Hawkeye:** Nat I need assistance

 **Scarlett Bitch:**??? didn’t I just see you ???

 **Spidermom:** what now Barton

 **Hawkeye:** I got a bit stuck

 **America’s Ass:** I appear to have completely lost Bruce

 **Irondad:** he’ll turn up I wouldn’t worry about it

 **Spidermom:** where are you Clint

 **Hawkeye:** by a big tree

 **Spidermom:** we’re in a fucking wood surrounded by trees you absolute moron

 **Hawkeye:** by a rose bush??

 **America’s Ass:** it’s ok I found Bruce he was rocking back and forth by a big tree

 **Irondad:** lmao

 **Scarlett Bitch:** ARHBEFJH OIGNW

 **Metal Arm:** ahaha

 **LittleSpider:** omg Mr Barnes just threw wanda into a big muddy puddle OH FUCK HES RUNNING TOWARDS MEBOURH80 – JR GJBO

 **Scarlett Bitch:** im going to fucking kill you @MetalArm

 **Irondad:** When I said let’s play capture the flag, I didn’t invisage half the team covered in mud, lost, threatening death on each other and apparently stuck in a tree @Hawkeye

 **America’s Ass:** we’ve been playing for 2 hours and neither team has found the other teams flag

 **Hawkeye:** I can hear someone and I’m so scared rn

 **Falcon107:** wtf was that

 **Scarlett Bitch:** idk but did I ever mention that I hate mud

 **Irondad:** kid where are you?!?

 **Spidermom:** jeez you scream like a girl @hawkeye

 **Hawkeye:** holy fuck that was terrifying

 **Hawkeye:** im pretty sure I’ve just wet myself

 **Irondad:** where the hell is @LittleSpider

 **Metal Arm:** idk but I’m so lost rn

 **America’s Ass:** are you unstuck now Clint?

 **Hawkeye:** affirmative but im pretty sure natasha made me wet myself as she literally scared me on purpose

 **Spidermom:** serves you right for getting your fat ass stuck

 **Hawkeye:** wow I thought we were friends

 **Spidermom:** 😉 ily

 **Hawkeye:** ily2 now can we find the flag pls

 **Spidermom:** on it

 **LittleSpider:** what happens when we find the flag mr stark?

 **Irondad:** we win

 **LittleSpider:** oh in that case

**_LittleSpider sent JPEG to Avengers Group Chat: ifoundtheredflagthingybutimlost_ **

**Irondad:** YOU DID IT KID WE WON

 **Scarlett Bitch:** YASSSSSSS

 **Falcon107:** damn we lost @Spidermom @Hawkeye @MetalArm also can we leave now

 **Green Rage Monster:** we won?

 **America’s Ass:** apparently yeah – good game – everyone meet up by the tents so we can pack up

 **Spidermom:** this is your fault for getting stuck Barton istg

 **America’s Ass:** good game guys, but can someone pls find me and Bruce as we are very lost

 **Irondad:** I’ve got a suit flying round to find everyone hahaha

 **LittleSpider:** guys before we head off – I just want to thank you all for the best camping trip ever and the best 16th birthday <3 love you all so much!!!<3 <3

 **Irondad:** love you bud, glad you had a good time. Please don’t tell your super hot aunt that you almost got eaten by a crocodile, got poisoned by ivy and berries and also almost fell off a hill on a grass kart thing ok

 **LittleSpider:** Ok😊

 **Spidermom:** love you kid xo

 **America’s Ass:** We all love you Peter, so happy you had a good time x

 **Green Rage Monster:** So happy you had fun Peter. Love you😊

 **Falcon107:** god you’re all so mushy – love you too Parker

 **Metal Arm:** Love you kid

 **Hawkeye:** ily squirt x

 **Scarlett Bitch:** <3 <3 <3 So much love Pete xxx

***

**LittleSpider:** omg so I went to go and pack and who the hell took my nerf guns and my water gun

 **Hawkeye:** one last game??????

 **Irondad:** sure why not

 **America’s Ass:** Tony the plane though??

 **Irondad:** it’s my plane it leaves when I do

 **Spidermom:** lmao

 **LittleSpider:** I want the big nerf gun!! You’re all going downnnnn

 **Irondad:** game on kiddo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.activeoutdoors.info/insanely-fast-grass-karting/
> 
> \- for if anyone is confused about what grass karting is :)


	28. Avengers Vs The Space Idiots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some new faces are in the group chat for this chapters and they might make some more appearances in this fic too:)

**Everyone is online**

**Irondad:** I just want to apologise in advance but I really didn’t have a choice, Fury is making me bc he wants us all to apologise to each other via this ‘safe space’ after what happened today when we tried to kill each other or something

 **Nicholas Fury:** Damn right. You’re meant to be the world’s mightiest heroes, so you can’t throw buildings at people when you don’t like them

 **Spidermom:** this better not be what I think it is, don’t you dare Tony – they’re morons

 **Pointbreak:** I am currently in Asgard and have no idea what this conversation is about.

 **Irondad:** just some space weirdos – pretty sure you know them actually Thor

 **Pointbreak:** ah perhaps. I shall wait here until they arrive in our communication chat.

 **America’s Ass:** they aren’t even Avengers Tony.

 **Irondad:** don’t you think I know that?! Fury and Pepper are staring at me and I’m so scared now I don’t have a choice :/

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Look, the fucking World’s Mightiest Heroes are yet again the cause of another PR nightmare so you all need to apologise for your behaviour in the last joint mission, so I can go back to ignoring you all.

 **LittleSpider:** what’s going on??? I wasn’t even in the mission today lol I had school

 **Green Rage Monster:** same I was in the lab im so confused

 **Hawkeye:** wtf is going on I fell asleep for an hour bc you lot said you had the mission handled and I turn on the news to find half of New York in pieces????

 **Spidermom:** you don’t want to know what happened, lets just say that we might have caused the news on the rubble on 42nd 

**LittleSpider:** omg that was you all?!

 **Falcon107:** we stopped some aliens with some help, but then afterwards there was an argument and we might have destroyed a building

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** 3 buildings, a post office, a library and a fucking donut shop.

 **Metal Arm:** it was a big argument

 **Scarlett Bitch:** in my defence they pissed me off big time

 **Spidermom:** big m00d

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** YOU CAN’T JUST GO AROUND THROWING BUILDINGS AT PEOPLE YOU DON’T LIKE JFC. APOLOGISE OR ELSE.

**Pepper Potts CEO is offline**

**Irondad:** :O ohhhhh shit that isn’t good, maybe I just need to go see Pep, I’ll be back soon

 **Nicholas Fury:** Stark.

 **Irondad:** never mind ill see her later

 **Nicholas Fury:** add them or I will

 **Irondad:** fine whatever, but I think it’s a horrible idea

**Irondad** added **Footloose, Green Mulan, therealcaptain, Tree, Grasshopper, Nebula and Drax the Destroyer** to **Avengers Group Chat**

**Nicholas Fury is offline**

**LittleSpider:** OMFG NO FUCKING WAY

 **America’s Ass:** Calm down Peter, this is strictly professional.

 **Therealcaptain:** Oh not these clowns again

**Irondad changed therealcaptain’s name to Build-A-Bear**

**Irondad changed Drax the Destroyer’s name to Tough Guy**

**Pointbreak:** HEY IT’S THE RABBIT!

 **Footloose:** oh great muscle man is here too

 **BuildABear:** I’m not a rabbit ffs

 **Tree:** I am Groot

 **Footloose:** yeah exactly what I was thinking too Groot

 **Tough Guy:** Did we not try to kill you all this morning?

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Yeah you did and we didn’t like it

 **Grasshopper:** It was not our fault, you provoked us

 **Spidermom:** no we did not, you did with your stupid little plan

 **Footloose:** woah my plan actually worked – do you see any aliens anymore???

 **Falcon107:** no bc we killed them all with OUR plan

 **Green Mulan:** it was definitely us that did that

 **Rhodey:** I mean it wasn’t but whatever, apologise and we can go back to hating each other

 **Irondad:** Listen, we don’t want to talk to you either, but due to what happened earlier @Fury and @PPotts want us all to apologise

 **Green Mulan:** go for it then

 **Spidermom:** He means both sides.

 **America’s Ass:** We will take responsibility for our actions and we ask that you do the same.

 **Footloose:** Well unfortunately for you lot, we don’t want to be a part of your shitty little superhero club

 **Nebula:** ^

 **LittleSpider:** OMG DOES THIS MEAN IM AN OFFICIAL SUPERHERO MR STARK

 **Irondad:** no kid you’re an honorary member

 **LittleSpider:** ah ok

 **Hawkeye:** just out of curiosity what was the argument about that caused the destruction of like a third of the city?

 **Footloose:** Basically the guy with the eyepatch called us and was like ‘hey the avengers need your help’ so bc of how nice we are, we arrived

 **Irondad:** FUCKING 52 MINUTES AFTER HE CALLED YOU

 **BuildABear:** not our fault we had to stop for food

 **Spidermom:** by which point we had already formulated a good plan which they obviously had no idea about.

 **Rhodey:** jfc it’s painful to relive it

 **Falcon107:** so then these assholes come onto our turf and start blowing shit up!

 **America’s Ass:** which completely ruined our plan of a surprise attack

 **Pointbreak:** I do not understand – wouldn’t it help that there were more of you?

 **Metal Arm:** you’d think so

 **Spidermom:** anyway we managed to get rid of the majority of them and were about to finish them all off with their leader

 **Hawkeye:**??? so what happened

 **Irondad:** basically the dipshit from Missouri decided to fucking challenge the Alien captain to a dance battle

 **Footloose:** it was a good idea!!

 **Rhodey:** I mean it really wasn’t

 **BuildABear:** it was better than your stupid ‘plan’

 **Spidermom:** there was nothing wrong with our plan

 **Tree:** I am Groot

 **Falcon107:** someone translate

 **Grasshopper:** he says that your plan sucked

 **LittleSpider:** what was your plan @Spidermom

 **Spidermom:** to kill him obviously bc he wanted control of the planet

 **America’s Ass:** we were all in position and then Quill started dancing

 **Tough Guy:** I liked the dance

 **Grasshopper:** it was good!

 **Footloose:** thanks guys <3

 **Scarlett Bitch:** anyway by this point once again we had lost the element of surprise and the alien captain started opening portals and more aliens came through

 **Irondad:** It was a mess and we were all so annoyed, also Pepper was calling me as obviously by this point it was all over the news

 **Hawkeye:** so then what happened

 **America’s Ass:** we continued fighting and Wanda threw a building at Quill

 **Scarlett Bitch:** my hand accidentally slipped

 **Footloose:** sure it did I could file a lawsuit

 **Irondad:** my lawyers would kick your ass so hard

 **Spidermom:** true

 **LittleSpider:** why did you throw a building at Mr Quill @ScarlettBitch?!?!?!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** bc he said that im a glorified version of elsa but with red hands and without the ice

 **Footloose:** it’s true though

 **Green Rage Monster:** so she threw a building at you?????

 **Footloose:** it wasn’t fun

 **Hawkeye:** fairs

 **Tree:** I am Groot

 **BuildABear:** we know they’re all idiots Groot

 **Spidermom:** you might be in space but we can easily come and fight u again

 **Irondad:** ^

 **America’s Ass:** ^

 **Rhodey:** this isn’t helping anyone.

 **Spidermom:** anyway, so I killed the alien captain and then we all started arguing about who the best team was

 **Hawkeye:** damn

 **Grasshopper:** hi Thor!!<3

 **Pointbreak:** hello Mantis – how is space treating you? I’ve been meaning to come abroad my ship for a while now

 **Footloose:** it’s my ship

 **BuildABear:** it’s actually mine but whatever

 **Tough Guy:** Quills been on a diet to look like you but it isn’t working because he sneaks biscuits on a night

 **Green Mulan:** I knew it was you that ate the rest of the pack

 **Nebula:** we all knew

 **Footloose:** stop fucking exposing me Drax

 **America’s Ass:** can both teams apologise so we can be done with this?

 **Spidermom:** ^

 **Footloose:** fine on behalf of the Guardians of the Galaxy, I’m sorry

 **America’s Ass:** thank you Peter

 **LittleSpider:** for what Mr Rogers?

 **Spidermom:** that’s Quills first name kid

 **LittleSpider:** oh ok

 **Footloose:** sorry that you’re all idiots and can’t dance

 **Scarlett Bitch:** OH IT’S ON SPACE DICK

 **Metal Arm:** This is war.

 **Rhodey:** I’m getting the QuinJet ready

 **LittleSpider:** wow this escalated quickly im kinda scared

 **Green Rage Monster:** I’m not getting involved with this, see you for dinner guys.

**Green Rage Monster is offline**

**Hawkeye:** im not even involved but I am now

 **Green Mulan:** Just apologise.

 **Scarlett Bitch:** you first greenie

 **Spidermom:** this is ridiculous im getting the boss in

 **Irondad:** oh god

 **Falcon107:** who’s the boss?

 **America’s Ass:** you’ll see

**Pepper Potts CEO is online**

**Pepper Potts CEO:** Are you serious? Natasha you made me cancel a meeting with SI for this? I’ve just read up - why haven’t both teams apologised yet?!

 **Spidermom:** They won’t listen and I’m bored

 **America’s Ass:** Tell them to apologise Pepper

 **Footloose:** who the fuck is this

 **Irondad:** The boss

 **Tough Guy:** why is she the boss

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Because I’m apparently the only actual adult in this chat – apart from Fury, however looks like he’s fucked off and left me to deal with this

 **LittleSpider:** Hi Ms Potts!!! Xx

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Hey kid, did you have a good day at school? X<3

 **LittleSpider:** Yeah I did – I got an A in Spanish!!!

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** well done sweetheart, let me deal with all these morons and then I’ll come up to the living room and we can have a chat<3

 **LittleSpider:** Okay I’ll make some hot chocolate!!! Xx

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** see you in a minute xxx

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Pepper Potts CEO:** Right. @Footloose – you’re the leader of your team?

 **BuildABear:** I mean I am tbh

 **Pointbreak:** its my ship

 **Footloose:** you let us ‘borrow’ it so now it’s ours

 **Rhodey:** that’s not how borrowing works

 **America’s Ass:** back to matter at hand…

 **Footloose:** fuck off

 **Irondad:** you fuck off!

 **Spidermom:** I honestly want to stab myself just apologise jfc

 **Green Mulan:** I’ll stab you

 **Spidermom:** come at me bro

 **Hawkeye:** Tasha is literally sharpening her knives rn

 **Rhodey:** Quinjet is ready let’s go

 **Falcon107:** omw

 **Scarlett Bitch:** same

 **Grasshopper:** are we fighting again

 **Tough Guy:** yes

 **Irondad:** ill be down in 5 @Rhodey

 **America’s Ass:** smh

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** NO! NOBODY IS STABBING ANYONE OR BOARDING JETS TO START ANOTHER FIGHT JFC.

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** @Irondad @America’sAss @Footloose APOLOGISE NOW.

 **BuildABear:** wow she’s scary and I haven’t even met her

 **Footloose:** ok jeez im sorry

 **America’s Ass:** so are we

 **Irondad:** yup

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Great. Now I’m going to see the kid. Please don’t cause me any more PR hassle – ANY of you.

**Pepper Potts CEO is offline**

**Spidermom:** god I love Pepper

 **Hawkeye:** I want some hot chocolate

 **Spidermom:** shut up Barton

 **Hawkeye:** do you want some?

 **Spidermom:** yeah ok

**Spidermom is offline**

**Hawkeye is offline**

**Nicholas Fury is online**

**Nicholas Fury:** About time. Don’t pull a stunt like this again or else.

**Nicholas Fury is offline**

**Irondad:** he’s also scary

 **Footloose:** true is that the pirate man?

 **Irondad:** YES!! Finally someone who agrees with me

**Irondad** changed the name **Nicholas Fury** to **Pirate Dickhead**

**Footloose:** HAHAHAHA

 **Grasshopper:** That is funny!

 **Rhodey:** lmao

 **Falcon107:** lol

 **America’s Ass:** so are we friends now or?

 **Footloose:** I mean I still don’t like at least 80% of you but the other 50% are chill so I guess we could get along yeah

 **Irondad:** wow your math is appalling

 **Metal Arm:** great so @Footloose you can leave now

 **Tree:** I am Groot

 **BuildABear:** true

 **Tough Guy:** no Groot

 **Pointbreak:** The tree has a point

 **America’s Ass:** Thor you speak Groot?

 **Pointbreak:** Yes.

 **Scarlett Bitch:** what did he say

 **Nebula:** he wants to know if we can stay in the chat

 **Irondad:** no thanks we’re all good here

 **Footloose:** I think we’re good too bye losers

**_Footloose, Green Mulan, Tree, Grasshopper, Tough Guy_ ** _and **Nebula** removed themselves from **the Avengers Group Chat**_

**_Pirate Dickhead_ ** _removed themselves from **the Avengers Group Chat**_

**Irondad:** god that was painful

 **America’s Ass:** I think it went well actually. Dinner everyone??

 **Rhodey:** coming down now

 **Falcon107:** same

 **Scarlett Bitch:** ^

 **Metal Arm:** yep sounds good

 **Pointbreak:** I have to go also, Loki is trying to start another battle. Good bye Friends😊

 **Irondad:** god I need a drink after today :/ 

**Everyone is offline**


	29. Grocery Shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Due to most of the Avengers living in the Compound for a while, they neglected to get any shopping, as they've all been on missions etc and there's no food in!!! Peter suggests a shopping trip - but how will everyone else take it and will it all run smoothly??:D

**Falcon107 is online**

**Falcon107:** who the fuck ate my cereal bc now I have no cereal and im not happy

**LittleSpider is online**

**Rhodey is online**

**Irondad is online**

**America’s Ass is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**Spidermom is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Green Rage Monster is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**LittleSpider:** omg im so sorry mr Wilson I thought we share cereal :O please don’t hurt me im too young and im really sorry

 **Falcon107:** consider this a warning parker

 **LittleSpider:** ok ok ok im sorry

 **Spidermom:** stop scaring the kid Wilson.

 **Metal Arm:** there’s literally no food in and it’s only 7am

 **Irondad:** that’s bc you all eat ridiculous amounts of food and im not a fucking supermarket

 **Green Rage Monster:** unlike you Tony, we actually don’t run on coffee and actually need proper food not just pot noodles

 **Irondad:** wow rude

 **America’s Ass:** Tony we really need to get some food because there really isn’t much here

 **Irondad:** I don’t shop – ask Pepper

 **Scarlett Bitch:** :/

 **Spidermom:** she told me that she’s busy all day and has just texted me to tell you ‘to get off your arse and do it yourself’

 **Hawkeye:** lmao

 **Irondad:** look I’ll just give you my credit card and you can go yourselves

 **Rhodey:** god you’re lazy Tones

 **LittleSpider:** you guys actually shop?!?!?!

 **Spidermom:** well me, Bruce and Clint do, Wanda sometimes tags along too – one of us usually online shops or goes once a week, but bc of missions and stuff we haven’t managed to this week, which is why there’s no food in.

 **LittleSpider:** can’t we all go together it’ll be fun!?

 **Irondad:** I actually threw up a bit in my mouth at that idea kid

 **America’s Ass:** Peter has a point, that way we can all get our own stuff and as we will all be there, we won’t forget anything either

 **Irondad:** online shopping Cap

 **Metal Arm:** last time he punched the screen

 **Spidermom:** ahaha yeah I remember that

 **Scarlett Bitch:** omg why

 **America’s Ass:** it kept popping up with laundry conditioners and I was like no thanks, but it kept doing it and I got annoyed

 **Irondad:** omfg just do online shopping jfc

 **Green Rage Monster:** no because we need food for today Tony and it’s a Saturday, so we wont get delivery until Monday morning at the earliest

 **Hawkeye:** Why don’t we just do the kid’s idea

 **Falcon107:** at this point I don’t give a fuck who’s idea we’re doing as long as I get some food soon

 **America’s Ass:** I agree tbh

 **Spidermom:** Right @LittleSpider looks like your idea wins

 **LittleSpider:** YEY!!!

 **Irondad:** I don’t have to come right?

 **America’s Ass:** Tony we’re all going together so there’s no arguments about who is or isn’t coming

 **Irondad:** urgh fine, I’ve just seen we’re out of coffee too, meet me in the garage in 10 then and we’ll go in mine and Nat’s car

 **Spidermom:** how about no

 **Hawkeye:** yeah Tasha’s car is in for repairs after what happened on Thursday

 **Irondad:** do I even want to know

 **Spidermom:** probably not, let’s just say there was a sign post by Macies that is no longer there bc now it’s impaled in my car

 **Irondad:** jfc

 **Green Rage Monster:** not again Natasha

 **Spidermom:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **America’s Ass:** Tony, we’ll take your car and my car – 5 in each, the supermarket by the highway?

 **Irondad:** how the fuck do I know, I’ve ever set foot in a supermarket shop

 **LittleSpider:** hahaha supermarket shop xD

 **Falcon107:** Can we go now pls

 **Hawkeye:** m00d

 **Scarlett Bitch:** lmao Natasha is falling asleep bc there’s no coffee in

 **Spidermom:** im not too tired to stab someone

 **Scarlett Bitch:** :O

 **Irondad:** get in then ffs

 **LittleSpider:** this is going to be so much fun!!!!

**Everyone is offline**

**LittleSpider is online**

**Irondad is online**

**Falcon107 is online**

**America’s Ass is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Green Rage Monster is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**America’s Ass:** we’ve only been here 6 minutes and we’ve already lost Clint

 **Irondad:** look we’ve got the coffee and some bread can’t we just go

 **LittleSpider:** Mr Stark! You can’t live on coffee and bread!

 **Green Rage Monster:** Natasha is literally running down isles screaming for Clint

 **Falcon107:** have you tried the chocolate isle?

 **Scarlett Bitch:** ooooo I want some chocolate! @LittleSpider??

 **LittleSpider:** omw!!!!<3

 **America’s Ass:** @ScarlettBitch @LittleSpider, not too much sugary stuff guys

 **Metal Arm:** @America’sAss have you seen how much it is for a pint of milk holy shit

 **America’s Ass:** yeah I know Buck, it’s so much more expensive than it was in the 40’s

 **Irondad:** can you both go and be grandpas elsewhere please

**Spidermom is online**

**Spidermom:** found Barton we’re in the cereal isle

 **Falcon107:** get me some honey hoops bc the kid finished my box off earlier :/

 **Scarlett Bitch:** can I have some cocopops please Nat

 **Metal Arm:** plain cornflakes for me and Steve

 **Spidermom:** get your own damn cereal

 **America’s Ass:** Tony stop whining, we’re going soon

**Hawkeye is online**

**Irondad:** I feel like a peasant

 **Rhodey:** this is how 99% of the population shop Tony, we aren’t all billionaires

 **Irondad:** yeah well I am so why the fuck am I here, a kid just ran up to me and sneezed on my jeans I hate this

 **Hawkeye:** welcome to the real world Stark

 **Spidermom:** lmao

 **LittleSpider:** Mr Stark it’s fun!! Can we get some salmon?

 **America’s Ass:** fresh or frozen?

 **Green Rage Monster:** frozen will be cheaper

 **Scarlett Bitch:** I’d rather have haddock

 **Hawkeye:** yeah same @ScarlettBitch

 **LittleSpider:** Auntie Nat? Can you please make the yummy fish dinner that I like at teatime tonight?

 **Spidermom:** Salmon Coulibiac????

 **LittleSpider:** is that the fish pie that tastes really nice?

 **Spidermom:** yeah kid – do you want me to make it tonight? Xo

 **LittleSpider:** Yes please!!! X

 **Spidermom:** No problem kiddo. I need to get a few ingredients then hang on xo

 **LittleSpider:** omg there’s pizza!!!! Im having 3 cheese – which do you all want??

 **Metal Arm:** Meat feast x3

 **Hawkeye:** pepperoni

 **America’s Ass:** meat feast and cheese x2

 **Irondad:** any

 **Falcon107:** double cheese

 **Green Rage Monster:** margarita

 **Spidermom:** veggie

 **Rhodey:** Hawaiian

 **LittleSpider:** guys hElp I caant carrry like 15 pizza s

 **Falcon107:** dude you’re literally spiderman who can lift like a bus

 **LittleSpider:** no Imean I c an lift them, but I cnt see they’r piledd up over y head as mny trolley is fulll and im all alone in th e frozen isle Auntie Nat im sca red and my handds are cold ad I cant type peroperly

 **Spidermom:** omw hang on

 **Hawkeye:** feq u9q igpnpw

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Clint you ok?

 **America’s Ass:** yeah Natasha just tripped him up on purpose bc he kept asking for biscuits

 **Hawkeye:** I also hate shopping im going to get some cake

 **Irondad:** how much have we bought yet

 **Metal Arm:** well we each have a trolley – that by the looks of it are all pretty much full

 **Rhodey:** we’re now all on the tin section but where’s @Spidermom @Hawkeye @LittleSpider and @Irondad??/

 **Falcon107:** the kid and Nat are bringing the pizzas back bc their trolleys are too full, so they have had to get another one - hang on they’re back now but idk where Barton and Stark are – Nat’s gone to find them

 **LittleSpider:** what was that noise? Where’s Mr Stark and Mr Barton???

 **Scarlett Bitch:** OH FUCK

 **America’s Ass:** please tell me that that wasn’t someone from our group that did that screech

 **Metal Arm:** LMFAO

 **Green Rage Monster:** that can’t be good

 **America’s Ass:** Clint? Tony? You good?

 **LittleSpider:** :O

 **Hawkeye:** so I thought someone was spying on me, so I grabbed the nearest thing which was a bag of sugar and threw it behind me and it hit Stark in the face

 **Spidermom:** I mean it was quite funny actually

 **America’s Ass:** What was Tony doing behind you anyway?!

 **Hawkeye:** idk he started screaming and swearing at me so I ran off – im hiding atm behind some kitchen roll

 **Metal Arm:** Tony’s back and he looks livid

 **Irondad:** I HATE SHOPPING

 **LittleSpider:** are you ok @Irondad

 **Irondad:** apart from getting a bag of sugar yeeted at me then yeah im fine thanks kid

 **Scarlett Bitch:** LMFAO

 **LittleSpider:** LOLOLOOLOLOLOLOL

 **Spidermom:** Barton stop hiding I can see your foot sticking out

 **Hawkeye:** -___-

 **America’s Ass:** ok, so everyone had bought what they wanted, and we’ve got laundry detergent, toilet roll and other stuff that we all use right?

 **Scarlett Bitch:** yeah omg the till woman is so annoyed with how much we’ve bought ahaha

 **Irondad:** I got the sugar.

 **Spidermom:** ahahaha

 **Falcon107:** xD

 **Rhodey:** god Tony lol

 **Hawkeye:** LMAO HAHAHA sorry again

 **Irondad:** remind me to never come shopping again, all I wanted were some rich tea biscuits and some mini cake rolls and I got a faceful of sugar

 **America’s Ass:** Tony you’re paying yes?

 **Irondad:** I don’t see any of you with your credit cards out

 **LittleSpider:** I don’t have any money :/

 **Irondad:** chill kid it was a joke of course im paying

 **Falcon107:** can we go yet

 **LittleSpider:** I’m tired now lol

 **Metal Arm:** same

 **Irondad:** holy shit how much??!?!?!??!

 **Irondad:** guesses for the grand total anyone – baring in mind at least 3 of you eat 4x more than the average person?

 **LittleSpider:** £100

 **Scarlett Bitch:** £153

 **Hawkeye:** hahah wanda that was so specific

 **Spidermom:** £450?

 **Rhodey:** £320

 **Irondad:** not even close - £767.52 for a fucking weekly shop

 **Spidermom:** wow we bought a lot

 **Hawkeye:** that’s more than my rent is for a month

 **Rhodey:** we’ve filled 32 shopping bags

 **Green Rage Monster:** Tony you cant bribe a sales person with an autograph

 **Irondad:** worth a shot

 **America’s Ass:** im pretty sure that’s illegal

 **LittleSpider:** we did it guys that was so much fun!!!!

 **Irondad:** that was the most painful 2 hours of my life, next time online shopping only bc I never want to do that again


	30. Hogwarts Houses, Exploded science project and Icecream Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter has a bad day at school :(  
> Part 1 of 2

**LittleSpider is online**

**Irondad is online**

**Spidermom is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**Rhodey is online**

**Pointbreak is online**

**Falcon107 is online**

**America’s Ass is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Green Rage Monster is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**LittleSpider:** what Hogwarts house is everyone

 **Irondad:** Aren’t you meant to be in a lesson right now?

 **Spidermom:** Ravenclaw

 **Rhodey:** idk

 **Green Rage Monster:** No idea? Is this the sorting game?

 **LittleSpider:** Sorting CEREMONY Mr Banner smh and shush Mr Stark it’s fine I needed a break ok

 **Falcon107:** technically Hufflepuff according to that test you made me do, but I think of myself as part Gryffindor too

 **Irondad:** Slytherin and no it’s not ok we’ll be talking about this later Kid

 **Metal Arm:** Hufflepuff

 **America’s Ass:** Gryffindor

 **LittleSpider:** omg mr Captain America sir Steve Rogers sir we’re in the same house!!!

 **America’s Ass:** Peter, please call me Steve.

 **Irondad:** hahaha good luck with that Capsicle, how long have you known him for and he’s still calling you Mr Steve Rogers Captain America Sir/

 **America’s Ass:** point taken

 **LittleSpider:** my mama raised me right

 **LittleSpider:** jokes my mama so dead, my Aunt raised me

 **Irondad:** Kid, how many times have I told you not to make your mama so dead jokes?

 **LittleSpider:** it’s how I cope ok – back to my questionnnnn plssss

 **Rhodey:** shit kid – way to fucking depress us all

 **Hawkeye:** Squirt, are you alright? What’s going on?

 **Spidermom:** Peter, are you ok?

 **Irondad:** why would he not be ok??? Kid???

 **Pointbreak:** I’m sorry to hear that Tonyson

 **LittleSpider:** don’t worry Mr Thor, I’m fine @Irondad, it was a long time ago, yeah im ok Mr Barton and I’m just having a shitty day Auntie Nat x

 **Spidermom:** want to come over to see me and @Hawkeye? We’re having a movie evening xo

 **Hawkeye:** we have cookiessss

 **LittleSpider:** ooooo yeah ok thanks! I’ll come over after school!<3 <3

 **Spidermom:** you finish at 3 right?

 **LittleSpider:** yeh…

 **Hawkeye:** she’s on her way to pick you up – Black BMW squirt:D

 **Irondad:** hold up why was I not invited??!

 **Spidermom:** it’s an exclusive club #sorrynotsorry

 **Irondad:** wow ok thanks Natasha

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Gryffindor

 **LittleSpider:** YAS WANDA<3

 **Pointbreak:** I do not understand what you are referring to Young Stark.

 **Irondad:** for the last mother fucking time, WE ARE NOT BIOLOGICALLY RELATED

 **Pointbreak:** Then who is Peter’s father?

 **LittleSpider:** he’s dead too lol

 **LittleSpider:** basically my entire family apart from my Aunt have either been killed in front of me or are just dead. It’s funny when I meet people and they don’t know, I play a cool game of guess who’s still alive with them – My dad, you don’t know? Oh oops he’s dead. My mom –she’s dead too. My Uncle – I knew him but he got shot in front of my face so he’s dead too ahaha it’s so funny. Hilarious, especially when we have to draw a fucking family tree in class and everyone’s looking at me funny.

 **LittleSpider:** it’s a real fucking hoot that I only have one remaining family member left.

 **Green Rage Monster:** shit Peter, are you alright???

 **Pointbreak:** Oh dear. Can’t you just punch them?

 **Falcon107:** damn kid. No Thor he isn’t fucking punching anyone in school jfc

 **America’s Ass:** Peter, you know you can talk to us right? Are you ok? I would be mad that you’re on your phone in class, but this is understandable and if you need us, you can talk to us, we will always be here for you. We’re one big dysfunctional family! Also, please don’t punch anyone or you’re grounded.

 **LittleSpider:** Yup I know thanks Mr Rogers. I’m always fine. Having the time of my life.

 **Hawkeye:** Squirt, Nat’s on her way – hope you’re ok, see you soonx

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Pete???<3

 **Irondad:** kid – what’s going on? Do you want me to pick you up?

 **Rhodey:** Peter? You good?

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Hawkeye:** That’s a no then Rhodey lol

 **Irondad:** shit, I’m going to have to get him

 **Spidermom:** no need I’m here now. I’ll bring him back xo

 **Irondad:** thanks Nat, I’m in the middle of a meeting and Pepper is giving me daggers:/

 **Metal Arm:** get off your phone then …

 **Irondad:** -___- what’s the fun in that?

 **Rhodey:** Tony isn’t your meeting with the Secretary of State today?

 **Hawkeye:** lmfao

 **Metal Arm:** damnnn

 **Irondad:** Yes, but it’s hella boring and I want to see if my Kid is ok

 **Hawkeye:** come up to our floor later on and you can see him after your meeting. We’ll make sure he’s ok Tony

 **America’s Ass:** Tony get off your phone :/

 **Irondad:** fine I’m off - thanks Legolas

**Irondad is offline**

**Hawkeye:** Tasha have you got the Kid yet? You’ve been ages???

 **Spidermom:** Yes, but there was a small incident, a minor inconvenience.

 **Falcon107:** define ‘small’

 **Rhodey:** $10 it isn’t small

 **Metal Arm:** you’re on

 **America’s Ass:** oh god – Natasha please don’t tell me that you’ve stabbed someone again.

 **Spidermom:** No, I detest bullying. Everything is fine. Just don’t go on social media for a while lol

 **Hawkeye:** is it ‘small’ like got hit by a car small, or like the bagel guy ‘small’ ???

 **Rhodey:** I mean for normal people getting hit by a car isn’t ‘small’ but whatever

 **Pointbreak:** Friends, I have just found a very funny picture of Lady Natasha at a school of science!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** hang on I’ve just gone on twitter are you joking Romanoff?!?!

 **Rhodey:** what the fuck is going on

 **Metal Arm:** Honestly I have no idea.

 **America’s Ass:** At this point I don’t think I want to know Buck

 **Green Rage Monster:** I’m not entirely sure, but I think it’s something major bc Wanda is literally shrieking in the living room

**Scarlett Bitch:** _[link: BlackWidowresolvesbullyingproblematMidTownHigh]_

**Hawkeye:** HOLY SHIT

 **Spidermom:** See, it was a slight inconvenience, point is, everyone’s fine and me and the Kid are on our way back.

 **America’s Ass:** EVERYTHING IS NOT FINE! YOU EXPLODED A SCIENCE PROJECT IN A CHILD’S FACE!

 **Pointbreak:** LOL! I’m going to tell Loki and Korg!!

**Pointbreak is offline**

**Falcon107:** who taught Thor L O L ????

 **Scarlett Bitch:** heheh

 **Spidermom:** There is no proof that I did that.

 **Rhodey:** Nat, we all know it was you

 **Spidermom:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Irondad is online**

**Irondad:** Romanoff. Please enlighten me to the fact why I’ve been hauled out a meeting by our favourite Pirate Dickhead, about an incident at Peter’s school that was caused by you?

 **Spidermom:** god word travels fast

 **Hawkeye:** hang on – aren’t you driving?

 **Spidermom:** Nah, we stopped for icecream. Almost blowing up the Science department really takes it out of you

 **Irondad:** What. The. Fuck.

 **America’s Ass:** Natasha spill, now.

 **Scarlett Bitch:** this will be good

 **Hawkeye:** can’t wait to hear this

 **Spidermom:** Went to pick the Kid up and this little shithead – Flame or Fish…

 **Irondad:** Flash

 **Spidermom:** yeah the jerk who was getting the Kid upset a while ago, well apparently he never stopped and after waiting ages, I got bored and went into the school myself. I found Peter trying not to cry, whilst this absolute tiny ant scrotum of a child, was ripping up his family tree in front of him and singing a song about how crap Peter is, how his parents would hate him etc and loads of other bullshit, after the bell went and there were no teachers around to help him. Also found out, that today is the anniversary of his parent’s death according to the ripped up family tree

 **Irondad:** oh my fucking god. 

**Hawkeye:** :O No way. That's terrible!!!!!

 **Green Rage Monster:** Poor Kid

 **America’s Ass:** Jesus Christ. Back in my day, we fought with fists and all was pretty much forgiven. All this name calling and pettiness is terrible. We’ll be having a talk with Peter later about not keeping stuff like this from us though. Hope he’s alright<3

 **Scarlett Bitch:** :O Is Peter ok?!!?!?

 **Rhodey:** That’s why he was so sad earlier – because it’s the anniversary of his parents death today? Damn, what a crappy day for the Kid ☹ also u owe me $10 @MetalArm

 **Metal Arm:** ffs Rhodey -___- poor Peter tho 

**Irondad:** I’m trying so hard not to fly over to that punks house rn. What happened next @Spidermom ??

 **Spidermom:** by this point, I was very annoyed and so I may or may not have stormed into his classroom and exploded Flash’s project all over himself, but made it look like he slipped and that I just gave him a firm talking to about how bullying is not good. A few kids saw him ‘slip’ and that’s why I’m trending on twitter

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Give him my love – tell him I’ll pop up to see him later on <3 xx

**Irondad is offline**

**Scarlett Bitch is offline**

**Rhodey:** If I know Tony (which I do, very well), that can’t be good ^^^

 **Falcon107:** we all would have done the same thing

 **Metal Arm:** true, hope he’s ok

**Metal Arm is offline**

**Rhodey is offline**

**Falcon107 is offline**

**Green Rage Monster:** He’s a tough Kid, but I have an idea how to cheer him up – it’ll take some time, but could we all meet tonight in Meeting Room A, when he’s gone to bed???

 **America’s Ass:** Yeah sure Bruce, I’ll let the others know. Just get him back safe Natasha and we’ll have a chat with him later on x

**Green Rage Monster is offline**

**America’s Ass is offline**

**Hawkeye:** Tasha

 **Spidermom:** no

 **Hawkeye:** pleaseeeeeeee

 **Spidermom:** ffs what flavour do you want

 **Hawkeye:** Banana please :D

 **Spidermom:** Fine. We’re on our way back now anyway – have the movies we picked out earlier ready and get the Kid some hot chocolate

 **Hawkeye:** on it, cya soon Red x

 **Spidermom:** Xo

**Spidermom is offline**

**Hawkeye is offline**


	31. Hogwarts Houses, Exploded science project and Icecream Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers team together to cheer Peter up <3  
> lots of fluff ensues:D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!
> 
> Sorry for the crappy update schedule - I'm moving to University in like 2 days, so I'm pretty stressed. I managed to finish this chapter - it's hard going back to it and typing random bits, when it's got a lot going on in it lol. So I redid it and made it a lot longer, I hope you all like it! Next chapter will be up soon!
> 
> MarvelObsessedgirl3  
> xx

**Pepper Potts CEO is online**

**Spidermom is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**America’s Ass is online**

**Rhodey is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Pepper Potts CEO:** One day. That’s all I ask for. One day, without some sort of social media meltdown because of one of you. Natasha, what were you thinking?! Eugene could have been hurt! What the hell happened? Tony just came into my office – despite him being in a meeting with the Secretary of State and said he’s leaving to go to Peter’s school and that I need to look on twitter? So, I turn twitter on, to see _[link: BlackWidowresolvesbullyingproblematMidTownHigh]_??? and a tweet from Eugene ‘Flash’ Thompson, saying that it was all your fault and he didn’t slip?!

 **Hawkeye:** We cant help being a PR nightmare, sorry Pepper

 **Rhodey:** True though, it kinda just happens :/

 **Spidermom:** It’s the punks word against mine.

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** What the fuck happened Nat?!!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Read up #banter

 **America’s Ass:** Where are you guys now?

 **Spidermom:** movie room with the Kid watching a Disney film about talking cars or some shit

 **Hawkeye:** Cars is the greatest Disney movie on the planet

 **Scarlett Bitch:** technically it’s Pixar but whatever Clint, we all know Finding Nemo is the best

 **Spidermom:** thought you loved the Lion King @Hawkeye

 **Hawkeye:** I love them all ok

 **Rhodey:** we know Clint smh. See you all in the Meeting Room later on.

**Rhodey is offline**

**Pepper Potts CEO:** Oh my God! Is Peter alright? I don’t blame you at all Natasha, although maybe if anything like this happens again, try not to blow up a science classroom? Where is Peter now? Is Tony there? Is that where he went? Has the school called? I’ll ring them now actually

 **America’s Ass:** Pepper, you need to calm down! Everything is fine. Tony called me like a minute ago and said he just went to donate to the school and sent some Suits to fix the classroom. He said he’s coming back now - he just needs to make some calls.

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Really – he did all that? I mean, yeah course, that’s fine, thanks Steve, I’ll just go and sit at my desk then and get on with paperwork…

**Pepper Potts CEO is offline**

**America’s Ass is offline**

**Spidermom:** Wow as if Tony is actually acting like a responsible adult wtf and I'll try Pepper but I'm not making any promises

 **Hawkeye:** see, she needs our PR shit to deal with to save her from paperwork

 **Scarlett Bitch:** lmao – don’t forget, Bruce wants to see us when Peter goes to bed for something😊 I’ll be up to see Peter in a bit

**Scarlett Bitch is offline**

**Spidermom is offline**

**Hawkeye is offline**

**Irondad is online**

**Spidermom is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**Rhodey is online**

**Falcon107 is online**

**America’s Ass is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Green Rage Monster is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**Irondad:** Capsicle I had the sparkly pen first

 **America’s Ass:** No, you stole it off me! Hang on, I’m almost done

 **Irondad:** Why am I a billionaire and only own one sparkly pen?

 **Rhodey:** idk but I need one too Tones

 **Falcon107:** @ScarlettBitch if you take another fucking crayon off me I’m going to scream

 **Scarlett Bitch:** #sorrynotsorry I need green ok

 **Spidermom:** Barton I’m not going to tell you again, put the glitter down before I hurt you.

 **Metal Arm:** can I have some Clint – I’ve almost finished now

 **Hawkeye:** You can never have too much glitter Tasha, yeah here you go @MetalArm

 **Spidermom:** you’ve used like 3 tubs, that’s enough ffs

 **America’s Ass:** You know Bruce, when you said that you had an idea on how to cheer up Peter, I didn’t expect to be sat around doing this :/

 **Green Rage Monster:** What?! It’s a great idea! You all agreed it was a brilliant idea in the meeting earlier!

 **Metal Arm:** yeah but that was before we realised that we live amongst thieves and liars

 **Hawkeye:** just fucking tag me in that Barnes – we all know you mean me

 **Metal Arm:** not my fault you stole my paper

 **Hawkeye:** I already fucking told you I didn’t take the pink paper!

 **Irondad:** jfc what even is my life

 **Spidermom:** Has anybody actually finished their section yet, because we’ve been at this for like 3 hours and it’s now 2am.

 **Green Rage Monster:** Almost done now, just need to add a few finishing touches

 **Falcon107:** I would have been finished a while ago, but @ScarlettBitch keeps stealing my crayons

 **Scarlett Bitch:** snitches get stitches

 **Falcon107:** there’s this thing called freedom of speech. Screw this man, give me back my crayons

 **Scarlett Bitch:** don’t even start with me Wilson istg

 **Falcon107:** FEBEQ H |NRB QOH BFE VG GHgwbvwi

 **Spidermom:** … what just happened? Did Wanda hurt Sam?

 **Rhodey:** No I’m pretty sure she just killed him

 **Hawkeye:** rip

 **Irondad:** rip

 **Rhodey:** rip

 **Metal Arm:** rip

 **Spidermom:** rip

 **Green Rage Monster:** rip

 **America’s Ass:** why have I just walked in the living room to see Sam mid air screeching about stolen crayons and freedom of speech?

 **Hawkeye:** Read up Cap

 **Falcon107:** I can’t believe that I have just been made to sit in the corner to finish my section by Captain America. I’m a grownass man! This is bullshit

 **Hawkeye:** so is colouring with glitter pens on a Thursday night, yet here we are

 **Spidermom:** stop lying Barton you’re loving this

 **Hawkeye:** ahaha true tho

 **America’s Ass:** Wanda is now in the living room on her own too. I’m sick of the fighting. Just get it finished Sam!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** I’m so tired can’t we call it a night yet

 **Green Rage Monster:** No, not until it’s finished. You all promised!

 **Irondad:** Oh my GOD I’m so talented

 **Spidermom:** you call that talent?

 **Metal Arm:** it looks like you’ve drawn the hulk with a giant ear

 **Irondad:** that’s his hand!

 **Hawkeye:** then what’s that

 **Irondad:** his leg

 **Spidermom:** lmao thought it was something else

 **Scarlett Bitch:** omg I’ve just seen it ahahaha

 **America’s Ass:** Natasha -___-

 **Spidermom:** look at it!!

 **Rhodey:** ahahah true Nat

 **America’s Ass:** ah I can see it now. Tony, start over, you’re not putting that on the final thing

 **Irondad:** fuck off Elsa. It’s taken me 3 hours

 **Hawkeye:** it’s not too bad tbh

 **Irondad:** thanks Legolas, yours is good too

 **Hawkeye:** no I didn’t say it was good, I just said it wasn’t too bad

 **Irondad:** fuck you. Luckily I did a spare. Who else is finished?

 **Spidermom:** me and Steve are, not sure about everyone else bc we’re all in different rooms

 **Green Rage Machine:** just been round everyone, think we’re all pretty much finished now. Just need to attach them all – shouldn’t take too long

***

**Rhodey:** Okay for the record, this isn’t a good idea

 **Irondad:** shut up it’s a brilliant idea

 **Rhodey:** I just don't get how it's going to stay on the wall

 **Scarlett Bitch:** It’s fucking 6am and none of us have slept – I can barely see at this point

 **Green Rage Monster:** didn’t think it would take so long tbh and we're using a special bluetac I made Rhodey, so it'll stick

 **Spidermom:** it looks good stop complaining bc the kid will be up soon

 **America’s Ass:** Nat – hold your side up higher, Wanda turn to the left a bit with your end

 **Falcon107:** it actually looks like a kindergarteners first attempt at drawing

 **Hawkeye:** wow rude

 **Spidermom:** no one asked for your opinion Wilson, shut up and help me lift this

 **Green Rage Monster:** There! That’s amazing. Good job everyone! Peter is going to love this.

 **Irondad:** He will do – speak of the devil – he’s awake now – Friday just told me

****

**_Irondad deleted all messages from the past 7 hours_ **

****

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** Morning guys, what’s all the banging??

 **America’s Ass:** Good morning Peter, come down to the living room and find out😊

 **LittleSpider:** ok…

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Hawkeye:** aw he’s crying someone hug him bc I can’t reach from over here

 **Spidermom:** on it

 **Rhodey:** good call Bruce. He absolutely loves it

 **Green Rage Monster:** Thanks, just thought it would be a nice thing for him, from all of us.

 **Irondad:** as if he’s taken a picture of it and has sent it to his friends

 **Scarlett Bitch:** <3 god he’s a good kid

 **Spidermom:** agreed

 **Hawkeye:** agreed

 **Falcon107:** agreed

 **America’s Ass:** agreed

 **Rhodey:** agreed

 **Irondad:** agreed

 **Metal Arm:** agreed

 **Green Rage Monster:** agreed

**Pepper Potts CEO is online**

**Pepper Potts CEO:** Happy tells me that Peter won’t shut up about what you guys did for him earlier today, when he dropped him off at school a bit ago. So I’ve just walked into the living room and find you all admiring a homemade tapestry – of a very colourful family tree of you lot – that has Peter at the top <3 God you guys have gone soft<3

 **Spidermom:** agreed

 **America’s Ass:** agreed

 **Rhodey:** agreed

 **Hawkeye:** agreed

 **Irondad:** agreed

 **Metal Arm:** agreed

 **Falcon107:** agreed

 **Green Rage Monster:** agreed

 **Scarlett Bitch:** agreed

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Did you guys really stay up all night to make this for the Kid, to cheer him up?

 **Irondad:** yup and it was worth every minute to see that smile on his face

 **America’s Ass:** couldn’t have said it better myself Tony

 **Falcon107:** he has a family, it might not be a normal one, but it’s still good

 **Scarlett Bitch:** yeah, he is defo part of this crazy family

 **Spidermom:** just wait until he shows that stupid little punk Flash xD might go down there just so I can see his face when Peter shows him the family tree we made lol

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Please God no Natasha

 **Spidermom:** I’m kidding – I’m in the movie room – I’ve hacked into the cameras in his Spanish class instead to watch bc it’s the only class he has today with the little shit

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Of course you have -__-

 **Irondad:** @Spidermom open invite?

 **Spidermom:** of course – hurry up tho bc the bell just rung and they’re all walking in

 **Irondad:** everyone coming to watch the Kid show up that little punk?

 **America’s Ass:** Yes, I’ll bring the popcorn

 **Rhodey:** On it

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Omw

 **Hawkeye:** I’m already there with Nat lol

 **Falcon107:** Coming up now

 **Green Rage Monster:** I’ll pop in for a bit

 **Metal Arm:** On my way

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** I have a meeting, but I guess I could be late😊

**Everyone is offline**


	32. Disney Quiz and a big mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter asks the Avengers what Disney character they would be and in a rush for school, he leaves a big mess in the living room and a new furry friend...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Everyone!  
> Sorry for a slow update, I've been moving to University this week!   
> Hope you like the chapter - please let me know if you have any requests etc...  
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> MarvelObsessedgirl3   
> xx

**Everyone is online**

**LittleSpider:** if you could be any Disney character who would you be and why? I’d be Stitch bc I’ve always wanted to grow another pair of arms and my favourite colour is blue:D

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Alice from Alice in Wonderland bc she basically eats or drinks all her problems away and that is 100000% me

 **LittleSpider:** that’s a BIG m00d

 **Spidermom:** Elastigirl from Incredibles, bc she takes nobodys shit

 **LittleSpider:** omg YES

 **Pointbreak:** I would like to become the friendly blue fish – as she is very cute and I too, like to travel to new realms with my friends

 **LittleSpider:** Dory??? From Finding Nemo, Thor??

 **Pointbreak:** Yes

 **LittleSpider:** ah cool cool, everyone else????

 **Hawkeye:** man this is a hard question squirt. I mean, Robin Hood – the guys got a good aim, I’m pretty much him already but I’d have to go with Simba bc he’s epic - #shakespearewithfur

 **Irondad:** Lewis from Meet the Robinsons as he makes super weird cool shit and so do I

 **Rhodey:** I defo like Maui from Moana – not just bc he’s black and I’m black before anyone starts, but I love the Rock and idk, I just like how he isn’t romantically involved with Moana and actually wants to try and fix his mistakes the right way

 **Irondad:** fuck Rhodey that was deep man

 **Rhodey:** Ikr – I’ve started to read poetry, opens your mind up to some deep shit Tony

 **Irondad:** fairs

 **America’s Ass:** Well Peter, as a very big Disney fan, I find this question quite challenging actually. However, I would definitely say Hercules for me – we have lots of similarities

 **Falcon107:** Buzz Lightyear defo – he’s sick man

 **Metal Arm:** Winnie the Pooh bc he doesn’t give a fuck about anything other than food and I can relate to that

 **Hawkeye:** @MetalArm lmfao same tho

 **Green Rage Monster:** Wreck it Ralph for me – because I’d get to be like the hulk, but actually people wouldn’t run away from me in fear lol

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Mary Poppins because all I seem to do is clean up all your shit xD

 **LittleSpider:** omg savage Ms Potts!!!!!

 **Irondad:** wow thanks Pep

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** 😉

 **America’s Ass:** On another note, I have a quick question for everyone – I’ve just walked into the living room and just wondered…why does the living room look like a bomb went off in it?

 **Spidermom:** I wondered that earlier

 **Rhodey:** why didn’t you say anything???

 **Spidermom:** I’m just used to seeing weird shit, living with you lot

 **Hawkeye:** fairs

 **Pointbreak:** I do not know the reason for the mess in the living room friends, as I am currently in Asgard.

 **Irondad:** yeah we know Thor

 **Pointbreak:** I shall leave this conversation now – goodbye friends and see you soon😊

**Pointbreak is offline**

**America’s Ass:** so who was it????

 **Green Rage Monster:** By the looks of the mess, somebody was searching for something

 **Metal Arm:** who the fuck owns a colour changing lightbulb

 **Irondad:**??? I’m in the lab so I have no idea what’s going on rn

 **Metal Arm:** I walked over to the sofa by the TV and it rolled out from underneath one of the many cushions on the floor

 **Hawkeye:** :O YOU FOUND IT?!

 **Rhodey:** why do we have so much stuff?

 **Scarlett Bitch:** idk

 **Falcon107:** Clint why

 **Spidermom:** he likes the colours and lost it ages ago :/

 **Hawkeye:** I’m so happy now :D

 **Irondad:** @LittleSpider do you know anything about the mess in the living room?

 **LittleSpider:** oops that might have been me

 **Falcon107:** Kid what did you do holy shit it’s so messy in here

 **Scarlett Bitch:** is that a slice of toast on the ceiling?!

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Peter Parker, you better explain yourself now.

 **LittleSpider:** *gulps*

 **Irondad:** **grounds Peter**

 **LittleSpider:** NOOOOOOOO

 **Irondad:** then start talking

 **LittleSpider:** basically

 **LittleSpider:** I lost my homework and mr whiskers was chasing something and I was rushing to get to school and then I heard a crash and I tripped and I was stressed and then I found my homework finally but I couldn’t find whatever mr whiskers was chasing so I had to go

 **Spidermom:** Why would he be chasing anything?

 **LittleSpider:** I mighta accidentally kinda left the window in the living room open last night a smidge

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Peter – how many times?! You have to close them after patrol!

 **LittleSpider:** I’m sorry!!!! I forgot ☹

 **Green Rage Monster:** It’s fine Peter, just try and remember for next time.

 **LittleSpider:** **😊** I’ll clean the mess up when I get home from school @PPottsCEO @Irondad

 **Irondad:** damn right you will

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Thanks Kid – glad you found your homework and make sure you get the toast off the ceiling please.

 **LittleSpider:** ahhhh I wondered where I’d left it – will do😊 See you all later!

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Irondad:** I’m coming up now

 **Spidermom:** Clint stop playing with the lightbulb

 **Hawkeye:** I forgot how much happiness this brings me

 **Scarlett Bitch:** FEBIGUWGG 4UBO G]W

 **Metal Arm:** that can’t be good

 **Rhodey:** HELL NO

 **Irondad:** was that Wanda and Rhodey screaming???

 **Spidermom:** yup

 **America’s Ass:** So… we found out what Mr Whiskers was chasing

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** do I want to know?

 **Falcon107:** probably not

 **Spidermom:** it’s small and squeaks

 **Hawkeye:** Right that’s it we’re moving

 **America’s Ass:** it’s by your foot Clint

 **Hawkeye:** dNiiubf9[ t-jg=0

 **Irondad:** Oh you better not have just told me that there’s a mouse running around in all this mess bc I will lose my shit

 **Falcon107:** damn it’s quick

 **Spidermom:** someone catch it

 **Metal Arm:** trying

 **America’s Ass:** Wanda’s standing on top of the table with Clint -___-

 **Rhodey:** World’s mightiest heroes everyone

 **Falcon107:** shut up man, you screamed when it charged at you

 **Rhodey:** Sam stop selling me out

 **Irondad:** you know when I imagined how I’d start my week, this was not it

 **Green Rage Monster:** it’s by the TV now

 **Spidermom:** where’s the cat?!

 **Falcon107:** he’s asleep on the windowsill – gave it up as a bad job by the looks of it

 **Irondad:** ffs someone catch it before I lose my shit

 **Hawkeye:** CAP IT’S BY YOUR SHOE

 **Metal Arm:** GOT IT!

 **Spidermom:** thank god

 **Green Rage Monster:** I’ll get the disinfectant

 **America’s Ass:** good job guys – thanks Bruce

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** @LittleSpider you are so grounded

 **Irondad:** agreed

**Everyone is offline**


	33. The toaster was yeeted out of the kitchen window

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony is having a very stressful day and the Avengers keep making things worse for him xD

**Everyone is online**

**Pepper Potts CEO is offline**

**Irondad:** who in the holy fuck threw the toaster out of the kitchen window

 **Falcon107:** idk me and Cap are training???

 **LittleSpider:** snitches get stitches

 **Irondad:** spill Kid, now

 **LittleSpider:** no I don’t want to tell on anyone

 **Rhodey:** that’s a loyal ass right there @littlespider

 **LittleSpider:** <3 doing my bit for the people

 **America’s Ass:** going to go out on a limb here and say @hawkeye ???

 **Hawkeye:** that’s just fucking rude

 **Spidermom:** rude but true

 **Hawkeye:** stop exposing me Nat istg I thought we were friends

 **Spidermom:** it’s more of a professional courtesy

 **Hawkeye:** what the fuck

 **Irondad:** can we go back to why you decided to throw a multimillion piece of equipment out of the window??????

 **Scarlett Bitch:** it wouldn’t turn on this morning

 **Rhodey:** I said it was a bad idea

 **Green Rage Monster:** ^^^

 **Pointbreak:** The Toasting Device did not turn on, so I decided to use Mjölnir to give it a kick

 **Irondad:** Thor you’ve been here less than 12 hours and you’ve already used that motherfucking hammer when I SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU NOT TO

 **Pointbreak:** Stark, it is not my fault that your machines do not work.

 **LittleSpider:** hahaha remember the kettle incident last monthxD

 **Spidermom:** Kid.

 **Pointbreak:** I thought we were never speaking of that again?

 **Rhodey:** Damn it Peter

 **America’s Ass:** Peter!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** ohhhh noooo

 **Hawkeye:** what the hell Peter

 **Green Rage Monster:** well we managed a month without that getting out

 **Falcon107:** nice going Kid

 **Metal Arm:** -___-

 **Irondad:** I KNEW THAT IT DIDN’T JUST BREAK BY ITSELF

 **LittleSpider:** hehe funny story

 **Irondad:** enlighten me

 **America’s Ass:** Look, Tony I was having a really bad day and there was an incident and it got broken, but I replaced it with a better one anyway, so it’s all fine

 **Irondad:** I’m going to need to know what the incident was Cap

 **America’s Ass:** it wasn’t a big deal

 **Irondad:** by you saying it wasn’t a big deal, makes me think that it was a big deal

 **Scarlett Bitch:** it was a pretty big deal tho

 **Irondad:** someone explain NOW

 **America’s Ass:** not it

 **Green Rage Monster:** not it

 **Falcon107:** not it

 **Spidermom:** not it

 **Hawkeye:** not it

 **Scarlett Bitch:** not it

 **Rhodey:** not it

 **Pointbreak:** I do not wish to be it either

 **Metal Arm:** not it – it’s on you Kid

 **LittleSpider:** Mr Rogers got mad and punched it and it broke

 **Irondad:** I’m going to lose my shit

 **America’s Ass:** Thanks for selling me out Peter.

 **LittleSpider:** sorry☹

 **Irondad:** it’s like running a zoo

 **Spidermom:** Well anyway, back to the toaster… so the hammer kind of worked, but there was too much input, so the toaster kind of blew up a bit and we panicked

 **Metal Arm:** then Clint yeeted it out of the window

 **Hawkeye:** #you’rewelcome

 **Irondad:** …

 **Hawkeye:** I basically saved everyone from an electrical fire

 **Scarlett Bitch:** lmao

 **LittleSpider:** I just wanted some toast ☹ I had to eat an apple instead :/

 **Irondad:** Here’s a wacky idea – seeing as though I can literally fix anything, why didn’t you just bring it to me?!?!

 **Spidermom:** we’re lazy

 **America’s Ass:** Me and Sam have no part in this – don’t start a fight – see you all later😊

**America’s Ass is offline**

**Falcon107 is offline**

**Irondad:** GET THE FUCK BACK HERE YOU ICED PIECE OF SHIT

 **LittleSpider:** Am I in trouble or can I go???

 **Irondad:** no you’re not in trouble but why are you going? Aren’t you meant to be on patrol soon?

 **LittleSpider:** bc I’m kinda busy

 **Irondad:** spill

 **LittleSpider:** I’d rathe notMrr Stark bc youe alread yso mad

 **Irondad:** I’m about 3 seconds away from tracking your phone

 **LittleSpider:** ok! I mightbe swing ing around NEwYork and am currently chasing after a car?

 **Spidermom:** lol RIP

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Kid’s got a death wish rip

 **Rhodey:** rip

 **Green Rage Monster:** rip

 **Metal Arm:** rip

 **Hawkeye:** rip

 **Pointbreak:** rip

 **Irondad:** HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO SWING AND TEXT!!!!!!??????!!!

 **LittleSpider:** urrrr like 7?

 **Irondad:** GET THE FUCK OFF YOUR PHONE RIGHT NOW AND GET YOUR SPANDEX ASS BACK HERE BEFORE I COME AND GET YOU

 **LittleSpider:** :O

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Rhodey:** #Irondad

 **Scarlett Bitch:** #Irondad

 **Spidermom:** #Irondad

 **Metal Arm:** #Irondad

 **Pointbreak:** #Irondad

 **Hawkeye:** #Irondad

 **Green Rage Monster:** #Irondad

 **Irondad:** I hate you all.

**Everyone is offline**


	34. Peter's Talent Show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers go to watch Peter perform in his school's talent show - what could go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Reneegirl2409 for the Prompt: 'Peter having to be in a school talent show'
> 
> Hope everyone enjoys the chapter! It's a long one. Please leave a comment if you have any requests and I'll try to include them:)
> 
> MarvelObsessedgirl3  
> xx

**Everyone is online**

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Pointbreak is offline**

**Pepper Potts CEO:** Hi everyone, just a reminder that Peter’s school Talent Show is tonight at 7pm. See you by the front door at 6.25pm – Happy will be driving us, unless you make your own way there. Don’t be late. Tony says you all have it organised, but I just wanted to remind you. Thanks, Pepper.

**Pepper Potts CEO is offline**

**Falcon107:** do we really have to go to this

 **Spidermom:** apparently

 **Green Rage Monster:** Yep

 **Scarlett Bitch:** I cba

 **Metal Arm:** same Wanda

 **America’s Ass:** I think Tony would murder us if we refused

 **Irondad:** you got that right Capiscle and anyway, you all promised

 **Rhodey:** promise is a bit of a stretch – you threatened death upon us if we didn’t go

 **Irondad:** Listen, the Kid is proper nervous about it guys and really doesn’t want to do it – it’s only for 2 hours

 **Green Rage Monster:** why does he have to be in it, if he doesn’t want to be?

 **America’s Ass:** He mentioned to me that it’s like 12% of his overall grade for this semester I think.

 **Irondad:** It’s 15% Cap, but yes you’re right. It’s stupid. They all have to participate to give them all an opportunity to perform in front of an audience. Peter will be fine, but I think that us all going will give him the moral support that he needs.

 **Scarlett Bitch:** I’m so glad I didn’t go to high school

 **Spidermom:** m00d @ScarlettBitch

 **Irondad:** So, make sure you’re ready for 6.25, sharp, unless you’re making your own way there. @Hawkeye don’t forget to bring the tickets you got earlier this week

 **Hawkeye:** yeah about that

 **Rhodey:** here we go

 **Green Rage Monster:** not again

 **Spidermom:** you better not be insinuating what I think you’re insinuating

 **America’s Ass:** Please tell me that you remembered to get the tickets Clint

 **Irondad:** you had one job

 **Hawkeye:** I did remember, I just forgot to actually get them

 **Spidermom:** that makes no sense

 **Hawkeye:** I was on my way to get them but I got side tracked

 **Rhodey:** by?

 **Hawkeye:** a really cute dog

 **Irondad:** istg

 **America’s Ass:** Clint.

 **Scarlett Bitch:** am DeAd

 **Spidermom:** oh ffs is that when you met Percy

 **Irondad:** who the fuck is Percy

 **Spidermom:** the dog

 **Green Rage Monster:** lmao

 **America’s Ass:** why would you get distracted by a dog Clint?!

 **Hawkeye:** not my fault he was cute

 **Spidermom:** he sent me a pic and everything

 **Hawkeye:** stop selling me out Nat

_**Spidermom sent pdf file named PERCYYYYYISSOCUTEURGH to Avengers Group Chat**_

**Scarlett Bitch:** n’aww

 **Rhodey:** why can’t we get a dog

 **Irondad:** because you can barely look after yourselves

 **Spidermom:** rude but true

 **Falcon107:** hahahaha

 **America’s Ass:** Clint I can’t believe you did that.

 **Hawkeye:** he was the sweetest lil thing I ever saw so excuse the fuck out of me

 **Green Rage Monster:** Percy is very cute though.

 **Metal Arm:** nice dog

 **Irondad:** right okay so we’re meant to leave in like 2 hours and we have no tickets

 **Rhodey:** that is an issue

 **Spidermom:** a slight inconvenience

 **Falcon107:** so are we going or??

 **Scarlett Bitch:** idk

 **Irondad:** A slight inconvenience?! We have no tickets, therefore no way to get in!! Any ideas????

 **Hawkeye:** me and Tasha are spies tho we can find a way in

 **Spidermom:** bold of you to think I haven’t already mapped out a route

 **America’s Ass:** NO!! NO MORE BREAKING AND ENTERING

 **Rhodey:** yeah im sick of all the police calls

 **Falcon107:** I think theyre funny

 **Scarlett Bitch:** cant I just control the person letting people in – by convincing them that we have tickets?

 **Green Rage Monster:** that could work

 **Irondad:** maybe

 **Metal Arm:** sounds good

 **America’s Ass:** NO! THAT’S SO UNETHICAL

 **Irondad:** what’s your big idea then

 **America’s Ass:** to ring the school up and buy tickets over the phone. I’ll be right back.

**America’s Ass is offline**

**Spidermom:** breaking in would have been more fun

 **Irondad:** as appealing as that sounds – I’d like just one trip away from the Compound to end up without one of us being arrested

 **Hawkeye:** killjoy

 **Falcon107:** what is the Kid doing in the show btw

 **Irondad:** magic

 **Spidermom:** can he make Clint disappear

 **Hawkeye:** what the fuck

 **Scarlett Bitch:** omg that would be epic

 **Irondad:** no

**America’s Ass is online**

**Irondad:** please tell me you got the tickets

 **America’s Ass:** I got the tickets

 **Spidermom:** did you actually

 **America’s Ass:** Yep. But we’re sitting near the back which sucks

 **Falcon107:** we can all thank Clint for that

 **Scarlett Bitch:** you had one job!!

 **Hawkeye:** I don’t see you lot with jobs!!!

 **Spidermom:** dress code – I’ve planned everyone’s outfits accordingly

 **Rhodey:** me and pepper did press control

 **Falcon107:** patrolling the Compound for paparazzi before we leave

 **Scarlett Bitch:** I organised the times of when we arrive

 **Green Rage Monster:** I wrote down back up plans incase anything went wrong

 **Irondad:** I sorted out transport

 **America’s Ass:** me and @Metal Arm were in charge of overlooking the venue and possible attack points – so we went to the school last week to scout it out

 **Hawkeye:** ok ok ok jeez im sorry

 **Irondad:** now we have the tickets can we start getting ready because I don’t want to be late – bet the Kid is nervous enough

 **Spidermom:** yup

 **America’s Ass:** don’t forget to meet at the front door

**Everyone is offline**

**Everyone is online**

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Pointbreak is offline**

**Falcon107:** @Hawkeye if you throw one more piece of popcorn at me I’m going to hurt you

 **Scarlett Bitch:** is that Clint doing that?! Thought it was Nat

 **Spidermom:** why would I be throwing popcorn

 **Scarlett Bitch:** idk thought you were bored

 **Green Rage Monster:** I’m bored

 **Metal Arm:** wanna get another hotdog Banner???

 **Green Rage Monster:** yeah anything is better than sitting here

 **Irondad:** NO! No-one is going anywhere

 **Metal Arm:** sorry mom

 **Irondad:** don’t even go there Barnes

 **Metal Arm:** fuck off Tony

 **Spidermom:** boys play nice

 **America’s Ass:** shut up it’s about to start!

 **Rhodey:** I already hate this and it hasn’t even started yet

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Clint stop throwing popcorn jfc

 **Hawkeye:** Bj h’giowioE RGF8O

 **America’s Ass:** Thanks Nat

 **Spidermom:** np

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Natasha istg stop stabbing Clint

 **Spidermom:** he’s annoying me

 **Rhodey:** wait did she actually just stab him?!

 **Irondad:** yeah but it was only a pencil

 **Hawkeye:** A SHARP PENCIL

 **Spidermom:** serves you right for causing a scene

 **Hawkeye:** YOU JUST FUCKING STABBED ME

 **Spidermom:** and your point is?

 **Hawkeye:** IT HURT

 **Spidermom:** I can do it again

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Can you all at least TRY and act like normal fucking human beings please???

 **Hawkeye:** I genuinely don’t know if I can

 **Scarlett Bitch:** big m00d

 **Falcon107:** true

 **Irondad:** it’s so hard to do that

 **Spidermom:** I’m the only normal one here besides Steve

 **Hawkeye:** you just stabbed me with a fucking pencil

 **Spidermom:** oh you mean this one?

 **Hawkeye:** BWVDD Y fb\cskj,FVPAZU;

 **Falcon107:** ahahahah

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** ffs

 **Scarlett Bitch:** entertainment at its finest

 **Metal Arm:** omg Clint’s stormed off

 **Irondad:** it’s starting – he’s going to miss Peter!

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** He’ll catch up, everyone be quiet and please act normally.

**Everyone is offline**

**Pepper Potts CEO is online**

**Rhodey is online**

**Irondad is online**

**America’s Ass is online**

**Falcon107 is online**

**Spidermom is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Green Rage Monster is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**Scarlett Bitch:** the dancers are good – I like the use of the props too

 **Spidermom:** I agree, the musical choices are very well thought out.

 **Falcon107:** I’d rather be anywhere but here – when is it the Kid’s turn

 **Irondad:** after this I think – he’s the last one

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** No, Peter is on after the next group – the ones who have just come on stage

 **Green Rage Monster:** is this another dance group?

 **Scarlett Bitch:** looks like it, but why are they all facing away from the stage lol

 **Rhodey:** idk

 **Irondad:** omg they’re dancing to Rock Lobster that’s amazing

 **Metal Arm:** who’s the one by the left curtain? The back of his head looks familiar

 **America’s Ass:** I was thinking that actually

 **Spidermom:** oh please tell me that that isn’t who I think it is

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Do you know him Natasha??

 **Spidermom:** just wait until they all turn around – I hope I’m not right

 **Spidermom:** jfc I’m right

 **America’s Ass:** Is that who I think it is?

 **Green Rage Monster:** It is

 **Rhodey:** I have no words

 **Falcon107:** changed my mind I love this talent show xD

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** one trip, just one trip out of the Compound that doesn’t end in chaos – that’s all I wanted

 **Irondad:** OMFG SOMEONE GET HIM NOW

 **America’s Ass:** Oh yeah, let’s all just hop onto the stage and drag Clint off – in front of a room of paying audience members – great idea Tony

 **Scarlett Bitch:** this is comedy gold

 **Spidermom:** why the holy fuck is Barton dancing with a bunch of 16 year olds to rock lobster

 **Irondad:** I have no idea

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Great now he’s singing along

 **Rhodey:** it’s kinda funny

 **Green Rage Monster:** lmao he tripped

 **Spidermom:** I don’t know whether to be annoyed or amused

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Annoyed! Very annoyed Natasha!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Nah it’s just a bit of fun lol imagine if they won the talent show xD

 **America’s Ass:** Wanda, we want Peter to win – isn’t that the whole reason we came here?!

 **Rhodey:** I don’t care who wins as long as I can go soon

 **Irondad:** everyone shut up – the Kid’s on now

 **Scarlett Bitch:** aw he looks so nervous

 **Spidermom:** he just saw us and smiled😊

**Hawkeye is online**

**Hawkeye:** Hey guysss what did u think

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Insanity was the first word that came to mind.

 **Scarlett Bitch:** amazing

 **Spidermom:** just why did you do that????!?!?

 **Hawkeye:** dunno, I got bored, so went to the bathroom and then on my way back, I met this cool Kid who was dancing to Rock Lobster and I was like hey dude I can dance – then he invited me into his group

 **Irondad:** …

 **America’s Ass:** Clint please never do anything like that again

 **Hawkeye:** you’re just jealous that I can dance and you cant

 **America’s Ass:** I can dance, and no I’m pissed off that you completely crashed a school talent show just so you could show off that you can dance on the spot

 **Spidermom:** m00d

 **Hawkeye:** -____-

 **Falcon107:** it was funny tho

 **Metal Arm** ^

 **Hawkeye:** thanks guyssss

 **Green Rage Monster:** Peter’s doing such a good job

 **Spidermom:** wonder if he kept that bird up his sleeve the whole day

 **Hawkeye:** looool I’m not doing his laundry

 **Scarlett Bitch:** that was so good!!!!

 **Rhodey:** results time, hope he wins after that

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** shut up and stop shouting at each other istg

 **Irondad:** if I want to cheer for my Kid then I will do

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Tony.

 **Irondad:** ok fine

 **Scarlett Bitch:** OMG HE WON

 **Falcon107:** eyyyy

 **Hawkeye:** goddamn it I wanted to win ☹

 **Spidermom:** so proud of him!! Barton shut up

 **Green Rage Monster:** Look at Peter’s grin ahaha

 **Rhodey:** love how he ignored all of us and ran straight to Tony to hug him #Irondad

 **Scarlett Bitch:** #Irondad

 **Spidermom:** #Irondad

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** #Irondad

 **Metal Arm:** #Irondad

 **Pointbreak:** #Irondad

 **Hawkeye:** #Irondad

 **Green Rage Monster:** #Irondad

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** Thank you all soooo so so much for coming!!!! I’m so happy I won!!!!! You all made me feel less nervous and I love you all!!! <3 <3 <3 Also #Irondad

 **Irondad:** You’re welcome bud – wouldn’t have missed it for the world😊 #ProudIrondad

**Everyone is offline**


	35. Water Melons and dancing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter finds a friend on patrol and adds him to the Group Chat!

**Everyone is online**

**Pointbreak is offline**

**Pepper Potts CEO is offline**

**LittleSpider:** hey everyone happy SUNDAYYYY!!!! Alsoooooo I’m adding a superhero friend that I met on patrol last night bc hes super cool and loads of fun

_LittleSpider added avocadoface_ to Avengers Group Chat

**Avocadoface:** OH MY SWEET JESUS IT’S AN AVENGERS GROUP CHAT :O

 **LittleSpider:** hi Wade!!!

 **Avocadoface:** omg hi kiddo! You know when you said that you’d put me in the avengers group chat, I didn’t actually think that you’d put me in the avengers group chat – is there an initation process???? Who do I have to fuck??? please say Captain America<3 uwu

 **Irondad:** who the fuck is this

 **Avocadoface:** your worst dream and best nightmare

 **Falcon107:** that isn’t the saying dude, who are you?

 **America’s Ass:** Peter – who is this???

 **Avocadoface:** NO FUCKING WAY CAPTAIN AMERICA I LOVE YOU<3

 **America’s Ass:** Thanks – but you’re not having sexual intercourse with anybody on this team, just so we’re clear, whoever you are…

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Peter – who is Wade?

 **LittleSpider:** only like the coolest guy ever

 **Irondad:** what the fuck

 **LittleSpider:** sorry Mr Stark but he is soooooooo cool

 **Avocadoface:** im on the bus and im crying

 **LittleSpider:** don’t cry!!!!

 **Avocadoface:** is this what happiness feels like????!!?!?

 **Falcon107:** you met him on patrol Peter?

 **LittleSpider:** yeah we stopped a robbery together

 **Avocadoface:** our first robbery<3

 **Rhodey:** …

 **Hawkeye:** Nat???

 **Spidermom:** I’ve heard of him. His name is Wade Wilson, he’s 42 and he goes by the name of Dead-Pool.

 **Irondad:** oh ffs not him

 **Avocadoface:** I think ive died and gone to heaven

 **Green Rage Monster:** are you the guy who sorted out that fire on 42nd a few weeks ago and saved everyone in the building??

 **Avocadoface:** holy shit Ironman, Black Widow and Hulk know who I am *dies*

 **LittleSpider:** he always wanted to meet you all, but you’re all so busy, so I thought as the admin, I’d add him to the chat to say hi!

 **Irondad:** Kid he’s not an avenger

 **America’s Ass:** Tony is right Peter, we discuss important issues on here

 **Avocadoface:** I resurrected myself don’t worry

 **LittleSpider:** xD

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Steve, we discussed who ate the last biscuit last night – it’s hardly news material

 **Spidermom:** yeah this chat is basically just a mess

 **Avocadoface:** we can get messy together <3

 **Spidermom:** I will find and stab you

 **Avocadoface:** Black Widow doesn’t like heart emojji’s got it

 **Hawkeye:** dude she’s literally sat sharpening her knives

 **Avocadoface:** :O

 **Irondad:** keep it PG bc there’s a minor here

 **LittleSpider:** Mr Stark I’m 16!!

 **Irondad:** exactly

 **LittleSpider:** *huffs dramatically*

 **America’s Ass:** Wade, tell us a bit about yourself then

 **Avocadoface:** I’m Dead-Pool and I use humor to deflect my insecurities. Plus, I’m hilarious, so don’t hate on me fuckers

 **Rhodey:** ahahahaha

**LittleSpider is offline**

**America’s Ass:** watch your language!

 **Avocadoface:** suck a cock

 **Hawkeye:** god this guy is cool

 **Scarlett Bitch:** I like him

 **Avocadoface:** awwwww I like you too Sabrina the teenage witch<3 I definitely would let you use your super powers on me to see what I’m thinking about you<3

 **Scarlett Bitch:** xD tell me when ahahaha

 **Irondad:** Where the fuck did the Kid go???

 **Falcon107:** this chat is the highlight of my day

 **Avocadoface:** he’s a little busyyyyyyy

 **America’s Ass:** what does that mean?

**Avocadoface is offline**

**Irondad:** okay now I’m worried – where the hell is the Kid?!

 **Metal Arm:** it’s Sunday so probably patrol

 **Irondad:** he would have texted me

 **Spidermom:** on another note – has anyone seen what’s happening on 54th?

 **Green Rage Monster:** no I’m in the lab

 **Irondad:** Bruce you basically live in the lab

 **Green Rage Monster:** you can’t say anything Mr I’ll have a coffee as a meal because I haven’t slept in 76 hours

 **Irondad:** COFFEE IS AN ACCEPTABLE MEAL

 **Metal Arm:** it’s really not Tony

 **Spidermom:** Barnes I saw you neck like 3 expresso shots by themselves this morning

 **Hawkeye:** I think we can all agree we all have a caffeine problem

 **America’s Ass:** anyway, what’s happening on 54th Nat?

 **Spidermom:** turn on the news – basically a hostage situation

 **Falcon107:** the police are struggling

 **Scarlett Bitch:** should we go and help??

 **Spidermom:** found the Kid

 **Irondad:** oh FFS

 **Irondad:** WHY THE FUCK DOES HE DO THIS I HAVE A HEART CONDITION

 **Rhodey:** that was a brilliant flip up the building!

 **America’s Ass:** Tony’s literally sat in front of the TV hyperventilating

 **Hawkeye:** who’s the other dude

 **Green Rage Monster:** the other dude??

 **Metal Arm:** yeah the one by Peter – near the left

 **Spidermom:** oh that’s Wade (Dead Pool)

 **Irondad:** did he just throw my Kid at the fucking shooters

 **America’s Ass:** looks like it

 **Falcon107:** yep

 **Rhodey:** yes

 **Spidermom:** is he eating a whole watermelon?

 **Irondad:** he’s trying to talk to shooters and is eating a fucking watermelon with his bare hands

 **Hawkeye:** god I wish I could be that cool

**Avocadoface is online**

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** sorry I ltf b4 guys im a brt busy1

 **Avocadoface:** you’re doing so good baby boy

 **Irondad:** I’m going to have a heart attack

 **Irondad:** PETER GET OFF YOUR PHONE YOU’RE IN A ROOM FULL OF ACTIVE SHOOTERS

 **LittleSpider:** it’ s okkkkk Wade is dealign wth them

 **Spidermom:** he’s eating a watermelon

 **Hawkeye:** I want a watermelon

 **America’s Ass:** I have no words

 **Avocadoface:** no words just watermelon

 **LittleSpider:** gthes s o many og them/1

 **Irondad:** peter i’m literally 2 seconds away from coming to get you

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Metal Arm:** #irondad

 **Irondad:** not the fucking times Barnes

 **Falcon107:** he’ll be fine – look they’ve practically got them all now

 **Spidermom:** ok shit that didn’t go how I thought it was going to

 **Irondad:** heart attack is happening

 **America’s Ass:** Is peter ok?

 **Rhodey:** not sure

 **Scarlett Bitch:** when Dead Pool threw the watermelon at the main guys head I laughed so hard

 **Irondad:** where the fuck is Peter omg

 **Rhodey:** there by the desk in the corner – camera guy found him

 **America’s Ass:** he looks a bit shaken up

 **Spidermom:** so would you if you got shot at 7 times in a row

 **Hawkeye:** he looks alright – he’s a tough Kid

 **Green Rage Monster:** Is Dead Pool dancing?

 **America’s Ass:** yup

 **Falcon107:** hahahahahaha

 **Scarlett Bitch:** omg I love him

 **Metal Arm:** shit there’s another 5 of the shooters coming in from the bottom floor, the news guy just reported it

 **Hawkeye:** should we go help them??

 **America’s Ass:** we wouldn’t make it in time from here

 **Spidermom:** by the time we got there it would be too late, they’re on their own

 **Irondad:** Look I know I don’t know you wade but please get my kid back to me safe

 **Avocadoface:** don’t worry Tinman I’ve got this

**Avocadoface is offline**

**Spidermom:** thank god

 **Irondad:** that was the longest hour of my life

 **America’s Ass:** wade really showed them! He seems like a great guy Tony

 **Irondad:** yeah I guess he does – thanks for saving my Kid Wade

**Avocadoface is online**

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** DID YOU SEE ME MR STARK I WAS ON TV

 **Irondad:** we all saw you trapped in a room of shooters, trying to save the hostages, without any help from anyone, until Dead Pool showed up, yes.

 **LittleSpider:** grounded?

 **Irondad:** you bet

 **Avocadoface:** awwwww no!!!! does this mean im grounded too

 **America’s Ass:** well not unless you’re a 16 year old Kid

 **Avocadoface:** I’m always left out ☹

 **Hawkeye:** I’ll ground you Wade

 **Avocadoface:** thanks Arrowguy – god I feel like one of the team now, this is amazing, a real proud moment

 **Spidermom:** why did you eat a whole watermelon and start dancing in the presence of shooters

 **Avocadoface:** I was hungry and bored?

 **Falcon107:** wow

 **Rhodey:** that’s inspirational and pretty dumb all at once

 **Metal Arm:** that’s cool

 **Spidermom:** do you just carry watermelons around?

 **Avocadoface:** no I prefer apples and carrots, but just fancied a watermelon today – don’t you guys carry fruit around with you?

 **LittleSpider:** I do!!! I like apples too!!!

 **America’s Ass:** no we don’t, we prefer to carry guns

 **Avocadoface:** woah that’s so strange

 **Green Rage Monster:** you honestly carry fruit around all the time?

 **Avocadoface:** well obviously – I’m always hungry

 **Irondad:** great ok, so fruit aside – Wade you’re definitely welcome in this chat, thanks for saving the Kid

 **Avocadoface:** omggggg you’re welcome and thanks but imma give it a miss because you’re all so weird – cya round Peteypie<3<3<3<3

**Avocadoface left the group chat**

**Irondad:** he just ate a whole watermelon and danced in front of shooters and he thinks we’re weird and just left a fucking Avengers Group Chat – who does that

 **Rhodey:** either a complete moron or a genius

 **Spidermom:** I have no words

 **Hawkeye:** wow I wish I was him

 **America’s Ass:** -____-

 **LittleSpider:** told you all he was amazing

**Everyone is offline**


	36. Peter has a plan for October

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is very excited about October and Halloween and has made it his mission to educate the Avengers on things to do around this holiday! 
> 
> **The next few Chapters will be about Halloween and activities that surround the lead up to it**

**Falcon107 is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**Rhodey is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Spidermom is online**

**Falcon107:** can anyone explain to me why the fuck there are webs all over the kitchen ceiling

 **Scarlett Bitch:** idk but I like it

 **Hawkeye:** it’s the Kid – he’s been vamping up the Compound the past few hours, yano bc it’s Halloween soon

 **Spidermom:** It’s literally the 1st of October.

 **Metal Arm:** so that explains why Peter just ran past me, whispered happy Halloween and threw a handful of orange glitter in my face

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** HAPPY HALLOWEEEEEEEEEN

 **Hawkeye:** HAPPY HALLOWEEN KID

 **Falcon107:** hang on what

 **Scarlett Bitch:** HALLOWEEN IS AMAZING

 **Rhodey:** God I love this holiday HAPPY HALLOWEEN

 **Metal Arm:** how long was I asleep?

 **Spidermom:** ffs it’s literally the 1st of October

 **LittleSpider:** EXACTLY IT’S NOW SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE TO GET HALLOWEENIFIED

 **Rhodey:** I’m pretty sure that’s a made up word Pete

 **Hawkeye:** made up and awesome

 **LittleSpider:** OK SO LET ME TELL YOU MY PLANS FOR OCTOBER

 **Spidermom:** Tomorrow. Go. To. Sleep.

 **Hawkeye:** awhhhhhhh naaaaaaaat

 **Scarlett Bitch:** killjoy

 **Rhodey:** tell us tomorrow though Kid, it’s pretty late or early

 **Falcon107:** im so confused rn

 **Metal Arm:** yup me too

 **LittleSpider:** I DO NOT NEED SLEEPPPPPPPPPPPP

 **Spidermom:** Don’t make me come and find you

 **LittleSpider:** I WILL NOT YIELD

 **Scarlett Bitch:** you’ve been skyping Loki and Thor again haven’t you – that’s why you’re up so late bc of the time difference??

 **LittleSpider:** INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY

 **Spidermom:** jfc

 **Falcon107:** someone has also left a devastation of hot chocolate mixture all over the kitchen, aswell as all the webs

 **Hawkeye:** wasn’t me

 **Rhodey:** Clint, it was the Kid we’ve just been over this

 **Hawkeye:** oh k

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Falcon107:** what was that noise

 **Scarlett Bitch:** dunno but I want to find out

 **Spidermom:** it’s fucking 2am, shut up and go to sleep before I hurt you

 **Hawkeye:** tell the Kid!

 **Metal Arm:** oh she has, she literally just found him hiding in the music room and dragged him to his bedroom and then took his phone off him

 **Hawkeye:** lmao #parent

 **Spidermom:** don’t make me come in there Barton

 **Hawkeye:** yes ma’am

 **Falcon107:** damn that Kid has some pumpkin sized balls

 **Hawkeye:** god I hope we can carve some pumpkins

 **Scarlett Bitch:** mine will be super scary

 **Rhodey:** not a chance

 **Metal Arm:** god I hate this holiday, it makes no sense

 **Hawkeye:** what

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Halloween is the best, shut up Barnes

 **Rhodey:** why do you hate Halloween???

 **Metal Arm:** I’ll get Steve to explain hang on

 **Spidermom:** nobody is getting anybody. GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP

**Everyone is offline**

**Irondad is online**

**Irondad:** it’s 8am and I already need a drink

**Everyone is online**

**Pepper Potts CEO is offline**

**Scarlett Bitch:** big m00d Tony

 **Spidermom:** Do I want to know what’s happening?

 **Hawkeye:** probably not

 **Irondad:** the Kid seems to think that it’s Halloween…30 DAYS TOO EARLY and is decorating the entire fucking Compound. I woke up with a giant inflatable of a clown in my face >:/

 **LittleSpider:** HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!

 **Falcon107:** hang on what

 **Rhodey:** just go with it Sam

 **Green Rage Monster:** ohhhhh so that explains why my lab is covered with hanging skeletons and pots of … slime?

 **LittleSpider:** ZOMBIE BRAINS NOT SLIME

 **Green Rage Monster:** right

 **Metal Arm:** I just don’t understand this holiday

 **America’s Ass:** same Buck

 **Irondad:** Kid – stop decorating for like a minute and explain Halloween to the two Grandpas

 **LittleSpider:** IT’S THE GREATEST HOLIDAY EVER! Basically People dress up as scary things and eat candy! We carve pumpkins, watch scary films and go trick or treating!!!! I LOVE IT! Also, the October run up is amazing:D

 **Scarlett Bitch:** true tho

 **Spidermom:** Hang on, did you actually have Halloween back in the stone age?

 **America’s Ass:** funny Romanoff and yes we did, but…it wasn’t like this

 **Green Rage Monster:** what was it like?

 **Metal Arm:** not like this

 **Irondad:** that’s so interesting Barnes – feel like I was there

 **Metal Arm:** stfu Tony

 **Irondad:** Make me

 **Spidermom:** Testosterone alert

 **Hawkeye:** so Kid – what are your plans for October?

 **LittleSpider:** OH YEAH!! DON’T WORRY I’LL SHOW YOU HOW TO HAVE THE BEST HALLOWEEN AND OCTOBER @America’sAss @MetalArm

 **America’s Ass:** Looking forward to it😊

 **Metal Arm:** This’ll be fun – so what do we do then Kid?

 **LittleSpider:** WELL. Before I was rudely dragged to bed and had my phone taken off me @Spidermom

 **Spidermom:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **Irondad:** thanks Nat

 **Spidermom:** np

 **LittleSpider:** SHUSHHHHHH ANYWAY

 **LittleSpider:** I was discussing my plans for October which are as follows

 **Rhodey:** the anticipation is killing me

 **Scarlett Bitch:** if drinking pumpkin spice isn’t on your list we cant be friends Parker

 **LittleSpider:** Pick Conkers and rake leaves, carve pumpkins, go to a Haunted House, drink pumpkin spice lattes, DRESS UP AND HAVE A HALLOWEEN PARTY and watch Hocus Pocus

 **Hawkeye:** holy shit I’m so excited

 **Scarlett Bitch:** same

 **Green Rage Monster:** Good list Peter! It’ll be a nice bonding time for us all

 **Falcon107:** Halloween isn’t for like a month right?

 **LittleSpider:** IT’S THE LEAD UP MR WILSON!!! IT'S MY MISSION TO EDUCATE YOU ALL!!!

 **Falcon107:** oh ok then sure

 **Rhodey:** haha yes!

 **America’s Ass:** it sounds nice, I’ll happily give it a go

 **Metal Arm:** if everyone else is, then sure

 **Spidermom:** I’m in - never did this stuff growing up

 **Irondad:** I’m not in, I’m very much not in – no, no and no and especially no party

 **LittleSpider:** BUT MR STARKKKKKK EVERYONE ELSE WANTS TO

 **Irondad:** no Halloween Party Kid – not happening

 **Hawkeye:** you made him cry

 **Scarlett Bitch:** *growls*

 **Falcon107:** :O

 **Metal Arm:** poor Kid

 **Spidermom:** Stark.

 **America’s Ass:** Tony!

 **Irondad:** Fine we can have a Halloween Party -__-

 **LittleSpider:** YEY!!!! THANK YOU MR STARK!!!!!

 **America’s Ass:** What’s first on the list then Pete?

 **LittleSpider:** Picking Conkers and raking leaves!!!:D

 **Hawkeye:** oh good, the Compound garden has been needing tending to for ages

 **Spidermom:** then why haven’t you done it

 **Hawkeye:** bc I’m lazy af

 **Irondad:** when are we doing this ffs

 **Scarlett Bitch:** soon I hope!

 **Rhodey:** Barton is already waiting outside xD

 **Metal Arm:** lmao

 **Green Rage Monster:** I’d rather stay in the lab today though

 **Irondad:** If I have to suffer, then so do you Banner

 **Spidermom:** I think we’re all actually free today – let’s meet outside in 20 mins, some fresh air will do us all good

 **America’s Ass:** Sounds good

 **Falcon107:** it’s cold though

 **LittleSpider:** THAT IS WHAT THE PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES ARE FOR!!! I HAVE IT ALL PLANNED OUT AND WILL TEACH YOU ALL – THIS WILL BE THE BEST OCTOBER AND HALLOWEEN EVER

 **Irondad:** what could go wrong :/

**Everyone is offline**


	37. Conker War, Pumpkin Spice Lattes and Leaf Piles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter gets all the Avengers to join in on his October fun:D

**Falcon107 is online**

**Spidermom is online**

**America’s Ass is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**Spidermom:** You all in position?

 **Metal Arm:** Yup

 **Falcon107:** Affirmative

 **America’s Ass:** Yes – let’s do this

**Green Rage Monster is online**

**LittleSpider is online**

**Irondad is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**Rhodey is online**

**LittleSpider:** this isn’t really what I had in mind when I said lets go pick conkers

 **Scarlett Bitch:** nah this is way better

 **Rhodey:** not really Wanda – I can’t move without a fear of going blind

 **Spidermom:** #sorrynotsorry

 **Irondad:** WHEN DID A FRIENDLY GAME OF CONKERS TURN INTO A FUCKING WAR ZONE?!?!

 **America’s Ass:** WHEN YOU HIT MY HEAD

 **Irondad:** IT WAS AN ACCIDENT STOP THROWING THEM AT ME

 **Falcon107:** on your right Nat

 **Hawkeye:** aobrb ori y3084wp34vh

 **Spidermom:** got it thanks

 **Green Rage Monster:** I feel physically unsafe

 **LittleSpider:** don’t worry I’ll protect you Dr Banner

 **Irondad:** IT’S ON

**Everyone is offline**

**Green Rage Monster is online**

**LittleSpider is online**

**Irondad is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**Rhodey is online**

**Falcon107 is online**

**Spidermom is online**

**America’s Ass is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**Spidermom:** Well that didn’t really go to plan but it’s fine bc we still won

 **America’s Ass:** I can’t apologise enough Bruce

 **Irondad:** I’m just happy he’s alive – turns out picking Conkers is a lot more dangerous than I originally thought

 **Green Rage Monster:** It’s just a concussion, I’ll be fine – just, no more throwing small hard objects at each other please

 **Rhodey:** preach

 **Hawkeye:** I also have a sizeable bump on my head – thanks Nat

 **Spidermom:** np

 **America’s Ass:** we did say not to go for faces!

 **Green Rage Monster:** well turns out that hitting someone on the back of the head will also give them concussion Cap

 **Metal Arm:** lmao

 **LittleSpider:** you guys don’t hold back with weapons do you

 **Falcon107:** not really

 **Scarlett Bitch:** nope

 **America’s Ass:** No, but never mind, it’s over now and we won

 **Irondad:** Only by default because you almost killed Banner and Legolas!

 **Spidermom:** nah we won bc we’re the best

 **Hawkeye:** sure Romanoff

 **Spidermom:** want me to ‘accidentally’ hit you on the head again

 **Hawkeye:** No pls

 **Irondad:** STOP PICKING UP CONKERS AGAIN NATASHA

 **Spidermom:** killjoy

 **Metal Arm:** anyway, what’s next on the list Kid?

 **LittleSpider:** racking leaves and drinking Pumpkin Spice lattes!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** ON IT

**Scarlett Bitch is offline**

**Rhodey:** where the fuck did she just run off to

 **Spidermom:** presumably to make the Lattes

 **Irondad:** right, get a rake out of the shed everyone

 **LittleSpider:** why do we have exactly 10 rakes mr stark

 **Irondad:** bought them when you wanted to rake leaves

 **Rhodey:** #irondad

 **Green Rage Monster:** #irondad

 **Spidermom:** #irondad

 **Hawkeye:** #irondad

 **Falcon107:** #irondad

 **Metal Arm:** #irondad

 **America’s Ass:** #irondad

 **LittleSpider:** awwwww #irondad

 **Irondad:** STOP #irondad istg just pick up a rake and start raking the goddamn leaves so I can go back inside

 **Hawkeye:** stop hitting me with the rake natasha

 **Falcon107:** lmao

 **America’s Ass:** stop using the rake as a weapon Natasha jfc

 **Spidermom:** it’s funny watch

 **Hawkeye:** NO GO AWAY

 **LittleSpider:** how about we work in teams to have a raking competition

 **Green Rage Monster:** good idea Kid – who’s on what team

 **Hawkeye:** oooooo competition whats the prize

 **America’s Ass:** How about first choice for movie night tonight?

 **Falcon107:** oh it’s on

 **Spidermom:** okay so it’ll be 2 to a team – get picking bitches

 **Irondad:** You better be on my team Kid

 **LittleSpider:** I pickkkkkkkk AUNTIE NAT

 **Spidermom:** good choice Kid – let’s win this

 **Irondad:** what the fuck

 **Green Rage Monster:** don’t worry Tony – you can pair with me if you want

 **Falcon107:** Rhodey?

 **Rhodey:** yes Sam we’ve got this

 **Metal Arm:** Steve?

 **America’s Ass:** Sure Buck

 **Hawkeye:** who the fuck am I going with

 **Irondad:** well everyone is here apart from Mind Control so guess you’re pairing with her

 **Hawkeye:** we will win

 **Spidermom:** in your dreams Barton

 **LittleSpider:** Wanda’s back with the lattes!!! You all have to try them before we start the competition!!!!

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Scarlett Bitch:** hang on why is everyone paired up looking mutinously at each other

 **LittleSpider:** we’re having a race to see who can rake a pile of leaves the fastest!

 **Hawkeye:** you’re with me Wands

 **Scarlett Bitch:** ah cool cool

 **Irondad:** what in the fuck is this

 **Metal Arm:** Pumpkin Spice Latte – quite nice actually

 **Falcon107:** it’s nice, a bit too sweet for my liking

 **Spidermom:** it’s my new favourite drink

 **Green Rage Monster:** I’m more of a black coffee kinda guy but this is nice – thanks Wanda

 **Rhodey:** ^

 **LittleSpider:** THANK YOU WANDA IT’S AMAZING

 **Irondad:** I think I’ve just drunk a cup full of diabetes

 **LittleSpider:** shut up mr stark it’s an amazing drink ok

 **Hawkeye:** it’s God in a cup

 **Spidermom:** that doesn’t make sense

 **Hawkeye:** you don’t make sense DNBOHGj f-qegbi

 **Irondad:** stop hitting Legolas with a rake @Spidermom

 **Spidermom:** pft

 **America’s Ass:** it’s actually very tasty! Good job Wanda

 **Scarlett Bitch:** <3

 **America’s Ass:** Right: so teams are as follows: Me and Bucky, Tony and Bruce, Sam and Rhodey, Wanda and Clint and Nat and Peter – everyone ready?

 **Spidermom:** Yes

 **LittleSpider:** YAS

 **Hawkeye:** yup

 **Irondad:** as I’ll ever be

 **Rhodey:** let’s do this

 **Metal Arm:** yes

 **Scarlett Bitch:** YESSSS

 **Falcon107:** on it like a car bonnet

 **Green Rage Monster:** yes😊

 **America’s Ass:** GO

 **Irondad:** come on Bruce you’re literally the hulk – where are your muscles

 **Green Rage Monster:** do I look big and green rn Tony?!?!?

 **LittleSpider:** we’re winning!!!!!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** not when I do this

 **Spidermom:** that is cheating Wanda stop moving leaves off of our pile

 **America’s Ass:** play nice everyone

 **Hawkeye:** Wanda duck!!!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** bi v h0qfj -7t 9g

 **Metal Arm:** stop throwing conkers Natasha

 **Spidermom:** she started it by cheating I’m just evening out the playing field

 **Falcon107:** where’s the kid gone?

 **Irondad:** probably got bored of raking

 **Rhodey:** urrrr guys

 **Green Rage Monster:** omg is that Peter?

 **Irondad:** SHIT

 **Metal Arm:** BRILLIANT IDEA KID

 **America’s Ass:** STOP CHEATING

 **Spidermom:** that’s the best thing I’ve ever seen

 **Scarlett Bitch:** omg Tony looks pissed

 **Hawkeye:** so would you if you got a face full of leaves

 **LittleSpider:** we’re still winning @Spidermom

 **Spidermom:** heheh

 **Falcon107:** can I use the leaf blower now

 **Metal Arm:** no Tony took it off the Kid ☹

 **Scarlett Bitch:** killjoy

 **Hawkeye:** keep raking wanda

 **Scarlett Bitch:** it’s more fun watching you

 **America’s Ass:** we’re in the endgame now guys – keep going!

 **Irondad:** God I hate this

 **Rhodey:** Sam im not doing all the work

 **Falcon107:** looks like you are bc im done haha

 **Rhodey:** you can’t just ‘be done’ we’re in a competition come on represent!

 **Green Rage Monster:** tony can’t you just get a suit to do this for us

 **Irondad:** surprisingly I have yet to make an ironman suit whose sole intention is to rake leaves – but I have my nano tech – look they’re already working

 **America’s Ass:** STOP CHEATING TONY

 **Irondad:** SHUT UP CAPSICLE I’M TIRED

 **Hawkeye:** fuck this everyone is cheating and so am I – Wanda do your shit

 **LittleSpider:** STOP THROWING OUR LEAVES EVERYWHERE

 **Scarlett Bitch:** you started it

 **LittleSpider:** no you did

 **Hawkeye:** STOP HITTING ME WITH THE RAKE NATASHA

 **Rhodey:** what is going on

 **Metal Arm:** idek

 **Falcon107:** STOP STEALING OUR LEAVES BARNES

 **Irondad:** Natasha istg stop throwing the fucking conkers

 **America’s Ass:** Stop cheating Tony

 **Irondad:** what about everyone else!?!?!

 **Spidermom:** WE WON

 **LittleSpider:**!!!!!!!

 **America’s Ass:** by default

 **Scarlett Bitch:** cheaters

 **Irondad:** I think we can agree that most of us cheated

 **America’s Ass:** right – now we can jump in the leaves?

 **Spidermom:** Kid’s already doing it, so are half the team actually

 **Irondad:** do we have to

 **America’s Ass:** it’s fun!

 **Spidermom:** ah fine then, fuck it

 **Metal Arm:** I officially love October

 **LittleSpider:** this was so much fun omggggg thanks everyone!! :D


	38. Haunted House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter buys 12 Tickets for a Haunted House and makes all the Avengers and Pepper, come with him:)

**Everyone is online**

**Pointbreak is offline**

**Pepper Potts CEO:** Peter, why has the mailman just given me 12 Haunted House Tickets for this evening?

 **LittleSpider:** OMG THEY ARRIVED uwu

 **Hawkeye:** NO WAY

 **Irondad:** oh you’ve got to be shitting me

 **Spidermom:** This will be interesting ha

 **Scarlett Bitch:** OMGOMGOMGOMGGOM

 **Metal Arm:** Steve – do you know what’s happening

 **America’s Ass:** not really Buck

 **Rhodey:** hang on what

 **Green Rage Monster:** Peter – I scare easily and really don’t fancy going all green tonight if you know what I mean

 **LittleSpider:** it’ll be fun!!!!! Thors back this afternoon so he can come too and we’ll all look after you Dr Banner!!! IT’S A HAUNTED HOUSE AND IT’LL BE SO MUCH FUN

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Hang on – there’s 12 tickets, who else is coming Kid?

 **LittleSpider:** I was hoping you’d come too Pepper!!

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** I mean I’m only busy running SI and sorting out press and stuff, but sure

 **LittleSpider:** YEY!!!

 **Falcon107:** Do we have to be scared or can we do the scaring in this haunted house?

 **America’s Ass:** Not sure Sam, this will be the first Haunted House that me and Bucky have been to. Are there real ghosts?

 **LittleSpider:** no ahahaha

 **Irondad:** Cap – there’s no such thing as real ghosts

 **Metal Arm:** well I never thought I’d meet a talking tree and a raccoon, so how should we know

 **Irondad:** fair point – what time does it start Kid?

 **LittleSpider:** 7 until 9.30😊

 **Hawkeye:** omg im so excited

**Everyone is offline**

**Everyone is online**

**America’s Ass:** So the point of this is to make us scared?

 **Falcon107:** pretty much

 **Pointbreak:** It certainly seems very ‘scary’ – I am intrigued to know what happens when we go further inside.

 **Metal Arm:** Well get ready bc here we go

 **LittleSpider:** IT’S SO DARK

 **Spidermom:** Barton stop shaking jfc

 **Hawkeye:** IT’S SCARY ALL I CAN SEE IS MY PHONE LIGHT

 **Rhodey:** It is kind of creepy tbh

 **Spidermom:** I’ve had scarier sandwiches

 **Irondad:**???? What?!!?!

 **Spidermom:** The Kid put jellybeans in my sandwich when I didn’t look one time and I’ll never forget the taste

 **America’s Ass:** urgh he did that to my sandwich last week and I almost threw up

 **LittleSpider:** :O how could you not like it

 **Spidermom:** I still have nightmares

 **America’s Ass:** ^

 **Scarlett Bitch:** OMG DID YOU SEE THAT ZOMBIE I LOVE THIS OMG

 **Green Rage Monster:** I really don’t

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Tony you can’t just materialise a fucking gauntlet to blast everything that’s cheating and dangerous

 **Irondad:** pftt

 **LittleSpider:** Where did Auntie Nat and Mr Barton go

 **Falcon107:** not sure

 **Scarlett Bitch:** too busy not caring

 **Metal Arm:** this is great

 **America’s Ass:** I have decided that this isn’t something that I enjoy

 **Rhodey:** Dude it’s awesome

 **Green Rage Monster:** It’s not and I’m alone in a room being stared at by a mummified person someone help pls

 **Rhodey:** great now we’ve lost Thor

 **Irondad:** I think we’ve lost fucking everyone I can’t see shit

 **LittleSpider:** MR STARK PEPPER WHERE ARE YOU

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Kid I have no idea – by a large blood stain on the wall

 **LittleSpider:** WHICH ONE I’M SCARED

 **Irondad:** I’ll come get you

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** You’re not leaving me Stark – get back here

 **Falcon107:** \FBEWUSIH TGM RBDF;N

 **LittleSpider:** SOMETHING GOT MR WILSON

 **Scarlett Bitch:** nah it was just me scaring him ahahaha

 **Rhodey:** lmao

 **Irondad:** right we’ve got the Kid – where the fuck is everyone else

 **LittleSpider:** oooooo look there’s something there by the corner!!!!! I’m going to scare it before it gets me

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** careful Kid

 **LittleSpider:** don’t worry I’ll use my webs :D

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Bruce is rocking back and forth in the hallway

 **Rhodey:** omw

 **Pointbreak:** Why is Barton crying in a corner, whilst Natasha is laughing?

 **LittleSpider:** that might have just been my fault

 **Irondad:** Kid you’ve probably just scarred Legolas for life

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** it was very funny though

 **America’s Ass:** what happened????

 **Scarlett Bitch:** spill the tea

 **Irondad:** the Kid wanted to scare the thing in the corner before it scared him and it turned out that webbing the thing to the wall in the dark wasn’t the best idea bc it ended up being Legolas

 **Spidermom:** I CANTB REAHTE

 **Scarlett Bitch:** ahahahahahahahaha

 **Pointbreak:** That was very funny Peter!

 **LittleSpider:** thanks Thor and sorry Mr Barton I thought you were a creepy Halloween decoration

 **Hawkeye:** it’s ok Kid but I’ll get you back for this

 **Rhodey:** got Bruce and we’re on our way downstairs now

 **Metal Arm:** did anyone else hear that

 **Rhodey:** yup

 **America’s Ass:** I did

 **Irondad:** who is it?

 **Falcon107:** SOMETHING IS CHASING ME

 **Spidermom:** apparently it was Sam screaming that something is chasing him

 **Pointbreak:** I like this Haunted House – it is very easy to scare people

 **Falcon107:** fuck you Thor

 **Hawkeye:** God this team sucks can’t trust anyBUOQE Tib b vb1p9r h0t

 **Rhodey:** jfc

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** If Clint has a heart attack on these premises I’m not filling out any paperwork Tony

 **Irondad:** understood – Natasha stop scaring Clint

 **Spidermom:** it’s fun tho

 **Scarlett Bitch:** xD

 **Metal Arm:** yeah I actually kinda enjoyed that – thanks Kid

 **America’s Ass:** I thought it was interesting, but I didn’t like it.

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** There’s the end of the house! Thank god

 **Irondad:** I am never doing that again

 **LittleSpider:** THANKS FOR COMING EVERYONE!!! I had fun :D

 **Pointbreak:** I had a good time too

 **Scarlett Bitch:** same

 **LittleSpider:** let’s do it again!!!!

 **Irondad:** NO.

**Everyone is offline**


	39. Pumpkin Carving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter gets all the Avengers to carve pumpkins with him and things don't go too well

**LittleSpider is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Falcon107 is online**

**America’s Ass is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**Falcon107:** I cant believe I’ve been roped into this

 **Scarlett Bitch:** it’s fun

 **LittleSpider:** I LOVE THIS

 **America’s Ass:** This is definitely something I can say I’ve never done before

 **Metal Arm:** it feels so weird but I like it

**Irondad is online**

**Spidermom is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**Pointbreak is online**

**Irondad:** what in the fuck are you all doing

 **Spidermom:** I’m also interested in the answer

 **LittleSpider:** Carving Pumpkins!!!!

 **Hawkeye:** OMG WHERE

 **Spidermom:** no

 **Irondad:** Kid I said no – it’s too messy and I’ll be the one who has to clean it up

 **America’s Ass:** We’ll clean it up Tony, come and join us!

 **LittleSpider:** OMG YES PLEASE MR STARK

 **Irondad:** Do I have a choice

 **LittleSpider:** NOPE

 **Irondad:** omw then

 **Pointbreak:** I do not understand? What is a pumpkin carving?

 **Scarlett Bitch:** a scary face on a pumpkin Thor – it’s a Halloween thing

 **Pointbreak:** I would like to try

 **Hawkeye:** wouldn’t we all

 **Spidermom:** no

 **LittleSpider:** please auntie nat xxx

 **Spidermom:** omw

 **Hawkeye:** wait what the fuck

 **Spidermom:** come on Barton

 **Hawkeye:** YASSSSS

 **LittleSpider:** MINE IS GOING TO BE THE BEST AND MOST SCARIEST EVER

 **Hawkeye:** think you mean mine will be kid

 **Spidermom:** you’re both wrong, if I have to do this, then mine will definitely be the scariest

 **Pointbreak:** I accidently crushed my Pumpkin – can I have another please

 **LittleSpider:** Don’t worry Thor, I’ve squished 4 already #superstrengthcanbeshitsometimes

 **Hawkeye:** holy fuck how many did you buy

 **Metal Arm:** yeah there’s like 50 pumpkins here Kid

 **LittleSpider:** I used the emergency credit card that Mr Stark gave me

 **Irondad:** I GAVE YOU THAT FOR EMERGENCIES

 **LittleSpider:** it was and it still is! I keep squishing the pumpkins bc of my stupid super strength so I bought extra

 **Irondad:** I give up jfc

 **Spidermom:** big m00d

 **Scarlett Bitch:** lmao

 **America’s Ass:** Clint no you can’t use a vacuum to get all the insides of the pumpkin out

 **Hawkeye:** pfft why not

 **America’s Ass:** because it will break!!!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** lol Clint can’t carve a pumpkin

 **Hawkeye:** shut up -___-

 **Spidermom:** this is so messy

 **Pointbreak:** It is oddly satisfying at the same time though

 **Irondad:** all of you – please stop making a mess

 **Metal Arm:** shit there goes another one

 **Falcon107:** omg that’s like your 4th exploded pumpkin Bucky ahaha

 **Metal Arm:** blame the metal arm

 **America’s Ass:** Tony, we’re carving pumpkins and some of us have super strength which results in exploding pumpkins if we hold them too tightly – I don’t think there’s a not messy way to do this

 **Spidermom:** this is harder than I thought it would be

 **Irondad:** can’t I just buy one that’s ready made? This is taking forever and we’ve only just started. I’m not putting my hands in that to get all that shit out

 **Hawkeye:** lighten up Tony it’s a bit of fun

 **LittleSpider:** you have to mr stark!!! It’s all part of carving pumpkins!!

 **Falcon107:** guys I need help

 **Spidermom:** every man and pumpkin for themselves

 **Irondad:** it’s literally disgusting

 **Pointbreak:** I am enjoying this Midgardian tradition.

 **America’s Ass:** why do you need help Sam

 **Falcon107:** well it was meant to look scary but now it has a monobrow

 **Metal Arm:** xD

 **Hawkeye:** still looks pretty scary to me

 **America’s Ass:** they’re so fiddly oh shit

 **Falcon107:** there goes another pumpkin

 **LittleSpider:** guys look I’ve almost finished !!!! guess who it is

 **Spidermom:** Kid wtf is that

 **Irondad:** I was just going to ask that Romanoff

 **LittleSpider:** IT’S JACK SKELLINGTON OK

 **Hawkeye:** OMG YES

 **Scarlett Bitch:** that looks nothing like Jack

 **Metal Arm:** who the fuck is Jack

 **Spidermom:** a guy from a Disney film I think

 **LittleSpider:** great now it’s squished again bc I got annoyed ffs

 **Irondad:** can the people with super strength try to stop exploding the pumpkins everywhere

 **Metal Arm:** we’re trying it’s hard – what number pumpkin are we on @LittleSpider @America’sAss

 **LittleSpider:** I’m on my 8th

 **America’s Ass:** 5th

 **Metal Arm:** 4th

 **Hawkeye:** 3rd

 **Spidermom:** You’re only on your 3rd bc you can’t carve a fucking pumpkin Barton

 **Hawkeye:** wow rude but true

 **Irondad:** all I can see is pumpkin I’m pretty sure after this we’ll need to move

 **Pointbreak:** This is an interesting experience – why are we doing this again?

 **Metal Arm:** ill show you look

 **LittleSpider:** NO! WE PUT THE TEALIGHT INSIDE IT AFTER IT’S FINISHED SO IT’S SUPER SCARY!!!! WE DON’T SET IT ON FIRE OMG

 **Metal Arm:** oh shit

**Everyone is offline**


	40. Auntie Nat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little collection of messages between Natasha and Peter <3

**_**SpiderBros Private Chat**_ **

****

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** Auntie nat I NEeD yOU urgEn.tly!

 **LittleSpider:** AUNTIE NAT

**Spidermom is online**

**Spidermom:** I have been summoned

 **LittleSpider:** I neeD yOu

 **Spidermom:** You better not be injured Parker

 **LittleSpider:** noTexAcTly and mR . Satrk wont’ ipck uP sO i mESsagEd yOU instaed

 **Spidermom:** That’s because it’s almost 4am.

 **LittleSpider:** iTs An EMeRgENcY

 **LittleSpider:** plaesE help

 **Spidermom:** Where are you

 **LittleSpider:** laB 008

 **Spidermom:** Ok, I’ll be there in three minutes, hang in there Kiddo.

**Spidermom is offline**

**Spidermom is online**

**Spidermom:** Where are you Kid?

 **LittleSpider:** lookUp whEnYou Ccome in

 **Spidermom:** oh for fucks sake Peter.

 **LittleSpider:** rfhqvh43-h51b1 tgouw

 **LittleSpider:** thank you for getting me down. I’ve just had a shower and am going to sleep now x

 **Spidermom:** Right. Now that you’re cleaned up. Do you wanna tell me why you were in the lab by yourself at 4 in the morning and were stuck to the ceiling in blue webbing?

 **LittleSpider:** not really

 **Spidermom:** Peter.

 **LittleSpider:** I wanted to see if blue would work with the webbing but it sort of exploded and I got stuck

 **Spidermom:** and this couldn’t have waited until it wasn’t dark outside?

 **LittleSpider:** I couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d give it a try

 **Spidermom:** well let this be a reminder for you the next time that you want to experiment with webbing at 4 in the morning

 **LittleSpider:** can’t we pretend it didn’t happen?

 **Spidermom:** Normally I’d say yes, however there is currently a very large pile of blue webbing that is covering lab 008. So someone will notice.

 **LittleSpider:** I’m so sorry I should have waited for Mr Stark, please don’t be mad at me☹

 **Spidermom:** I know you are and yes you should have done. It’s fine. I’m not mad, nobody got hurt and it’ll all be fine – although you’re helping me to clean it up tomorrow before the others wake up. Go to sleep Spiderbaby xo

 **LittleSpider:** Thanks for helping me Auntie Nat<3

 **Spidermom:** Anytime Kid xo

**Spidermom is offline**

**LittleSpider is offline**

*******

**Spidermom is online**

**LittleSpider is online**

**Spidermom:** For someone who supposedly has Spider traits, you aren’t very good at hiding.

 **LittleSpider:** how did you find me

 **Spidermom:** I’m basically a master assassin and a spy. I could find pretty much anyone, and also, your feet are sticking out. Tony told me what happened at school – when he got a worried phonecall from your teacher. Kids are mean and you don’t need to feel bad about it. You’re better than the lot of them, especially that asshole Flash

 **LittleSpider:** I don’t want to talk, I told mr Stark that too

 **Spidermom:** I know. That’s why I’m taking you out for icecream. Come down from there and hop in.

 **LittleSpider:** 😊

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Spidermom is offline**

*******

**Spidermom is online**

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** did you do something to Flash and his friends

 **Spidermom:** no why

 **LittleSpider:** idk he was just really nice to me today and they didn’t beat me up or anything - just feels like you had something to do with it

 **Spidermom:** all I did was threaten to maim them all if they so much as looked at you funny again and I may or may not have slashed all the tyres on their cars

 **LittleSpider:** omg!!!

 **Spidermom:** 😉 no one messes with the #spiderbros

 **LittleSpider:** Thanks Auntie Nat x

 **Spidermom:** <3

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Spidermom is offline**

***

**Spidermom is online**

**LittleSpider:** what are you up to I’m so bored and I haven’t seen you in agessss

 **Spidermom:** literally nothing apart from listening to Clint moan about his new shoes giving him blisters. Yeah sorry, I’ve been meaning to pop up to see you – just been so busy with a ton of paperwork for Shield.

 **LittleSpider:** maybe we could watch a film and eat some pizza?

 **Spidermom:** sounds good. I’ve got the key for the Movie room. See you in 5

 **LittleSpider:** can’t wait!!

***

**Spidermom:** what’s this film about again

 **LittleSpider:** ummm basically about the love between two different robots – Wall-E is the one who recycles stuff and tries to tidy the planet

 **Spidermom:** who are all those fat people

 **LittleSpider:** the human race in the future

 **Spidermom:** jeez – all that technology and they don’t have a gym?

 **LittleSpider:** just watch it Auntie Nat!

 **Spidermom:** you’re literally sprawled out with your feet over my lap, sticking your tongue out at me and shushing me when I try to speak… you know most people find me scary

 **LittleSpider:** I don’t

 **Spidermom:** why not

 **LittleSpider:** Because I know that you’re secretly really caring

 **Spidermom:** bold statement

 **LittleSpider:** you are!!

 **Spidermom:** only to people I like

***

**Spidermom:** I cant believe you chose pineapple on a pizza

 **LittleSpider:** it’s like the best thing

 **Spidermom:** clearly you’ve never tried shrimp on pizza then

 **LittleSpider:** ewwwwww

 **Spidermom:** pft

 **LittleSpider:** as if you’ve never seen this before

 **LittleSpider:** does this mean that you like Wall-E

 **Spidermom:** it’s ok

 **LittleSpider:** you are so invested in their relationship

 **Spidermom:** no I’m not

 **LittleSpider:** you are and you love it, I know you do

 **Spidermom:** it’s ok

 **LittleSpider:** you love this film

 **LittleSpider:** omg are you crying

 **Spidermom:** yeah bc it’s fucking beautiful and I love it ok

 **LittleSpider:** I knew it

 **Spidermom:** whatever

**Spidermom is offline**

**LittleSpider is offline**

*******

**LittleSpider is online**

**Spidermom is online**

**Spidermom:** Kid? It’s 3am, why are you up?

 **LittleSpider:** doesn’t matter

 **Spidermom:** Nightmare?

 **LittleSpider:** yeah

 **Spidermom:** wanna come to my floor for a chat?

 **LittleSpider:** it’s ok I don’t want to bother you

 **Spidermom:** You’re never a bother. I’ve actually just made too much hot chocolate and I accidentally put too many marshmallows in them, so you’d be doing me a favour if you came up and drank it with me because I can’t drink all this by myself and Clint’s asleep

 **LittleSpider:** ok, yes please

***

**LittleSpider:** thank you so much

 **Spidermom:** anytime Kid. Remember what I said.

 **Spidermom:** You’ve been typing for a while. You ok?

 **LittleSpider:** I’m alright now. Thanks for everything and for always being there for me. I love you Auntie Nat xx

 **Spidermom:** Glad you’re ok. I love you too Kiddo and I’ll always be here for you. Sleep well маленький паук <3 xo

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Spidermom is offline**


	41. The Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers help Peter with his girl problems xD

**Everyone is online**

**Pepper Potts CEO is offline**

**Spidermom:** so I found out something interesting today. The Kid was all weird about having me sign a slip before he went to school this morning and guess what it was for xD

**_Spidermom sent pdf of ‘thebirdsandthebeestalkinschoolsignedslip’ to Avengers Group Chat_ **

**Irondad:** omg ahahaha

 **Rhodey:** no way xD

 **America’s Ass:** is that what I think it is?

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Yep!! Oh I’d rather get shot than have to sit through that #rippeter

 **Hawkeye:** our little Peteypie is growing up *cries*

 **Metal Arm:** hang on what?

 **Pointbreak:** I too, do not understand.

 **Green Rage Monster:** It’s basically the sex talk. Completely natural for his age. Nobody embarrass him!

 **Falcon107:** dude it’s like you don’t know me at all

 **Spidermom:** *sharpens knife*

 **Falcon107:** ok ok ok chill out Widow

 **Hawkeye:** god I am not looking forward for those days with Lila and Coop

 **Irondad:** speaking of, when are you off back to see them?

 **Hawkeye:** in a week – spending Thanksgiving with them. Had so many missions recently and Fury was being an asshole about giving me time off, so I’ve saved up all my days that I’m owed and am spending 2 weeks at Thanksgiving with them

 **Spidermom:** I’ll be there for the last 3 days remember

 **Hawkeye:** how could I forget with Lila constantly messaging me to remind you!

 **Spidermom:** <3

**LittleSpider is online**

**Falcon107:** so how was school 😉

 **Scarlett Bitch:** yeah did you learn anything interesting today?!

 **LittleSpider:** omg you know

 **LittleSpider:** nAtAShA!!!!

 **Spidermom:** come on Kid, it’s completely natural. How was it?

 **LittleSpider:** disgusting

 **Irondad:** I’ll bet, do you have any questions?

 **America’s Ass:** woah Tony, that isn’t appropriate

 **Falcon107:** yeah shouldn’t he tell his Aunt??

 **Irondad:** I’m his co-parent so I can ask these things – May signed the paperwork like 3 days ago! I sent an email. JFC. Did no-one ever wonder why he was over here so much?!

 **Spidermom:** I hacked into your pc and found out like a week before

 **Irondad:** of course you did

 **Falcon107:** oh I don’t read your emails, I just thought he liked it round here, right well then that’s fine, but it’s still super embarrassing

 **Scarlett Bitch:** I knew

 **Hawkeye:** same

 **Metal Arm:** I had no idea I don’t go on the internet

 **Green Rage Monster:** I don’t like reading emails

 **Rhodey:** I knew when he signed the papers

 **Pointbreak:** I did not know, signal on Asgard is not good most of the time.

 **America’s Ass:** I also didn’t know that you’re co-parenting – as my laptop broke, in that case, then it’s fine, as long as Peter is alright with it

 **LittleSpider:** very very very not alright no thanks nope

 **Pointbreak:** I think it would be brave of Peter to tell us if he has any queries about his body or that of a womans. Reproduction knowledge is very important.

 **LittleSpider:** omg I want to die

 **Green Rage Monster:** I am technically a trained doctor, so I could give you some medical advice on certain things

 **Hawkeye:** yeah Kid come on, it’s normal! Who better to give you sex advice than the freaking Avengers

 **LittleSpider:** where’s the bleach

 **Irondad:** you don’t have to if you don’t want, but we’re all here if you have any questions

 **Rhodey:** exactly - no judgement here

 **Scarlett Bitch:** it doesn’t have to be about sex – but like have you got a crush on anyone?

 **LittleSpider:** well maybe

 **Spidermom:** spill the tea

 **LittleSpider:** ok so I have a hypothetical question

 **Spidermom:** Is this going to be like the time that ‘your friend’ wanted us to know that they blew up an experiment in the lab and it was you?

 **LittleSpider:** no…

 **Spidermom:** sure

 **Irondad:** go on then

 **LittleSpider:** so my friend likes this girl

 **Hawkeye:** lmao

 **Spidermom:** what’s her name

 **LittleSpider:** MJ – well, everyone calls her that, her real name is Michelle

 **Falcon107:** and do you want to go out with her

 **LittleSpider:** no not me remember it’s my friend…MY FRIEND

 **America’s Ass:** what’s your friends name

 **Scarlett Bitch:** ahahaha

 **Irondad:** Kid we all know it’s you, it’s fine

 **LittleSpider:** actually my friends name is Bob Spencer and he’s v popular and everyone loves him and he fancies MJ so what does he do

 **Green Rage Monster:** If it was me, I’d take her on a date, someplace she likes

 **America’s Ass:** ^

 **Metal Arm:** ^

 **Pointbreak:** I would take her to see me in battle and then I would duel the biggest creature that I could find, for her hand.

 **Hawkeye:** ^ I mean don’t do that

 **LittleSpider:** I’ll tell BOB not to do that

 **Irondad:** dont listen to the grandpa’s – give her a kiss and take her for some drinks

 **Spidermom:** ok 2 things – 1.) Hes a 16 year old Tony and 2.) Bob Spencer isn’t enrolled at Midtown – jigs up Kiddo

 **LittleSpider:** AUNTIE NAT

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Don’t be embarrassed Pete, just tell MJ how you feel x

 **Rhodey:** yeah I agree with Wanda

 **Irondad:** my idea was better but that sounds good too

 **Spidermom:** don’t forget to make it special – take her for a coffee or something

 **LittleSpider:** ok ok ok I’ll tell her tomorrow in the cafeteria after school…thanks guys<3

 **Irondad:** let us know how it goes

 **LittleSpider:** ofc although I’m pretty sure natasha will be watching through a laptop or something

 **Hawkeye:** lmao she’s already got the surveillance cameras set up with full audio in the movie room for tomorrow xD

 **Spidermom:** #sorrynotsorry

 **LittleSpider:** what even is my life anymore -___- thanks for all the advice everyone and ofc I’ll tell you how it goes, unless Nat tells you first lol

**Everyone is offline**


	42. Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is taken for his first proper mission with the Avengers - lots of chaos ensues!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> I'm constantly amazed at how many people read this fic and I love writing it so much!  
> Please leave a comment and a kudos if you enjoyed this chapter, or please let me know if you have any ideas for future chapters!
> 
> MarvelObsessedgirl3  
> xx

** Irondad is online **

** America’s Ass is online **

** Hawkeye is online **

** Green Rage Monster is online **

** Metal Arm is online **

** Spidermom is online **

** Scarlett Bitch is online **

** Falcon107 is online **

** LittleSpider is online **

****

** Hawkeye:  ** Cap you’ve got incoming from the north

** Irondad:  ** Kid stop talking to the enemy

** America’s Ass:  ** Got it thanks Clint - Nat what’s your status

** Spidermom:  ** bored and single

** America’s Ass:  ** I meant on the field fgs

** Green Rage Monster:  ** are we code green yet

** Irondad:  ** no but probably soon bc we’re getting out numbered

** LittleSpider:  ** omg Mr Stark I love this voice to text thingy on the chat it’s so useful, can I use this all the time because sometimes my hands get tired and this way I can just talk instead of typing andOMG LOOK OUT MR WILSON 

** Falcon107:  ** huqi9v 0htuhi0jn1b rqfv ****

** Metal Arm:  ** did Peter just swing directly into Sam

** Irondad:  ** possibly – didn’t you see?

** Metal Arm:  ** no im playing candy crush – almost on level 792

** Scarlett Bitch:  ** Bucky dealing with the real issues haha

** Spidermom:  ** Right – where the fuck is everyone – not all of us can fly

** America’s Ass:  ** just make your way to the fourth bunker 

** Hawkeye:  ** there’s too many of them Cap we need a plan asap

** Green Rage Monster:  ** code green?

** Spidermom:  ** yes

** Green Rage Monster is offline **

** America’s Ass:  ** bucky stop playing candy crush before I smash your phone

** Metal Arm:  ** bite me Steve

** Falcon107:  ** oooo marriage problems

** LittleSpider:  ** HOLYSHIT IT’S THE HULK

** Hawkeye:  ** either that or a giant green blob

** Scarlett Bitch:  ** damn it Natasha I was about to get those soldiers

** Spidermom:  ** snooze you lose

** LittleSpider:  ** um mr stark I have a question – why are all those solider people trying to kill us? Can’t we just talk about it?!

** Irondad:  ** kid we’ve been through this – they’re the bad guys and they have guns – they don’t want to talk, that’s it

** Falcon107:  ** whose idea was it for the kid to come along

** Spidermom:  ** he needs experience and he’s doing well in his training sessions, so we all agreed it was a good time for him to come with us

** Metal Arm:  ** god that was close

** LittleSpider:  ** thanks Auntie Nat!!

** Hawkeye:  ** haha look at Banner tearing apart those motorbikes – poor bastards never had a chance

** America’s Ass:  ** Bucky and Natasha - what’s your position

** LittleSpider:  ** urgh not again SHIT bfwho qfov a

** America’s Ass:  ** Buck?

** Spidermom:  ** im inside top floor 2nd window

** Falcon107:  ** I’ll be there in a minute Nat

** Irondad:  ** Pete you ok? I’m tracking your position

** America’s Ass:  ** Bucky???????!

** Metal Arm:  ** hang the fuck on Steve

** Scarlett Bitch:  ** you know when you said there’d be a lot of hydra agents? @America’sAss

** America’s Ass:  ** yes

** Scarlett Bitch:  ** didn’t think you’d mean this many

** Irondad:  ** can you all shut up and focus on the problem at hand

** Spidermom:  ** which is what

** Irondad:  ** the fact that the Kid is stuck in a fucking tree

** Hawkeye:  ** not again!

** Scarlett Bitch:  ** omg no way this is comedic gold

** Falcon107:  ** wait whats going on?

** Spidermom:  ** why is Peter stuck in a tree

** Irondad:  ** we’re working on his timings when he swings too fast, looks like we need more sessions on it

** America’s Ass:  ** Tony hurry up and get Peter out of the tree and get over here NOW

** Irondad:  ** nah just thought I’d pop off for a starbucks – what the fuck do you think im doing Steve? He’s really stuck here – both in his webbing and the tree and there’s fucking Hydra soldiers trying to kill us both

** Spidermom:  ** im on it send me your co-ordinates 

** Irondad:  ** by the big fucking tree where the Kid is dangling from

** Spidermom:  ** can you be a bit more specific 

** Irondad:  ** urrrrrmmm – third quadrant near the black gate, left side

** Metal Arm:  ** can I send a game request to someone so I can get an extra 3 lives on candy crush 

** Falcon107:  ** dude what the fuck

** LittleSpider:  ** Thanks Auntie Nat!!!!

** Irondad:  ** oh thank god Nat – what a queen

** Spidermom:  ** tell me something I don’t know – don’t get stuck in a tree again Kid ok 

** Hawkeye:  ** lmao

** LittleSpider:  ** don’t worry I wont!

** Metal Arm:  ** hellooooo who can I send a game request to

** Scarlett Bitch:  ** me - hang0n Bucky

** Irondad:  ** Bucky if you’re playing candy crush on a mission again I’m going to lose my shit

** LittleSpider:  ** OMG WE CAN PLAY GAMES TOO?!

** America’s Ass:  ** absolutely not.

** Irondad:  ** NO! YOU JUST GOT STUCK IN A TREE 

** LittleSpider:  ** by accident!!!

** Spidermom:  ** No.

** LittleSpider:  ** ok ok ok!

** Irondad:  ** why do you listen to Nat and not me

** LittleSpider:  ** bc she kinda scares me sometimes

** Spidermom:  ** Good answer Kid 

** Irondad:  ** and I don’t?!

** LittleSpider:  ** not really – Nat is a scary lady

** Irondad:  ** I’M IRONMAN?!

** LittleSpider:  ** yeah but Nat is the Black Widow and can kill people with her thighs 

** Scarlett Bitch:  ** big m00d

** Falcon107:  ** true

** Hawkeye:  ** so true

** America’s Ass:  ** can we please focus on the problem at hand

** Irondad:  ** what problem is that Capsicle? The fact that I’m apparently not scary at all or the fact that the enemy now has three helicopters shooting at us

** America’s Ass:  ** take a wild guess

** Irondad:  ** well I’m pretty sure that I am scary sometimes – like when I’m Ironman obviously but apparently I’m not so I’m feeling kind of sad

** Falcon107:  ** gonna take a guess at the helicopters Steve

** America’s Ass:  ** fgs Tony – everyone can be scary sometimes, now everyone stop talking, Peter stop swinging on the tree branch, Bucky stop playing Candy Crush and let’s get this done!!!! AVENGERS

** America’s Ass:  ** Assemble

** Spidermom:  ** jeez – 10 years I’ve had to put up with this shit


	43. Irondad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some small snippets into conversations between Peter and Tony <3

****IrondadIronspider private chat ****

**Irondad is online**

**Irondad:** Hi Kid – are you coming over tonight after school?

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** that’s a big fat yes from me

 **Irondad:** Cool. Don’t forget to text Aunt Hottie

 **LittleSpider:** eww and I will do

 **Irondad:** you will text her or you’ll forget to?

 **LittleSpider:** probably forget

 **Irondad:** do it now then?

 **LittleSpider:** that’s a good point

 **Irondad:** jfc

**Irondad is offline**

**LittleSpider:** MR STARK

 **LittleSpider:** MRRRR STTTARKKKKKKK

 **LittleSpider:** IT’S A LEVEL 10 EMERGENCY

**Irondad is online**

**Irondad:** If you’re stuck somewhere or injured then im going to be pissed

 **LittleSpider:** not exactly

 **Irondad:** explain

 **LittleSpider:** I need a show and tell project and idk what to bring

 **Irondad:** are you shitting me

 **Irondad:** how is that a level 10 emergency

 **LittleSpider:** bc I forgot about it and it’s due tomorrow…

 **Irondad:** jc kid

 **LittleSpider:** plsplsplsplspls HELP

 **Irondad:** you can bring Clint in – he’s free tomorrow

 **LittleSpider:** nooooo it has to be something that people actually want to see

 **Irondad:** lmao I just told him and he said to watch your back later lol

 **LittleSpider:** *hides* omgomgomg im so stReSSSeD

 **Irondad:** chill out Kid – we’ll make something when you come over tonight

 **LittleSpider:** omg really?!!?!?!?!? thanks mr stark!

 **Irondad:** no worries kiddo – see you later on

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Irondad is offline**

*******

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** mRsatkr iNeef u

 **LittleSpider:** pls HelPem

**Irondad is online**

**Irondad:** Fuck. I’m tracking you Kid. Hang on.

 **LittleSpider:** hurrrRyPls

 **Irondad:** I’m on my way. Don’t move. Hang in there kiddo x

***

**Irondad:** I still cant believe you managed to swing around NY with 7 bullets in you

 **LittleSpider:** ikr – it felt so weird

 **Irondad:** …

 **LittleSpider:** weird like it hurt obvs but my healing was working so it kind of tickled too

 **Irondad:** you’re going to be the death of me

 **LittleSpider:** but you love me

 **Irondad:** sure

 **LittleSpider:** thanks for patching me up and stuff

 **Irondad:** ‘stuff’ which was carrying you down from the Manhattan bridge bc you were dangling off it – absolutely puking your guts out

 **LittleSpider:** that’s what the stuff was!!!

 **Irondad:** -____-

 **LittleSpider:** :D

**Irondad is offline**

**LittleSpider is offline**

*******

**Irondad is online**

**LittleSpider is online**

**Irondad:** tell me it wasn’t you who cleaned the lab

 **LittleSpider:** I must not tell lies mr stark

 **Irondad:** betrayal of the highest kind

 **LittleSpider:** it was so messy tho and now you can actually find things

 **Irondad:** it was an organised mess MY organised mess

 **LittleSpider:** Dum-E likes it now he can roll around more

 **Irondad:** do not talk to me about that piece of metal – still haven’t forgiven him for throwing a spanner at my head last week

 **LittleSpider:** it was funny tho

 **Irondad:** it fucking wasn’t – im so annoyed peter

 **LittleSpider:** the lab needed cleaning it was so messy and I organised it all for you

 **Irondad:** actually want to throw up

 **Irondad:** it’s too clean and what is that white tiled shit

 **LittleSpider:** the floor???

 **Irondad:** what happened to the black floor

 **LittleSpider:** I cleaned the grease and dust off it and then it turned white xD

 **Irondad:** god why do bad things happen to good people

 **LittleSpider:** if you think that’s bad then don’t look in the cupboards :/ remember I care about you and your health!!!

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Irondad:** what is he on about

 **Irondad:** OH FUCK NO

 **Irondad:** WHERE IS IT

 **Irondad:** GIVE ME BACK MY EXPRESSO MACHINE PARKER

 **Irondad:** NO NO NO NO GIVE ME BACK MY COFFEE

 **Irondad:** oh its ok I found it

 **Irondad:** what the fuck is this

 **Irondad:** DECAF???

 **Irondad:** GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE PARKER!!!!!

**Irondad is offline**

***

**LittleSpider is online**

**Irondad is online**

**Irondad:** why are you up Kid?

 **LittleSpider:** im trying to sleep

 **Irondad:** well Friday has just told me that you’re not

 **LittleSpider:** tattletale Friday

 **LittleSpider:** I have a Spanish test due tomorrow and I have loads to do

 **Irondad:** Pete its 3am and youre up for school in 3 hours

 **LittleSpider:** crap how is it tomorrow already

 **Irondad:** you’re getting as bad as me with sleep habits Kid

 **LittleSpider:** #yolo

 **Irondad:** go to sleep kid

 **LittleSpider:** noooooo I actually cant bc I have so much to do still

 **Irondad:** well I actually am going to take it all off you so you have to sleep

 **LittleSpider:** noooooooooooo

 **Irondad:** Yes

 **LittleSpider:** I cant believe you just came into my room and took all my work and my laptop off me

 **Irondad:** believe it Kid

 **LittleSpider:** guess im going to bed then

 **LittleSpider:** night mr stark

 **Irondad:** night kid x

 **LittleSpider:** 😊

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Irondad is offline**


	44. It's Christmas bitches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas has hit the Avengers Compound!!

**Everyone is online**

**LittleSpider:** MERRY CHRISTMAS YA FLITHY ANIMALS

 **Irondad:** Kid, it’s 12.01am – go the fuck to sleep

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Happy Christmas!!!!

 **LittleSpider:** SANTA’S COMING SOOOOOOON

 **Irondad:** not if you’re asleep he isn’t

 **LittleSpider:** :OOOOOO

 **Metal Arm:** hang on is it Christmas?

 **Spidermom:** Yes… why do you think the Kid has been counting the days and the fact that we have a giant Christmas tree in the living room that the Kid helped Tony to decorate?

 **Metal Arm:** I knew it was soon, but I didn’t realise it was like now soon… I forgot to buy presents after what happened last week

 **America’s Ass:** Bucky – you said you had it sorted?

 **Falcon107:** oh this’ll be good

 **LittleSpider:** CHRISTMASSSSSSS

 **Rhodey:** YESSS

 **Green Rage Monster:** Merry Christmas Peter. See you in the morning.

 **LittleSpider:** :DDDD

 **Irondad:** you don’t sound very Christmasy Brucie

 **Green Rage Monster:** Maybe as it is currently 12:06am and I was trying to sleep, after having not slept for the past 56 hours – because of a science experiment you persuaded me to do

**Green Rage Monster is offline**

**Irondad:** wow ok

 **Hawkeye:** NO BRUCE COME BACK

 **Spidermom:** lol what was it Tony

 **Irondad:** building a 3D replica of something for the Kid obvs

 **Spidermom:** Obvs

 **LittleSpider:** omg really? What is it!?!?!?!

 **Irondad:** shush the adults are talking – you’ll find out in approx 6 hours – if you ever go to bed

 **LittleSpider:** ok ok ok im going!!!!

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Falcon107:** @MetalArm so how come you aren’t sorted for Christmas?

 **Metal Arm:** well I bought stuff for everyone – but then Friday wouldn’t let me bring them in

 **Spidermom:** them?

 **America’s Ass:** No you didn’t. I thought you were joking.

 **Metal Arm:** well I thought I shouldn’t because I couldn’t, but then I thought why not they’re cute so I did

 **Irondad:** confused.com

 **Spidermom:** ^

 **Falcon107:** ^

 **Hawkeye:** ^

 **Scarlett Bitch:** ^

 **Rhodey:** ^

 **America’s Ass:** We walked past a pet shop and he wanted to buy everyone a hamster each but he didn’t and then he went back out – apparently to do the grocery shop

 **Scarlett Bitch:** oh fgs

 **Rhodey:** hell no

 **Hawkeye:** cute!!!!

 **Spidermom:** hang on – aren’t Tony and Sam allergic to short hair?

 **Falcon107:** how do you know that

 **Spidermom:** because unlike you all – I actually read all your case files

 **America’s Ass:** that’s why Friday wouldn’t let you bring them in obviously Bucky

 **Metal Arm:** yeah she was like it’s all confidential blah blah blah… anyway, so then I had to go back again and now you all have no present bc I forgot to get you something else – so happy Christmas

 **Irondad:** fucked it mate

 **Metal Arm:** where’s open on Christmas Day at 12.11am

 **Hawkeye:** mcdonalds

 **Spidermom:** he means a shop doofus

 **Hawkeye:** oh ok then idk

 **Falcon107:** gas station on 7th is open

 **Metal Arm:** ok thanks

**Metal Arm is offline**

**Irondad:** Cap go with him and make sure we get decent shit please

 **Rhodey:** Tones Christmas isn’t about presents!

 **Hawkeye:** it’s not, but I’d rather get a bottle of deodorant than a toilet paper seat cover

 **Irondad:** ^ mood

 **Rhodey:** fairs

 **America’s Ass:** it’s the thought that counts, but I’m concerned too so ill go

**America’s Ass is offline**

**Irondad:** legend

 **Hawkeye:** god im so excited for tomorrow – well today

 **Spidermom:** can you all shut up and actually go to sleep so I can get tomorrow over with

 **Scarlett Bitch:** it’ll be fab!!!!

 **Irondad:** yeah get into the Christmas spirit nat

**Spidermom is offline**

**Irondad:** bet she’s gone to decorate her room

 **Hawkeye:** ofc

**Everyone is offline**

**Everyone is online**

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Falcon107:** is anyone gonna break it to the Kid that Wanda and Steve have just burnt the turkey

 **Irondad:** I’m slightly precoccupied trying to prevent the Kid from getting diabetes bc he wants to eat all his Christmas chocolate in one go

 **Spidermom:** who in the fuck bought me this

 **Hawkeye:** love u Tashaaaaa

 **Metal Arm:** I’d run if I was you – she has that crazed look in her eye

 **Green Rage Monster:** what did you get Nat?

 **Spidermom:** I cant even

 **Hawkeye:** it’s not that bad!!!

 **Irondad:** is that … 17 pairs of stripy socks?

 **Hawkeye:** yeah good idea huh

 **Spidermom:** Wow, I wish I’d bought you another set of expensive hearing aids and a flight so you can see your family in a few days

 **America’s Ass:** okay we managed to salvage the turkey and also Natasha!!!! Christmas is about giving not expensive presents!

 **Spidermom:** yeah I know – but he bought me 17 pairs of socks Steve – I have to draw the line

 **Irondad:** oh god the Kid found my secret stash of candy canes

 **Scarlett Bitch:** no more food until Christmas dinner!!!

 **Irondad:** try telling the Kid that!

**LittleSpider is online**

**Spidermom:** Barton I can’t believe you bought me socks

 **Hawkeye:** the socks are meant to symbolise one for every mission that me and you have been on together without any injuries!

 **Hawkeye:** look at all their labels Nat

 **LittleSpider:** ExCuSE mE Mr STaRk

 **Rhodey:** haven’t you guys been on like hundreds of missions together

 **Hawkeye:** yeah?

 **Rhodey:** and there’s only 17 that you came out of uninjured?!

 **Irondad:** Kid you’ve eaten like half a sweet shop -____-

 **Spidermom:** hang on, are these from everywhere we’ve been, on each mission we weren’t injured on? Aw that’s sweet! Thanks Clint:D

 **Falcon107:** we’re having mash with Christmas dinner right?

 **Irondad:** no we’re having roast potatoes with my special sauce from Germany

 **Green Rage Monster:** thought we were having boiled ones?

 **Metal Arm:** mine and Steve’s mum always made mash with peas …

 **LittleSpider:** I’m fine with whatever:D

 **Spidermom:** I wanted baby new potatoes

 **Hawkeye:** ew what about carrot mash?

 **Scarlett Bitch:** EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP

 **Irondad:** exactly – let wanda go and cook the roast potatoes

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Stark. I volunteered to cook, to help you lot – im not cooking 5 different types of potatoes and 2 different types of carrot

 **America’s Ass:** that’s fair. So what potatoes are we having?

 **Hawkeye:** none!!! I want carrot mash

 **Scarlett Bitch:** then go out and buy some – we’re having normal roast potatoes and everything is basically ready so come in here and sit down bitches

***

**Irondad:** you have to

 **Hawkeye:** fuck off no I don’t

 **America’s Ass:** we all have – even Peter!!

 **Hawkeye:** I’d rather stick a fork in my eye

 **Irondad:** come on Legolas

 **Green Rage Monster:** I hate it and I did it! You’re letting the team down Clint

 **Spidermom:** do it

 **America’s Ass:** here it isn’t even a big one

 **Irondad:** omg he’s done it!!!

 **Falcon107:** didn’t know he could make a sound that high

 **Hawkeye:** that was DiSgUsTINg why did we all have to do that

 **Irondad:** it’s an old tradition my family had – and apparently Steve and Barnes had similar ones too

 **LittleSpider:** sprouts are like little green balls of evil

 **Scarlett Bitch:** true

 **Rhodey:** I wanted the pink hat :/

 **Spidermom:** snooze you lose

 **Irondad:** Pepper would definitely have that if she was here

 **LittleSpider:** cant believe shes working on Christmas ☹

 **Irondad:** I know – don’t worry, we had our little Christmas day last week

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Clint fuck off

 **America’s Ass:** what now

 **Scarlett Bitch:** he keeps nicking all my parsnips

 **Hawkeye:** BXipvgw[rhvof[9 ggb4uwup;

 **Scarlett Bitch:** thanks Nat

 **Spidermom:** np

 **Falcon107:** someone shoot me

 **Irondad:** no weapons at the table

 **Spidermom:** do knives count

 **Irondad:** yes apart from normal cutlery

 **Metal Arm:** whats up Sam

 **Falcon107:** the kid is telling the crappiest jokes

 **LittleSpider:** its’ all part of Christmas!!!! What do you call a penguin’s hat?

 **Hawkeye:** no idea

 **LittleSpider:** an ice cap!!!

 **Spidermom:** … okay on another note – who can I swap my mini bag of marbles with

 **Scarlett Bitch:** I’ve got a mini pack of cards?

 **Spidermom:** ah cool thanks

 **America’s Ass:** this is definitely the best Christmas I’ve ever had.

 **Irondad:** yeah I can even look past Barnes buying us all toiletries from the garage

 **Metal Arm:** youre welcomeeee

 **LittleSpider:** HAPPY CHRISTMAS BITCHES


	45. HAPPY NEW YEARRRR

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang celebrate New Years and talk about resolutions:)

**Everyone is online**

**Falcon107:** WHO THE FUCK ATE ALL THE CHEESEY CRACKERS

 **Spidermom:** we all know @hawkeye

 **LittleSpider:** I saw him

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** I did too

 **Metal Arm:** yep he did

 **Scarlett Bitch:** he also ate the rest of the cashew nuts

 **Hawkeye:** wow ok thanks for exposing me guys

 **Green Rage Monster:** -___-

 **Irondad:** don’t worry I’ll get Friday to order some more

 **America’s Ass:** so on another note, what are everyone’s new years resolutions?

 **Spidermom:** to give up, drink

 **America’s Ass:** wow, that’s a really positive one Nat

 **Hawkeye:** I don’t think she meant it like that

 **Spidermom:** no, I meant to give up and then to drink – you know me so well Clint

 **America’s Ass:** jfc anyone else?

 **LittleSpider:** to swim the atlantic

 **Irondad:** what the fuck is wrong with you

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Tony.

 **America’s Ass:** That’s a lovely resolution Peter

 **LittleSpider:** thanks Mr Captain America Steve Rogers Sir!! I’ve been practising my swimming!!! :P to mr stark

 **Metal Arm:** To learn how to bake anything else than cookies

 **Spidermom:** loooool

 **Irondad:** to continue being the 21st century version of a genius godlike figure…oops already achieved that :D

 **America’s Ass:** ffs

 **Scarlett Bitch:** My resolution is to focus more on self care

 **America’s Ass:** that’s a good one Wanda – thank you for taking it seriously.

 **Scarlett Bitch:** I didn’t finish … to focus more on self care, by drinking away my problems

 **Green Rage Monster:** feel like you and Nat might need to have an alcohol detox

 **Spidermom:** fuck off Bruce, it’s a celebration of a new year

 **Green Rage Monster:** :O My resolution is to keep experimenting and try to create a real life delorean

 **LittleSpider:** omg THAT’S EPIC

 **Falcon107:** im not really into all this resolution shit – I’m just going to try and help as many people as I can

 **Spidermom:** I need help rn Wilson

 **Falcon107:** no im not passing you the gin bottle piss off

 **Hawkeye:** tbh she literally never drinks and the mission today was pretty traumatic

 **Spidermom:** someone pass me the gin I cba getting up

 **Irondad:** what happened???

 **Spidermom:** I don’t want to talk about it

 **Ironman:** ok

 **Spidermom:** if someone doesn’t pass me the gin I’m going to flip the fuck out

 **Hawkeye:** I got u Tasha

 **America’s Ass:** My resolution, is to make sure that I make time for myself, amongst all the chaos of our job and like Sam, try to help a lot of people

 **LittleSpider:** omg is Nat crying

 **Spidermom:** no it’s the gin

 **Irondad:** kid she’s giving you a dangerous look – talk about something else

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Everyone leave Natasha alone. She’s had a difficult day.

 **Spidermom:** cheers Pepper

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Np. My resolution is to get Tony on a regular sleep schedule

 **Irondad:** LOL good luck with that – Legolas, what’s yours

 **Hawkeye:** to find a new hobby

 **Spidermom:** what happened to learning the piano

 **Rhodey:** this’ll be good

 **Metal Arm:** he broke it

 **Irondad:** I know that you are not referring to the expensive piano that is in the hallway

 **Hawkeye:** ofc not… the one in the music room

 **Falcon107:** how

 **Scarlett Bitch:** why

 **Metal Arm:** I found him playing chopsticks v badly and the window was open. Mr Whiskers came in and dumped a dead bird into the top of the piano – as it was open… so it fell inside and Clint almost had a heart attack

 **Hawkeye:** my playing wasn’t that bad was it?!

 **Metal Arm:** it was worse

 **Irondad:** jfc

 **Spidermom:** Shut up Tony you’re a billionaire and the cat is cute

 **Irondad:** not the point

 **America’s Ass:** more to the point, how didn’t you know, Tony?!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** I literally cant with this chat

 **Green Rage Monster:** I try to stay out of this chat, but my phone is currently having a seizure

 **Irondad:** I’ve been busy with meetings and shit

 **Rhodey:** hopping on the band wagon late – my resolution is to continue to be awesome and to learn how to motorcycle bc Natasha looks sick af when she’s driving one

 **Spidermom:** I’ll teach u

 **Rhodey:** :D

 **America’s Ass:** Here we go

 **Hawkeye:** 10

 **Irondad:** 9

 **LittleSpider:** 8

 **Green Rage Monster:** 7

 **Scarlett Bitch:** 6

 **Rhodey:** 5

 **Metal Arm:** 4

 **Falcon107:** 3

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** 2

 **Spidermom:** 1

 **LittleSpider:** HAPPY NEW YEAR

 **Falcon107:** Happy new year guys

 **America’s Ass:** Happy New Year!

 **Hawkeye:** happy 2020!!!!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** HAPPY NEW YEARRRR

 **Rhodey:** happy new year

 **Spidermom:** Happy new year xo

 **Irondad:** HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

 **Green Rage Monster:** Hope 2020 is the best for everyone

 **Metal Arm:** happy new year😊

 **Pepper Potts CEO:** Happy new year<3

**Everyone is offline**


	46. Plan gone wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint, Peter, Bucky and Sam devise a plan to get some of Natasha's baked goods. This can only end up in chaos:)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!  
> Incase anyone was wondering, Pączki are filled donuts, popular in Poland and Russia:)

** LittleSpider is online **

** Hawkeye is online **

** Falcon107 is online **

** Metal Arm is online **

****

** Hawkeye:  ** this is the best idea ever

** Metal Arm:  ** I agree. Just want to say that I’m honoured I’m involved in this tbh

** Hawkeye:  ** what can I say apart from I’m a genius 

** LittleSpider:  ** im kind of scared tho – what if she catches us

** Falcon107:  ** duddddeeeees this is going to be epic and don’t worry Kid – she won’t

** Hawkeye:  ** yeah this is why we have a plan – so we don’t get caught obvs

** Metal Arm:  ** ^

** Hawkeye:  ** is everyone in position ****

** LittleSpider:  ** yeeeessss 

** Falcon107:  ** yep

** Metal Arm:  ** I am. 

** Hawkeye:  ** oooo that sounded ominous Bucky – good job, getting into the role already :D

** Metal Arm:  ** … let’s just start

** LittleSpider:  ** no we have to wait for the signal!

** Falcon107:  ** is that the signal – who the fuck came up with that as a signal?!

** Metal Arm:  ** tbh it sounded like a dying whale

** Hawkeye:  ** what are you on about!!! It’s an owl sound :/

** LittleSpider:  ** we’re trying not to be caught!

** Metal Arm:  ** I’m on the move

** Hawkeye:  ** it was very a subtle owl

** Falcon107:  ** yeah Barton that was totally inconspicuous, she wont suspect a thing -__- 

** Metal Arm:  ** okay I’m in the living room with the target – GO PETER

** LittleSpider:  ** on it like a car bonnet

** Falcon107:  ** im impressed the plan is actually working 

** Hawkeye:  ** I always knew it would, but its nice to see it actually working too

** Metal Arm:  ** Kid’s been a while on operation distraction 2

** LittleSpider:  ** slight problem… Mr Stark saw me and he wants some coffee

** Hawkeye:  ** what?! We’re in the middle of taking the loot

** Metal Arm:  ** oh fuck, she's seen you on the roof Peter - she knows – SHE’S COMING

** Falcon107:  ** shittttttt she's seen us

** Hawkeye:  ** RUN FOR YOUR LIVES – LITERALLY

** Falcon107:  ** WE’VE ALL FUCKED IT

** LittleSpider:  ** CODE RED CODE RED ABORT MISSION ABORT ABORT ABORT

****

** Spidermom is online **

****

** Spidermom:  ** nice try losers, but you can’t get anything past me. I knew from Barton’s lame whale attempt what you were up to. Just wanted to see how it played out. 

** Hawkeye:  ** it was an owl -___-

** Metal Arm:  ** how did you know though?!

** Spidermom:  ** well firstly the weird af whale call and also I saw Peter climbing on the ceiling into the kitchen

** Hawkeye:  ** :/

** LittleSpider:  ** sorry Auntie Nat! We just love your baking and it smelt so good

** Falcon107:  ** damnit kid

** Spidermom:  ** Wilson your attempt as sneaking behind me is laughable btw

** Metal Arm:  ** yeah you hardly ever bake Tasha and when you do it’s like amazing

** Falcon107:  ** can we have one please???

** Spidermom:  ** Fine, but you’re on clean up duty. 

****

** Spidermom is offline **

****

** Falcon107:  ** so much for not getting caught Barton

** Metal Arm:  ** ^^^

** Hawkeye:  ** well it could have gone better, but at least we get to eat some!

** LittleSpider:  ** guys what are you waiting for - PACZKI!!!!!!


	47. Cinema Trip and a familiar face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers all go out to see a film with Peter and somebody familiar shows up!

**Everyone is online**

**Spidermom:** For the love of God, can you all shut up

 **America’s Ass:** this stupid person keeps staring at me and its dark but I think they’re making heart signs at me

 **LittleSpider:** who?

 **America’s Ass:** idk some guy in the back row – cant see his face bc it’s dark

 **Rhodey:** just ignore him

 **Metal Arm:** I am still confused by the concept of this. Why do we need to watch all these advertisements before we can watch the film?

 **Irondad:** it’s just how it is

 **Spidermom:** hang on, you’ve not watched a movie at the cinema since like the 1940’s?

 **America’s Ass:** I mean we’ve been a little preoccupied saving the world and stuff

 **Irondad:** big mood

 **Green Rage Monster:** look! That new sports car looks really nice tbh

 **Irondad:** already got one ordered

 **Scarlett Bitch:** lmao imagine having money

 **Falcon107:** who’s idea was this bc im bored af

 **LittleSpider:** mine and im so excited!!!!!

 **Hawkeye:** this popcorn is literally the best thing I’ve ever eaten

 **Irondad:** It’s your second bucket and the film hasn’t even started yet

 **Hawkeye:** exactly

 **America’s Ass:** I’ve had enough. He’s making rude gestures now!

 **Metal Arm:** Steve! Sit down! The film is about to start!

 **Spidermom:** oh god – Rogers has gone awol

 **Irondad:** it’s going to be Walmart all over again fgs

 **Falcon107:** get ready to buy an entire cinema Stark

 **Rhodey:** we can have phones on in here right, Tones?

 **Irondad:** yup and don’t worry I already own this cinema

 **Spidermom:** how

 **Irondad:** I like their icecream and so I bought the cinema a while ago

 **Spidermom:** of course you did

 **Falcon107:** organised … I like it

 **LittleSpider:** where’s Mr Captain America Steve Rogers Sir going?!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** presumably to get the asshole who keeps annoying him in the back row

 **Metal Arm:** he’s coming back with someone – can’t see who it is

 **Irondad:** whoever they are – they walk loudly

 **Hawkeye:** omg is that

 **Spidermom:** it is

 **Green Rage Monster:** oh no

 **Scarlett Bitch:** OH YES

 **Irondad:** kmn

 **LittleSpider:** OMGOMGOMGOM ITS DEADPOOL!!!!!

 **America’s Ass:** he says he wants adding to the chat

 **Green Rage Monster:** why

 **America’s Ass:** so he can talk to us all during the film

 **Spidermom:** do we really have any choice in this

 **Irondad:** no bc otherwise he will just talk over the film and annoy us

 **LittleSpider:** I’LL DO IT

_LittleSpider added Avocadoface to the chat_

**Avocadoface:** Hey Steve xoxoxo

 **America’s Ass:** Hi Wade 😊

 **LittleSpider:** WADEEEEEEE

 **Avocadoface:** hiya Babyboy – how’s life treating you <3

 **LittleSpider:** good!!!! How are you?!

 **Avocadoface:** honestly I don’t think I can get any better – in a cinema with the FREAKING AVENGERS – hey ya’ll

 **Irondad:** why are you here Wilson

 **Falcon107:** you invited me?

 **Spidermom:** he means Wade – his last name is also Wilson

 **Scarlett Bitch:** **rolls eyes**

 **Avocadoface:** god how much time do you spend in your golden palace?! why do you think I’m in a cinema????? Surely not to watch an actual film

 **Spidermom:** I like this guy

 **Green Rage Monster:** we don’t live in a palace …

 **Avocadoface:** okay well you’re asking why I’m sat in a movie theatre like its not a normal thing

 **Irondad:** god this is why I don’t leave the tower

 **Rhodey:** nah that’s bc you’re always in the lab

 **Scarlett Bitch:** xD

 **Avocadoface:** so why are you all here then

 **Spidermom:** we always have a bonding activity once a month and it was Peter's turn to choose our activity

 **Avocadoface:** too much fluff omggggg that's so sweet

 **Irondad:** speaking of, why’s the Kid not talking on here

 **Spidermom:** bc like a normal person, he’s actually watching the film that he wanted to see

 **America’s Ass:** what film is this again?

 **Avocadoface:** I don’t know but it’s fascinating

 **Irondad:** it’s the Lego Movie 3… wait what? How can you not know what film you purchased a ticket for?

 **Hawkeye:** can someone get me more popcorn

 **Spidermom:** you’ve got legs

 **Hawkeye:** legs that don’t want to walk

 **Avocadoface:** well Tincan, every month I like to randomly let the person on the till pick a film for me to see, ngl a grown adult in here might look slightly weird

 **Rhodey:** damn right

 **Hawkeye:** someone PLEASEEEE get me some popcorn

 **Irondad:** did you seriously call me a tincan @Avocadoface

 **Avocadoface:** no that wasn’t me, it was my doppleganger: Sid

 **Irondad:** give me strength

 **Metal Arm:** I’ll go @Hawkeye– I need to use the restroom anyway. Sweet or Salted?

 **Hawkeye:** both<3

 **Falcon107:** this film is shittttt

 **America’s Ass:** it’s strange isn’t it

 **Avocadoface:** OMG WHERE

 **Rhodey:** what?

 **America’s Ass:** what?

 **Avocadoface:** I’M GOING TO PASS OUT AND THIS TIME NOT BC OF MY CANCER

 **Irondad:** jfc calm down and watch the film

 **Metal Arm:** what the fuck is going on – why is my phone having a seizure whilst im waiting for the popcorn

 **Avocadoface:** FREAKING STRANGE IS HERE

 **Scarlett Bitch:** what are you all looking around for?

 **Spidermom:** they’re all idiots

 **Hawkeye:** Strange? As in Doctor Strange??!

 **Irondad:** wait the wizard’s here?

 **Green Rage Monster:** hang on what?! Where?!

 **Falcon107:** that dude on Bleaker St?

 **LittleSpider:** OMGOMGOMGOGMOGMG NO WAY

 **Spidermom:** Good job Rogers

 **America’s Ass:** I am so confused, all I said was the film is strange!

 **Spidermom:** yeah well tell that to everyone else

 **America’s Ass:** I did!

 **Rhodey:** hang on, so that Strange guy isn’t here?

 **America’s Ass:** Doctor Strange? No, of course he isn’t!

 **Irondad:** thank fuck for that

 **Avocadoface:** **dies from disappointment**

 **LittleSpider:** so Dr Strange isn’t here?

 **Irondad:** no

 **Hawkeye:** nope

 **Spidermom:** no, I’m pretty sure that he isn’t on social media and he probably doesn’t even own a phone

 **Avocadoface:** **resurrects myself**

 **Avocadoface:** anyway I’m bored now – let’s play a game

 **Metal Arm:** here’s the popcorn

 **Hawkeye:** :D THANKS BUCKY

 **Irondad:** we aren’t playing a game, we’re in a FUCKING MOVIE THEATRE

 **Falcon107:** this is why normal cinemas don’t allow phones in them

 **Rhodey:** nah that’s bc people illegally video films

 **Hawkeye:** that’s what they want you to think, secretly they just don’t want people texting through them

 **Falcon107:** god that couldn’t be anymore wrong

 **Irondad:** what is Deadpool doing – it’s too quiet

 **America’s Ass:** playing a game with Peter

 **Hawkeye:** what game

 **Irondad:** FGS CANT WE ALL JUST WATCH THE FILM

 **Irondad:** @Avocadoface

 **Irondad:** @Avocadoface

 **Irondad:** @Avocadoface

 **Irondad:** @Avocadoface

 **Avocadoface:** I have been summoned

 **Irondad:** just sit and watch the film – the Kid was enjoying it!

 **Avocadoface:** he also enjoys my company – why are you so weird

 **Irondad:** says the grown adult man, who is currently having a rock paper scissor game with a 16 year old

 **Avocadoface:** *inhales*

 **Avocadoface:** IT IS NOT A GAME – IT IS A TOURNAMENT AND I WILL DEFEAT THIS PUNY TEENAGER

 **Avocadoface:** fucked it, the Kid won again and now he’s demanding that he watch the film in peace pftt

 **Irondad:** Told you :D

 **Avocadoface:** well this has been swell, but I have things to do – time to listen to the voices in my head and blow up some shit

 **Spidermom:** I mean that isn’t normal, you should probably speak to someone

 **Avocadoface:** it’s ok, they’re all really nice, apart from Sid, fuck him

 **Hawkeye:** god you’re so cool

 **Rhodey:** cool or insane

 **Falcon107:** mental

 **Scarlett Bitch:** insane

 **Green Rage Monster:** slightly unhinged

 **LittleSpider:** amazing

 **Irondad:** no comment

 **Spidermom:** ^

 **America’s Ass:** a bit weird

 **Metal Arm:** ^

 **Avocadoface:** guys stoppppp I’m too humble to be complimented

 **Irondad:** are you going or not

 **Avocadoface:** YEP BYEEEEE STEVE XOXOXOXO

 **America’s Ass:** …bye

_Avocadoface left the Group Chat_

**Irondad:** thank god for that

**Everyone is offline**


	48. IQ Test

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter wants all the Avengers to take an IQ Test

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Everyone!  
> This chapter is short and sweet, as they all will probably be for the next few months i'll be mega busy with University and so wont be able to have large chapters! Any ideas for future chapters then please let me know:D
> 
> Thanks,
> 
> MarvelObsessedGirl3  
> xx

**Hawkeye:** like whose idea was this ??? ! it’s so hard

 **Irondad:** blame the Kid

 **Scarlett Bitch:** this is worse than being tortured

 **LittleSpider:** hey you all agreed to it! It’s mega fun!!!!

 **America’s Ass:** I mean it’s not though Wanda, getting tortured is worse, I’d imagine…on the other hand, it isn’t really my idea of fun Peter

 **Green Rage Monster:** It is pretty simplistic to be honest, although question 32 stressed me out a bit

 **Rhodey:** fuck that I’m on question 21 and I’m struggling

 **LittleSpider:** you’re not meant to be texting!!!!!!!

 **Spidermom:** what are you all moaning about – it’s so easy

 **Falcon107:** I got 49 for question 2

 **Metal Arm:** that was an English question about vocab Sam …

 **Falcon107:** I’ve fucked this man

 **Irondad:** youre only on question 2 omg ahaahaha

 **Falcon107:** ye am taking my time ok, lay off Stark

 **Spidermom:** how long have we got left kid

 **LittleSpider:** 4 minutes

 **Hawkeye:** someone kill me pls and put me out of this misery

 **Spidermom:** choice of weapon?

 **Hawkeye:** this fucking pencil

 **America’s Ass:** nobody is killing anyone

 **LittleSpider:** stop texting and hurry up!!!!

 **Green Rage Monster:** finished

 **Irondad:** same

 **Scarlett Bitch:** why would I need to know about how many apples this person has

 **Metal Arm:** idk maybe youre an apple seller

 **Scarlett Bitch:** do I look like a fucking apple seller

 **Metal Arm:** point taken

 **Spidermom:** finished – what’s my score Pete

 **LittleSpider:** not til everyone else has finished!!!

 **LittleSpider:** okay times up – hand in your quizzes and I’ll mark them – under strict supervision from Friday so there’s no accusations about cheating:D

 **Hawkeye:** god I hope I pass

 **Spidermom:** it’s an IQ test…you’ve already passed just by writing your name on it

 **Hawkeye:** I had to write my name on it?!

 **Spidermom:** Боже мой

 **Irondad:** we all know I’ll be the highest but still it’s a cool game

 **Green Rage Monster:** I have like 10 PHD’s Tony, I think if it’s based on intelligence I’ll get it

 **Scarlett Bitch:** idk I mean Romanoff is really smart too

 **Spidermom:** you’re my new favourite wanda<3

 **Scarlett Bitch:** :D x

 **LittleSpider:** AUNTIE NAT WHAT ABOUT ME

 **Spidermom:** depends on how high you score me

 **LittleSpider:** im following the rules!!!!! ☹

 **Spidermom:** you know I love you kid

 **Rhodey:** get back to marking the tests kid

 **Irondad:** I see mine he’s just marked it

 **Falcon107:** how do u know

 **Irondad:** bc I wrote it in a red crayon

 **Spidermom:** that’s such a clint thing to do

 **Hawkeye:** hey!

 **Metal Arm:** she’s not wrong, you did write with a sparkly pink crayon

 **Spidermom:** see

 **Hawkeye:** whatever it looked pretty ok

 **LittleSpider:** results ARE IN

 **Falcon107:** god it’s going to be like the hunger games isn’t it

 **Scarlett Bitch:** I mean probs yeah

 **Irondad:** no-one is killing anyone over their results bc mine will be the highest so you’re all losers in my eyes

 **Hawkeye:** lol tasha

 **Metal Arm:** what’s she doing

 **America’s Ass:** she’s sat in the kitchen sharpening her blades

 **Green Rage Monster:** What are the scores Pete?

 **LittleSpider:** Okay so it’s all out of 100

 **LittleSpider:** Me: 97, Bruce: 98, Tony: 98, Natasha: 97, Steve: 93, Rhodey: 90, Wanda: 88, Bucky: 91, Sam: 86, Clint: 87

 **Falcon107:** fuck this man the test lied

 **Irondad:** See told you I’d win

 **LittleSpider:** it wasn’t a contest!!!!! It was just a bit of fun and also you tied with Dr Banner

 **Irondad:** what the fuck does that mean – who won

 **LittleSpider:** no-one bc it’s not a competition!!!!both of you technically got the highest

 **Irondad:** fine

 **Spidermom:** I’m happy with that. Cool game Kid

 **Scarlett Bitch:** wow im actually kinda smart love that

 **Rhodey:** same ahaha

 **Hawkeye:** I DIDN’T LOSE YES

 **Falcon107:** FUCK OFF BARTON

 **Spidermom:** Hunger games is starting

 **Hawkeye:** DVY8FQG9R3[ H015-J

 **LittleSpider:** NO!!!!! HE GOT MR BARTON !!!!!!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** lol Sam’s raging

 **Rhodey:** what do we do

 **America’s Ass:** not 100% sure actually

 **Spidermom:** im sure they’ll be fine

 **Metal Arm:** like I can hear Sam screaming now

 **Irondad:** fgs

 **LittleSpider:** let’s play another game!!!!

 **America’s Ass:** maybe after we go and save Clint

 **Spidermom:** haha

 **LittleSpider:** :D


	49. Laundry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter uses a laundrette xD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!  
> I'm mega mega busy atm, so sorry for the super short chapter - but I literally have no time!!  
> I finish Uni for the summer in two months, so expect a lot of updates during Summer lol.  
> Please send some ideas for future chapters and I'll try and incorporate them!
> 
> MarvelObsessedgirl3  
> xx

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** laundrettes in New York are the birth places of diseases and mutations

 **LittleSpider:** wow I hate being poor

 **LittleSpider:** how do I actually use this machine

 **LittleSpider:** shit I need powder and conditioner?!

 **LittleSpider:** urgh im never telling May I can do the laundry by myself again

 **LittleSpider:** do I just shove it all in????!?!

 **LittleSpider:** I figured it out

 **LittleSpider:** omg there’s a used condom in the dryer section im gonna puke

 **LittleSpider:** oh no

 **LittleSpider:** I left a red sock in with the white sheets

 **LittleSpider:** oh well – Pink is a cool colour:D

**Irondad is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**America’s Ass is online**

**Spidermom is online**

**Irondad:** why is my phone having a seizure at 7am

 **Hawkeye:** omfg read up

 **Spidermom:** Peter – why are you using a laundrette, when you have a washing machine in your flat?

 **LittleSpider:** it broke and May’s at work and I said I’d help and go and do it at a laundrette, but then I realised that it’s super hard to actually do laundry and now I’m stressed and I’m pretty sure I have at least 12 different diseases from the air alone

 **Scarlett Bitch:** wow imagine having to go out and do laundry

 **Irondad:** Kid, why didn’t you just bring it all here? You know you can use the facilities whenever you want?

 **America’s Ass:** back in my day, we had to hand do our laundry, it’s still so weird that there are so many things that do stuff for you

 **Hawkeye:** oh god not another history lesson

 **LittleSpider:** I didn’t wanna be a bother mr stark!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** urgh peter you’re too pure for this world

 **Spidermom:** seconded

 **Hawkeye:** thirded

 **America’s Ass:** fourth…ed

 **Irondad:** -____- you’re never a bother

 **LittleSpider:** 😊

 **Spidermom:** need a lift to school Kid?

 **LittleSpider:** omg yes please Auntie nat, if it isn’t a hassle! I’m just omw back to the flat and then I’ll be ready!

**Spidermom is offline**

**America’s Ass:** Son, you are never a hassle – like Tony just said

 **Hawkeye:** peter she’s already set off to your location

 **Scarlett Bitch:** how does she know where he is

 **Irondad:** I put a tracker in his phone so we all could find out where he is 24/7 – as he is very susceptible to dangerous situations

 **LittleSpider:** INVASION OF PRIVACY

 **LittleSpider:** but thanks:D

 **America’s Ass:** so everything is pink now Peter?

 **LittleSpider:** yeah :/

 **Irondad:** get your butt over here after school and we’ll show you how to properly do the laundry

 **Scarlett Bitch:** oh yeah like you know how to do the laundry Stark xD

 **Irondad:** I am a man of a lot of talents

 **America’s Ass:** you mean a lot of money so the washing machines do the stuff for you lol

 **Hawkeye:** savage cap

 **Irondad:** pft potato potato

**Everyone is offline**


	50. WiSDoM tEeTh ArE THe dEviL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter's wisdom tooth is coming through and Tony is an overprotective dad

**LittleSpider is online**

**Spidermom is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**LittleSpider:** goodbye cruel world

 **Hawkeye:** that’s an actual mood – what happened this time, who am I killing

 **LittleSpider:** me pls, I’ve never felt pain like this before and that includes the time I was shot

 **Spidermom:** What’s happened Peter? Do you need me to come and get you?

 **LittleSpider:** it’s so painful im dying

 **Hawkeye:** Pete? Are you injured? Thought you were at school???

 **LittleSpider:** im at school and no but I’m pretty sure this is the end

 **Scarlett Bitch:** also a mood – but seriously are you ok???

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Metal Arm:** he sounds like he’s feeling terrific wanda

 **Scarlett Bitch:** shut up barnes

 **Spidermom:** he’s not injured but he’s in a worse pain than when he was shot? I’m confused

 **Hawkeye:** someone get his dad in here, he’ll know what’s going on

 **Metal Arm:** @Irondad

 **Spidermom:** He’s in an important SI meeting, but if he doesn’t reply in the next few minutes then im going to get the Kid @Irondad

 **Hawkeye:** @Irondad

 **Scarlett Bitch:** @Irondad clue us all in pls bc Nat’s about to leave to go and get Peter

**Irondad is online**

**Irondad:** don’t bother Nat – he’s just got a wisdom tooth coming through and he’s claiming that he’s dying from the pain of it

 **Spidermom:** now it all makes sense – thanks for clarifying Stark

**LittleSpider is online**

**Scarlett Bitch:** ooooo, poor Peter! Wisdom teeth are brutal! I had to get one of mine removed it hurt so bad

 **LittleSpider:** I AM DYING IT’S SO PAINFUL!!!!!!!!!!! WiSDoM tEeTh ArE THe dEviL

 **Irondad:** Kid you’re in a group chat with the Avengers, you can’t just say shit like that because they’ll think you’re literally bleeding out somewhere

 **LittleSpider:** ohhhh I just re-read the messages…sorry guys im not actually dead but like my tooth hurts so bad☹ WiSDoM tEeTh ArE THe dEviL

 **Spidermom:** Dying but not actually dying – gotcha, feel better soon Kid, try and avoid touching it as you don’t want to get it infected

 **LittleSpider:** ok thanks Auntie Nat

**America’s Ass is online**

**Falcon107 is online**

**Green Rage Monster is online**

**Metal Arm:** wisdom teeth are the work of the devil

 **Falcon107:** preach

 **LittleSpider:** absolutely agree

 **Scarlett Bitch:** ooft getting religious up in here

 **Irondad:** Peter you better not be texting in class again

 **LittleSpider:** ofc not im in an exam, but I’ve finished so it’s all gucci

 **Irondad:** I give up jfc

 **Hawkeye:** hang on – when you get wisdom teeth, does it make you wiser?

 **Green Rage Monster:** apparently yes, but actually no

 **Spidermom:** you never got yours did you Barton

 **Hawkeye:** well no – did you?

 **Spidermom:** yup, point proven

 **Hawkeye:** hang on A MINUTE >:(

 **Irondad:** okay like im in a mega important meeting so can I leave now

 **Hawkeye:** pls do

 **Irondad:** wow ok thanks Legolas – really feeling the love

 **Falcon107:** lmao love this chat the banter is epic

 **LittleSpider:** but my ToOtH HuRtSSSSS

 **Irondad:** that’s why I’ve stocked up on painkillers and icecream for when you get here after school

 **Scarlett Bitch:** #irondaddoinghisjobagain

 **America’s Ass:** Jelly might be good too – basically any soft foods

 **Spidermom:** no shit sherlock

 **America’s Ass:** -___- sam come on – we need to get back to training

 **Falcon107:** I was born ready

 **Green Rage Monster:** I’ll take a look when you get here Peter and make sure it doesn’t need taking out

 **LittleSpider:** ok thanks Dr Banner

**Green Rage Monster is offline**

**Falcon107 is offline**

**America’s Ass is offline**

**Irondad:** hang on I’ve just read up – PETER WHEN WERE YOU SHOT?!

 **LittleSpider:** g2g byeeee

 **Irondad:** don’t you dare

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Hawkeye:** he dared

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Peter has left the building

 **Spidermom:** lol I just walked past the meeting room Tony’s in and he’s literally livid scrolling through his phone

 **Scarlett Bitch:** he’s such a dad

 **Spidermom:** seconded

 **Hawkeye:** thirded

 **Metal Arm:** fourthed

**Everyone is offline**


	51. Operation Playtime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers are stuck in a boring meeting and Tony and Peter enact Operation Playtime:)

**Everyone is online**

**Irondad:** god I hate these meetings

 **Hawkeye:** I mean why am I here tho ya’ll said it was an emergency team meeting and Steve is just talking and imma fall asleep

 **Scarlett Bitch:** yeah does it count as a meeting if it’s in the living room tho and half of us aren’t listening and are on our phones

 **Spidermom:** apparently yes

 **LittleSpider:** mr stark

 **LittleSpider:** Mr sTaRk

 **LittleSpider:** MR StArk

 **LittleSpider:** MR STARK

 **Irondad:** jesus kid what

 **LittleSpider:** why am I hereeeeee im bored

 **Metal Arm:** think we’re all thinking that about ourselves tbh

 **Irondad:** bc it’s a team meeting and you’re an honorary member of the team

 **LittleSpider:** uwu xxxxx

 **Green Rage Monster:** tony you made him cry

 **LittleSpider:** im not crying it’s just the onions

 **Rhodey:** we don’t have any onions

 **Irondad:** come here kid

 **Scarlett Bitch:** #irondadmoment

 **Spidermom:** melting my black heart

 **America’s Ass:** Why is Peter sobbing about being called an honorary Avenger and why is the chat open?! You’re meant to all be paying attention!

 **Hawkeye:** well we are paying attention…to the chat

 **Green Rage Monster:** Peter is just having a moment lol

 **Falcon107:** natasha stop it

 **Spidermom:** not doing anything

 **Hawkeye:** that’s a lie

 **Spidermom:** you’d know all about lying wouldn’t u

 **Irondad:** oh god

 **America’s Ass:** what now -_-

 **LittleSpider:** ok im back bitches - spill the tea

 **Rhodey:** ^^^

 **Scarlett Bitch:** ^^^

 **Green Rage Monster:** ^^^

 **Falcon107:** sToP throwing paper clips at me

 **Spidermom:** can’t prove it was me and also Clint you’re a fucking dirty ass liar

 **Falcon107:** I can literally see you throwing them at my head

 **Spidermom:** nah that’s not me, it’s my alter-ego Natalia

 **Hawkeye:** I said I was sorry ☹

 **Falcon107:** fuck off natalia then

 **Spidermom:** don’t make me come over there you feathered freak

 **Falcon107:** you want to say that again NaTaLiA

 **Spidermom:** Clint grab my knives

 **Hawkeye:** oh no not again

 **Irondad:** NO KNIVES IN ANOTHER TEAM MEETING – CAN’T WE JUST HAVE ONE MEETING WITHOUT ANY INJURIES PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

 **Scarlett Bitch:** lol look at her face shes proper raging

 **LittleSpider:** TeLL uS AUNTIE NAT

 **Spidermom:** so anyway - I went to get breakfast before training earlier and what do I see

 **Irondad:** me? I was sitting at the kitchen counter

 **Spidermom:** well yeah, but then after that… I saw it

 **LittleSpider:** a spider?!

 **Rhodey:**???

 **Spidermom:** no, borris was asleep

 **Irondad:** borris???

 **Spidermom:** I named the spider by the fridge borris ok, anyway somebody had stolen my fucking breakfast bagel

 **Scarlett Bitch:** borris the spider xD oh god no – not your food again jfc

 **LittleSpider:** rip

 **Rhodey:** who lost a limb this time

 **Irondad:** ohhhhh was that why you smashed the plate

 **Hawkeye:** why did you think she smashed a plate

 **Irondad:** idk thought she didn’t like the colour or something

 **LittleSpider:** lmao

 **Metal Arm:** that was one time jeez

 **Falcon107:** Steves talking again and I’m ngl but I think this is how I die from boredom

 **LittleSpider:** an actual mood

 **Scarlett Bitch:** im so ready for this

 **Spidermom:** ANYWAY

 **Irondad:** why when someone wants to tell a story does it last for hours on here ffs get on with it

 **Spidermom:** im fucking trying if you morons stop talking about smashing plates and shit so then I bump into Clint … who has on his jacket…crumbs

 **Rhodey:** oh god

 **Hawkeye:** it was such a rooky mistake

 **Scarlett Bitch:** hang on a sec – is that why your foot is bandaged

 **Green Rage Monster:** you said you trapped it in a door when I bandaged it earlier!

 **Hawkeye:** well I did … but Natasha was the one who slammed it shut on my foot

 **Spidermom:** in my defence it was an accident – it was your fault for putting it in the way

 **Hawkeye:** to apologise!!!!!

 **Metal Arm:** that’s probably not true

 **Hawkeye:** ok so I was about to say imma do it again tomorrow – what’s the difference

 **Irondad:** … there are no words

 **LittleSpider:** lol

 **Green Rage Monster:** did Cap seriously just say that this meeting is going on for another hour

 **Falcon107:** oh hell no

 **Spidermom:** fgs

 **Scarlett Bitch:** urghhhhhhhhhhhh

 **Metal Arm:** so bored

 **Hawkeye:** might cry

 **Rhodey:** screw this

 **Irondad:** Kid – operation playtime is a go

 **Spidermom:** operation playtime?

 **Hawkeye:** this’ll be good

 **LittleSpider:** guys get ready for this shit

 **Scarlett Bitch:** omg im so ready

 **Green Rage Monster:** …

 **LittleSpider:** THE FLOOR IS LAVAAAAAAAAAAA

 **Scarlett Bitch:** FUCKIGN YES

 **Irondad:** LOL Steve is like wtaf is going on

 **Falcon107:** fuck off Natasha that’s cheating

 **Spidermom:** not my fault you’re slow af

 **Falcon107:** you just fucking pushed me off the sofa

 **Rhodey:** EFUO9OY0-iodh

 **Green Rage Monster:** sorry Rhodey

 **Spidermom:** lol this makes the meeting much better

 **LittleSpider:** hey guys Mr Captain America Sir Steve Rogers Sir looks a bit annoyed

 **Hawkeye:** dfviwityrp43r9

 **Metal Arm:** fuck sorry Barton but I was here first

 **Irondad:** lol Peters just hanging from the ceiling

 **Scarlett Bitch:** I’VE GOT MR WHISKERS DW GUYS

 **LittleSpider:** absolute legend Wanda<3

 **America’s Ass:** meetings over then I take it ??? smh

 **Irondad:** sorry Cap but if we have to go over the best cafés and advantage points again for that upcoming mission then im pretty sure we’ll all die from boredom

 **Rhodey:** ^^^

 **Spidermom:** ^^^

 **LittleSpider:** ^^^

 **Green Rage Monster:** ^^^

 **Hawkeye:** ^^^

 **Metal Arm:** ^^^

 **Scarlett Bitch:** ^^^

 **Falcon107:** ^^^

 **America’s Ass:** well…if you cant beat them…join them xD


	52. Sickness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter gets very sick whilst most of the Avengers are on a mission...unfortunately, the one person he wants is on the mission.

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** finally finished my homework and prep for the stupid Spanish exam #migraine

 **LittleSpider:** my head hurts urghhhh

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Falcon107 is online**

**Falcon107:** it’s 1am, go to sleep, you’re probably just tired. Hope you’re better soon, we’re all off on the mission now, Nat and Clint are staying with you - see you in the morning squirt😊

 **LittleSpider:** yeah ok thanks mr wilson

 **Scarlett Bitch:** <3 aw pete, you’ll feel better when you wake up – you’re just stressed about your Spanish exam next week – but you’ll ace it! See you soon!! Xx

 **LittleSpider:** ok thanks, night guys <3

**Everyone is offline**

**Spidermom is online**

**LittleSpider is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**LittleSpider:** I actually relly dontfeel well now

 **Spidermom:** Kid you ok?

 **LittleSpider:** auntie nat y stonah hurts

 **Spidermom:** your stomach hurts? I thought you couldn’t get sick? Do you want me to come up and see you?

 **LittleSpider:** ahaha I see bkac spotsssss spot ty spot pot bo t cot m op toppop la p lopttap

 **Hawkeye:** Squirt? You’re seeing black spots????

 **LittleSpider:** woahhhhhhh easing dem blck spots an ephifnq0 b k

 **LittleSpider:** ohshit Iju st thew upp

 **Spidermom:** shit - that’s not good I’m going to see him.

 **Hawkeye:** I’ll come with you

 **LittleSpider:** oh gd it veryher an I fll os sick

 **Spidermom:** Friday just told me his temperature is 103 – Clint grab some cold towels I need to get his temperature down

 **Spidermom:** there’s vomit everywhere ew

 **Hawkeye:** jeez it stinks – where the fuck is everyone else!?

 **Spidermom:** Shield Mission remember

 **Hawkeye:** omg he’s crying what do we do

 **Spidermom:** how the hell do I know – you’re the one who has three children you fucking moron

 **Hawkeye:** yeah but I don’t have to worry about being webbed to a wall with them

 **Spidermom:** shut up and get me some blankets and water with a straw

 **Hawkeye:** on it

**Hawkeye is offline**

**_**Spidermom ringing @Irondad via Video Call**_ **

**Irondad is connected**

**Irondad is online**

**Irondad:** Natasha we’re kinda busy trying to take out a hydra base here stop fucking calling me ive had to put everyone’s comms on voice to text on now ffs

 **Spidermom:** your kid is throwing up and crying

 **Irondad:** what?!?!!?! @greenragemonster told me he couldn’t get ill

**Green Rage Monster is online**

**Spidermom:** that’s what I thought too but here we are in the bathroom, covered in puke at 3am

 **Green Rage Monster:** Well I didn’t think he could get sick as he hasn’t since he was bitten by the spider 2 years ago. He must have caught a vicious sickness bug – something like the Flu or a virus which was too strong for his healing factor maybe? I’d need to do some tests on him to make sure but im a bit busy rn

 **Spidermom:** Tony what do I do

 **Irondad:** Barton has kids just let him deal with peter

 **Spidermom:** im pretty sure his 3 kids have never projectile vomited so hard it went on the ceiling and now are at 105 degrees according to Friday – we’ve tried cooling him down, hugging him etc but nothings working, he won’t calm down – what do we do

 **Irondad:** Bruce code green

 **Green Rage Monster:** keep him hydrated and try to cool him down bc his temperature is really high – try an icebath and some of steves super soldier meds @spidermom see you later – Tony watch out you’ve got soldiers on your right

**Green Rage Monster is offline**

**Irondad:** hang on Nat ive got incoming

 **Irondad:** omg the hulk just tore through a bunker and it was sick ahaha

 **Spidermom:** back on the topic of sick – the kid looks like he’s about to pass out and he won’t stop crying :/

 **Irondad:** shit I wish I was there with him

 **Spidermom:** yeah me too, isn’t there anything that will make him feel better?

 **Irondad:** just comfort him, stroke his hair, just talk to him etc and hopefully he’ll fall asleep soon and sleep if off

 **Spidermom:** tried all of the above and nothing worked

**Hawkeye is online**

**Hawkeye:** I’ve got 3 kids and have never seen so much puke in my life

 **Irondad:** thanks for helping Legolas, just try and keep him alive yano until I’m back please

 **Spidermom:** we got his temperature down to 103 now, he’s still crying though what do we do, nothing is working!!!!

 **Irondad:** Nat we aren’t gonna be wrapped up here for at least another few hours and then we have to get back – ring Pepper or Helen Cho??

 **Spidermom:** No it’s fine, me and Clint will manage, just tell us how to calm him down

**America’s Ass is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Falcon107 is online**

**Rhodey is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**America’s Ass:** Tony what’s going on are you ok? What’s happened?

 **Irondad:** had to put voice to text bc Natasha wanted me ffs it’s messing with my comm

 **Scarlett Bitch:** great well now that we’re all synced up again can you fucking move out of the way so I can get to that bunker

 **Irondad:** crap yeah sorry hang on

 **Falcon107:** on your left cap

 **America’s Ass:** on it – has anyone got eyes on Rhodey?

 **Rhodey:** busy hang on

 **Metal Arm:** Woah that was sick wanda

 **Scarlett Bitch:** haha it was pretty sick – oh god you’ve got 3 on your tail, Cap get over here

 **Spidermom:** oh shit, well this escalated quickly, he’s now crying hysterically for you Stark

 **Irondad:** what

 **Hawkeye:** he literally is sobbing on Tasha rn and crying that he wants m’ S’rk

 **Spidermom:** which we’re pretty sure means you, as he is also cuddling his ironman teddybear

 **Spidermom:** Tony?

 **Hawkeye:** Stark?

 **America’s Ass:** Tony what the fuck – where are you??

 **Scarlett Bitch:** he’s not answering the comms oh god where is he

 **Rhodey:** I’ve got eyes on him - by the north side, think he’s in shock? He hasn’t been hit but then again I cant see shit with the suit in the way, he isn’t moving just kinda standing there…shall I go and check on him??

 **Scarlett Bitch:** yeah just incase he was hit or something Rhodey

 **Rhodey:** on it

 **Spidermom:** Tony – what do we do????

 **Hawkeye:** ^

 **America’s Ass:** Natasha, Clint – what’s going on? Why are you on our frequency???

 **Spidermom:** having an issue with the kid and think Tony wired the chat to act as your comm when he’s online – speaking of, he’s still online but not replying??

 **Metal Arm:** yeah why?

 **Hawkeye:** idk just said the kid is crying and calling for Tony bc he’s sick

 **Scarlett Bitch:** fenoaeqa hj tw

 **Rhodey:** watch out wanda

 **Scarlett Bitch:** bit late for that tinman

 **Rhodey:** ive brought Tony back to the Quinjet – think he’s gone into shock or something – he’s still patched into the frequency but im heading back out to the south sector Cap

 **America’s Ass:** Right, thanks Rhodey – watch out for the soldiers on the south-east side. Bucky careful the guy on your left is aiming at you

 **Metal Arm:** it’s fine hulk got him

 **America’s Ass:** Tony, are you ok?

 **Irondad:** Kids want their parents when theyre sick right?!?!?!?!? Why in the fuck does he want me?!!?!

 **Hawkeye:** idk you're his co-parent right? So maybe that's why bc you're always there when something bad happens???

 **Spidermom:** Tony concentrate on the mission and get back safe ok? We’ll take care of him, just tell me how to calm him down properly

 **Scarlett Bitch:** jfc not again

 **America’s Ass:** fuck – we lost hulk

 **Hawkeye:** how can you lose the hulk lmao

 **Scarlett Bitch:** he saw a chopper and ran off after it

 **Irondad:** how can I look after a kid? I killed a plant last week bc I forgot to feed it

 **Spidermom:** shut up Stark – you’re there for him 24/7 it’s just natural he wants you now.

 **America’s Ass:** Natasha’s right Tony, he just wants you because you’re always there for him

 **Irondad:** god I want to see him this sucks – I’m back on the field Capsicle – just scouting out places near the west sector

 **America’s Ass:** ok, just take it easy Tony.

 **Metal Arm:** playing candycrush again and im stuck on level 879 – Tony cant you hack into the game for me again so I can skip it

 **Irondad:** little bit busy here having a mental breakdown whilst avoiding being shot at, ok maybe later

 **Rhodey:** behind you Tony!!!!!

 **Falcon107:** nice move Bucky

 **Spidermom:** Get somewhere safe Tony and I’ll get Peter to ring you for a few minutes ok?

 **America’s Ass:** right is that all of them?

 **Scarlett Bitch:** you had to fucking ask Rogers – on your right there’s another 3 dozen ffs

 **Metal Arm:** someone needs to tell Banner to stop making the alarms go off jfc

 **America’s Ass:** Tony I need an assist over here

 **Falcon107:** don’t worry @Irondad call your kid, I’ve got Cap sorted

 **Irondad:** Thanks Sam, okay Romanoff let me talk to my kid – I’ll be off the comms for a minute or so ok? I’m putting it on a private call

 **Rhodey:** yeah it’s fine we’ve got it all sorted up here Tones

 **Spidermom:** ok I’m calling you now on my phone but Peter will answer ok

 **Irondad:** no problem thanks Nat

****Nat1879 calling Tony Stark****

**Tony Stark is connected**

**(Private Phone Call between Tony Stark and Nat1879)**

**‘** Hey kiddo – what’s going on? Nat and Clint told me you’re not feeling so good?’

**_‘_ ** _I…I…w…want t…to s…see yo…you...’_

‘…Aw bud, we’re on a mission, you know that. I’ll be as quick as I can and then I’ll fly back and see you. I don’t like hearing my little spiderling ill.’

_‘Mi…miss y…you.’_

‘I miss you too kiddo, but your Aunt Nat and Uncle Clint are going to look after you for me, ok?’

_‘B…been s…si…sick.’_

‘I know Pete, Nat told me. Why don’t you have a shower, get into some clean pjs and try and sleep, then tomorrow you can cuddle up with me and we’ll watch some starwars, hmm?’

_‘O…ok. Pinky…pr…promise?’_

‘Yeah kid, pinky promise. Put Nat on the phone ok and I’ll see you in a few hours. Sleep well bud.’

_‘N…night..mr St’rk...’_

‘Good night bambino.’

**‘(Distant talking and crackling sounds)’**

‘ _Tony, you all good? Peter’s still crying but he’s quietened down a bit.’_

‘Yeah, poor kid, he sounds terrible.’

_‘Just hurry up and get your ass back here. Clint is currently helping him get a quick cold shower and into some pj’s – despite him sobbing very loudly, while I get the amazing job of getting rid of his sicky sheets.’_

‘Please make sure he’s alright Nat.’

_‘Obviously I will do, I wouldn’t just let him go to sleep in his own puke, I’m not that mean.’_

‘Not what I meant. Maybe try and sing him a song or something to calm him down, then give him some cuddles so he goes to sleep? It usually works after his nightmares.’

_‘I’m not fucking Mary Poppins, Tony.’_

‘I know, I know. Just pretend you’re not a ruthless assassin for like half an hour and please try to calm my kid down.’

_‘It’s a good job I like Peter ok, I wouldn’t do this for anyone else._

‘Honestly, thank you so much. Tell Clint thanks too.’

_‘I’ve made Barton swear an oath to never tell another living soul about this. We’ll handle it.’_

‘Romanoff, also you might wanna get some sleep – isn’t it like 3am where you are?’

‘ _Oh, I want to hurt you so bad right now.’_

‘Haha. You love me really Red.’

_‘Whatever stops the tears Tony.’_

‘Listen, I reckon we’ll be back by about 6am. If he gets really bad again then just ring me ok?’

_‘Yep, will do. We’ve just dosed him up with Steve’s medication and are about to start watching Toy Story 4’_

‘Thanks Nat. See you later.’

_‘Bye Tony.’_

**Tony Stark is disconnected**

**Everyone is offline**

**Spidermom is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**Hawkeye:** I can’t feel my arm

 **Spidermom:** move and I’ll break it

 **Hawkeye:** urgh im so uncomfortable

 **Spidermom:** I don’t care, it’s just taken us over an hour to calm Peter down, so don’t even think about moving.

 **Hawkeye:** you’ve got a nice singing voice Tasha

 **Spidermom:** you swore an oath Barton

 **Hawkeye:** I always wondered how you got Lila, Nate and Coop to sleep after nightmares

 **Spidermom:** I have my ways

 **Hawkeye:** huh, usually thought you’d drugged them or something

 **Spidermom:** nope

 **Hawkeye:** look at you being all motherly! You’re full of surprises Romanoff😉

 **Spidermom:** I could still break your arm

 **Hawkeye:** but you wont

 **Spidermom:** go to sleep Barton

 **Hawkeye:** night tasha<3

 **Spidermom:** night clint xo

**Spidermom is offline**

**Hawkeye is offline**


	53. Pancake Fight!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who gets the last few pancakes at breakfast??:)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Everyone!  
> As you can see, I've uploaded 3 new chapters in the past day or so!!  
> I'm having tons of free time to write now due to this Virus, so I hope you've enjoyed these last 3 new chapters!!!  
> I'll be updating at least once a week from now on - possibly more.   
> As always, im open to requests and love reading your comments   
> Stay Strong and be amazing
> 
> Love from,  
> MarvelObsessedgirl3  
> xx

**Spidermom is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**Irondad is online**

**LittleSpider is online**

**America’s Ass is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**LittleSpider:** A huge thank you to Auntie Nat and Uncle Clint for taking care of me last night/this morning! I’m 100000% fine now and my teacher is letting me do my Spanish exam next week instead of today, bc @Irondad said I could have the day off school and is amazing:D <3

 **Spidermom:** no worries kiddo, next time, choose a day that I’m not here please bc I never want to see that much puke ever again. Glad you’re ok now xo

 **Irondad:** I know I’m amazing but thanks kid

 **Hawkeye:** ngl I was pretty scared for a while about how much sick you produced squirt @LittleSpider

 **LittleSpider:** I honestly barely remember last night/this morning, I feel fine now tho and these pancakes are so nice thanks @America’sAss!!!

 **Spidermom:** lol Bruce has fallen asleep in his pancakes

 **Irondad:** not surprised – we didn’t get back in until just after 6am:/ everyone else is still asleep, except for us insomnics lmao

 **America’s Ass:** I’ll take him to his room and then check that everyone else is alright. You’re welcome Peter! Glad you’re better now 😊

**America’s Ass is offline**

**LittleSpider:** good old cap

 **Ironman:** #herocomplex

 **Metal Arm:** legend

 **Spidermom:** shut up Tony

 **Hawkeye:** does this mean I can eat Banner’s pancakes????

 **LittleSpider:** no bc I’ve just eaten them when you weren’t looking

 **Hawkeye:** im pretty sure that’s a criminal offence

 **Metal Arm:** I saw him sneak it but I didn’t say anything bc I thought it was funny

 **Hawkeye:** what the fuck

 **LittleSpider:** sorry Mr Barton but the pancakes are so nice and im so hungry

 **Metal Arm:** give the kid a break clint

 **Hawkeye:** ok wow so I live with snakes and traitors – Tasha get your knives

 **Spidermom:** bold of you to assume I don’t carry them with me all the time

 **Metal Arm:** @America’sAss please hurry up bc I’m scared

 **Hawkeye:** I can see you staring at me you little punk

 **LittleSpider:** bring it on birdbrain

 **Spidermom:** oh it’s on

 **LittleSpider:** it’s on like Donkey Kong

 **Metal Arm:** ^^^

 **Irondad:** hold up, no-one is stabbing anyone over pancakes!!! I go to make a coffee and come back to find you all stood up staring daggers at each other??

 **Irondad:** jfc Natasha put the knives down

 **LittleSpider:** @ScarlettBitch pls wake up and help me pls

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Scarlett Bitch:** I was summoned

 **Spidermom:** who can we bring for backup @hawkeye

 **Hawkeye:** I don’t really like anyone so idk

 **Irondad:** Legolas istg

 **Hawkeye:** joking ahah, maybe Thor???

 **Spidermom:** nah it’s too early for his Shakespearean shit

 **LittleSpider:** I’m totally innocent here

 **Hawkeye:** YOU ATE MY PANCAKES

 **Metal Arm:** technically they were Bruce’s.

 **Irondad:** right I’m bringing backup

 **Irondad:** get over here and sort everyone out @America’sAss

 **Spidermom:** lmfao as if Steve is your backup @Irondad xD

 **Irondad:** It was either Steve or Pepper and I don’t want to be castrated for waking Pep up at fucking 8am on her only day off, so Cap was the obvious choice

 **Metal Arm:** Steve is literally the team mom

 **LittleSpider:** bless his heart

 **Scarlett Bitch:** love Steve<3

 **Spidermom:** he’s a good egg

 **Hawkeye:** can you all stop crushing on Cap and get back to fighting over the pancakes

 **LittleSpider:** oh yeah – IT WASN’T MY FAULT OK

 **Spidermom:** it was

 **Hawkeye:** YES IT WAS

 **Scarlett Bitch:** who’s side am I on?

 **LittleSpider:** MINE

 **Irondad:** NO-ONE’S BC THERE ARE NO SIDES

 **Hawkeye:** oh you’re going down Parker

 **LittleSpider:** heheh *evil laugh*

 **Spidermom:** don’t even think about it Peter I mean it

 **LittleSpider:** oops my hand slipped 😉

 **Spidermom:** so did mine

 **Scarlett Bitch:** :O

 **Metal Arm:** oh god this can’t be good

 **LittleSpider:** whaJIOJE[qotWO3[4 H0]GJ9-

 **Metal Arm:** holy shit

 **Scarlett Bitch:** thing’s are heating up #drama

 **Irondad:** NATASHA STOP THROWING KNIVES

 **Irondad:** ROGERS GET IN HERE

**America’s Ass is online**

**America’s Ass:** guys can we just have a normal breakfast without any attempted murder?

 **Irondad:** Cap I don’t think that’s ever going to happen – also this wasn’t my fault js

 **America’s Ass:** I was gone for less than 5 minutes and I come back to find Nat and Clint webbed to the table and Peter’s dressing gown sleeve pinned to the table by a knife?!! You dressed up in all your armour and Wanda and Bucky hiding behind the Kitchen Counter?!

 **Irondad:** again, wasn’t my fault

 **LittleSpider:** sorry Mr Captain America Steve Rogers sir, I may or may not have eaten mr Banners pancakes and Mr Barton is mad at me and threatening death upon me

 **America’s Ass:** care to comment Clint?

 **Hawkeye:** no

 **Scarlett Bitch:** from what I can gather, this argument is basically over pancakes

 **Metal Arm:** pretty much

 **Irondad:** Right, Nat and Clint are now unwebbed from the table and despite having a small hole in his sleeve, Peter is also fine

 **LittleSpider:** I’m emotionally scarred and I need a new dressing gown

 **Irondad:** I’ll buy you one after breakfast

 **LittleSpider:** uwu!!! Thanks Mr Stark!!!:D

 **America’s Ass:** Guys, I’m making more pancakes anyway for the rest of the team, who should be up soon…

 **LittleSpider:** fucking hero

 **Hawkeye:** top dude

 **Irondad:** on that note, I’m off to the lab – Capsicle you’re in charge of the animals

 **LittleSpider:** animals? Mr Whiskers is asleep in the living room???

 **Hawkeye:** he means us

 **Spidermom** rude

 **Metal Arm:** says the person threatening a 16 year old with a knife over pancakes

 **Spidermom:** rude but true

 **America’s Ass:** a new batch of pancakes is coming up so everyone chill out

 **LittleSpider:** PANCAKES

 **Hawkeye:** I’m getting them first

 **LittleSpider:** urrrr what

 **Spidermom:** jfc

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Bucky do you wanna go out to get breakfast?

 **Metal Arm:** yeah there’s less chance of death that way

**Scarlett Bitch is offline**

**Metal Arm is offline**

**Spidermom:** our backup just walked off

 **LittleSpider:** omg so did mine

 **Spidermom:** are you still ready to fight us for the pancakes Peter??

 **LittleSpider:** Mr Captain America Sir Steve Rogers Sir please help bc they’ve got knives again and are smiling with murderous intent ngl I’m kinda scared bc im in my dressing gown and it already has a hole in

 **Hawkeye:** 2 against one squirt

 **Spidermom:** your call kid – do you want to live or to eat pancakes without a head???

 **LittleSpider:** no thanks I want to make it to 17 and I like my head so I’ll keep it thanks

 **Spidermom:** good choice kid

 **America’s Ass:** No stabbing or cutting heads off!!!! Here you go: more pancakes – the same amount each, so there’s no arguing.

 **LittleSpider:** Captain America ICON

 **Hawkeye:** Legend

 **Spidermom:** thanks Steve

 **America’s Ass:** Next time we’re ordering breakfast in or someone else can make it.

**Everyone is offline**


	54. Global Pandemic? Build a blanket fort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Corona Virus has Peter feeling a bit down and the Avengers keep annoying him - so he's built a blanket fort and only the people who are nice to him can have the password to get in<3  
> Sorry I've not updated in a while, didn't have much inspiration and have been mega busy, but here's the long awaited next chapter - I hope you all enjoy it!  
> Stay safe everyone xx

**Falcon107 is online**

**Spidermom is online**

**Green Rage Monster is online**

**Hawkeye is online**

**Irondad is online**

**Scarlett Bitch is online**

**Falcon107:** ok so I’ve just finished training and just wondered… why in the middle of the living room, is what looks to be a cushion fort?????

 **Spidermom:** oh good he moved from the dance studio.

 **Irondad:** wait what

 **Hawkeye:** how come he didn’t invite me omg

**Hawkeye is offline**

**Green Rage Monster:** hang on – what’s going on?

 **Irondad:** wondering the same thing

 **Scarlett Bitch:** okay so like, we saw people doing this on twitter to feel better in lockdown bc of Corona and Peter wanted to try to build a fort out of cushions and blankets and he said it’s easier to build it on carpet rather than in the dance studio and also he said he didn’t want to lose his limbs – so he moved to the living room

 **Irondad:** lose his limbs???

 **Spidermom:** a small threat if he didn’t move everything out of the studio – not that I would tho bc he’s a fellow arachnid

 **Falcon107:** lmao you’re not actually spiders

 **Spidermom:** do you want to lose an arm Wilson?

 **Irondad:** ffs stop threatening to break people’s limbs if they piss you off Natasha

 **Spidermom:** well people need to stop pissing me off then don’t they

 **Falcon107:** 😊

 **Scarlett Bitch:** anyway that’s the story basically he just said he's also upset about not being able to patrol and that his aunt is stuck in Italy on holiday with Happy

 **Green Rage Monster:** how long is he going to stay in there for?

 **Scarlett Bitch:** idk but you need the password to get in

 **Spidermom:** you’re inside it with him now aren’t you

 **Scarlett Bitch:** maybe

 **Falcon107:** but what’s the point of it

 **Irondad:** idk I’ve never made one

 **Spidermom:** mood

 **Scarlett Bitch:** it’s just a cosy idea, to snuggle up and watch movies etc

 **Green Rage Monster:** sounds nice actually

**Hawkeye is online**

**America’s Ass is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**Hawkeye:** little shit won’t let me inside

 **Metal Arm:** did you have the password

 **Hawkeye:** what the fuck, why do I need a password to get into a pile of blankets

 **Falcon107:** hang on you know about this Barnes?!

 **Metal Arm:** yeah me and Stevie helped the Kid to get some blankets and pillows and every good fort needs a password, it’s basic logic

 **Hawkeye:** well what is it

 **Scarlett Bitch:** my source has told me that the password is only given to people who deserve it

 **Falcon107:** nah screw that man

 **Spidermom:** his fort, his rules

 **Irondad:** how about my building, my rules?!

 **America’s Ass:** technically it’s all of ours Tony, we’ve been over this

 **Irondad:** I paid!

 **Falcon107:** no…Fury did

 **Irondad:** oh yeah, im just used to paying for all your shit

 **Green Rage Monster:** I call the lab area

 **Hawkeye:** kitchen

 **Falcon107:** nah I want the kitchen

 **Hawkeye:** fuck off Sam

 **America’s Ass:** gym

 **Falcon107:** fuck you Clint – fine I’m having the living room and all your bedrooms, so have fun sleeping on the floor

 **Spidermom:** we aren’t calling dibs on certain areas of the Compound. We all signed the contract, we all own it.

 **Hawkeye:** can I come into the fort now

 **Scarlett Bitch:** yeah he says no – this is an argument free zone

 **Metal Arm:** I have the password… can I come into the fort???

 **Scarlett Bitch:** he says yes but you and Steve only and you need to bring us some chicken nuggets

 **Metal Arm:** on it

 **America’s Ass:** I’ll bring the chips

**Metal Arm is offline**

**America’s Ass is offline**

**Hawkeye:** WhAt tHe FuCk

 **Falcon107:** oh god the vein is popping out on his forehead now

 **Spidermom:** hang on, so how do we get the password from Peter?

 **Scarlett Bitch:** by and I quote ‘not being mean to me bc im a sensitive lil bean'

 **Hawkeye:** im not mean to him!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** you toilet papered his room this morning because he slept in

 **Hawkeye:** it was funny

 **Spidermom:** im never mean to him

 **Irondad:** said the woman who threatened to break his limbs earlier

 **Spidermom:** I wasn’t actually going to do it

 **Scarlett Bitch:** he didn’t know that! The only people who have been nice to Peter is me, Bruce, Steve and Bucky

 **Falcon107:** the fuck did I do to him?!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** you beat him at mario kart yesterday and called him ‘a loser’ – he didn’t appreciate that

 **Irondad:** what did I do?!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** made him eat all his broccoli at dinner yesterday – he says that the evil little green trees are bad and he doesn’t like it when you yell at him

 **Irondad:** well excuse me for being an adult caring about his health, you know since we’re in the middle of a global pandemic and he’s having to stay here bc his Aunt is stuck in Italy with Happy -___- I only yelled at him bc he was still awake at 2am.

 **Green Rage Monster:** can I have the password?

 **Scarlett Bitch:** he’s sent it to your phone😊

**Green Rage Monster is offline**

**Spidermom:** damn he got Bruce

 **Falcon107:** fgs…im getting into that fort

 **Irondad:** @LittleSpider get on here

 **Irondad:** @LittleSpider

 **Irondad:** @LittleSpider get on here NOW

**Scarlett Bitch is offline**

**LittleSpider is online**

**LittleSpider:** You cant come in unless you have the password so stop annoying us pls and thank u, we're trying to watch a movie

 **Hawkeye:** BULLSHIT LET ME IN

 **Falcon107:** ME TOO

 **LittleSpider:** no

 **Irondad:** Kid let me into the fort

 **LittleSpider:** do you have the password

 **Irondad:** yeah its: let me in before I break it

 **Spidermom:** Kid im sorry for threatening to break your limbs earlier – I wasn’t actually going to do it <3

 **LittleSpider:** I sent you the password but you need to bring some soda with u

 **Spidermom:** I can do that.

 **Irondad:** well played Romanoff. Well played.

 **Spidermom:** *smirks*

**Spidermom is offline**

**Falcon107:** I’m sorry for whopping yo ass Parker – can I come in now – I can hear Starwars playing insideeeeeee

 **LittleSpider:** that’s because we’re all eating nuggets and watching it… fine

 **Hawkeye:** im sorry too!!!!! I have candy 😊

 **LittleSpider:** hmm I guess you can then … I’ve sent you both the password

**Falcon107 is offline**

**Hawkeye is offline**

**Irondad:** kid I’m sorry but your aunt hottie left me in charge of you and I need to make sure that you’re eating healthy and going to bed on time and stuff. I know you miss her and that you’re a bit sensitive atm, but I need to make sure that you’re ok. I’m sorry for yelling earlier, it’s just a bit of a change for me too, being in charge of a kid yano….Are we good?

 **LittleSpider:** hmm, I know Mr Stark, I’m sorry for being a pain , I’m just feeling a bit down today

 **Irondad:** I know bud and you aren’t a pain – can I come into your fort now and give you a hug?

 **LittleSpider:** ye okay, the password is family

 **Irondad:** jesus it's huge! This is going to be a nightmare to take down...

 **LittleSpider:** :)

 **Irondad:** love ya bud

 **LittleSpider:** love you too <3

**LittleSpider is offline**

**Irondad is offline**


	55. Quarantine sucks but at least Thors back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quarantine, Thor's back, Alcohol fest at 1am and a drunk Clint - chaos ensues!

**Hawkeye is online**

**America’s Ass is online**

**Falcon107 is online**

**Metal Arm is online**

**Pointbreak is online**

**Spidermom is online**

**Hawkeye:** Heyyyyy everyone. We are by the pool having drinks, come join us if you’re still up, for a 1am boozefest

 **Spidermom:** Omw

 **America’s Ass:** Me, Sam and Bucky are already there.

 **Metal Arm:** playing cards of humanity – it’s epic

 **Hawkeye:** I know. I’m sat with you all… 

**Pointbreak:** I shall join you friends. Fear not as I am on my way.

 **Hawkeye:** hell yes – get me some of Thors Asgardian booze

 **America’s Ass:** Clint no

 **Hawkeye:** Clint yes

 **Spidermom:** I’m not cleaning up your puke if you have that stuff – it’s strong af

 **Hawkeye:** yolo

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Vodka on the rocks Nat?

 **Spidermom:** you know me so well ofc

 **Green Rage Monster:** Cba

 **Falcon107:** Get your green ass down here man

 **Green Rage Monster:** No, I’m tired, see you all in the morning – happy you made it before lockdown and are now staying for a while Thor! 😊

 **Pointbreak:** 😊

**Green Rage Monster is offline**

**Spidermom:** Chicken

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Where’s Stark at

 **Spidermom:** Peter fell asleep watching a film, Stark carried him to bed and then said he was having an early night to sleep his migraine off

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Fairs, I’m coming down the left side, 43rd window.

 **Falcon107:** Why can’t you use the stairs or the lift like a normal person

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Why would I do that when I can be there in like 10 seconds instead of 10 minutes?

 **Hawkeye:** She has a point

 **America’s Ass:** True, just be careful Wanda.

 **Scarlett Bitch:** YO I can see you all now

 **Pointbreak:** I am now entering the silver box.

 **Falcon107:** What the fuck

 **Hawkeye:** Man what are you on about

 **Pointbreak:** The moving metal box of transportation friends

 **Spidermom:** He’s on about the elevator guys, I’ve just bumped into him, we’re coming

*1 hour and 34 minutes later*

 **Hawkeye:** I AM SooO DRUNbNNNK

 **Pointbreak:** I’m impressed – I have never seen a human drink as much of that ale without dying from cardiac arrest before.

 **Falcon107:** ahahahahaha shitttt

 **America’s Ass:** Thor! You said it was safe!!

 **Scarlett Bitch:** to be fair tho, he did say not to have too much but Clint wasn’t having it

 **Metal Arm:** was funny af when Nat pinned him to the ground and took the bottle off him, then dragged him off to bed xD

 **Spidermom:** -___-

 **Hawkeye:** ThAt ASGArrDIAN Ale iS ANAXinG!

 **Spidermom:** I swear to god. Go to sleep Barton or I will knife you.

 **Pointbreak:** What a spectacular time I had with you all. Sleep well.

 **Metal Arm:** Good night all😊

 **Scarlett Bitch:** Night guys!!!!! So happy you’re stuck here for lockdown Thor lol

 **Pointbreak:** As am I Miss Wanda, it shall be fun!

**Pointbreak is offline**

**Hawkeye:** G’nite but not 4 me bc I need to ‘plore the vents nw

 **Spidermom:** Barton you’re not running around in the Compound vents at half past 2 in the morning when I can literally hear you throwing up in the bathroom. Go to bed.

 **Hawkeye:** Budapest aLl ‘ver agaan eyyy Romanoff

 **Spidermom:** для трахарадись ради.

 **America’s Ass:** Night everyone. Up bright and early, ready for training tomorrow.

 **Hawkeye:** I wanna c the zoooooo

 **Scarlett Bitch:** god I love drunk Clint

 **Metal Arm:** what a mood

 **Spidermom:** Clint get over here and give me your phone before I forcibly remove it. Go to sleep.

 **Hawkeye** : Piss off Red

 **Falcon107:** Oh shit he’s dead

 **America’s Ass:** Yup.

 **Spidermom:** Barton is now sleeping. Good night everyone.

**Everyone is offline**


End file.
